Mr Fake Exorcist ~~
Chapter 1
Author
Chapter 1 — Welcome to the Mansion of Regret
Thunder cracked across the sky as the old mansion loomed like a corpse refusing to rot.
Yoon adjusted the crooked “Ghost Busters Agency” badge on his shirt — a cardboard circle written in marker — and gave his best friend a confident grin.
Yoon
Min, this is our chance
Yoon
Big house, big payment. We act professional, sprinkle salt, chant some words, and boom—ghost-free.
Min
Bro, we’re not even real exorcists!
Min clutched a broomstick with silver duct tape on the handle.
Min
We watched one YouTube tutorial and ran out of sage halfway!
Yoon
Confidence, Min. Ghosts can smell fear.
Min
Then they’re gonna smell a whole buffet from me!
The mansion doors creaked open on their own — no wind, no reason, just that dramatic movie timing.
Yoon froze, looked at the door, then at Min.
Yoon
See? They’re inviting us in.
Min
Inviting us to our deaths!
But Yoon pushed forward anyway, boots echoing on the dusty marble floor. The chandelier above flickered, cobwebs hanging like haunted lace. Somewhere deep inside, a piano began to play itself — soft, eerie, and painfully off-key.
Yoon
Okay, maybe it’s Bluetooth
Min
“Yoon, this isn’t Spotify—!” Min hissed.
Yoon
“Relax, it’s fine. Spirits love good music.”
Yoon said.
Then the piano bench slid two feet backward.
A portrait on the wall moved. Not fell — moved. The eyes followed them.
Yoon raised his candle dramatically.
Yoon
By the holy Wi-Fi and the great power of—
A cold voice cut through the air.
> “—the power of stupidity, apparently.”
They spun around.
At the end of the hallway stood a tall man, glowing faintly blue in the dim light. Long hair drifted as if caught underwater, his smirk far too alive for someone dead.
？？？
“You shouldn’t have come here,” he said.
“This mansion doesn’t take guests.”
Yoon
Then maybe try putting up a sign?
Yoon
Something like ‘Beware of Flirty Dead Guy’?
？？？
The ghost arched a brow.
“Flirty?”
Yoon
Did I say that out loud?
Min was already trembling behind him.
Min
HE’S FLOATING, YOON. HIS FEET—HIS FEET AREN’T TOUCHING THE GROUND!
Yoon
Maybe he’s just… anti-gravity gifted.
？？？
The ghost chuckled lowly.
“You’ve got a clever tongue. I like that.”
Yoon
I’d prefer you not like my tongue, thanks.
Lightning flashed, revealing his full face — beautiful and dangerous, with eyes that glowed faint blue.
Rian
“I’m Rian,” he said. “The master of this house.”
“And you two?”
Yoon
Freelance ghost liberators
Yoon
Licensed and spiritual.
Min
“Translation,” Min muttered, “broke college students with delusions.”
Rian floated closer, every movement smooth and silent.
Rian
So, liberators… free me.
Yoon
Right. Of course. Just… give us a sec to, uh, warm up the magic.
Rian
You have no idea what you’re doing.
Yoon
That’s… a little rude but accurate.
The air turned icy. The door behind them slammed shut with a thunderous boom.
Min screamed, clutching Yoon’s arm.
Yoon
Calm down. Maybe it’s a feature. Like automatic lock security.
Yoon
Okay okay, we’re doomed.
Suddenly, another voice — soft, deep, and much too close.
> “You shouldn’t touch the walls.”
Min spun around to find a hand emerging from the wall, holding a porcelain teacup. A second ghost stepped through the stone as if it were water — sharp eyes, calm face, utterly unimpressed.
—” Min screamed, stumbling backward.
Luce
“I’m Luce,” the new ghost said mildly. “And you’re loud.”
Min
I’m SORRY, I’m new to this whole being-haunted-while-awake thing!
Luce
You humans… always so dramatic.
Min
WE’RE DRAMATIC? YOU CAME OUT OF A WALL!
Rian was laughing softly now.
Rian
Your friend’s entertaining. Maybe I’ll keep him.
Yoon
“Keep—what are we, ghost pets now?!” Yoon snapped.
Rian
If you prefer the term ‘companions,’ I can be polite.
Yoon
“Oh great,” Yoon muttered. “We’ve been adopted by ghosts.”
Rian floated closer until Yoon could almost feel the cold aura brushing his skin.
Rian
“You came here pretending to free me,” he said. “Now you won’t leave until I’m truly free.”
Yoon
“Define ‘free,’” Yoon asked carefully.
Rian
“Bound to me. Eternally.”
Yoon
I’d rather bound my taxes.
Luce smirked as Min backed into a chair that screeched across the floor.
Luce
“You might as well stay the night,” he said. “The house doesn’t like letting go once it tastes new energy.”
Min
“Tastes WHAT?!” Min yelled.
Luce
“Relax,” Luce said. “You’re not its type.”
Rian
Rian’s eyes glowed brighter.
“Welcome to my home, little intruders. Let’s see if you can survive till sunrise.”
The lights flickered out. The last thing Yoon saw was Rian’s grin — sharp, knowing, and definitely not human.
Min
“Yoon…” Min whispered in the dark.
Min
I told you this was a bad idea.
Yoon
And yet here we are, in a mansion with hot ghosts. You’re welcome.
chapter 2
Author
Chapter 2 — Stay the Night (or Forever)
When Yoon woke up, it wasn’t to sunlight — it was to whispering.
Very close whispering.
Right next to his ear.
> “You snore,” said a voice softly.
He opened his eyes to find Rian floating upside down above him like an extremely annoying chandelier.
Yoon jumped, nearly whacking his head on the dusty couch.
Yoon
“Do you haunt people before breakfast now!?”
Rian
“It’s noon,” Rian said. “You’ve been asleep for hours. I was bored.”
Yoon
"So you watched me sleep?”
Rian
“I was evaluating your breathing pattern. Very… mortal.”
Yoon
“That’s called being alive, thanks.”
Across the room, Min was curled up under an old table with a blanket of curtains and a frying pan clutched like a weapon.
A soft clinking sound came from the air above him — Luce was pouring tea from a floating pot into a cup, completely calm.
Luce
“Good morning,” Luce said mildly. “Or afternoon. Hard to tell. Time’s… flexible here.”
Min
“Flexible—what does that even mean!?”
Min peeked out from under the table.
Luce
“It means,” Luce replied, “you’ve been in the mansion for twelve hours.”
Min
“TWELVE—WHAT!? HOW!? THERE’S NO CLOCK!”
Yoon
“Okay, fine, we stay for one night. Then we’re out. Ghost-free, curse-free, rent-free.”
Rian
“You think you can leave?”
Yoon
“Yeah, by walking through the door?”p
Yoon strutted over, dramatic as ever, grabbed the brass handles—
—and immediately got yeeted backward by a gust of freezing wind that slammed him into a bookshelf.
Rian
“The door says no,” Rian said, smirking.
Yoon
“I noticed,” Yoon groaned from the floor. “Thanks for the weather update, Elsa.”
Min
Min was panicking again.
“We’re gonna die here! We’re gonna be ghosts too!”
Luce
“Hm. You’d make a very noisy ghost.”
Min
“I TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT."
Yoon stood up, brushing dust off his clothes.
Yoon
“Okay. Fine. If we can’t leave, we find the source of the curse. Maybe there’s an old diary or cursed object we can break.”
Rian
“Or maybe I am the curse.”
Yoon
“Then we exorcise you.”
Rian
(grinning) “Promise?”
Yoon
“That wasn’t flirting material!”
Rian chuckled — a low sound that made the candles flicker.
Rian
“You’re amusing, Yoon. No one’s ever dared talk back to me.”
Yoon
“Yeah, maybe because the others died trying!”
Meanwhile, Luce leaned casually against the wall, watching Min try to draw a salt circle.
Luce
“What are you doing?”
Min
“Protection circle,” Min said, shaking a salt shaker.
Luce
“Not when it’s from your instant noodles.”
The line of salt puffed up and vanished. Min blinked
Min
.“Did you just—did the floor EAT IT!?”
Luce
“The house is hungry.”
Rian glided closer to Yoon again, fingers brushing the edge of a candle flame — the fire bent toward him like it obeyed
Rian
“Tell me, fake exorcist,” he murmured, “why come here at all? Money? Fame? Or just curiosity?”
Yoon
“Money,” Yoon said instantly. “And mild stupidity.”
Yoon
“Good, because lying to a ghost sounds like a terrible life choice.”
Rian smiled faintly, and for a moment the chill in the air softened.
Then a loud crash echoed upstairs — a door slamming open on its own.
Both humans jumped.
Min
“Oh great,” Min groaned. “Now there are upstairs ghosts too?”
Luce
“Not ghosts. Memories.”
Yoon
“Even better! Emotional hauntings!”
Rian’s tone dropped lower, more serious.
Rian
“You want to leave? Then survive the night. The house tests those who enter.”
Yoon
“Tests? Like what, math?”
Rian
“Fear. Desire. Secrets.”
Min
“…Yeah, I preferred math.”
The candles flickered out all at once.
Darkness swallowed the room.
Only Rian’s faint blue glow remained — and the sound of Luce’s cup setting itself down on the table.
Rian
> “Welcome to the night, little intruders,” Rian whispered.
“Let’s see what the house thinks of you.”
Min
Min grabbed Yoon’s arm in the dark.
“If we survive this,” he whispered, “I’m starting a cooking channel instead.”
Yoon
If we survive this,” Yoon replied, “I’m charging double for ghosts.”
chapter 3
Author
Chapter 3 — The House Has Opinions
The mansion didn’t stay quiet for long.
By midnight, it began… changing.
Walls shifted.
Doors moved.
The grand clock that hadn’t ticked in centuries began to chime a slow, uneven rhythm — like a heartbeat buried under floorboards.
Min
“Nope. Nope. Nope. The house is breathing. We’re leaving,”
Min muttered, clutching his frying pan like it could save his soul.
Yoon
“We can’t,” Yoon said,
Pointing at the wall where the front door had been — now replaced by an entire fireplace.
Yoon
“The house is rearranging itself. Maybe it’s trying to trap us.”
Min
“Or digest us!” Min yelped.
Yoon
Relax. You’d give it indigestion.
A laugh echoed — deep, familiar. Rian.
He leaned lazily against the banister above, half transparent, looking far too pleased for someone who was technically a corpse.
Rian
“The house likes guests,” he said, voice smooth and mocking. “It’s just… protective of me.”
Yoon
“You mean possessive,” Yoon shot back.
Rian
“Same thing,” Rian said, smiling.
Meanwhile, Luce drifted by the window where lightning flashed across his face — perfectly calm as always.
Luce
“It’s not the house you should fear,” he murmured. “It’s the memories that live in its bones.”
Min
“Okay,”
Min said, backing away.
“Nope, I’m done. Bones shouldn’t have memories. Bones should have calcium.”
Rian floated down the stairs, feet never touching the ground.
He stopped in front of Yoon, tilting his head slightly.
Rian
“Tell me something, Yoon. When you lie… does your heart always beat that fast?”
Yoon
“That’s not my heart, that’s terror!”
Yoon snapped.
Rian grinned — that slow, dangerous grin that somehow made the air colder and hotter at once.
Rian
“Mm. Terror suits you.”
The lights flickered.
Suddenly, the walls shuddered — paintings fell, the piano slammed open and began to play again, this time faster, desperate.
Luce’s calm voice cut through the noise:
Min
“What’s starting!?” Min shouted.
The air turned heavy.
A soft whisper curled through the hallways — dozens of overlapping voices murmuring Yoon’s and Min’s names.
Yoon turned slowly. The mirror by the door was fogged, and words began to scrawl across it — written by invisible hands.
> “You’ve been here before.”
Yoon
“Okay. That’s—creepy. False, but creepy.”
Rian’s expression changed for the first time — a flicker of something unreadable.
Rian
“Maybe it’s not lying.”
Yoon
“What do you mean, not lying!?”
Yoon demanded.
Rian didn’t answer. Instead, he stepped closer until the mirror’s reflection caught them both.
For a heartbeat — just one — Yoon didn’t see himself.
He saw someone who looked like him, dressed in royal clothes, standing beside Rian.
Then the image shattered.
Yoon
“What the hell was that!?”
Rian
“Nothing you’re ready to remember.”
The piano stopped again.
Luce floated closer to Min, who was still clutching his pan like a crucifix.
Luce
“Don’t run,”
Luce warned.
“The house doesn’t like cowards.”
Min
“I’m not a coward, I’m just realistic!”
Luce
“Realistically terrified, yes.”
Yoon stumbled back, breath uneven.
Yoon
“Rian… what are you hiding?”
Rian’s glow dimmed. His tone softened, for once.
Rian
“A promise,” he said quietly. “And a curse bound by love… or betrayal. Depends how you tell it.”
Min
“Okay, what kind of rom-com of the dead are we in?”
Luce
“The kind that ends with a haunting,”
Luce replied, faint smile tugging at his lips.
The floorboards groaned beneath them like the house was listening.
Thunder cracked. Every candle blew out.
And in the dark, Rian’s whisper brushed against Yoon’s ear:
> “You remind me of him.”
Rian
“The man who promised to set me free… and then left me to die.”
Lightning flashed — revealing a painting on the wall that hadn’t been there before.
Two men stood in it: one was Rian.
The other looked exactly like Yoon.
Min
“...Okay I take it back. The raccoon haunting job was way safer.”
Yoon
“Yeah. At least the raccoon didn’t flirt with me before trauma.”
Rian
Rian only smiled, gaze soft but haunting.
“Welcome home, Yoon.”
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