I thought I knew what love is, I thought it would be like how you love your family, siblings or friends but it was so much more than that. Who would have thought that I would change just for one single person. Until I meet him.

How could I let love control me like this. How can I be so selfish to abandoned everyone just for him. When I myself can't love me for who I am, I should have heed to the warning bells. How can I let it get this far.

It is my fault for everything that happened. I did this to myself. I let him manipulate, control, and belittle me for who I am.

I should have stop when I can but now I'm destroyed by him, just because I let him. But in an eye opening when I caught him with my best friend. I was crushed by it, No it was more than that. More than anyone can imagine to be crushed by not one but two of the people you trusted most.

Sighing..should have noticed it when I should maybe this is all my fault. It is alright to be fools once but not twice. How stupid can a person be, how can I let myself get this low.

He want me to lose weight, I tried but can seem to lose it at all. "You said you would lose some of your weight but you keep stuffing your face, you are looking like a cow! You are embarrassing me. I'm the don for godsake" he yelled at me. I felt so small and pointless, I know he thought whatever he said won't effect me but it did. It tore my heart.

He never knew how much I hate myself. How much I blame myself for overeating. How much I ached every time I would see him with other beautiful womans. Beautiful than me, slimmer than me, whiter than me and smarter than me.

I'm nothing. I had nothing to give but my heart and this betrothal. That's it. A betrothal made even before I was a day old. But because I thought he would love me for who I am and what I am. For godsake he was my first love.

I still remember when I first meet him, I was four years old and he was 12. He took my breath away. He is all I can see, I would follow him everywhere. He would always came to my house every summer break, well that is until he is 14 when he stop coming. He's from New York and I'm just a country bumpkin and middle class family that just so happen that my dad saved his father when he was being shot on that fateful day.

Well my father had his luck when the man that he saved was some bigshot Italian mafia. He tried to pay my father but my father is a down to earth person,he is always grateful for God given gift. Next thing we know he insist on making betrothal for his only son.

My dad's he love me to much by insisting not go through this betrothal. Somehow he knew I would get hurt. But I was blinded by my love for him that I ignored what people had warn me about him.

Maybe it's time for me to let go and let him go

Diana

21 years ago...

"Daddy please don't let go of my bike I'm scare! " my four years old self shout at my dad. My dad laughing at my antics " Don't worry princess I won't but I will let go when you are ready. So come on you can do it!"

"Alright daddy but only let go when I tell you. Promise?" He chuckle while saying " Of course love"

I use all my strength and paddle through while my dad running and holding my bike when he was sure I can stabilise myself he let me go and I start paddling down the road while giggling and shouting "Daddy look I did it!"

I was going to fast when suddenly a car swerve in our house road and I ran into a tree while trying turn away my bike also losing complete control of my bike. I cried so hard that my dad come running at me straight away.

I was in real pain since I scrape my knees and elbow while knocking my head through the sand. "Diana!! Oh my god baby shhh..it's okay you are okay daddy got you. Let me see" my dad said. I cried so hard that I didn't realise there was four people surrounding me while my dad was trying to calm me down.

"Hey, I'm sorry are you alright?" he said. When I look up from my snort and sobbing mess, I saw a boy kneeling in front of me while handing his handkerchief to my dad. I was stunned that I gaped at his face, I was fascinated by his brown wavy hair, blue eyes worrying and he frowning while looking at me.

I suddenly hug my dad burying my head in the crooks of my dad shoulder while sobbing. "Why are you here ? Didn't I told you I don't want anything from you? It's was a coincidence that I saved you I would do it again for anybody! " I heard my dad hissing yelled at someone.

"Look son, this is why I insist for you to be betrothed to his daughter, if her dad is like this his daughter will be such an angel. Wouldn't she?" a man with a deep gruff voice said. I peek up from the crooks of my dad's shoulder only to be meet by two pair of deep blue eyes on me while the man smile at me and the boy just keep staring at me.

I quickly lower my gaze only to be meet with a deep chuckle and the man with a gruff voice told my father "Oh come on just call me Ricardo and I'm a man of my word. I did said I owe you and I would absolutely love to have your daughter as my daughter in law. She is a really pretty girl. Hi little girl are you okay? I'm sorry you got hurt because of us. "

When I heard he said before my father could retaliate, I pick up my head and wipe away my tears with my hands and shyly said "It's okay sir I should have watch where I'm going, my daddy always said to always be aware of your surroundings." My parent raise me to be respectful to others. "Awe you're a brave girl sweetie just call me uncle Ricardo." he said while wiping my tears on my cheek with soft smile gracing his lips.

"Alright uncle Ricardo I - " my dad cut me off by saying "Hush princess let get you all clean up and band aid it. Let's go to mommy. " before uncle Ricardo could say anything daddy walk us off and hand me over to mommy. I watch daddy talking to the man while mommy hurriedly walk us inside the house.

Steve

Who would have thought he would come to my home and dare to come at me with this betrothal again. My daughter is not for sale. Even though he is a Italian mafia Don one of the biggest mafia in the world I might add. I'm just a family man that had retired from military service that happen to save him during a shooting massacre.

I just want to have a peaceful life with my family. I sighed and said "Look my daughter is only four, how can I decide for her what her future is? If really want to repay me just do me a favour go away and stop bothering us. "

I turned away from him only to be stunned by what he said "I know you would said that but just give them a chance for only three summer break to know each others who knows your daughter might like my son. If she isn't interested even slightest bit I would take my son away in a sec. Please I owe this for you saving my life" Ricardo plead but what got my attention is maybe my princess can turn them away while I can.

Maybe I could persuade my baby to hate him well kids can't lie, so it show. "Alright one chance if my daughter said a word of she doesn't like him, you will walk away and never show yourself to us EVER AGAIN. Do I have your word. " I emphasise it while glaring at him.

He chuckle at me and hold out a hand to shake a hand to seal the deal. He said "You got yourself a deal Steve. " while smirking and there a glint in his eye that make chill go down my spine. I had a bad feeling about it but I just brushed it off since I know my princess wouldn't be interested.

Who would have thought that I should have refuse it even before I gave it a chance.

Luca

I can't believe it my father want me to be betrothed to a kid, technically I myself is a kid but we had an 8 years different. Although our agegap isn't that big but I still want to enjoy life as an heir of Italian mafia I need to be smart and always be ahead of my games.

For godsake the girl is too dark for my taste, with her curly hair that would tangled around a brush and chubby cheeks. But her eyes mesmerised me, her dark chocolate eyes so naive and it seems that it can swallow me whole. I can see that she had a crush on me her eyes tell it all, her innocent pull me in like how one reeling on fish and to be honest I'm hooked.

But there just no way I would give in I just want any blond Italian girls for myself. She need to be tough and train to live in a mafia world. Just how can this black girl that is so kind and innocent survive in this world and mafia world to be exact.

I thought to myself that this can't be happening but I had to keep it to myself, I wouldn't want father to be angry at me.

"Why her father? Why a black girl? Aren't we Italian always kept to our roots? Did mother agreed to this at all? " I asked when Steve the girl father hurrying into their house.

"Oh son don't go denying your attraction towards her. I had my own reason and of course your mother agreed to it. She already excited for your betrothal. If it up to her she wanted you to marry her on the day she turned eighteen but I already insisted for you to marry when she turned twenty-one. Fair enough for her to be done with college. " he said with smirk that irritates me.

"Now come on you better behave yourself and make sure she like you because I'm not going to give the girl up. You're not going to argue with me because if you don't want her than you won't get the empire too. Empire will come with her whether you like it or not. " he said with that he walks towards their house.

I sighed "I guess I had to do what I have to, no worries once I got all of it. I'll just put her back where she's belong. " I chuckled to myself and follow suit to my father.

Diana

After my mom put me in a bath and clean up all my wounds. She put on my pajamas and we walk into the living room to watch cartoons, when I heard my dad talking to uncle Ricardo and I ran to my daddy while sucking my thumb and rolling my hair with the other hand.

"Hey princess you're ready for dinner! Well daddy want to introduce you to my friends and his son. This is uncle Ricardo and here is Luca. He twelve-year-old, you can go play with him if you want." he said while scooping me up on his lap while introducing us.

I hurriedly pull my thumb out of my mouth and putting it behind my back while lowering my gaze. I shyly said "Hi uncle and hi.. Luca. " I got down from my dad to go and shake hands while smiling.

"Well hello Diana you are such a lovely little girl." uncle Ricardo said with a gruff voice that shock me while pulling me into a hug. "Anyway this is my son would you like to give him a tour to your room and house, he is quite lonely as you can see. " he said while pushing me towards Luca.

I anxiously nodding and hold out my hand for him to take, I can see that he's forcing a smile at me while looking at his father with glint of anger. But he quickly shake it off and hold my hand which I grip firmly while pulling he with me for a tour to our house. He seems shocked like he can't believe how strong I am for a little girl while pulling him with me while he also slipping with his foot but he seems to got himself and let me drag him around.

I don't know why myself but I seems like I can't look away from him. He is such a handsome boy and I like him. While showing him around, I'm trying to make him laugh and smile but seems like he's not impressed with my jokes and antics.

But when he did love it really caught me off guard. From the dimples on both of his cheeks, the glint from his blue eyes from today on I would make it my mission to make him smile more even though I'm only a four year old little girl.

I wish I could turn back time so I can open my eyes and see what it is for what it really is and not facade.