March 24,2018.

Hello to whoever reading this diary, especially to the person who's always been there for me. I knew the moment you open this diary our paths had already parted. I might not be by your side to see how successful you are as a man, I'm sorry that I couldn't attend your wedding. I'm sorry if I couldn't see your children growing up. I'm sorry if we couldn't graduate together. I'm sorry for leaving, but always remember this. No matter where you are I'm always watching you from the sky.

My name is Jacob, I will chronicle an extraordinary and yet fantastic story of my life. More specifically, about Joseph and me. First and foremost, let me tell you how it started.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

I was 19 years old when I was diagnosed with lung cancer and it was extremely rare to have lung cancer at a young age. My world stopped spinning when I was diagnosed with lung cancer, stage 3. I asked my doctor, how many remaining months do I have to live and he replied with a smile on his face and he said. "You don't have to count the months, because you'll live more longer than you expected it's just cancer and soon, you'll surpass this hard challenge and your life will go back to normal." His word of encouragement struck onto my heart which somehow saves me from giving up. I know, he was giving me hope to live because when we heard lung cancer we thought that it was a life sentence or the end of our lives.

But despite being diagnosed with cancer, I didn't stop studying. Although there were limitations unlike before, I can do everything I want. I still go to university regularly but I'm not allowed to do any sports activities. I used to be in a basketball team but due to my health condition, my family and I decided to put an end to my basketball career which is very hard for me to accept. I loved playing basketball with Joseph, my Best friend and I haven't told him about my cancer because I don't want him to worry about me.

I met Joseph during my high school days, we were on the same basketball team, and his also my classmate. So we often see each other. We share the same interest, same weirdness, and the same vibes. He was like a brother to me and partner in crime. There's no dull moment when I was with him, I liked the dimple on his lips which made him wonderful. I even knew where his small moles at, one on his neck, one on the lower part, and one his armpit hid from the hair. It was so hilarious, right? But you know what, leaving a great friend like him is such a regretful. I want to do more things with him, I want to travel with him, I want to play more basketball games with him and want to be always with him but I know, im going to leave soon.

I decided to make this dairy so Joseph won't forget me. He is like an old man who can't remember anything unless you reminded him.

Day 1

Hey, diary it's me! Jacob, I'm the guy who is diagnosed with lung cancer. Anyway,I want a little favor from you; I need you to listen to me very carefully, not that you have much choice, so listen up!

My body becoming weaker by the day . I can feel and obviously I'm not looking with my best. I don't know what lies in the future but I am sure that I don't have much chapter left in my life. It sad to say but it is the truth

Don't worry about me diary; I  don't have any regrets. I've lived the best life especially when I met him,my best friend, Joseph. They said heroes do not exist in real life but I do believe that not all heroes has supposedly to have an incredible superpower. Just like Joseph and my mom, they were my real life superheroes, although they are not wearing a fancy costume or cape but their hearts are as big as the superheroes in the movies.

I will start with my best friend. But let me give you a simple question and answer it inside your heart. Have you ever looked at your friends or best friend and said "damn! How can I get so lucky?" am genuinely happy to be able to meet a person like him! Have you ever thought about that?

Have you ever think, how lucky you are to have a best friend who always been there for you, through ups and  down?

You are so lucky to be able with that person until you grow up together. Cause in my case, I am going to leave Joseph soon. My most terrifying nightmare.

I am not ready to leave him nor my family, as a matter of fact, I don't want to die. I want to stay More longer with them.

April 25, 2018, my spring break. It was a melancholy vacation but thank to Joseph who made it memorable for me. He went to my house and he asked me if I want to join with him on his voyage. I was surprised and sad at the same time because I could not join due to my health condition. However, Joseph didn't listened to me. He begged and even kneeled in front of me just to ask me if I want to join and because of that, I have no choice but to get along.

I asked my mom's permission first and she gave me a tight and warm hug before giving me her answer and it was yes. She said that  I can do everything I want. She was so kind, the only matter to her is my happiness which made me feel so lucky to her. Thank you mom And I love you so much!

The next day April 26, 2018, Joseph went to my house again to discuss about our trip. I dropped my jaw during his discussion. I thought, it was a local trip but it was an abroad journey. He gave me two plane tickets and Joseph said we will going to fly tomorrow at 8 am. He planned everything for our trip and I knew Joseph, was a very organized person so there will be no problem but in my case, I don't know if I can ride on the plane so I asked my doctor if I could go abroad and travel. He said yes, but don't overdo it. I'm glad that Joseph won't get disappointed and I can spend more time with him, I feel like on the cloud nine when the doctor gave his permission to me.

Joseph went home but he came before dinner. He helps me to pack my belongings and I am glad that he didn't notice my meds. "Sorry Joseph, if I didn't tell you about this. Hit my head in heaven :P" I put my meds in different bags so he won't able to find out about my health.

I'm actually writing this on the same night. Joseph, was  on my bed and he was sleeping peacefully and I wish I could share this view to all of you but I'll keep it myself for now because Joseph was so handsome. I'm going to stop writing now and go in my bed to play with his hair. And don't worry I will write everything about our journey in Australia..

PS. Live without regrets! Enjoy your remaining life while you can!

Hey, diary it's me, Jacob, today I woke up in the arms of my best friend. It feels comfortable and his body was warm. I was so happy, really happy because later on, we will go in Australia. Though it's not our first travel abroad but this one is memorable and perhaps my last travel with my Best friend Joseph.

I stare to his alluring face, it was a magnificent and splendid view. They are right, you'll realize the beauty nature of someone when it's too late.

The moment Joseph, opened his eyes a crack of a grin 

Showed up on his exquisite face. Those damned smiles save me from being alone! I should thank him for that but I don't want him to feel awkward toward me.

Joseph asked me how was my slept which is supposedly my question to him. I replied and said "it was comfortable" and he replied back "Is it because of me?" Out of the blue, I blush and accidentally throw a pillow right exact on his face before giving back my reply and I said. "Of course not, dork! What comes to your mind to ask a stupid question?" I know guys I'm acting like the female protagonist in the novel or movies and it's embarrassing but I'm glad Joseph, is a dense person. Joseph replied and said "because I woke up earlier and saw you having a sweet and peaceful sleep in my arms! If you want this kind of pillow just let me know and I  will go here to sleep with you."

I lost my head completely and could not think properly when I heard Joseph's response. my body is not lying to myself but as a man, I should not have this kind of feeling toward my best friend. We're both straight anyway but blushing like this is another and different story. It took me minutes before I manage to replied my best friend's question. "Dork! I have my pillows and they are more comfortable than your strong and hard arms!" I replied and I knew it was a lie. So Joseph, if you are reading this, I'm really really want to sleep with your arms. I shouldn't hide my feelings, I'm really sorry for all the troubles that I have made.

After a few minutes of flirting on my bed. My mom calls us to go for breakfast before leaving. My mom made a lot of dishes this morning and she even gave me extra money and the amount is secret.

Joseph was used to eat here in our house, he was like a family for us and my mom loved this guy. She treats Joseph like her own son.

Everyone began to eat and I was just watching my favorite persons. I love this sight where I can see them together. My mom eating in a manner way but Joseph is completely different compared to my mom. He was eating like a grade schooler kids but despite how he acts Joseph is a rich kid who hates luxury stuffs. He was a simple man but yet a childish person which made him adorable.

I haven't eaten a single bite but I feel like full by just looking at them. My mom noticed me that I'm not touching my food so she asked me what's wrong and Joseph indulged and said: "mom, Jacob want me to  feed him." Joseph was still teasing me even in front of my mom. Of course, I denied his statement but deep inside I want to be fed by Joseph.

Time flies and we didn't notice that it was already 7:32 in the morning we don't have much time for taking bath. We're both in hurries, he calls his driver and we immediately went to the airport of course. We arrived in the airport at the exact time of 7:57 in the morning but our flight was got delayed due to the maintenance of the plane.

My mom can't wait for 3 hours. She gave us a tight hug before leaving the airport. Joseph sat on the bench and I went to the information office. I talked to their stuff if is it ok for me to travel without oxygen. We talked about my condition and they talked to my doctor as well and it seemed like yes. I don't need a wheelchair because I can still walk properly and I don't want Joseph to found out about my cancer. Everything is under  my control and hopefully, this trip was a success.

I sat next to Joseph, he lays his head down on my shoulder while he was watching the people passing by. I lean my head against his head while also looking at the people and they were staring at us with a curious eyes. They might think that we're a lover for sure so I took my earphone and I gave the other piece to Joseph as I play the music entitled I'll never love again by Lady Gaga. It was one of my favorite songs and I want him to listen to it and hopefully he gets the meaning of the song.

I'll never love again if it wasn't you Joseph. I don't want anyone but you alone and if you already in this chapter of my diary please watch 'A star is born'

We're both listening to this meaningful song and he looked at me with a spark of interest in his eyes before he asked me. "Man, who sang this? I love every single word in the song I feel like I could relate with the song."Joseph said and I paused for a smile and didn't reply with his question as I keep listening to the songs. The next song was also my favorite which is "always remember us this way" by Lady Gaga, the song is currently how I feel right now, I want Joseph and I to stay like this forever not a couple but a good best friend.

Maybe he finds my music list weird but I just want to share my feeling using these songs and luckily, he wasn't judging my taste. He was just being quiet which is very odd for me. I wonder why so I looked at him and I didn't expect that Joseph was shedding a tear. Tears were streaming down on his eyes, I asked Joseph what's wrong and he said. "I just like these songs and they got me. I don't know why I'm crying over a song but it's actually good. My eyes can't hold the tears." I knew exactly the feeling when I first heard about these wonderful songs.

I offered my handkerchief to him to wipe off his tears on his face. I didn't know that a person like him would make him cry over music. I chuckled while thinking about it.

I want him to stay more longer on my shoulder but Joseph received a phone call from someone. He answered it and I'll wait for his return.

"Who called you just now?" I asked him even though, I'm not in the position to ask about his personal stuff but I'm curious. Of course, he replied while his tongue was sticking out and he said "secret" I want him to give a punch on his head but I don't want to waste my energy.

We still have plenty of time. Joseph decided to walk around and I joined because it's quite boring in here. We went to the nearby mall to buy clothes but sadly they are not operating yet because it's too early in the morning. We came back to the airport and I asked Joseph to pray for a safe trip.

He agreed with my idea and we pray. We asked for a safe trip to the almighty God above as well for my condition.

Finally, our flight is ready. I was so nervous while entering in the plane but being nervous won't help me so the moment we sat down, I asked Joseph to held his hand and he agreed. He didn't ask why, he just let me hold his hand.

While I'm holding Joseph's hand, somehow I feel safe and relax which helps me to make myself calmed. I'm so thankful for letting me hold your hand, Joseph.

The plane manages to fly safely. It was a long journey to travel if I'm not mistaken 16 hours from America to Australia. I don't feel strange in my body and everything was seemed normal. I stop holding my best friend's hand.

Joseph asked me if I'm alright and I replied "yes, Why? Do I look look nervous?" I Said with a proudly tone voice. Joseph chuckled before replying back. "Well... What do you think?" Joseph was being sarcastic, I don't want to argue with him since he treats me and he let me hold his soft hand.

I hate to say this but during our trip, Joseph was my savior from boredom. He was my entertainment. I didn't know this kind of side of him but he has plenty ugly facial expressions. We all know how good-looking Joseph is but if you ever saw this side of Joseph you'll get turn off.

But no matter how he look, Joseph is Joseph for me. I loved him for every single aspect of his life bad or good and I will never get tired of loving this man beside me. That's what love is, right? You know it's love when you loved the person wholeheartedly and even without loving back. I'm not saying this because I loved Joseph in a romantic way. But I'm saying this as a good friend of him. I'm not expecting him to love me the same way as I loved him. I'm satisfied with our relationship status now. I don't want to get more further because I don't want to be mean to him.

I don't want him to fall in love with me because anytime, my time will come and that is my terrifying nightmare. Leaving my best friend while he was loving me. He won't forgive  that and the worst scenario is, he might kill himself and follow me to my graveyard. It's quite late here in the sky and I'm tired, so I'll stop writing my diary for now but I'll write everything like what I promised in my last chapter.. take care, everyone.

Live without regret!