~~Grief only exists where love lived once~~

Onika's Pov....

Today I woke up in the middle of night with a jerk. I was sweating profusely. My palms were a bit shaky with the aftereffect of the nightmare. I heard Alex crying loudly, it was then I realized I had screamed hard, hard enough to wake him up from his peaceful slumber like countless other nights.

I immediately took Alex on my lap to soothe him, it took me nearly half an hour to calm him down and assure him that everything is all right, before he finally feel asleep clutching my fingers tightly as if expecting someone to come and snatch him away from me. Even the thought of it made me shiver in terror.

I tried to console myself, to calm myself. But deep down I know, when Agustin finds me he will make my life hell again.

'Right at this moment I hate you the most Agustin, more than I have ever done before. I hate you with every fibre of my being.

Fucking stop torturing my child as well. You motherfucking bastard.'

But what's more, I hate myself as well for being such a weakling. I never anticipated that it would be this hard to get you out of my mind even after running away. I am miles away from you but you still haunt my mind, day and night.

But, not my child, please not my child. I am scaring Alex as well, and this is killing me.

With every breath I take, I bleed.

With every second that passes something within me dies.

You will never be forgiven for this Agustin, I vowed.



Onika's POV...

I woke up as the ray of sunlight fell on my eyelids. Opening my eyes gingery I looked at Alex still sleeping peacefully.

I breathed in relief.

Fortunately, today was one among those days when I don't wake him up in the middle of the night due to my constant screaming.

He isn't my own child. I found him crying on the streets the day I run away from Agustin. He was such a small thing crying as if he hasn't had any food in days. How can someone throw such a small child away? He must have been just an year old at that time. Now, it has been 2 years since we are together.... Since I ran away from him.

I still remember that day clearly. The day I decided to die and I would have done so if not for Alex. After I saw Alex, crying there I decided I am not going to give up my life away for a scumbag like Agustin DeLuca.

Better live your life for someone who needs you than to end it for someone who isn't gonna even spare a second to think about you. That monster have had all my happiness he is not going to have my life, not again.

Currently I am working as the PA of Theodore Blake, the CEO of Blake Corporation.

I think my boss has hots for me.....little does he know I am done being involved with anyone for good.

After feeding my baby boy and handing him over to his nanny, I got ready for the day and left for my office.

I was sitting in my office since past two hours going through the files when my phone rang. "Hello, Miss Onika, in my cabin, right now." My boss ordered.

"Yes sir. " I said, like a programmed robot and headed towards my destination.

I sighed and mentally prepared myself for another of his useless approaches. It's like a daily routine now. Why can't he get used to the fact that I don't want him?

Sighing, I knocked at his cabin door.

"May I come in, Sir?" I asked.

"Yes" he said in his authoritative voice.

I got in and greeted him,"Good, morning Sir. How may I help you?"

He eyed me, his dark eyes boring right though mine, for a few seconds before answering.

"Miss. Onika, have you went through Mr. Watson's file? I want all the details on my table in an hour and make sure to arrange a meeting with the Mr. Lawrence ASAP."

"Yes Sir. Anything else?" I asked immidiatly, praying he will dismiss me but luck wasn't on my side. As always.

"Yes actually. I have to ask you for a favour." And there we go. "And what would that be, Sir?" I asked exasperated.

"Today is my brother's marriage ceremony." He said, as if it explains everything.

"Oh congratulations Sir, but I don't see how can I help you with that?" I asked, frowning my brows in confusion.

"Actually, all employees are invited, it is one of the most prestigious ceremony of the city and there is a theme for the party and every one has to be with their partners. So, I was wondering..if..I mean..I would like you to be my partner." " he paused and added, "not that I don't have girls approaching me every now and then."

'I am sure girls are roaming all around you for all the money and looks you have got.'I rolled my eyes internally.

I wanted to throw an acrid comment at the open display of his arrogance but right now this job is very important to me as I have a child to feed, and it's a well paid job in the most renowned company. The best that there is, so I can't afford to piss him off and risk the job.

So instead I said "I'm really flattered Sir, but actually umm...As you know I have Alex waiting at home for me so I don't think I can make it." He was about to say something but I beat him to that and said with a sweet smile.

"And I am sure one of the girls approaching you will be very thrilled to have the opportunity." There, there, I did it.

As soon as I said that, I could see anger blazing in his eyes. Shit.

"Oh, yes of course, you have a child to take care of and I am sure for that you sure as will need this job, for that matter any job and you know what Miss. Onika, making an enemy out of me in this scenario sounds really stupid to me, and for a fact I know you are not stupid or you wouldn't be here working as my PA"

He said the last part in a mocking voice, making my blood boil in sheer anger. He was directly blackmailing me, something he had never did before. And to make the matter worse an arrogant grin was plastered on his lips, but behind that grin I could read his irritation. It was a warning, he was running out of patience. He have had enough, but the thing is so had I.

How much I want to slap him and wipe that smile from his face but I know I can't do that after all, he is right he indeed has all the power here.

So as always I swallowed my anger. It seems now that is all I am good at.

"I don't have all day Miss. Onika, so answer fast" He pulled me out of my thoughts.

'I don't think I have a choice', I mumbled lowly.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you," he outstretched his ears, mocking me even further.

Crushing my pride, I answered, this time in a firm voice "okay Sir, I am ready"

He gave me a sinister smile and said, "Good that we have an understanding. I will be waiting outside your apartment at 9 O'clock, you better be ready by then."

"Ok Sir, but I have a request." I said hurriedly.

"And what would that be?" he raised one brow at me.

"Um..I need to to be back by 11, Alex is not used to sleeping without me."

"Luck boy." He mumbled beneath his breath, I almost missed it. Almost.

"Okay, I will drop you before 11." He agreed a bit reluctantly.

"Thank you sir. Now, may I leave?"

"Yes, you may." He said in his same arrogant tone, taunting at me.

"Unbelievable." I muttered to myself and slammed the door, hard.

~~~~~

I was thinking from past half an hour what to wear. Not that I care but apparently it is one of the most grand party so I should at least look presentable.

I looked at the watch.

Fudge! It's already half past eight. I grabbed my black gown, it's the best I have. I was ready within half an hour. I looked at myself in the mirror.

Hmm. I was looking fine, I guess?

I am 5'7" tall, my eyes are aquamarine blue in colour, blonde hair. I will category myself as not too skinny not to fat. Overall, I look fine but there is nothing special about me, you may get girls way more beautiful than me walking on every other street. Why is Theodore hooked on me is something I won't understand.

I sighed and kissed Alex Good bye "Mummy loves you baby, I know we get very less time together but I promise I will be back within two hours till that Shira Aunt will take care of you, so don't give her a hard time" he gave me one of his brilliant smile which stole my beat away.

I love him more than I can ever explain in words, maybe because he is the only reason keeping me alive. I will do anything in my power to keep him safe and healthy. I will make sure no harm shall come his way no matter what, even if I have to keep working for the devil himself to ensure that I will. Come what may.

I thanked Shira (Alex's nanny) and headed out when heard the sound of screeching of tires. It must be him.

I opened the door and.. Wow, I hate to admit this, but he is looking breath takingly handsome. In a navy blue blazer and tux, his hair thrown back.

I stared at him, he was checking me out. I cleared my throat to gain his attention.

"You look....you look.." he trailed off, as if word won't come our of his mouth no matter how hard he try.

Scratching the back of his neck he again started to check me out, and I thought he was behaving that way because, let's face it I was looking nothing like those models he used to date so I took it in a negative way. It broke something inside me, reminding me of something bitter, I clenched my fish as the disturbing memories fought with my brain to resurface.

" I know, I look nothing like those models you date but I am not the one who wanted to be with you in the first place. You have forced me to be here so you still have time to review your options and grab at one of them. I said with a calm I didn't feel. If anything my heart way clenching in pain.

He stared at me wide eyed, then he blinked, blinked ones, twice before what I was implying finally registered, as if he was findings it hard to make any sense of it.

And I knew I had completely misunderstood.

Dear Lord, what have I done? I looked at him with an apologetic expression to find him flabbergasted and taken aback. As I was about to say sorry for my irrational behaviour he spoke first.

" I was about to say that you are looking phenomenal but I guess umm..." He looked at me unsure.

I closed my eyes in embarrassment. What was I thinking acting so irrationally.

"I am sorry Sir, I shouldn't have said that. It just came out, it won't happen again, forgive me for my rude behaviour" I said sincerely, gulping the saliva down my constricted throat.

To my surprise he smiled at me and said "it's okay. But why would you think that way." He asked, then suddenly his features darkened as if something just clicked in place.

"Has someone told you something?" He asked in a dangerous tone.

"No, no it's nothing like that" I immidiatly replied not wanting him to know how right he was.

I still remember that day when Agustin held me by my hair and said, "you slut, what do you think of yourself, that you had me wrapped around your fingers, you gold digger whore. Look at your face if it hadn't been for your feigned innocence I wouldn't have spared you a second glance let alone fuck you."

"Hello are you there" I saw Theodore waving his hand before my eyes, his face showing worry.

"Yes umm sorry... I think we shall hurry up, we are getting late"

Without another word he directed me towards his SUV. But I knew he was thinking over what to make of my weird behaviour.

The journey was a silent one my own thoughts oscillating between past and present with tears stinging at the back of my kids but I refused to shed any more tears on Agustin and embarrass myself any further infront of my Boss. He isn't worth it. With that I left his thought behind and was drifted back to present when the car reached its destination.

Their opened the door and offered me his hand and said,

"May I, Beautiful" A gentle smile playing on his lips, as if to second his statement, as if to assure me that he is speaking the truth.

Beautiful. The endearment sounded so foreign. I returned his smile with a warm one, for the first time actually meaning it, and gave him my hand which he brought to his lips and kissed it gently. I would have blushed at the gesture if I were the old Onika, but nothing makes me feel anything anymore.

We got out of the car and entered the party.

My, my! This party is indeed one of the most grand one I have ever been to, except for my own wedding. Which was the happiest day of my life. If only I knew what was about to follow.

As we went in, out of nowhere few cameramen surrounded us and started clicking our photos.

Then it suddenly drowned on me what was happening and my mind went into panic mode, I can't let this happen. But before I can dodge them multiple clicks were already taken.

I am doomed.

Now I could only pray it doesn't reach to Agustin or the hell will break loose once again, and I doubt I will come out alive this time.



Agustin's POV...

I grabbed the Private Investigator by his throat and seethed at him, my eyes burning with pure rage at the repeated failure,

"What the hell are you good for if you can't find a woman, with no resources whatsoever to hide herself from one of the best investigating team." I tightened my hold on his neck.

"I gave you enough time that's it, if I don't get Onika's whereabouts within a week you are as good as dead, understand?" I withdrew my hand from his throat and threw him on the floor.

He started choking and gasping for air. Ignoring the question I just asked, this time my voice increased by an octave "I. Asked. You. Something. "

"Ye-yes--Si-Sir" he stuttered.

"Good, now don't show me your face unless you have her address and don't forget you just have one week. Good luck"

He ran for the door as fast as his leg would allow.

As soon as he left I heard a knock.

I raked my hand through my messy hair to calm myself. "Come in." I finally said, gathering myself a bit. Just a bit. That's all I can manage without her being at my side.

It was Jacob, my best friend, the only person I trust now... apart from Onika. Even taking her name hurts. It hurts recalling all that I have done to her. Two bloody damn years and she is still missing. Where are you Onika, I am going insane without you, all I could see is your tormented face in front of my eyes. Ever time I close my eyes. Everyone I open them.

"Wow, what is it with you, that poor man was shivering from fear all over, what did you do?" he looked at me suspiciously.

"Nothing. At least not yet. But my patience is running thin, if he doesn't give me any results by the end of this week, he better hide himself with the same accuracy with which Onika did, or Lord help him." I said with bitterness.

Jacob rolled his eyes upwards as if asking for some strength to bear with me.

" Jesus, what is wrong with you, he is just doing his work--" I cut him off to come to the point.

"I think someone is helping Onika otherwise how can she manage to remain hidden for this long? After all it has been two years since we started our search, and God knows how many Private Investigators I have hired because I seriously have lost count. When she left me, she took nothing with her except for some of her old clothes. Not. Even. A. Penny...not even the wedding ring" I mumbled the last part to myself. Closing my eyes in sheer frustration and helplessness.

"Once I get my hands on who-so-ever he is, I am gonna show him what hell actually means I am not gonna spare anyone whoever tries to keep her from me"I voiced my thoughts.

"You will show him what hell means just like you showed Onika?" He questioned in a mocking voice, his lips curling downward in disgust.

Only Jacob has the audacity to talk to me like that, had it were anyone else, they would be six feet under.

And I do take whatever he throw my way, beacuse he has ever right. After all Jacob and Onika were good friends as well. And I had hurt her so bad.

"Don't you dare blame anyone in this. You have only your self to blame. You were supposed to love her, protect her and above all to trust her." he shouted at me. Then something like pity crossed his eyes, but he continued,

" I don't even know the full extent of what has happened between you two, but I still remember the condition in which I saw her that day." He closed his eyes for few seconds as if shaking the disturbing memories off his mind.

"I know you are hurting right now and regretting whatever you did to her but sometimes simply regretting is not enough. Though I have always wished for you happiness but if this time you fuck up, if you fail to prove you can be worthy of her, then this is the last chance you get. I will make sure of it." He deadpanned.

Saying that Jacob kept the file that was in his hand on the table and went towards the door but before exiting he added,

"I hope you have some great redeeming qualities Agustin, because if not rest assured you have already lost her for forever."

Damn, if it didn't hurt. I punched my fist on the table as hard as I can to feel the pain, to feel anything other then the ache I am feeling in my heart right now.

I closed my eyes and my memory swifted to one of those many days when I tortured her so bad that she nearly fainted.

I was stunned as I felt wetness trailing down my cheeks, but didn't make any move to wipe it off. My own guilt and self loathing was eating me alive. Clawing at me like a vicious animal.

She is such a pure soul, she deserved to be treated like a princess and what did I do, I fucking treated her like a whore.

I want to hurt myself so bad for causing her so much pain. So, I slammed my fist on the table repeatedly till it started bleeding, yet nothing. Not an ounce of pain, not when all I could think about is her pain.

No matter how much I bleed, the blood is not going to wash away my sin. Nothing can wash it off.

How could I not believe her? Onika. My Onika. So pure. So naïve. How could I turn so blind so as to not see her innocence which was written all over her face, in all her tears. She kept saying that she didn't do anything, that she has been framed in all this. I thought all of it was just an act, her denial would irritated me so much that it just brought the worst out of me.

I made her so fucking afraid of me that she started shivering like a leaf even at the sight of me. I used to deprive her of food for days and days just to make her accept that she did it.

Now I remember how weak and lifeless she used to look. I fucking tortured her for every drop of water.

At last she got so afraid and sick of it that she even stopped saying that she was innocent. Fearing what I might do.

I remember that perticular day when I gave her ultimatum that unless she doesn't accept her sin she is not to get a bite of food or a drop of water and I fucking made her life so miserable that she accepted all the false allegations in the hope that it will calm me down, now that she had finally done what I had ask of her.

But I just got more mad making her sleep on the cold floor handcuffed to the bed, not even allowing her to use the bathroom without my permission. She laid in her own urine for the whole night.

I slide down on my knees as all the memories started attacking me one after another, stabbing a serrated knife deep in my heart.

I felt suffocated as I recalled her words,

"I wish I could go back in time and revert back the day I met you."

"I never thought that a day will come when I will regret loving you. I thought I could love you endlessly and will never get tired of it."

"And now loving you has become a curse for me. I am ashamed of myself that I loved a monster like you, that I thought you could change, that I thought you are also a human, that you also deserved to be loved , little did I know that this love of mine one day would become the reason for my own destruction."

"Back then I would have given my life for your one smile and now look at the irony of the situation you stole every single of my smiles for the rest of my life..."

If only I knew that loving you will become a cross around my neck......"

I was her every thing, she loved me selflessly and unconditionally, no matter what I did she always had faith in me, always kept saying that I can be a better person and I fucking failed her. Let alone be a person I am even worst than a monster.

I fucking made her pay for her faith, for her unconditional love. How will she forgive me when I can't forgive myself. I know I would never be worthy enough for her. But the selfish part in me still wants one chance and my life clings on that chance.

I can't let her go. I will find her, make it up to her. Make her accept me back. No matter what it takes, because I won't have it any other way.

Just then a disturbing thought occurred to me, what if she has moved on with someone else?

Even the thought of it made me see red.

No. Never. She is still my wife. My legally wedded wife. I will burn the whole world to its last ground. To ashes. I will fucking destroy everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~