"Emily wake up or you will be late the first day of college".I immediately stood up and realized that I will be late scrambling to get my dress on and also arranging my books is one thing. Gosh how could I overslept this is all Amily and Lily's fault.I shouldn't have done the video call with them Arghhhhh!!! . Bye Mom and have a nice day dad. Amily is here to pick me up and we are so excited for our first day as college freshman. As Amily and Lily were making plans to go out,I was making plans on how I would sleep and read because yeah I am your typical shy introverted girl and I love it like that. The campus is buzzing with noise, laughter and the kind of nervous excitement that comes with beginnings. New faces hurried across the courtyard clutching maps and timetables.I walked slower than most, clutching my bag strap like it is a lifeline. My heart wasn't racing because of the crowd though it was because of him(NUEL)

As if time froze when he walked in, the way all the girls gushed and blushed when they saw him, that easy smile of his making it look like he already belonged here. same soft brown hair, some way he scratches the back of his neck when he was a little nervous. Some things didn't change. He hadn't noticed me. He never did not really. To him,I was just another quiet friend, someone on the edge of his world. But to me, he'd been at the center of mine for years ( ever since middle school)

My best friend nudged me with their elbows. "Don't stare too long or you're going to burn a hole in the back of his head." They whispered with a grin."I wasn't staring" . I muttered even though I was heat crept up my cheeks. Amily and Lily rolled their eyes. "you've liked him since forever. Maybe college is your chance to actually do something about it." Easy for them to say, Amily is confident and bold and Lily has a way of drawing attention to herself especially among the boys while I am just a smart nerdy shy introverted girl we are so different girls !!!! . but still I couldn't help daydream about him what it would be like walking up to him, saying his name (Nuel 💗) , watching him eyes light up because he is so happy to see me and not to talk about his lips 🤭 arghhhhh!!! I am so obsessed.

But then reality set back in heavy and cold, Nuel wasn't alone anymore. A tall girl leaned casually beside him tossing her shiny hair as if the whole campus belonged to her. Her confidence and her cuteness pulling his attention. Noticing my expression and following my gaze Amily and Lily murmed "uh oh" and ask "who's that" . I already knew the answer though I hadn't even learned her name yet. The Queen Bee.

Walking into my safe place the library is known for its ability to cancel noise and crowd also the kind of place where whispers carried further than shouts. "I'd promised myself I wouldn't look for him today. But there he was leaning against the library desk like he'd been waiting for me all along."

For a second, I just stood there hugging my books too tightly pretending to study the shelves. My heart was already racing like crazy. "Hello" he said when he finally noticed me flashing an easy smile the kind that made my knees go weak." Didn't't know you will be in the library this early in the semester." I tried to laugh, but it came out more like a squeak. "I ........ I like quiet places "he nodded saying"makes sense you've always been the quiet type."something about the way he said it made my chest tighten. Quiet type that was all he saw me as. Then I decided to test the waters and said there's...... actually someone I like" curiosity flickered in his eyes as he asked "oh yeah? Who's the lucky guy?" panic flared in my chest. My mouth went dry. I hadn't actually thought this through. I.......I don't know if I should say managing to say while staring at the floor.

Nuel oblivious to my feelings actually advised me to tell my crush if I liked him that it can't be that bad. Searching his eyes for a hint or anything that might mean he understood. but he was just grinning, completely unaware of the storm in my chest. Again I asked " you think so?" asking softly " of course" he said slipping his hands into his pocket. If only he knew,if only he realized the " guy" was standing right in front of me. Thoroughly guys aren't mind-readers and are clueless unless someone spells it out for them. I forced a small smile and said " maybe I will"."Good" he said. Picking his books to continue reading he paused and said " don't overthink it.life is too short." my smile faded the moment his eyes left mine. Life's too short. Easy for him to say he had no idea he was the answer to my every question.

Later in the day after getting home and having dinner I decided to test the waters again I waited to 9pm when I know he would be through with his practice I asked him again but this time a different approach "what is the difference between love and obsession" and he replied saying " love is when one can stand the other no matter the situation whether good or bad , pleasant and unpleasant no matter what they face it together while obsession is when one is possessive to another with or without expressing it." then he asked"why the question Emily " and I said what if one has liked someone since middle school and didn't know how to approach him because she doesn't want to ruin the friendship they have and he said keeping it in can be about regret that he has faced this once and later regretted it and he doesn't want me to regret it so I should open up that if I confess to my crush and he said no then It is not meant to be. Easy for he to say he isn't shy like me. Arghhhhh this is frustrating 😢

The cafeteria was louder than I expected. Voices rose and fell. Laughter rang out from every corner. I balanced my plate carefully following Amily and lily as they scanned for seats. That's when I saw him again. Nuel sitting near the window sunlight spilling across his shoulders like the universe wanted to show him off, wanted to make my heart flutter, my cheek and ears red. He was leaning forward, listening intensively but not to one of his friends. IT WAS HER. She was there,the girl from the fountain.

Her skin is bright and smooth,her hair hair shimmered under the light, every strand falling perfectly into place as if she'd stepped out of a magazine,her blazer was sharp and ironed well,her nails painted a glossy red and her smile........ That smile was dazzling the kind that pulled all the attention in the room without even trying,the kind that gets head turning.

Amily followed my gaze and raised an eyebrow. " ohhh so that's her ." my stomach twisted, fear gripping my chest as I mustered to ask " her who?""the one you've glaring at like she stole your favourite dessert "I'm not glaring." I said quickly but my voice was too defensive and loud. The whole cafeteria looking our way. Amily smirked not buying it.

The girl laughed at something Nuel said tossing her hair back with practice ease. Even her laugh was perfect (arggggghhhhhhhhhh) sharp, confident,full of a kind of power I could never fake.

That's Danielle," Lily whispered as though sharing a secret."people are already calling her the queen bee. She was a big deal in high school. I think rich, popular, scary-smart,call attention to herself, sociable with boys, confidence and bold."

I swallowed hard, my appetite disappeared. Of course she has a name like Danielle. Of course she already had a reputation. Of course she was exactly the kind of girl a boy like Nuel would notice. Of course all the boys will love her. Of course my Nuel is already attracted to her.

"Don't worry" Lily said nudging me "she might look shiny and cute but not all things that glitter is gold, shiny doesn't always mean sweet. People like that...... They usually have cracks underneath."

Maybe lily was right. But sitting there, watching Nuel smile at Danielle as if she was the most interesting person in the world but sitting there watching them so close together the knot in my chest tightened and angered all over and not feeling comfortable . Amily could see my uneasiness and tried to cheer me up but it isn't helping at all. Lily also tried in her our way by bringing up the latest campus gossip but I wasn't intrigued,my main focus was on their table 😔 how close together they were. Arghhhhhhhhhhh how I wish I could go over to their table and know why they are so engrossed in whatever they were talking about 😑 and after thinking for awhile all I could see were the cracks in myself. Arghhhhhhhhhhh this is frustrating 😪💔😔