I've always dreamed about how having a true love would feel, but it was never a possible thing for me. Despite being born in a wealthy family, I was not pretty or even close to that word. In simple I was the ugly duckling of the family. No matter how many things I've done to make my parents happy, I always felt that I was their biggest disappointment. To make matters worse I was an only child, so I didn't have anyone to talk to about what I truly felt. I always pretended that everything was okay when it was not. I was being bullied a lot in school because of my ugliness, but I always used my family name and power to scare them away. I am a coward and I knew that.

The only thing I wished to have in life was someone who'll love me for who I am despite how I look, but that felt impossible too because I wasn't the greatest person when talking with other people. I always told mean stuff to people and have hurt countless of people through my words. So, how will anyone know my true self? Simple, they won't.

"If only I was pretty.." I keep telling myself every night. What right did I have to love myself anyway? I mean there was absolutely nothing about me that I loved so how can I expect anyone to love me for who I am?

I used to believe in Christmas miracles for the longest time. Thought that someday a prince on a white horse would come to take me away but I was wrong. Those fairy tales on wishing on a shooting star and Christmas miracles were all fake. It wasn't like one day I'd wake up and find myself pretty all of a sudden and it's not like a guy would come upto me and be like," Venessa! I love you! I want to spend my whole life with you!" I swear if someone ever did say such a thing to me, I would have laughed out loud. There was no way someone would say such a thing to me.

Christmas was coming up and like always, I'll be going out on my own and will celebrate Christmas alone. I mean it's not like my parents are ever home and they know that I won't get into trouble as well, so I'll be renting a house alone for the season and live a bit on my own for a while. I know it's a weird thing to do on Christmas but that's what I do. It's not like I have someone to spend Christmas with anyway.

Every Christmas, since I have no one to spend it with, I always dress myself as Ms Santa Claus and go surprise as much as orphans as I can. Of course my parents don't know about this and they think that I spend thousands of dollars on myself on Christmas, so I have never really gotten a Christmas present from anyone since the day I started doing this. Anyway it doesn't matter because the biggest gift that I get every Christmas is the joy and happiness that many children get because of me.

This time I thought I'd do something a bit different compared to all the other times but I think it's going to be a bit more expensive than every other time too. I know my parents are going to get mad but I'm going to do it either way. No child has ever seen me under my disguise of Ms Claus, I know if they saw me they'll not even want my presents, they might even be disgusted by me.

Even so what I like about kids is that they are cheerful and pure, unlike the people of the world with impure thoughts, children are rather delightful. They remind me of something like a cheerful ball, so cute and cheerful and they never fail to make me smile. They give me a sense of true happiness and light in my dark and rather gloomy world.

This time I decided I'd rent out a smaller place because it's just me anyway. I had to arrange my plans carefully so that I can take kids from many orphanages as I can and make them have the greatest Christmas season ever. It would be great if I had someone to share my story with. No. Rather my miserable life with but I had no one. I was practically Ms Lonely.

Well, the first day of surprising the kids came along and I looked gorgeous in Ms Santa's outfit, though I knew how ugly I was under my beard. Somehow. I looked more womanly, I would say, But it didn't change the fact that I was still ugly. In my parents eyes I'm practically an ugly, spoilt and selfish brat who spends off thousands of dollars of hard work on myself. In others eyes I'm a mean and rude girl whose basically hated by everyone. I had no friends and even if I had a family, I was their biggest disappointment.

Life goes on and on like a cycle, the same routine everyday and my life too spun like a wheel round and round with me doing the same things everyday. This time I'm showing the kids the best Christmas they'll ever have. I know I can't change everyone's opinion about me but I would try to live a memorable life that I'd be proud of and can proudly call mine. It's not easy to ignore all the judgements people have on you, especially not the judgements your parents have on you, when they throw their harsh words right onto your face as if you don't feel a thing. It's hard but knowing that I can put a smile on the face of many kids delights me, makes me want to do it more, it's like the only thing I now live for and I will go by it for as long as I can.

"Ho ho ho everyone!" The children were so happy to see me and I was happy to see them, actually more than happy. They were my only sauce of happiness. "Ms Santa your here this year too! I love you so so so much!" One of the little dumplings shouted and came running towards me and hugged me tight. The only place that I hear "I love you" is from these adorable little wizards who cast countless spells upon my soul. "Awww! I love you too! And you !And you! And you! You know what guys!? I love all of you!" These moments are the best moments I've ever had in my life. When they all came and hugged me with their tiny hands, I was happy to the extent of crying. I've never gotten so much love before and I love these kids for showing me love and giving me happiness.

The first day is going to be very busy and me in my Santa outfit are ready to get it started. Taking the kids to the amusement park made them so happy. I could tell from the way they gazed at the amusement park with their eyes wide open. " Ma'm don't you think this is too much for you?" One of the lady's from the orphanage came upto me and spoke. "As long as the children have a blissful Christmas, I don't care how much I'll have to spend. That's right I didn't care about how much it will cost I will make Christmas something that these kids can call their own and something they would look upto every season.

"Loook a flying giant caterpillar!!" "Look there's a huge slide that makes you fall from the sky!" The kids went on and on about the place. Of course they were enchanted to be there." Lets get started now shall we? "I took them to almost every ride, of course there were few who didn't want to go on certain rides and it was totally their decision to make.

It was totally exhausting to me to stay with them, running around the park all day and worst of all wearing this uncomfortable costume. I was glad I didn't pick the real Santa outfit, it would have definitely killed me. The dress I was wearing was fine although the beard was a bit itchy, actually a lot itchy. But I wasn't going to risk taking it off and letting the kids see my ugly face.

I felt as if though someone was following us, because every time I look behind me there is the same tall guy with a mask on who was wearing a blue top and a black bottom, behind us. Whoever it was, I thought I'd go confront him. Whoever he was I knew I could handle him, after all, the kids safety is on my hands.

"Mr, can I do anything for you?" He looked at me into my eyes, he had the most gorgeous eyes that I've ever seen. The green shaded jade colour looked so pretty. But I was sure he found nothing special about my eyes, they were black, nothing special. "So these kids here are brought to this place by Ms Santa?" " Got any problem with that?" I wasn't a friendly person when speaking with strangers not to mention a stalker like him. He took his mask off. Goodness gracious, I know him. He was the class elite from high school. Oh god, he wasn't suppose to see any of this, no he wasn't!

I had everything under control as I went on splashing my mean words at him, hoping that he'll just leave. " Are you Ms Santa's boyfriend? You look so handsome! Don't you think she looks pretty?" No no no no. What was Julie saying!? How could she just say that to a random stranger? "Sweety he's not my boyfriend. And don't ask this gentleman any more questions okay? Go back to the others." She was about to leave but the stranger stopped her, bent down and held her from both his arms. "Well Ms Santa before this beautiful little angel leaves, let me answer her tiny questions, if you please." He gave me a gaze from the side of his eyes for a couple of seconds and looked back at Julie.