SHAME

I came out of the exam hall feeling confident and emotional or should I say sad at the same time. I rushed down to my condo to take a nap but there he was standing their waiting for us to walk home together, I felt elated seeing his presence. He wrapped his arms around me as we walk down to the park, we got home as quickly as possible to continue our blossomed love.

It was a hectic semester for us but I was too engrossed with great feelings for this guy that I never had the chance to proof read my answers before submission. Don't judge my stupidity but I did enjoyed every bit of my stay with him or maybe, I think?

He took away that naïve life style of mine and brought out the extrovert nature that I never knew.

The semester ended with a blow on my chest, feeling a block of shock on my blossom love, I find myself wondering how I would move on. Not that he left me for good but he ate that forbidden fruit of mine and he became absent about my presence, his attitude towards me changed like a babies soaked diapers.

Nobody warned me, but my conscience did but I never listened, here I was begging to be noticed not minding my failures in my exams, indeed the shame of begging a man to accept you back was never there for me.

I thought I was the one that did something bad, all I see were my mistakes and not his, I felt that making my flaws to be flawless would make him come back. I guess I was wrong.

He broke the news to me via text message just after my last paper, some part of me was happy but the other was sad as well, I thought that he was the one, no, he was THE one I felt it or so I thought but it done on me the minute I opened his door and found another damsel on his bed. Wow!!.

Tony!! I shouted his name, but it fell on deaf ears. I tried dragging his shirt off from his body so he could notice me but nahhh!. He just sat down there with his new found love, whisky his wine as they both celebrated for a successful semester.

Please Tony, explain to me the text you sent to me, please I don't understand it. Ahh!!!

What is in that text you don't understand, he fidgeted with a frown on his face.

Please Tony, are you trying to say that I shouldn't disturb you or call you ? Or what!!! Please tell me straight away.

See!! Joanne, youuu.. In fact you can think what ever you want to think or see it anyhow but as for me I have told you my own.

Please guys I write with much compassion, read and comment... Chao!!

It was indeed a mind blowing statement made by him because I never thought he can say that to me knowing how long we have been dating and the things we both shared. It was a blossom love I had at least to me, I thought he had it too but I never knew his intentions towards me.

My thought swayed my movement as I walked slowly to my own condo, funny enough to say that we both were living close. I got an apartment close to his, in fact that same building but a different room. Stupid! I must say but when you love, it controls your senses beyond what you can imagine. I got to my room like a drunkard, my eyes where filled with shame. My room mate was shocked to see my countenance, she got up to console me , thinking I was sobbing because of my exams. But she never knew what was going on.

Joanne! What happened?! Please say something nah! Was it the exam? I knew it! Because everybody was complaining about that last question, even Felicia didn't answer, you can imagine, Felicia the brain.

Please say something na! .

Babe! You won't understand Ma' Cherie just dumped me like that without any reason.

What!!! That's not true, I know he loves you na, you guys are a typical example of love birds na. He gets what ever you desire at any cost, so why would he,

Hmmmm, na wa ooo!!.

If I tell you the shame he gave to me today, hmmm, babe leave.

Just console yourself ooo, after all you are still young and beautiful, as for me I pray Bayo doesn't dump me because I have spent so much money on him and his sibling, in fact I practically feeds his family, so he dare not ooo.

Ann never got to marry Bayo due to his consisted demand and frolicking with other girls including her sister.

All what I was thinking of was my apple I gave to this bastard freely without any stress on his part, how I lost focus on my exams due to his caress and succulence around me, I pondered about his consisted promises he made. Chai! How foolish I was to even think of it.

After, a week or so, I braze myself up with movies and girls night. I traveled home to see my parents and did some cleansing over my body and soul, forgiveness and forgetfulness.

When I came, I became a new being, even though I was faced with bad grades and enough carryovers, my mind was already prepared for it. My therapy was live your life like a child, not minding your failures but dwell on the new things around you. Explore they say!

I walked down the isle to get to my room when I found Him, is over 2 months gone.

Joanne! Please wait a minute, there is something I would like to tell you he shouted from afar.

At first my heart skipped but I had to control my emotions, well I just had to listen but no going back to my vomit.

OK, please make it quick, I've got something to do inside.

Please what could that be,.

I am moving out of this Suite.

Wow! But why? !

Nothing!, I said. Please you called me, what was it you wanted to tell me.

OK, please I just wanted to say am sorry for the way I treated you, am a jerk, I shouldn't have. I..I . just me..s. Please I ..

You what?

Fine! I messed up! Big time, please forgive me, let's start afresh.

OK, I accept your apology but bare this in mind that I HAVE MOVED ON!

Much as I stood my ground never to go back to my vomit, I still feel the urge to, especially when you are new in love affair and to your first. His persistent calls and text messages got the vulnerable part of me I must say, my self therapy almost left me.

I took a stand in church activities so as to forget the thought of sex and relationship, choir rehearsals, night vigils and so on. The feelings where stronger each day I get to read some text messages of his, claiming to be sorry over everything. At some point I saw reasons with him and so I accepted to see him in an open environment with my friends, we got talking and indeed he felt guilty over his act, my friends where insisting on accepting him.

I won't lie to say that I did thought of his romance and all his gullible antics on me that I fancied, so I accepted to visit him at his condo the next day. I was so happy to have spoken and mended issues with him. For some reasons my mind wasn't stable with the whole plan even though my body was ready for every actions he got to give knowing how long I have stayed without such. Hmmm, just 3 months oooo and am yearning like a dog who needs a bone.

I woke up with so much enthusiasm on how the day would look like, my room mate was shocked to see the happiness in me, at first she was thinking I won't succumb to her advice but then what can I say to a heart that has gotten so engulfed with love towards this guy.

I hate myself for this single move but my mind was already sinking deep.

As I walked down to his condo, I felt the urge of going back but I insisted. My mind was playing games with me either ways, I tried knocking on the door when I heard a male voice from inside his apartment, the voice sounded like Nonso his closed friend, he was laughing out loud, i kept wondering why but I chose to eavesdrop to hear more about his jokes.

Guy! You warn chop her run again? He said.

No ooh!! That's not what I meant, what am saying is that this girl father hold die, if I can get her pregnant she can go any extra mile for me, I will use her get more money from her dad.

But wait ooo, how will you do that?.

See!, when she comes, I would reign praises on her, then she would become vulnerable to me after which I would penetrate and seal the deal.

Are you planning on getting her pregnant?

No oo! But if happens is a plus for me, but my plan is to do a video of her so as to get more money from her parents through her and she would become my stocked girlfriend, so each time she does any how, I would threaten to blackmail her with the video.

Wow!!! My guy, that is bad oooo, don't you think she doesn't deserve all of this?.

I felt the hotness of the sun inside the building, my feet where shaking, thought of badging in to confront him but no. At that point I knew that I was dealing with a Con man.

All the feelings I had with him died immediately, my inner strength awakened, I felt the air of relieved.