I watch her face flash with surprise, eyes widening as she stares at me over dramatically. "Trisha Louise Lockwood, what in god's name have you done to yourself?!"

I roll my eyes, biting my tongue so I won't accidentally say something I later regret.

"It's just a hair change," I mumble, noticing how disgusted her expression is. She's leaning against my bedroom door frame, her long blonde hair falling freely down her shoulders. Her makeup is immaculately done as usual and she's dressed in a red figure hugging dress. Complete with laced up six inch heels. This is her dress attire. . . crazy, I know.

"What was wrong with the blonde?" She argues back, shaking her head in disappointment. I feel the anger brewing up inside of me as she sighs and mutters under her breath.

"I wanted a change! Do you not like it?" I respond, feeling hurt. Why couldn't she accept my decision and support me?

You know . . . like a normal Mum.

"The blonde is our signature look sweetie, you know that." Mum responds, dodging my question entirely. She doesn't act like a Mum at all. She's wild, crazy and basically an older version of myself.

Correction, the old me.

"That's the exact reason I wanted to do this," I mumble, playing with the strands of my dark brown hair. It's way shorter now but I like it, a lot. It took me courage to finally walk through the doors of the hairdressers and ask for a total makeover.

"You may be able to change your hair colour Trish but it won't change who you are." Mum says bitterly before spinning around and click-clacking her way downstairs. Her words hit me hard and I blink, eyes glazing over with a sudden glossy sheen.

Is Mum right? Did I change my hair colour for no reason at all?

I stand up and walk over to my bedroom mirror, grimacing at the bright pink walls. Everything in here is pink. Not the pretty shade of pink either. Eye watering, in your face bright pink that makes me want to hurl. I have no clue what I was thinking, the colour now makes me feel physically sick.

My appearance is completely different.

Instead of the thick blonde long hair falling almost down to my waist, it's now chestnut brown and short. The strands end just above my shoulders and frames my face perfectly. I can't help but feel relieved studying my appearance. . . The blonde was so exhausting. Every time I caught a glimpse of my hair, it reminded me of all the silly idiotic things I've done in my past.

Do you know how hard it is to look at yourself in the mirror and feel disgusted?

Feel like you've completely let yourself down?

Become someone you don't even recognise anymore?

That's what happened to me.

Where was the innocent little girl who loved to play dress up and Barbie's?

The little girl who had boys that were best friends, not bed friends. I've lost all of my male friends through my own stupidity.

Life lesson — don't sleep with your friends, any friendship you had before that will completely disappear. I learned that the hard way. My thoughts turn towards my first boyfriend and I clench my teeth in anger. My hatred for him would always burn strong. He'd completely broken me, taking my innocence away with him as soon as he cheated on me. That's the point in my life where I became wild Trish.

I wanted a change. . . scrap that.

I needed a change to be able to survive the heartache.

Now I don't want to be blonde Trish anymore. I've grown to realise that I can't let him win. It's time to say goodbye to Trisha who's always up for a laugh. I'm the first person to get wasted at parties . . . I'm the first person to attract multiple guys attention but for all the wrong reasons. I'm the girl that boys will time to see how long it will take to jump into bed with me. Sometimes, it's not even on a bed.

Yes, I'm aware that is disgusting.

Everyone can always count on blonde Trish to do something stupid.

Like the time I stripped off and skinny dipped at a beach party, the photo's went viral the next day. Or the time I was so wasted, I woke up in a strangers bed. Or when I was locked in a room with one of my exes, screaming at the top of my lungs to get him off me because he thought it was what I wanted. It wasn't.

Trisha Lockwood - the girl with the reputation.

How did I allow it to get so far?

I'm an idiot for thinking hair dye and a haircut can change my past. From this day on, I've made a pinky promise to myself to change who I've become. Show the world the real Trish. Everyone knows you can't break a pinky promise.

I lie back on my bed and cuddle my favourite teddy bear. I've owned him since I was five years old and he's the only man in my life never to let me down. Whenever I need a cuddle or a shoulder to cry on, he's always there for me. Fresh tears sting my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. I never ever cry.

Not anymore.

Maybe Mum's words are right.

I won't ever be able to change who I am.

*****

A soft knock on my bedroom door catches my attention and I bounce off my bed, turning off the music playing through my stereo.

"Yeah?" I call out, opening the bedroom door expecting to see Mum. Instead my eyes drop down to Leroy. He's looking up at me with big puppy dog eyes, blue pupils shining so brightly. His lashes are so thick and long and he bats them repeatedly — a trick I taught him myself.

It's insanely cute and irresistible.

"Trish, I'm hungry!" He whines, reaching up to pull at the hem of my hoody. I frown and bent down, wiping at a crayon mark on his cheek.

"Where's Mum, bud?" I ask him, giving up on the stain. It doesn't budge. Leroy simply shrugs, glancing down at his bare feet. I feel my jaw clench in anger and I shake my head, taking hold of his hand in mine. Typical.

"Come on cutie, I'll fix you up a sandwich." I respond over enthusiastically, hoping he couldn't sense the anger in my voice.

Leroy is my baby cousin but I see him as more of a younger brother. His parents died from a joint drug overdose when he was two, leaving him without a family. I remember the day Mum bought him home, he arrived with two clean t-shirts, one pair of shoes and a plastic bag of stuffed toys. I fell in love with his puppy-dog eyes as soon as I looked in to them. Leroy is now five and part of the family.

The kid is bright, bubbly and simply adorable. Mum doesn't deserve him, at all. She attempts to care for us but it's never enough. One meal a day is all she provides along with a mountain of clothes. Thankfully I'm old enough to look after myself but I can't say the same about Leroy. Material possessions is all Mum cares about, buying our love instead of gaining it. Leroy never complains about it but I guess it's because he's too young to know any different.

"Can I have tuna sweetcorn, please?" Leroy asks me, clutching my hand tightly in his as we trot down the stairs. I nod, giving him a small smile. "Sure, do you want anything else?"

"A chocolate teddy!" He cries out, a smile beaming across his face. I let out a laugh already knowing he'd ask for his favourite snack. A chocolate filled teddy bear. . . He's been addicted to them for the past three years.

He beams up at me, a pink tint covering his little cheeks. It warms my heart knowing that one little boy looks up at me with pure love in his eyes. I would never take that for granted.

A child holds so much innocence. In their eyes, you can do no wrong. They don't judge, they don't stereotype. They don't listen to the rumours and instead they form their own opinion of you.

"I love you, bud," I murmur quietly, ruffling his blonde curly locks with my hand. He bats my hand away from his head playfully, scrunching his nose up in false disgust. I chuckle at his reaction however his response really does make me happy.

"I love you, Trish."

"Mum, you have to feed Leroy!" I yell at her, spinning around on my heel to glare in her direction. She's sitting at the dining table, painting her left hand with bright pink nail polish. Pink. . . Blurgh.

"I do feed him," She responds casually, never glancing up once to give me eye contact.

"A single slice of toast in the morning isn't enough." I reply angrily, teeth gritted tightly together.

How can she be so careless?

"The boy is five years old. If he wants a snack, he knows to go to the fridge, Trisha! That new hair of yours isn't the only thing that's changed about you."

Her words hold resentment behind them and I frown, taking off my washing up gloves.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I hit back at her, leaning against the counter.

"Your attitude is disgusting," Mum scoffs, slamming the nail polish down onto the table. She exhales a deep breath before calmly going back to painting her nails.

"Un-frickin-believable." I mutter, grabbing my bag from the table. I shake my head, unable to control the anger bubbling inside of me.

"Where are you going?" Mum yells out of the kitchen door as I storm up the stairs. I ignore her and burst through my bedroom door, grabbing my denim jacket before running down the stairs again.

"You can't leave. I'm going out tonight, I need you to babysit Leroy."

"Screw you Mum!" I scream, slamming the front door shut. I pause for a few moments, feeling the cold wind hit my cheeks harshly. The temperature of the dark night cools me down and I'm grateful for the silence the night has to offer me.

I begin to take a slow walk, heading in the direction I've walked many times before. I know the route like the back of my hand.

I understand Dad is away a lot for business and that's rough on her but I hardly get to see him either and I don't act like a thirteen year old brat. All she cares about is herself and the maternal instinct she's supposed to have simply doesn't exist.

"Idiot," I mutter under my breath, wrapping my denim jacket around me tighter in an effort to stay warm.

*****

"Hey! I'm here!" I yell, closing over the front door softly. I peer around the hallway before glancing up the stairs. Everything remains silent.

"Hello?" I call out, dropping my bag onto the floor by the door.

"Hey, Trish."

The living room door opens revealing an exhausted looking Emily. Her dark brown hair is pulled back into a high ponytail and her usual glowing skin is pale and ghostly. She's cradling her baby bump, already protective of her unborn baby.

Emily has been my best friend for years. We met when we were children and haven't separated since. She's been there for me through rough times and never once believed a rumour and judged me for my actions. I love her dearly and having a best friend/sister like her definitely makes life easier. She's currently pregnant with her boyfriend's baby, Jake Melvin. Over the past year, Jake's family have grown into my close friends.

Speaking of Jake . . .

"Where's knuckle head? I haven't seen him for a while." I ask Emily. She lets out a small laugh —

"He's out buying me pizza, I've trained him well."

"Extra cheese?" I respond, knowing my best friend's pizza order down to the tiniest detail.

"You bet, I wouldn't have it any other way." She smiles softly. I hear her release a deep breath, running a hand over her face in distress. She leans back against the wall and I take a step closer, wrapping my arms around her carefully. She reciprocates my embrace, holding onto me tightly.

"How are you holding up?" I murmur, knowing how difficult the pregnancy is for Emily. It's a life or death situation, literally. Keeping the baby is causing Emily's health to deteriorate however she refuses to abort the little one. My respect for her has never been higher and despite being tough, I respect her decision.

"I'm so tired. I feel like a frickin' zombie all the time." She groans, pulling back slightly. I give her a re-assuring smile, sadness filling me. It's difficult seeing your best friend in pain and knowing there's nothing I can do to help.

"Is it cool me being here? Mum is annoying me beyond belief." I explain and Emily nods, giving me a stern look.

"I've told you a million times before, this is your house too. Come here whenever you want."

A warm smile lights up my features and the frustration inside of me begins to fade away. Sometimes all you need is to get away from the stress in your life and spend some quality time with friends.

"Thanks Em, you're a lifesaver." I smile, sitting down on the couch. The house belongs to Jake's Mum but he also lives with his cousins, Tobias and Ivory. I love it here, the entire family is hilarious.

Who doesn't want to be surrounded by constant laughter?

When I'm around others, I hide my pain well behind my eyes. No-one knows how I really feel, not even Emily. I feel bad for not talking to her however she has enough problems to deal with without me adding to that list. I simply fake a smile and act like I'm on top of the world.

"What's up, kids?"

A voice greets us and I snap my head up, creating eye contact with Tobias Melvin. My stomach does a little somersault from having his dark eyes on me. His eyes are simply beautiful — a chocolatey grey swirl of emotions hooded over with thick, dark lashes. Tobias is full of mystery, something I couldn't quite figure out. When he looks at me, his lips always twitch up into a smirk.

I clear my throat and tear my gaze off him, wondering how long we've been staring at each other. The thought of him looking back at me causes my body to warm up, embarrassment filling my features.

"Less of the kids, Tobias," Emily warns him, shooting him a playful glare. Tobias smile at her, reaching down to flick her forehead.

"Shut up, Emily," he teases, bouncing down on the couch opposite us. He's yet to speak to me directly and the thought of him doing so is causing my hands to grow clammy with nerves. I am definitely not a nervous person.

I ooze confidence, I walk in a room ready to own it. However whenever I'm in Tobias' presence, he knocks me completely off guard.

"What's up, Trish? You're quiet tonight."

I blink, looking back at Tobias who's staring at me intensely. It's only a few seconds later that I realise he asked me a question and is waiting for a response.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I lie, giving him a faux smile that I hope he can't see through. He doesn't respond and instead cocks his head slightly to the side, mop of dark hair falling over into his eyes.

"Alright sugar, whatever you say." He responds with, that same damn smirk playing on his lips again. I feel my tongue completely dry out and despite trying to act cool, a small blush stains my cheeks. Tobias releases a slow chuckle, knowing exactly what his pet name does to me.

When I steal another glance at him, he's already watching the television screen, a neutral expression on his face.

My phone rings for the third time and I groan, glancing down at the screen. Surprise, surprise . . . It's Mum again. I get the urge to drop my phone and let it shatter so she isn't able to contact me anymore. I need my distance from her but she doesn't seem to understand that. My ringtone continues to play and the conversation around me dies down as all three of my friends look at me with humour in their eyes.

"And they're like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours. I can teach you but I have to —"

I reject the phone call, giving them a sheepish look.

"Nice ringtone." Jake chuckles, his arm wrapped around Emily's shoulder. She giggles with him, a pizza box firmly placed in her lap.

"Yeah, it suits you Trish." Tobias adds, his brown eyes lighting up mischievously. My features twist into a confused expression and I turn towards him —

"What is that supposed to mean?" I question him, growing defensive. I know it's just a song but I can't help feeling hurt from his words. Does he mean the song reflects me as a person? I stand up, taking my phone with me as I decide to leave the house. I need some fresh air, away from everyone and especially away from Mum. The cool air outside calms me down and I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying the quiet.

"Hey Trish! Wait up."

I turn around to find Tobias jogging towards me, his dark hair flying around his face from the wind. I protectively fold my arms over my chest, annoyed at his comment.

"What do you want?" I mumble, dropping my gaze to my shoes.

"Didn't you hear us calling you back?" Tobias frowns, slowing down as he approaches me. I shake my head, plastering a fake smile on my face.

"I need go come home, it's getting late." I tell him, unable to look into his chocolate coloured eyes. Every time I do, they cause me to weaken and fall into a trance. I turn and begin to walk away but I feel Tobias' hand wrap around my wrist, holding me still. The small contact sends electric currents cursing through my body and I inhale sharply, my body stilling.

"It was just a joke, I didn't mean to upset you." He murmurs, his voice quiet and apologetic. His words drift off with the wind and I close my eyes, composing myself. I know I shouldn't be upset but it lies deeper than Tobias' comment.

I feel myself being tugged backwards against his body despite him barely using any force. When I slowly turn around, he's inches away from me. His eyes are almost black in the dark, only illuminated slightly by the street lamp above him. It creates shadows across his handsome face and I breathe in, reminding myself to remain calm. The heat and scent radiating from his body makes me feel the complete opposite of calm.

"Who was that on the phone?" Tobias asks me softly, his voice gentle and low. I blink a few times, fabricating a lie inside my mind.

"Just a friend," I tell him, unable to tell him the truth. I'm Trish Lockwood, the fun friend. I don't have any family drama or troubles. I'm the person people come to when they need cheering up, not dragging down. I silently ask myself the question —

Isn't that what I want?

To be the real me, not the version everyone expects me to be.

I struggle massively with opening up to people and breaking down my barriers. From the outside I appear confident and loud but it couldn't be any further than the truth. Inside my mind, the insecurity never stops or slows down. I've known Tobias for almost a year and he probably doesn't even know my address.

Many people don't know the real me beside from my reputation. There came a point in my life where everyone began to judge me so much, I gave up caring. It sucked the life from me and I channeled that negative energy into becoming a facade of a person. I've been belittled, bullied and judged because of my reputation for years. Because of that, I've built up barriers and walls that are virtually impossible to break down . . .

Call it a survival guide.

It's almost like Tobias can read my mind, intrude on my thoughts.

"Trish, I think you're forgetting I've known you for a while now." Tobias murmurs, his hand reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I don't dare breathe as the tips of his fingers stroke against my cheek. I close my eyes and suddenly feel him take a step back, his hand dropping from my cheek. When I look at him, he's expressionless, a closed book.

Tobias doesn't open up to anyone either. Maybe that's why I feel such a strong attraction to him . . . I watch him silently as he leans back against the wall, pulling out a box of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. He silently offers me one and I shake my head, refusing it.

"Thanks anyway," I mutter, stuffing my hands inside my pocket. He doesn't respond and balances the cigarette between his lips, pocketing the rest of them. My eyes can't tear off his lips that are wrapped around the cigarette. He lights it up, inhaling deeply and his shoulder visibly relax as he does. When he pulls it away, he tilts his head back and blows the smoke up into the night sky.

"I know what's going on with you."

His voice is calm yet confident. I blink in surprise, taking a step back. A frown appears on my face and I shake my head, refusing to believe him.

"No, you don't." I respond, my words quiet. There's a slight waver in my tone, almost as if I'm unsure whether I believe him or not.

"Yes I do." Tobias responds, staring directly into my eyes. His look is so intense, it almost knocks me backwards. I clear my throat and drop my stare from him, unable to keep eye contact when I feel like he's searching through my entire soul.

"Tell me Trish, why did you change your hair?" He asks, a confident smile on his face. I shrug, giving him the same response I give everyone.

"I felt like a change, it's just a different hair colour."

Tobias slowly nods his head at my response.

"Okay . . . " he responds, dark eyes flickering between both of mine. I swallow the lump of nerves inside my throat, unable to stop my hands from growing clammy.

"Now tell me the real reason you changed your hair."

His words are so confident and smooth, directly to the point. I feel my throat dry out and I shake my head, unable to speak. Moments of silence pass between us and I feel vulnerable standing in front of him, like I'm stripped of my securities.

"I can't tell you." I whisper, breaking the silence. I blink, ignoring the growing pressure of tears building up inside my eyes. Tobias drops the cigarette to the floor, putting it out with his shoe. He silently approaches me, growing closer and closer until his chest is almost touching mine. My heart hammers inside my chest, thumping hard and I'm sure he can hear it too. He leans closer until his lips meet my ear, warm breath tickling my exposed skin.

"Come on Sugar, you can tell me."

His cool voice sending shivers running through my body. I feel every hair on the back of my neck stand up pin straight and my eyelids flutter shut. Tobias remains in the same position, warm steady breaths exciting the skin on my neck. I can faintly smell the smoke on him, wrapped together with his usual scent and soap. Usually I'd be disgusted but with him, I'm not.

"Why do you call me that?" I whisper, my hands trembling by my side. He leans back slowly so that he's looking into my eyes, his face an inch away. He's so close, I could see the swirls of grey running through his pupils.

"When something is bitter or doesn't taste very nice, what do you do?" He asks me, lips tugging up into a smirk. I don't reply, the distance of his lips distracting me completely. If I inch forward a tiny amount, I'd be kissing him. The thought sends butterflies fluttering through my stomach and I can't help but think how long it has been since I've felt butterflies with someone.

"You add sugar because it sweetens it up perfectly." Tobias responds, his eyes flickering between my lips and eyes. I feel like my heart is going to burst through my chest and I simply nod back at him.

"I strongly believe if you enter someone's life, you'll sweeten it up completely." Tobias whispers, his breathing becoming shallow. His eyes are fully trained on my lips now and I let my tongue flick out, wetting my bottom lip.

I don't know if it's my imagination but I'm sure I hear a turned on groan come from his throat. . .

Only for a split second.

"Do you need sugar in your life?" I whisper bravely, my voice trembling. He takes a few seconds to reply but his response has me quivering at the knees —

"You know I do."