Hello everyone, your friendly neighborhood Rat Kid here.

My name?

We Rat Kids don't have names. We are the shadows, we hunt in the shadows…

And when I say I am the shadow, I mean I'm in my dark room with only my computer as a light source.

And when I say I hunt in the shadows, I'm talking about the unsuspecting internet users I spoil things for.

User 1: Damn it, I haven't even gotten to that chapter yet.

User 2: Dude, the anime isn't even at that part.

User 3: Forget the anime, the manga hasn't reached that part.

User 4: Scum. Die, you bastard.

User 1: You better hope I never find out who you are.

GYAJAJAJAJAJA, that's right, go ahead, hate me. Your anger feeds me. GYAHAHAHAHA.

Your desperation puts a smile on my face.

Your resentment… it… um… GYAJAJAJAJA.

Alright, today I dropped 300 spoilers, posted 400 unreasonable critiques, and dissed 150 novel translations, even though they go through the effort of doing them for free.

[Today was a great day…]

It was as I muttered my joy that an event that could be considered the end of the world suddenly happened.

"Network Offline"

That's right, the internet was gone…. How is this possible? What kind of South America is this? … Oh, wait, it is South America… Tsk.

Just when I thought nothing worse could ever happen in this cruel and unjust world, an event quickly came along that made me realize I had been living a privileged life without understanding the true depths of cruelty.

[Now the power's out]

Oh god… Oh, humanity…

Woof

As I was despairing in my despair, it was my cute pet dog, Zeus, who got my attention. It's no exaggeration to say he's my best friend. I mean, I'm even willing to leave my room to give him food and water.

Still, I swore I'd never leave him alone with the girlfriend I swore I'd get someday…

I mean, have you read about that guy's life? So jealous… I mean sick, so sick.

Why did I give him that name even knowing that?

Of course I didn't know back then, you idiot.

Woof

Oops, I got sidetracked.

Well, from the little rays of light piercing through the window curtain in my room, I can tell it's daytime.

Because things have come to this, I decided it was time to perform a certain act, an act that calls reality into question, an act that alters the natural order of things.

Oh, the foolishness. Oh, the youth.

[For now, let's open the window]

By the way, I'm not talking to myself, okay? I'm talking to Zeus.

As I ponder these trivial things, I open my curtains to let in… Ughhh, light… and… tsk, fresh air…

I know, disgusting. I'm a disgrace to the illustrious lineage of Rat Kids. But with the power out, I have no choice, okay?

When I open my room's curtain for the first time in Astaroth knows how long, the first thing that comes into view is the beautiful planet up in the beautiful blue sky.

[So pretty…]

I murmur to no one in particular as I watch the planet, which looks like the pictures of Earth I've seen in science class, astronomy shows, anime, and manga.

Without the smile leaving my face, I silently close the curtain and get into my bed.

[These are the consequences of going against the Rat Kid code. Yes, I understand my mistake.]

I pull the covers completely over my head. Of course, I brought Zeus with me. For now, let's just sleep. Yes.

"Fools, meddling with the natural order of things." The image of a certain crow from a certain cartoon comes to mind. I'm sorry…

…..

At that moment, I already knew what I had seen wasn't an illusion. I also knew that the end of life as I knew it had arrived.

So why did I hide in my bed? Pfft, I wasn't hiding. I was just coming up with a super action plan, okay?

Yeah, a plan so ingenious and brilliant it can only be created while in the fetal position under the safety of your covers, crying and hugging your dog tightly. That's how great the plan I was developing at that moment was…

Woof

Shut up, dog…

About 3 hours went by before the power came back.

How do I know?

Duh, ‘cause I have a phone. What century are you living in? Are you dense?

Woof!

You’re right, Zeus, I should check out what’s going on.

Alright, TV, do your thing and stand in for the internet when there’s no other option.

So, the power’s back, but still no internet, after all. I know because the holy lights on the sacred monument, also known as the router, aren't all blinking.

That's proof God isn't on my side.

Is it because I haven't offered a proper sacrifice? We'll look for a virgin later.

By the way, no matter how many times I opened and closed the window, the planet in the sky showed no signs of disappearing.

I also noticed some disturbing things like golden lightning bolts here and there, explosions of who-knows-what cosmic energy, and stuff like that.

But I'm not worried. As a gamer geek, I get it.

What my eyes are seeing is wrong. After all, I can't trust reality.

That's why I'll look for a reliable source.

The internet… But since it's not back yet, I can at least watch the news. It has about as much credibility as a politician.

But they should at least show some images that help me understand why my eyes aren't working right.

With that firm conviction, I turn on the TV.

[A few hours ago, a light suddenly enveloped the entire city and a new planet with an appearance similar to earth appeared in the sky.

No one knows exactly what is happening, the authorities have yet to make a statement, but...]

[KYA AAAAAAAAAA!]

[Help, please, save me!]

[Run, run!]

[NOOOOOO!]

[MY LEG, IT ATE MY LEG!]

Just as the reporter was in the middle of her speech, the camera suddenly swung away and focused on a bunch of people screaming and begging.

The people in question were being attacked by… Wolves? Ants? Are those wasps? Some goblins? Did I just see a goblin? Somebody call Goblin Slayer!

[As you can see, this is not the time to worry about those things. For several hours, dozens of strange creatures like these have appeared all over the city and are attacking people. We don't know what they are, but what we can say is…]

The TV lady seemed to have more to say, but I turn off the television.

[See? You can't believe what they say on the news.]

Woof!

Zeus seems to agree with me. That reminds me, I haven't given him his food.

[Help meeee!]

[Noooo!]

[What is that thing?!]

[Police, call the police!]

I hear screams from outside my window as I'm thinking about Zeus's food…

[Sounds like someone doesn't know how to control the volume on their TV shows. I'll complain to the police later.]

Woof!

And so I decided my next move would be to make lunch for myself and Zeus.

It's obviously the only logical course of action.

Of course. As a translator specializing in Spanish to American English light novels, I will adapt this chapter, making sure the language is simple, colloquial, and captures the specific humor and personality of the main character.

Here is the translation:

Chapter 3: Go to H***

After lunch, Zeus and I went back to the troll cave, but the internet still isn't back.

This is bad. As a rat kid, I have a reputation to maintain.

See, I'm the type of rat kid who mainly focuses on spoilers. I read the light novels and ruin the lives of the users who only read the manga or only watch the anime, right at the best part of the story.

Of course, it's an exhausting and complex job, but someone has to do it, and that someone is me. It's my sacred duty, my reason for existing on this earth.

If I'm not there to do my part for the world, what would become of it? It pains me just to imagine that world... But luckily, it's just my imagination. After all, we rat kid have a sacred duty to never allow such a world to exist.

Woof!

What's that, Zeus? You think I should turn on the TV?

Woof!

But I don't think it'll tell us anything important.

Woof!

I see…

Woof!

Your words are wise... Fine. Let's try turning the TV on again.

Enlightened by his wisdom, I switch the TV on again. It's a little sad to see how something that was an icon of human culture for decades was reduced to an unreliable box by smartphones in just over ten years.

While I was thinking about how fleeting life can be, I turn the television on again.

[At this time, we are joined by Dr. Michael, an internationally renowned psychologist, to help us understand in some way the delicate situation that has been developing over the last few hours throughout the world.

Dr. Michael, what is your opinion on the planet that suddenly appeared in the sky and the strange creatures that are attacking people? What do you think we should do in an unknown situation like this?]

Oh no, they already brought in their "experts with PhDs." What the hell? Aliens?

[Yes, first, thank you for having me on your channel. Regarding the current situation, the first thing we must keep in mind is that we cannot panic. Panic only adds more problems to the ones we are already facing.

I know it can be difficult to face the reality we are so suddenly living.

But everyone must try to understand the situation and cope with it.]

[And what advice would you give to be able to cope with this situation?]

[Well, most people go through a total of 5 stages to accept such sudden and unfavorable events.]

[The first stage is denial.]

Denial? What am I supposed to deny? I have nothing to deny. A planet appearing out of nowhere? Fantasy creatures showing up?

As if any of that is real.

Don't you guys think you're trying way too hard for a prank?

[The second is anger.]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT A DAMN PLANET AND FANTASY CREATURES JUST APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE? DO YOU THINK I'M SOME DAMN OTAKU WHO'S ALL "I WANNA GO TO ANOTHER WORLD"?

IS THAT WHAT I LOOK LIKE TO YOU, YOU IDIOT? YOU WANT A FIGHT? "ANOTHER WORLD" MY ASS, THIS IS THE SAME DAMN WORLD, BUT WITH MONSTERS! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

[The third is bargaining.]

Come on, Doc, let's talk about this, okay? Isn't it a little weird that we can still watch TV during what looks like a forced worldwide summoning? Just drop the prank now and I won't sue you, 'kay? How about, in exchange, I talk with the rat kid association so they'll never mess with you again? No more spoilers, no more disconnecting mid-match, no more troll insults in the middle of a game—a happy life just for you, Doc. Think about it.

[The fourth is depression.]

I'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

rat kid can't survive an apocalypse, you get it?

Our natural habitat is the darkness of our room behind a screen. Isn't it obvious we're not cut out for exercise?

I'm supposed to go out into the world and survive? Like hell I can do that crap.

I'm gonna die from withdrawal if the internet doesn't come back soon anyway…

[And the fifth is acceptance.]

GO TO HELL\, YOU OLD GEEZER! LIKE I'M EVER GONNA ACCEPT THIS CRAP. F*** YOU.

[Although sometimes, there are relapses…]

I turn off the TV and get into bed, hugging Zeus.

I didn't see anything, I didn't hear anything. It's plausible deniability.