1st of July, 2000

*BANG CRASH!!*

......*silence*.... this was all too sudden for me . I can hear you but why can't I move, I can't make out what your saying, hospit- hospit what, is that even a word maybe hospital? no that's not right maybe hospitality or hospit- .... ughh this is all too much there words are covered I can only make out a few, I, I what though? I don't get it what's happening? where even am i? my body is numb I can't feel a thing. am-am I dying? Is this really how I'm going to die? the rambling is so load but I can't make out what they are saying anymore it's all gotten so noisy I am confused. the sudden silence falls upon me and everything goes white, god why is it so bright, but wait there is another woman in the room with me? hold on is that- is that...m-mother? is that you? but how are you here you died years ago, I miss you so much, but wait so I really did die after all and all this time thinking I could last long... IM ONLY 15 MUM WHY!?! ..why..me..*deep breath* its so silent in here is that really mother, she talks so much how can this be? ....why isn't she replying to me...

after what felt like an hour the lady in a lovely baby blue dress just like the one mum liked except it had black lace covering the top and it was right around her upper body and only reached her lower legs, the rope half was covered in black lace with some type of flower pattern I think. she was a tall slim figure sitting against the wall in the back of a fully white room just like my mother did when she found out about her cancer. she turned around in a very sluggish manner as if she had been Puch or she fell, but she looked at me straight in the eyes with a sad and sorrowful face, tears almost falling out, at first I thought she was just sad until I noticed when I had looked closer, her face was awfully pale and almost blue looking. what's this? I wonder as my eyes explore downwards I big hole has been tore through the stomach in the dress but it's not just a hole it's covered is red liquid, that's not blood is it? no no no I know mum she's strong she wouldn't die, right? RIGHT MUM, I'm trying to get her attention but she's not responding only the blank look on her face only blinking every 5 seconds. after stating and staring at her I can't bring myself to go any closer, but I know she's alive looks like she hasn't moved in over 15 years. I don't know what to do what else can I do, am I gonna end up like that. but just as I thought that I realised how did she get that she died from a overdose of anaesthetic due to being in a lot of pain in the hospital from giving birth so she gave it to herself but.. didn't, you know, make it.