Dear Diary...

Just so we're clear, as I pen this down I'm not really sure what exactly I'm about to write. Woke up this morning, got water, entered the toilet and as I sat on the toilet seat —of course while doing some business, barely mine, if you know what I'm saying— I had this idea.

"Have a Dear Diary"

Now, I'm like 'Woah', or not, don't get me wrong. But it's just basically having a 'dear diary' book — a Webnovel— maybe I'm supposed to sulk here or something, but I guess I'll know as I go.

Quite the thing don't you think? The whole 'as I go' thing, I mean, one moment you want to be in charge of your life, then later, or 'as you go' you discover, it mostly is really an 'as you go' movement.

Your A's don't add up, your B's look like a joke, and before you know it, you don't even get the regular thoughts of "You wouldn't make it" or "You wouldn't succeed", it literally begins to sound more like "It'd be a joke, bothering with things to cook you up with".

I don't even know if that was supposed to be funny.

You know there's also this talk of "No one's coming to save you". Just think about it, you're in a tight spot, or maybe pondering on whatever it is that flys into your mind that moment, or something that's been bothering you, the cliche being, you know, your life not going as planned, and you really need that nudge or a little help talk or just an "I'm here for you" sorta something, and BOOM, you're on someone's status and you're seeing "No one's coming to save you"

And you're like —with a meeh face of course, because you're probably already exhausted— "Jeez... " And something in your head wants to be like "I already know" but then, it don't really add up.

I need that help, I mean I get the whole "Stand up and do something" the whole "Be diligent and consistent, and being on the go". Yeah, all this. But still, I want help. I'm not saying I want to be useless — I mean we're already on that battle— but my heart wants to know I'm not alone, even my brain seems to need it.

I believe in God by the way. And yes, even though there's the God factor, I still do want someone to say, you can do this — even if I'm not sure what I'm doing. Maybe just a word to feel alive or useful.

Funny...now I'm sulking.

Alright... Let's try this again.

Dear Diary

I have a name, and I'm 24. Funny story. Once upon a time, you know, I'm November-born. So once upon a time, or many atimes upon this once, I never spare any moment in arguing with people, about how as long as I've crossed into a year, be it the January, I'm a fully fledged—urm this is the point where I'm looking for the right word, I think I've messed up my entire sentence line up — 'Yearer'. That barely made sense.

Arguing and dragging whenever I was asked my age —even though I was way far from my birth month — was a norm for me, and a thing of joy.

So we're in 2016 and you ask my age, or the most common one, my big sis rubbing it, or trying to rub it on my face how much older than me she is. Now I'm a year behind whatever year we're in, so 2016 I'm supposed to be 15, or at least 15 when we hit November. But never, when have I ever agreed to such mistreatment and 'misconduction' of my age right?

So technically and obviously and 'whateverly' I would never agree to be 14, I'd say I'm 15, so long as we've entered January, or let's say I try to be considerate, then I'll wait perhaps till March, but that'd be a long wait, but if it does happen then I wasn't paying much attention that year.

But you know what's the funny thing now Dear Diary...?

I'm 24, but I barely say that out loud. I now try to be 23 for as long as I can be, till November hits me and makes me have no other choice, but to be 24.

And you know what's the sorta scary thing? Is that I'm moving, and yet I don't see what I'm doing.

Of course if 'life' went the way I thought It'd have gone, I'd have been graduated by now. Of course there's no telling what would have happened afterwards, seeing how 'life' likes showing itself. But if the script kept playing out, I would be on my flying horses.

But guess what, and I say 'guess what' with me laughing — of course I can't laugh out loud or too loud, cause it past 12 right now, and I'm not alone, story for another day— , well guess what... I'm just starting Uni or College, whichever makes you feel funky, or me funky, and what's really funny is —you haven't still guessed but— I've eaten my school fees.

Haha, I'm really laughing right now, you wouldn't believe it. I mean, as if life hasn't been life enough, I finally get into school, and I wonderfully ate my school fees. Like the entire thing, urm Three Hundred and Twenty Thousand K .

And now here's the thing, I have to raise it or get it soonest or I probably won't be able to continue, and no, there's no student loan option, cause I'm not even a student yet.

Haha. But please don't get me wrong I'm not that sort of person. You know the type you've probably painted me out to be just now.

There's a story behind each of these things, being barely a student yet, eating the fees — but then thinking about it, I don't even think student loan think might work in this school, oh boy.

Well I'll get to everything, hopefully, 'as we go' , but I had a target of a thousand word, and I've hit it, and I'm tired, also I think I have a movie to catch before bed. I hope I pray tonight.

So Dear Diary, I'll see you tomorrow, and I also have a book I'm working on, I'll talk about it 'as we go' I guess, so as...we...go...

Hey Diary...

Funny thing how I sorta mix 'diary' and dairy', good thing I noticed — you would have identified as a milk.

Urm... It would have been lovely to be like, "Hey Diary" or "Dear Diary, I would like to tell you how my day went."

"I woke up this morning in my lovely bed, I'm grateful to God for life. I had the heater on, and bathed in my jacuzzi. After applying my relaxing and moisturizing cream, I sat on my deep dark colored massaging chair, for a relaxing and lovely section, before dressing up and getting into my day's matching car — it had to match my tie."

"Driving off the garage, the normal busy road was surprisingly free, thank God for answered prayers— and to think it was just a side prayer— let's not forget I had my 'me and God' section, before leaving the bed. The morning sun was barely out and I could feel the beauty the day already had for me"

And on and on, or probably something similar. But Muahahaha, come on, it's me we're talking about, I don't even know how to drive.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this isn't possible, but then, that barely even looks like what I'd call a waking morning, and I hate cars— as if I wasn't weird enough. I wouldn't say I hate hate cars, I just get car sick, yeah I hate traveling too — hmm, hate's a strong word, so I'll settle for "don't enjoy".

Growing up, entering public transports made me sick, and all 'pukey', I'd get sick and throw up everywhere. With time, or if put well, currently, I just get drowsy, and faintly nauseous. And you'd think it's only public transports. The bad news buddy?— private cars are not spared, especially if the windows are closed and the A.C turned on, straight up death sentence, sorta.

So that, definitely don't look like my waking morning.

Okay, so this is what's on play now though, and you know funny enough, I don't know if it's cause of my style — natural style— or something else. To compensate for my dislike for travels, I don't even like coming out. I basically love my indoor space.

Ahem... Reports reaching my ears, are that, I'm living on the boring side of life. So basically or 'whatevercally' some opinions suggest, my life is boring. But how can you say that ?— I mean my next point might not sound very convincing, coming from a guy who's talking to his Diary, but no way, that's not the case.

How can you brand me 'boring life', just cause I refuse to, lift myself off my — I really wish I could say couch now, but— bed, walk to my side of the wardrobe — all these alone are energy consuming, just imagine the amount of brain power I'm going to have to put— pick up an innocent cloth I painstakingly washed and properly kept for compulsory movements, put it on, and I might have to even get showered — I mean what if I only planned to shower later on or close to 6, or 7 pm, or even 9 pm, now I have to forward my schedule, why?— dress, put on my innocent slippers — I have a leather pams slippers, just one for that matter — walk down the stairs, all for what? To roam about aimlessly without direction or destination or even purpose, all in the name of strolling, who invented this crime?

So no thank you. I mean I love my mind, do you know how many conversations or dramas my head would have played if we just sit tight?— okay on second thought, I don't know if I'm truly in love with my head, okay I said in love with 'mind' not head, hehe, sweet difference.

I mean, I could be thinking, or sulking or actually thinking, or even trying to clear my head, and you want me to commit this crime of stressing my beautiful legs, just for "strolls" as our enemies call em. No thank you. And who says it's laziness?

You think sitting down to actually craft out scenes and series of things in the head is lazy work? Hah, try being a writer, or one with the dream of being one, when fight scenes take you all evening or all day. I mean, you have it in your head, but when it's time for the pening, you'll know sitting back and head foraging is no where close to laziness.

But then , on a second note, it's not like I'm constantly cooking up or trying to cook up what next to write, most days that's barely the case. But then, I love 'me' time, except when I don't.

How do I put it? Hmm... There is time for everything aye? So most times I want to be left to my devices, other times, I want appreciable company.

Speaking about companies, it's not easy finding core people. And by core people, I'm referring to people who literally don't make conversations so difficult. You'd wonder why someone makes you do all the askings, and still expect or want you to keep the flow, I mean what flow exactly? What do these people want? I mean most times I'm already going out of my way to want to have these conversation and you leave me in limbo to literally, hold and keep this time exhausting conversation.

But really though, if I look at this particular matter, it's not really like that — I mean for me. Most times I really care and want to reach out, leaving normal conversations aside, you know, just wanting to be there and be a wall for someone or something along those lines, but sometimes it's a wall hit. Well I used to feel this way before now.

But I guess not anymore.

There was a time, I disliked social media, chatting — I wasn't a text person— didn't fancy talks, not that I was all gloomy and without a life, but I just wasn't there. Well still a past thing... I guess someone happened

So Dear Diary, seems I rambled on today, I hope tomorrow I have something nicer to tell you

Hey D

Ever stayed and wondered? Or been like, or it hit you, that people are really good, like really talented?

Alright, on my way here; moving from my day-to engagement, to coming over to this draft —on my phone of course, incase you were wondering— I was scrolling, or rather as I was about to click myself into here. I saw a book cover, it was looking very attractive. It had a white decor, there was a deer — a white deer— and a guy in white clamored armour, in a snowy background, it was really good.

So I of course clicked on it, I just wanted to see more about the book, and I checked the 'update', and guess what was written; 10 new/ week. Which technically means, 10 written chapters for that week.

Woah..... I find it really impressive, and you check other books on Webnovel and you'd see many others like that, like 'Library of Heaven's Path' for one— did I ever mention it's my one time all favourite, I love 'Heng Sao Tian' writings.

One time I had all his books in my library, unfortunately the only one that was in writing was just 'Library of Heaven's Path', the 'notebook' own stopped being serialized, same as the 'Uncle' own, if you follow his work you'd know what I'm talking about , lovely books, too sad they stopped being serialized for what ever reason.

Now back to 'Library of Heaven's Path', the 'updates', super impressive, with 10 or more new chapters a week, or close.  Do you know how impressive that is? To be able to have an actual novel with word building, character development, scenes, including fight scenes, all these works and still be able to have a back to back impressive uploads, that's insanely good.

(My experience on Webnovel, D)

I told you I had a book I'm working on, and I've had the idea and have been on it, for a year now, with only 20 chapters outed, it takes my entire mind space to work on and most times I'm out of ideas.

Earlier this year, I was partly consistent, at least I dropped something every week, then as if swept by an evening breeze, I was out for 4 months, just imagine, and I really want to write more of the book everytime, I wonder the issue. Am I not focused enough? Also I have another book , I really love that one too,  it was kind of my first, like first real time big novel. So I had a first version of it written 7 years ago — hehehe, I had no idea 7 years had passed on just like that already.

After the first version, it definitely was a mess, but it was original and innocent, hahaha, really something I can't post, except for the fun of it. I'll do a count of all books I've cooked later on. So this particular book, about Jimmy, I had the idea of revising it and refurbishing it, the world building was massive, the characters had to be revisited, like it became a new world.

So I have a good friend —  maybe more about him later—, after he crossed checked it, and gave his opinion on it, I had to leave the book, it was too much of a mess, plenty confusing power build up, and I really just felt drained and just let off, and stopped my writing of it in the second chapter — I guess. And I really felt hopeless as a writer, or an aspiring one.

Firstly, I had issues with word use, for most actions, I barely had the right words for them, writing on a larger scale than home writing, was a different world and level on it's own, so you could imagine my frustration, I had words in my head, but couldn't pen them, cause I didn't know how. Could spend a full day trying to make a full sentence line make sense the way I really wanted it...

Mmm... Really something, it sorta added to my frustration I guess. So I kept it and continued whatever I was doing with my life, now I think about it, I was doing pretty nice stuffs, was in the choir. Haha lovely choir days, another Day's story.

So I sorta left it, and one day, I was watching a series, a K-drama series — and please don't even get me started on how guys don't do K-drama , that's screwed up, the stereotype is unrooted— , so my series, 'Its okay to not be okay' spicy name right? So the pretty co-protagonist lady, she was a celebrity writer, of children books. And I liked it, I liked the idea and how it made me feel children book could be this nice to be a writer of. And then, I thought too,

"Well, maybe bulky books wasn't my thing, maybe I should go back to my days of moon light stories — like my sis once said I was pretty good at."

And I thought why not. Now next thing would be, what to write about, and boom, I got inspired reading my Bible, you might not see the coolness and bad 'assness' in that, but it was, and I had my story, and I really wasn't going to do anything that would take me more than a week to write, a couple of days infact. And this, I started, but guess what, it grew bigger, I couldn't help it.

The idea blew bigger than I had planned for, and I couldn't do a small book anymore, and thus, a year in ,I'm still working on it. And I really love the work, I love the twist that even I don't fully anticipate, it's like I'm watching the book work out it's own story by itself, the Holy Spirit is one bad ass.

But of course, there's the me factor, not thinking I'm good enough, or that the book also might not be, but it landed the contract on Webnovel at  first trial, no rejections nor appeals for correcting of anything, just smooth contracting.

Although my contracting took more time than the one I heard the usuals take, and I also signed my name incorrectly, leading me to having to resign the contract, but I got it. I haven't set any chapter on premium as of today that I'm writing to you yet, I plan on doing that for the next chapter, that I haven't even written yet, and that's probably where my other factor comes into play —the delay own, not laziness of course, hopefully.

As much as I love the idea this book has, putting it into work is not really easy, and it's has it's hurdles, maybe I'm being too careful with it, or not... I'll talk with the Holy Spirit for help later, or maybe now.... hehehe.

Anyways, I'll be on my way bud, I'll see you tomorrow, or next time I visit, I might have a lead on Talios... See ya