(Note that what you're about to read contains some words other may find disturbing. Also, this is a work of fiction. Any names and events are all fictitious)

Life's so unfair, it makes me want to die. Especially when you're prostrate in hardship or poverty. And lost all the will to live, no family, no home to return to, no money and lastly, no girlfriend. I was hoping that one of those would save me from this hell, but I guess no one did. No, actually, a girlfriend's the least I wanted. If I have one, I'll have to buy her gifts, flowers or treat her on a date.

But here I am, tying the rope on the ceiling and making sure I won't fall when I hang myself. With this, I, can escape reality and swim through the endless sweet dreams I always had on my mind.The dream, where I am with my Mom and Dad, happily and peacefully living ourselves.

I wrapped around the rope on my neck and tie it a knot. I was hesitant, scared of what I'm going to do. I've already made it here, there's no turning back. I was treading on a small chair.

I tightened the rope that was wrapping around my neck, enough for me to choke a little.

Ahh, finally, I'm leaving this world. Mom, Dad, wait for me I'm coming.

I pushed the chair I was treading and the rope began choking me. At first, I didn't put up to it, I was just grabbing a hold of the rope. Then, I was slowly running out of air, I was trying to grasp for air but I couldn't. No matter how much you've made up your mind when you're at the face of death you'll struggle to obtain your life that you almost lost.

My memories from back then had flashed through my mind. There was this post that I've read, something about this on the internet. When you're about to die, your good memories will flashed all back, though I forgot how long it lasts.

Those memories were the good times. Those times where I was still with my Mom and Dad. Those days before I was in so much debt. I treasured those memories, memories that I won't ever forget even If I get an amnesia.

Those flashed of good memories had came to a stop and I was brought back to reality.

I was grasping for air, breathing as hard as I could. But, the air won't go in, uh-ah, so I'm finally dying huh?

Maybe I'll get reincarnated as a hero in another world and save the world from monsters and chaos. Or I might become the Demon Lord and enslave the whole world, killing only male beings, leaving the young and fresh girls behind. Or maybe, a potato, a potato that will serve as pig's food.

Really, what am I thinking right now? I'm dying...

The door slammed open and the landlord saw me hanging. She immediately came to my aid, helped me and called for an ambulance.

---

I woke up, it was all white. I thought, is this heaven? Am I in heaven? I thought killing oneself is a sin? So, why am I in heaven?

A voice suddenly went inside my ear.

"Hey! You're awake! How dare you try to commit suicide!? Good thing I was there. Now pay up your three months worth of rent! "

"Oh, am I seeing things? Why are you in heaven, Ms. L? No, I guess I'm not in heaven because I killed myself, ah. Evils do really goes to hell huh?"

Her brows arched up, "What are you saying!? Why am I suppose to go in hell? And you're saying I'm evil!? Huh!? If you won't pay then, I'll just kill you!"

"I'll kill you! Since you're trying to kill yourself and letting yourself off the hook" Ms. L puts both her hand on my neck and is choking me.

"Grghha grargh! I-I can't... breathe stop choking me Ms. L!"

"I'll send you to hell! You have not pay for your three months rent, I'm sending you not in jail but in hell. Rahahahaha!"

'Oh no she's really a devil!"

The doctor and nurse came in and they stopped her from strangling me.

"Hah! Hah! I almost died, again"

'So I'm in a hospital' I just noticed that I was in the hospital. I can't afford to be laying down on a bed in a hospital. The fees will be charge to my bank account again.

--

I waited for Ms. L to leave the hospital and the nurse, so that I could escape. My hospital fees will increase, the longer I'm here.

-

I was back in my apartment. Everything's a mess, my life's a mess. I don't have the time to clean my room. I went directly and laid on my bed. I began spacing out, looking at the ceiling where I tied the rope.

I'm not dead, that old hag stopped it from becoming so. Let's postpone this suicide for a while and try living one more time.

Jigsaw from the movie Saw might come knocking on my door. Saying that he wants to play a game, for redemption. Because I, who don't value my own life, shall be put in a trial in order to live and to be born, again or die since that's what I want.

And I, soon fall into a deep sleep.

--

I woke up past 9 in the morning. I still couldn't believe myself that I tried to suicide.

I rose from my bed and changed my clothes. I don't cook breakfast anymore, it's a pain in the ass and a pain on my wallet.

I went out to buy something to eat in a convenience store.

Summer vacation's almost done and another school year is approaching. I'm a 3rd-year high schooler. I rack my brains to apply for a scholarship and enter a private school even if it's just for a year.

The name of the school that I took the entrance exam is Kibou to Yuume Private Academy. Yes, I, study here in Japan. Mom's a Filipina and Dad's a Japanese, she became a citizen here when she married Dad. I'm fluent on both languages.

Ding* the usual sound of the convenience store whenever anyone had entered.

I picked the most cheap food I could afford, paid it at the counter and leave.

--

I was gonna enter my room when I saw my mailbox. There was an envelope inside and I took it with me.

I ripped the seal and read what was written.

[Dear Seth Kaneko, we would like to thank you for enrolling at our school, Hopes and Dreams Private Academy. We'd like to inform you that you passed the entranced exam with an average score of xx... blah blah. In regards, Principal.]

"Heh... the Principal wrote this himself huh?"

I passed, I passed that hard to answer test. Who would have know.

'Okay, it's decided. I'll try to live one more time and if it doesn't work I'll end it all. Wait, Hopes and Dreams Private Academy is pretty far from here. Hmm... guess I'll have to move to Aunt's house'

I heated the food I bought and began packing my things.

'Until graduation, if this doesn't work out'

I got my pen and circled the day before graduation, in case I forgot.

I picked up the food I heated and ate my fill. Cheap food has its own taste, this is better than nothing. I'm running broke again. I might starve, guess I'll have to look for a job first before the school year comes. I still have a month to work, but before that, I'll move out to Aunt's house first.

'I can't afford to pay Ms. L but I will have to. She might sue me if I try to escape without paying the rent'

-

I began packing my things, I don't have that much luggage but look at all that boxes, I can't leave them here. They're Dad's and Mom's mementos.

'Okay, I've paid my three months worth of rent and now I'm broke'

---

I live in Shizuoka (静岡市, Shizuoka-shi, [ɕizɯꜜoka]) is the capital city of Shizuoka Prefecture, Japan, and the prefecture's second-largest city in both population and area. It has been populated since prehistoric times. As of 1 December 2019, the city had an estimated population of 690,881 in 106,087 households, and a population density of 489 persons per km².

The city's name is made up of two kanji, 静 shizu, meaning "still" or "calm"; and 岡 oka, meaning "hill(s)". In 1869, Shizuoka Domain was first created out of the older Sunpu Domain, and that name was retained when the city was incorporated in 1885. In 2003, Shizuoka absorbed neighboring Shimizu City (now Shimizu Ward) to create the new and expanded city of Shizuoka, briefly becoming the largest city by land area in Japan. In 2005, it became one of Japan's "designated cities"

Whilst Aunt live in Osaka with her daughter. This will be a long trip. Her husband died a year ago, it was cancer. Life insurance sure gave them a quite sum of money. I heard her daughter go to Hopes and Dreams Private Academy. If I remember correctly, she's a year below me or two. I don't know, I don't ask anything about my outside relatives.

I called her and she said I was just right in time when someone moved out of her house. It was a small run down five separate rooms, an old style house. She had it built by what's left of her husband's money. To support their expenses.

'I'm getting sleepy, hours of trip, guess I'll take a nap'

---

I woke up, right in time, I'm at the Osaka Station when I woke up from what I said to be a nap.

Osaka (Japanese: 大阪市, Hepburn: Ōsaka-shi, pronounced [oːsakaɕi]; commonly just 大阪, Ōsaka [oːsaka]( listen)) is a designated city in the Kansai region of Honshu in Japan. It is the capital city of Osaka Prefecture and the largest component of the Keihanshin Metropolitan Area, the second largest metropolitan area in Japan and among the largest in the world with more than 20 million inhabitants.

Osaka was traditionally considered Japan's economic hub. By the Kofun period (300–538) it had developed into an important regional port, and in the 7th and 8th centuries, it served briefly as the imperial capital. Osaka continued to flourish during the Edo period (1603–1867) and became known as a center of Japanese culture. Following the Meiji Restoration, Osaka greatly expanded in size and underwent rapid industrialization. In 1889, Osaka was officially established as a municipality.

Today, Osaka is a major financial center of Japan. It is home to the Osaka Securities Exchange as well as the multinational electronics corporations Panasonic and Sharp. Famous landmarks in Osaka include Osaka Castle - which played a pivotal role in the Siege of Osaka - and Shitennō-ji - the oldest Buddhist temple in Japan.

They weren't using the other three rooms so she decided to have those rooms rented. From what I could remember about her personality. I could say she's kind and always smiling, though I don't really know her that well. By the way, she is not my real Aunt. She and Dad aren't blood related. She was took in by grandma, when she was 8 and Dad's 12 at that time. They got along well.

--

I'm here, the house where I'll try to live longer and seek salvation, from the depths of debt. Maybe I'll try leeching on some rich kid and ripped them off their money. Just kidding, as if I'd do that. I'd rather not get entangled to them than hang out with those rich kids who's born with a silver spoon on their mouth. Money is just being wasted on useless things.

I didn't know that Aunt's waiting for me to arrive. She was the first one I saw when I arrived at in front of her house. The house really is good and the place where it is built is don't have that many neighbouring house.

The last time I saw Aunt was when the funeral of my parents and she was with her daughter. I don't know why her daughter is so irritated around me and often says she hates me and don't come near her. She's the opposite of her mother, a typical busty Japanese Mom that says 'Ara, Ara' every time some things happened.

She was the one who opened the door when I knocked. She greeted me with a pure motherly smile, so I smiled back.

"Aunt Nakamura Hayami, how are you and Kaida doing?"

I don't know what to say to her and asked randomly. It's been years since I last saw them, so I think that that's the best question I've got to say.

"Seth-kun, just call me Aunt Hayami and we're very good. Never been bad. As for Kaida, she's not here at the moment. She's with her friends"

She gave me a warm welcome and took my things. My parents' mementos will be delivered here tomorrow. I only brought my things first.

"How about you, Seth-kun, are you doing fine?"

I know that she's going to ask that and I'll just pretend that I'm okay. She might notice that I tried to kill myself, and the memories of what happened the other day, back at the apartment had crossed my mind. I unconsciously touch and covered my neck, there might still be traces of rope' mark around my neck.

"Okay then, Aunt Hayami. I'm doing great too"

That was all I said and went inside to see my room. It's a 10 square meter room, that rooms you always saw on Anime or Japanese movies, or even at JAV.

I put down all of my things I'm carrying around me and relax for a few minutes.

'I should ask Aunt Hayami, if she knows any part-time job I can apply. I'm in need of money, with all that rent's fee, I'm broke and had nothing left'

Aunt came knocking on my room's door. Oh yes, it's past noon and I haven't eaten anything. My stomach's growling, I'm famished.

"I've prepared you lunch, come here and eat. I know you haven't had anything yet"

Yes, I haven't eaten and I remember it clearly that she can cook. I'm not eating convenience store's food anymore.

"In a minute Aunt, I'll just into more comfortable clothes"

When's the last time I had a new sets of clothes or even a new shoes? I've long forgotten when it was. All I had is things that is old.

"Okay, come here when you're done"

--

"Mm, it's really good. The food is great"

We say thanks for the food before eating and we say the food's great after we're done. That's what I've always been doing.

"Ara~ it's great that you like it"

There's her ara. Let's go already and confined ourselves inside my room. I don't want to deal with her daughter.

"Aunt, I'll be going back to my room now. If you need any help just call me, I hope you'll let me help. I can't offer anything to pay your good deeds for now. I'll look for a part-time job after I sort my things"

Encountering her daughter's just a matter of time and space. I'd like to avoid it at all cost. It's because, that type of girl's the one I hate dealing with. Like, what's her deal? I'm not doing or saying anything to her and that's making her more angry. Wait, maybe she wanted me to do the opposite? Hell no, I'm not dense but I'm not confident that that's what she wants.

"You can cook right, Seth-kun? I remember you cooking. Help me do the dinner"

Ugh, I hate to do it but I can not do anything about it.

"Yes, sure"

I had already turned my back on her, on my way to my room, when I remember that I haven't said this.

"And Aunt, I'll be in your care from now on"

She smiled at me, "Please take good care of us, Seth-kun~"

Oh please no, don't say it like that. I'll get the wrong idea. I might have watched too much incest hentai, by the way I like NTR, netore was it?. Where it is the MC who do the snatching of one's girlfriend and left other bastards alone.

--

Aunt had called me, it's now time to prepare dinner. I'm being careful of my surroundings, I don't know where she is.

I arrived at the kitchen and haven't encountered her yet. Aunt was already preparing the other ingredients when I came in.

"Sushi and sashimi huh, that's good. By the way, um, Aunt, is your daughter not home?"

Sashimi is thinly sliced raw meat—usually fish, such as salmon or tuna—that is served without rice. Sushi is not raw fish, but rather vinegared rice that is mixed with other ingredients, which may or may not include raw fish.

"Yes, she'll be here before class starts. So for now, it's just the two of us~"

Again, that way of speaking. Good thing I'm always calm and collected plus my quiet demeanor.

I helped preparing dinner and we ate together. Aunt had already prepared bath and let me in first.

Warm bath feels refreshing as always. This is how my daily lives will be, everyday, the same routine. Add Aunt's daughter, it will be a disaster, for me. I'll just ignore her if she ever mouth me.

After I'm done, I headed to my room and rest already, after wiping my hair dry.

---

The same routine was repeated, everyday. Aunt took me with her, she needs a hand, helping her carry our ingredients for tonight's dinner and other basic necessities . As for my part-time job, I haven't found anything yet and I'm doing my best looking for a job, any job will do as long as it's legal.

It's the day her daughter's coming home. I'd better prepare myself, for the worst everyday of my life. Goodbye, the good old days.

We were home and Aunt opened the door. I did not anticipated this.

"Mom welcome home-"

She arrived earlier than what we expected. I hid myself behind Aunt but she still saw me.

"What's he doing here!? Mom, don't say he' living here now? I don't want that. I can't imagine living under the same house with him! Just look at him Mom, why is he like that!?"

Ouch girl, you're hurting me. Well, we're not really blood-related. I'm not her cousin, so she's not my too.

"Now, now, don't be like that to Seth-kun"

Kaida was blocking our way in. For a small... she's all small, for a small girl, she sure is an audacious girl. I'm dead ff she heard me and there will be a barrage of insults.

Can't blame her, I look pathetic and lame. I look like that MC on every hentai, where they had their hair down. Both eyes covered his hair.

I should get a cut, a trim before class starts.

---

Kaida likes to it by herself, so I'm free from her loud bravado. After I ate breakfast, I used my last money to get a haircut, it was just a trim, actually. I have it cut too since I'm getting irritated by having long hair too.

I didn't change my hair style, of course, I won't. I haven't changed it ever my parents passed away. Having a change of looks won't bring them back or give me the courage to live longer than what I have decided.

'Class starts tomorrow, oh come to think of it, I don't have my uniform. So, I'll be absent on my first day and gonna start at 2nd day. Then, I'll fetch my uniform tomorrow and look for a part time job'

I was walking back to our house when I saw Kaida, she was with one of her friends. They are dressed and look like they are going somewhere. I turned around so that Kaida would not notice me and let her pass me without a mouthful of insults.

"Eh really? Your cousin's had moved to your house and you two are living under the same roof? And isn't that how every love story begins? Kyaa~"

Kaida frowned, her face showed disapproval and somewhat disgusts because of what her friend had said.

"No way in hell! No one would like him, he looks like a hobo!"

'I can hear you two, you know. Well, can't argue with that hobo thing'

I looked at their back and turned my head away as I walked back to my new home.

~

(Note that this is a work of fiction, any names and events are all fictitious. Happy reading)

It's already past 9:00 P.M. but I can't sleep. I laid on my bed and think things through.

How should I look? Should I wear eye glasses? Or change my hairstyle? Or the mysterious type?

I think I like the latter. Alright, I'll go with the latter. I'll buy some face mask after I fetch my school uniform. Wearing face mask or surgical mask inside a Japanese school isn't rare. You could see a lot of students wearing mask, I don't know if it's because they think it's stylish or they just don't want to inhale illness, air born viruses.

I'll go with eye glasses too, I want to look as nerdy as possible. That way, people won't approach me to befriend me or anything of the sort.

As I think things through inside my head, I did not realize that I was slowly falling asleep and just woke up at noon.

-

Fortunately, Kaida has already went to her school when I woke up, past 10 in the morning. Auntie is also not at home, it looks like she went somewhere. I went to the kitchen and saw my breakfast wrapped so as not to be touched by anything.

Auntie left a note, "Gonna buy something. Will be back before lunch" I ate my breakfast and cleaned and dressed, then went out to get my school uniform. Then buy a face mask, I do not like washable, fluffy.

--

If I were to take a train, it would only took 10 minutes and I'll be there. But, if I'm to walk from home to school, it will take about 30 minutes. I need to conserve money, just a little more and I'll be totally broke, if it weren't for the money Auntie had gave me. She wants me to use it whenever and to whatever I want.

I still have some notebooks and pens I can use. And this, this bag that I'm using since 1st year high school. It's still usable, although I've done a lot of stitches to it.

I thought that it's a walking distance. Going from home to school, that is. Walking's good to health and also for my pocket.

'I guess, opening ceremony's done and everyone's having their homeroom class and choosing the class president. I wonder what perks there is to it, if ever I became a class president or an assistant'

--

This is it, Hopes and Dreams Private Academy. This truly is a great school, just by looking at it. Everything seems great, the buildings' structures and the school's very large.

One of the top 10 best Private schools in Japan and Top 3 on being Japan's best schools.

Accumulated lots of trophies and sports medals and other achievements through great management. They train the best athletes here, to more than the best.

I entered without hesitation and went directly to the teacher's office and look for my homeroom teacher. By the way, I wore my school uniform when I was attending Shizuoka Public High School.

--

I didn't saw or encounter any students on my way in and to the office. I knocked and opened the door.

"Uhh, I'm here to pick up my school uniform"

All the teachers looked at me. I wasn't wearing a mask or eye glasses, and I just let my hair down that I have not combed.

There he is, my homeroom teacher, he looks like he's at the end of his career.

"You must be the transferred student. You didn't have to fetch your school uniform here, I was gonna have it deliver to your house though"

"It must be excitement, that's why I'm here"

'Bullcrap, excitement I said? More like... what a pain'

"Okay, I'll get your school uniform. One more thing, the principal wants to have a word with you"

'The Principal himself? Why? There should be something important matters to discuss, that's why. I also have things to ask'

My homeroom teacher get my school uniform and he lead me to the Principal's office.

Whilst walking down the corridor, we stumbled upon a girl cutting classes on her first day. She was on her way to the rooftop bringing along some snacks with her. But she was stopped by Sensei

"Hello, Shimizu-san. Just where do you think you're going on your first day of school?"

She was still walking slowly up the stairs to the rooftop, knowing that she's been caught.

"Hehe... I was gonna... take a breather! Yeah a breather! Opening ceremony had me going"

She hasn't noticed me, yet. And it looks like their conversation will take longer than anyone would expect, so I went to the Principal's office myself.

It was easy to find the office of the Principal, there are signs that leads to what you're looking for. But not what you think you're looking for.

-

I knocked three times on the door.

"It's open" it was a sweet-toned voice.

Are male voices supposed to sound like that? Or is the Principal a woman? If so, I am foolish for saying him, himself and he when she's a she.

I opened the door and saw her elegant beauty. The beauty that never fades even when she's the age of 40+.

"Hello, Miss Principal. My homeroom teacher said you wanted a word with me"

She was looking at her wrist watch. She may be time-conscious.

"Yes, I'd like to give the Rules and Regulations of our school and you look like you have a question. Okay, I have about 5 minutes. I have a meeting soon so"

Yeah, she's time-conscious, she would always take glances at her wrist watch.

"Are there no hidden fees? What about my grades? And is there a perk of being a class president or an assistant?"

I said all of the questions I have, I don't have that many question and I don't know what to ask her.

"As for the first question, there is no hidden fees. You will pay no fees, but school trips or fees irrelevant to tuition will have to be paid, that is if you want to. About your grades? You have to maintain your grades at above average or else, we might have to revoke your scholarship. As for the latter, there is a perk, you'll have free premium meal and you don't have to worry about train expenses when going to school, we will provide you with money to pay the train fees"

She looked for one last time at her watch.

"That's it. If you have any further questions, you can ask you homeroom teacher Sakaguchi-sensei. I'll be going now and if you want to take a look around the school it's fine, have someone accompany you"

She stood up from her seat and leave the office.

I followed after her and thanked the Principal, lightly bowing my head.

'I don't want to be the class president, assistant's fine but I guess they already picked the class president and assistant'

--

I decided not to wander around, for I might come across Kaida, I'm tired of her, she's a pain in the ass.

It wasn't Kaida I came across with but that cutting classes girl and my homeroom teacher Sakaguchi-sensei.

"Yaharoo! Sensei, that's the transfer student?"

She's looking like she's looking through my soul. She stepped forward and without much thought, she lifted my bangs to have a good look.

"Whoa! He's good-looking sensei! Nee, why do you have your hair down? It's obvious that you're handsome!"

Another girl, another pain in the ass. I don't want to explain things and why should I answer her. I decided not to have friends and rather be alone.

"Sensei, I'll be going now"

I lightly bowed and bid my farewell to sensei. Not that kind of farewell you're thinking, okay? I know he's old and much but he's still strong, I think.

I walked away without answering her.

"Ohh! He ignored me!"

--

After going to school, I went at a nearby convenience store and bought what I needed. Face mask, hair dye, and some gums.

'Jeez, why am I wasting money on useless things? Well, I'm useless so it's fine? Yeah right'

I paid what I took and went home after that. One thing's on my mind, and hoping that my classmates still don't have, an assistant of the class president.

-

'Okay, I've prepared everything. Time to dye my hair black, its original color'

I once dyed my hair blond. I tried to look cool back when I was on 3rd year in middle-school.

I was pretty popular back then. Until I stopped being sociable and preferred to be alone. That was when my parents died on an accident.

I was so devastated, I skipped class for a whole month. I'm still not over it, up until now.

I won't forget those dark days, where I am all alone and keep on living with their memories, inside my heart.

~