I, Veli, have graduated from primary school in a pandemic crisis and am now stuck learning online using apps like zoom or google meet to study and interact with people, wow. Even in a pandemic, schools still decide to study online, well I don't like it, but we ain't got no other choice 'cause nobody, not even me, wants to be sick.

I'm now starting Junior high in a different school and environment, the pandemic is really not helping at all. The school makes school group chats for us to get information from the teacher directly, interesting. I got added, and some random numbers just pop up in my notifications, with them texting privately, saying "hi, nice to meet you, I'm..." or "is this Veli? hello welcome, my name is..." and so on.

After all that, The learning experience is quite boring since we just listen and "take notes", but in reality I just screenshots on most of them and don't open them again after like a week before a test is coming up. A month after the boring cycle, they introduced some extracurricular activities that we can choose to do after we're done with our learning schedules. Back in primary school, I used to dance and do a few fashion shows but back then, I wanted to improve on my singing. People say I was horrible at singing, but to be fair, I didn't have any experience nor tried to sing, how am I supposed to be good right of the bat? People who are gifted and talented people can, but i'm not. So, with a new environment with no one knowing at all what I do in primary, I chose the vocal extracurricular.

After like a week of waiting for the extra curricular to finally begin because of some people who didn't fill up the forms, it finally did. At first, I didn't really understand what to do when I joined, I was kinda surprised since there were only a few people, around 7-8? A few minutes went by and then the teacher joined and asked us to sing one song in the zoom, which was kinda embarrassing but it's vocals so eh, whatever. I chose the song Tag, you're it - Melanie Martinez, I have bad taste in music when singing alright, but you've got to admit that the song is lit and nostalgic.

So after a few weeks and meetings go by, I suddenly noticed in one specific meeting in the vocal extracurricular, there was a girl. She was beautiful and, by the looks of it, takes care of herself, with perfect skin and skinny, she seemed familiar in my eyes but my mind was blank. She didn't really seem to know who I was, but I definitely saw her somewhere, it's weird how I just noticed that now, considering her always being in the meetings prior. I think it's most likely because she always closes her camera, that's why I didn't notice.

My memories are coming back to me, Oh right, back in primary school, I used to take extra ballet lessons on the weekends and I think that was her in there. So that's her name, Jessica, I just saw her here and there back in those lessons, I quit those lessons when I graduated since I always have a headache & my feet always hurts around my ankles, weird. It's weird how she doesn't seem to remember me because I faintly remember her always saying hi to me but my mind's probably just messing with me.

I messaged her in private in the meeting, thankfully she read them quickly and replied in a few seconds, I asked her to confirm my suspicions, "hey, are you by any chance go to ___ for ballet lessons?" and yeah, she said "yeah". So that confirmed my suspicions, and I asked her if she remembered me, but unfortunately she didn't, oh well. I asked her for her number and by coincidence, she was in the same class as me, My mind was so fogged that I didn't even realize she was my classmate.

After half a year, school's have started an offline program, is that what they're called? Well anyway, the students have an option to either study in their homes or study in school, but you're required to wear masks. And me, as bored as I can get, obviously chose to study at school, the masks' thing wasn't really that hard to get used to since you're required to wear masks' going outside your homes.

And so I did and it continued on until the whole year was finished just like that, in the snap of your fingers. Students and teachers are now in school learning and teaching with a requirement of wearing masks obviously, the pandemic has decreased but it doesn't mean that it's gone just like that.

In that year, I did befriend a few people, Liam and Jasper. Other than them, I also befriended Gabriella and obviously, Jessica. I didn't really remember how I befriended them, it just sorta happened. Well, back in the whole year prior or 7th grade, I didn't really interact much with Jessica, somehow I just had an odd feeling towards her, maybe I was just being paranoid with befriending and trusting people, I shouldn't be overthinking stuff like that, a friend is still just a friend, oh how I was so wrong trusting her before.

Well, continuing off, I'm in the friend group with Liam and Jasper, there were around 5-6 other people in the group, but I didn't really know them well to interact with them. I didn't plan on being close friends with Jessica, but I guess fate has other plans 'cause turns out, she was already friends with Liam and Jasper since primary. so, yeah, we all became one group.

Now, I'm in 8th grade and the learning materials are quite difficult and confusing, I have a few tests that I managed to fail with a score around 50ish or 60ish but the rest of the subjects are understandable. I'm still confused how the friend group even started, but I do remember that I first became friends with them was from Liam, he was the first to chat me out of the 3. And so the group had already existed, The 3 of them had been a group for quite a while and I just swooped in, yeah.

One day though, I have like a feeling? Something towards Liam, do I like him? Is it just my brain tricking me to think that I like him? It's weird, I don't know anymore. Well, in break time or lunch period, I was together with the group, eating lunch. Maybe I was just thinking too much, I don't like him right? Hmm, I think I should probably tell Jessica to see what she thinks.

In that same week on another day, I managed to ask her in break time, we're both not in the same class but coincidentally, I was in the same class as Jasper, while Liam and Jessica were in the same class together. So I asked her, "Hey, so I just wanted to tell you something…", she just looked confused and asked "…What?"

"Yeah, so I've been thinking about it, and I think... I like Liam" hesitating while I was still confused if I did like him or it's just my brain tricking me, cause there was some instances where I thought I liked him but it just turns out that I just respect or admire them.

"Oh.. Well, I didn't wanna tell you, but now after you said it, I also have something to tell you..."

"Eh? What is it?"

"I...also like Liam"

I just stared in shock, did I make a mistake? I said I liked a boy to someone who also likes the same person I liked?? Well... If that's the case, I should just give it up. She's been friends with him since forever and I don't like to mess with it. Besides, it's also better to maintain friendship between girls then fight them over a boy.

"Oh, then you can have him, it's fine"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, so what're you planning to do now?"

"I mean.. I'm planning to c…fess to him, I guess"

Well, I just nodded and the bell rung, indicating that break time was over. The next week, I see her taking glances to Liam, probably trying to have a moment where she can confess to him. I don't want to have to do anything with her confession, so..

Whom should I talk to? Hmm, Gabriela's currently studying, maybe Jasper?

Jasper's already sitting beside Liam, so might as well.

"Hey Jasper, you seem real quiet, something going on?"

"Uhh, no? I just like the peace and silence"

"Gee, your silence is real troublesome aye?" To be completely honest, I don't really know how to start conversations, normally it just comes with the flow.

While I was trying to have a small conversation with Jasper, Jessica made a move on Liam, woo.

In like a week, I managed to keep a proper conversation with Jasper and gotta say, he's really nice. Meanwhile, Jessica has already confessed to Liam multiple times but in response, he friend zoned her. She told me that she made hints so that he realizes she likes him, but I guess it didn't go through to him, so she tried the next day, and it ended up with him not realizing what she meant. She cleared things up the day after and he friend zoned her, I guess she didn't want to face it and asked him again.

"Do you like me?" Multiple times on different days and she eventually gave up. And so, I comforted her and I still kept having small talks with Jasper in class nor break. Few days after, in break time, I see her patting Jasper's head, I was confused and asked someone about it. They said that they got together, I was shocked that she moved on so quickly. She then told me that after she gave up, and that she already had small feelings towards Jasper and so, she mustered up her courage to confess to him, and he accepted.

Well, that's surprising I guess. After that day, I was still focusing on my studies and when I came back home, I was exhausted. But I was always energized, because there was a boy that kept messaging me, his name is Owen. He was my classmate in 7th grade, and we got to know each other because of one specific subject, Math. It started when I didn't understand a Math homework and I didn't know who to ask, I decided to ask about 2-3 people but they didn't know, and so I randomly chose a number that I thought knew how to do it and yeah, it was Owen. He replied quickly and helped me understand my homework, and from then we kept messaging back and forth, from a simple question because of a Math homework became a daily conversation after school online.

And so, I heard a few people, his friends, telling me that he likes me, well I guess that's a first because I never really had someone really likes me, only as friends, and hearing it from his own friends. So at that moment I guess everything changed, after a few weeks I mustered up the courage to confess to him, and he was shocked that I confessed 'cause he thought I didn't like him back, so then we were together since and the relationship was very lowkey but wholesome, no need for details.

Almost a year went by, I'm still with Owen while Jessica's with Jasper, two best friends having their own, how sweet. On one day, she told me something that suddenly changed my way of thinking as I'm the type of person to always mimic or mirror my closest friend's, or just anyone that i'm comfortable with, movements and antics.

Or could be called as the Chameleon effect.

"Hey Veli, I've been meaning to tell you, I..."

"What is it?"

"... actually still like Liam..."

What?

Gurl, you already have a whole boyfriend with you, a boy who's nice and kind. But you still want to be with the person who friend zoned you? I was stumped, what should I do? As her best friend, should I encourage it? But I don't. It's confusing, what is going on inside her head??