I was a little hungry for affection.

“This weekend, my mom suddenly asked me to hang out because she’s depressed, so~”

“Did you watch last week’s drama? I teared up. The baby cried because he missed his mother…..”

So I used to listen to this kind of story without realizing it.

Because it was something I didn’t have.

What is a warm and harmonious family?

In my first life, I yearned for such things.

Surely, I was in a good family.

It was a very ordinary family of four.

However, my parents were people who thought of marriage and childbirth as something on their bucket lists.

It was too bad to give birth to only one so give birth to two. And that was how my mother had my brother and me.

Fortunately, my brother was someone who was good at everything but as for me, I was only half good at everything.

Maybe that’s why my parents never forced me to do anything, but they also didn’t care about me.

“Hey, ramen.”

“I’m done eating. Wash the dishes.”

An older brother who used to take advantage of such indifference.

Well, I too wasn’t that passionate enough to be persistent in asking my parents for  attention.

So my parents were like a few bills on the table, and without the older brother I was more of a helper person.

Nevertheless, I still liked people.

My friends who accepted the affection that lost its place to go.

“Let’s go to the movies, then get your hair done okay? Okay?”

“I found something delicious, let’s go!”

My friends first recognized my clumsy affection, which resembled my parents, that was blunt and indifferent at first glance so my friends always reached out their hands to me first.

That’s why in my first life, even though I was scared during the moment of my death, I had no regrets.

‘After all, my family won’t be sad.’

Although my brother might have been a little sad that his errand girl was gone.

“No, why, why did you..!!”

I reflexively pushed my friend that was next to the crazy driving car that suddenly hit us.

In my final moments, I was relieved to hear the voice of my friend who screamed pitifully.

‘I’m glad you’re safe……..’

Because my friend had an older sister, a younger sister, and parents who were proud of such a mature daughter.

As I was about to turn 20 years old, I said goodbye to my first life without enjoying the joy of the end of the exams.

* * *

‘It would’ve been nice if it ended like that.’

I sighed and looked at the scene in front of me with bored eyes.

I was being forced to die for the 99th time.

“I’ll beg you like this, you just have to sacrifice yourself.”

My 99th life, a man called my brother opened his mouth.

“Yes, I know. The fact that we are shameless…..! But not everyone must die!”

Now, It was my father who opened his mouth.

“Oh, dear. I really don’t want to let you go. But….. But there’s nothing we can do about it, to save, to save everyone.”

The person who shed tears abominably was none other than my mother who gave birth to me.

Ha, really there’s all sorts of excuses.

“It won’t be a bad story for you either. Because your death will honor your family, and you will be revered as a hero.”

Even the guy I first met today, my fiancé was talking.

Looking at them, I clicked my tongue.

‘This is why every time I die, I think of my first life.’

I wasn’t forced to die then.

‘It’s impolite to compare it to dying for these bastards!’

At that time, I was proud in my own way.

I never imagined that there would be a next like this.

‘No, even if I imagined it 99 times is too much.’

It was simply a terrible disaster.

What’s worse is that I threw myself to save my friend in my first life, and now I was always being tossed to death in order to save something.

99 times till now. Continuously.

‘With that it was a little less unfair.’

Honestly, isn’t it unfair that I died not long after the college entrance exam?

However 99 times, despite the big number of 99 I’ve never once reached 20 years old.

As if to make me stay as a teenager forever, or something.

‘I mean, I’m still seventeen right now.’

In short, my family members asked me, who was only 17 years old, to die.

‘Doesn’t matter how powerful you are, how could you have no real conscience.’

When I saved my friend, I was a very normal person.

Someone excited to play after the college entrance exam.

However, as life accumulated, all sorts of mysterious powers were accumulated, as if it was a reward.

‘Far from being a reward there were even more difficult times.’

Even right now aren’t these people trying to save themselves with that power.

‘You jerks treated me like I didn’t exist because you were scared of this power.’

Those people who forced sacrifices in the name of their families were something even the parents of my first life wouldn’t do.

No, in the first place I always met those kind of parents or family.

Rather, the family in this life was just cold and conscientious because they gave me enough food to not die.

I was extremely out of luck.

Why was I forced to die as a sacrifice till the 99th time?

The answer is because I was always born in such a sewer-like world.

A world on the brink of extinction. I can’t even imagine what a peaceful world is like now.

It was so common for me to die as soon as I was born so I wasn’t that suprised anymore.

A place where siblings try to kill each other, parents who kill their own children, even parents and relatives who are cold-hearted or want to kill me because I was cursed.

A whole truck was not enough.

‘Until my fifth or sixth life, I had hoped that the next time would be okay.’

But it had been 99 times.

No matter how hopeful I was, I couldn’t help but give up.

That’s why to be honest, even if they forced me to die with those disgusting words it didn’t hurt me at all.

It was only.

‘It must be time.’

For seventeen years, I thought I lived roughly about average.

I didn’t have any regrets about life in the first place, but I knew this would happen, so even I didn’t expect anything from them.

Even so, all of them were quite very thick faced people.

Because while I was thinking about something else, they didn’t get tired and are still chattering.

“If we could, why would we shamelessly kneel to you, a child? It’s for the sake of everyone, when you were born you were the only hope of saving the world!”

Seeing me not responding, my mother appealed with her tears.

Do you usually throw the world’s only hope in a cold room?

“Please I’m asking you. Please? Do you want me to beg on both my knees right now?”

I snorted at the appeal of my older brother.

Kneeling only for the price life, I don’t know whether that’s expensive or cheap.

“Don’t you think you’re too shameless?

Do I really need to be sacrificed and save those people?

I spoke with a look of annoyance.

“Why do I have to do good things for you?”

“Hey, hey.”

The face of my mother who called me was suddenly filled with embarrassment.

Because until now, I was just a daughter who held her breath in the little attic they gave me.

Well, I just did that because no matter what I do my fate would be the same anyway.

The tenacity of those whose lives were at stake was so frightening that even if I ran away and hid I would still be found.

In any case, they seemed to be very surprised that I, who had been quiet as if dead, spoke.

“Ma, Manners….”

“Is it the time for you to pick on manners?”

I looked at my father with a grin.

I replied indifferently, fiddling with the sleeves of the old dress.

“I’ll give you what you want.”

Well, it wasn’t something difficult.

I wasn’t sentimental enough to want everyone to die with me, and I didn’t have that much attachment in the first place.

‘Well, also because it would be annoying if I picked a fight with them.’

It’s better to live a life without regrets and less annoyance.

“I, I knew it…..! You’re such a sweet perso-”

I stared at my fiancé who opened his mouth.

Perhaps scared of my gaze, he couldn’t finish his sentence and shut his mouth.

“You’re such a sweet person and uhm as if you ate a lot of candies.”

I guess I’ve been stuck in my room too much. Seeing that I’m not feeling well.

I stretched out and threw them a look of insignificance and spoke.

“I wish for you to never be able to raise your faces, and for you to take care of that pathetic life.”

It sounds like an honor, but at the cost of my life-even if it doesn’t mean much to me–I never had any intention of being such a good daughter.

“What, what do you mean, to never be able raise our faces-!”

I slowly rose to my feet without answering the question of my brother.

The moment I raised my right hand, a staff who had been with me for a long time appeared with a familiar group of lights and a clinking sound.

I grabbed the staff then walked towards the balcony and looked up at the sky.

It was dyed with the familiar color of destruction.

It was an overwhelming power, but I wasn’t afraid at all.

If I wanted to live, I wouldn’t be able to stop it, but if I had my life as collateral, the power would be able to swallow it.

“Then, goodbye.”

I wielded the staff remarkably.

Crazily exhausted, the sense of leading the whole body to death penetrated.

And….

“No, Nonsense…….!”

“What have you done!”

“Stop it now, what do you think you’re-!”

I could see at a glance, the face of my frightened parents and fiancé who saw my present.

Still we lived in the same house for 17 years, shouldn’t I at least give them a present?

I’m willing to broadcast their ugly actions around the world with a spectacular 4K surround sound.

“You don’t really want me to stop, do you?”

Because then your life will end.

I smiled and waved at them.

Even if social dignity is lost in return for preventing collapse and saving the world, it is still very cheap.

I slowly closed my eyes with a sense of being swallowed.

Even their buzzing in my ears has begun to subside.

The very familiar end was drawing near.

‘Ah, it’s really annoying now.’

Haven’t I lived long enough if I had lived close to 2,000 years?

Why do you make me live again when you’re just going to throw me into a trashy life every time?

‘Please, let this be over. Three digits is too much.’

So I accepted the 99th death with a moment of peace, praying without expectation.

* * *

I didn’t have any expectations, but I prayed very hard.

“The young lady is born!”

Gosh………

I just started my 100th life.

My wish didn’t come true as usual.

“The young lady is born!”

It was the voice of a happy midwife who announced that I was born, in my 100th life, that I really didn’t want.

I held my breath instinctively.

Although it was troublesome to live, I didn’t want to die as soon as I was born.

It wasn’t an obsession to live.

I’ll have to die anyway to be reborn.

‘I don’t want to feel uncomfortable and force myself to feel really exhausted.’

The reason why I saved their world in my 99th life.

At the risk of my own life, I quickly lost my senses and became peaceful.

If it’s not like that, like if someone kills me or I get caught up in the destruction and die, that’s when it’s terrible.

A voice of resentment in my ears and the painful writhing of my body.

No matter how insensitive I was, I didn’t want to see that again.

That’s why I saved them after acting a bit precociously.

‘I feel like I’m resting when I die, so I can’t give that up.’

I’m a person that doesn’t have a hobby that enjoys watching people suffer.

That’s why I was always nervous right after I was born.

Regardless of my will, I always meet strange families in a crazy world on the verge of extinction, so this is the most dangerous time.

There were people who wanted to kill me because I cried, even siblings who were aiming to reduce their rivals used their swords, or when the birth itself was even a secret in the first place.

‘Well, I guess it’s not the last one this time.’

Not when the midwife shouted like that as if she were happy.

Still, it was best to keep quiet even if my throat wanted to release a light cough, because I didn’t know what crazy parents or siblings were waiting for me.

However…….

“Our baby, our youngest.”

A joyous voice that I had never heard till now tickled my ears.

“Thank you for being born safe, our baby.”

The woman’s face was full of smiles as she spoke with slight difficulty.

As if she was really happy about my birth.

‘What…….. kind of situation is this?’

During all 99 lives, there was always the same pattern of a trashy life, so I was confident that I would be able to quickly respond to the threat of life.

Thud-!

As I was flustered by the new pattern, there was a loud noise from the other side of the room.

I expected the sound to be something like a rebel raid.

However.

“Oh…..! Well done. Well done my wife!”

A man about the size of a house building was approaching.

A person with such a strong impression that he unintentionally looked like a wild beast, it didn’t suit him at all to shed tears as soon as he saw me and my mother.

“What a lovely daughter, right dear?”

“Yes, it’s lovely just like you.”

With those words, I realized that the man with an unbalanced behavior and appearance was my father.

He had a face like a wild beast, a body that was like a mountain, the hair was a sweet pink color, and his eyes were dyed with the soft green color of a spring day.

No, even if the colors were like that, I still had a strong impression of a beast, it was very awkward to see tears dripping down the face with a blunt expression.

‘It’s the first time that a person called my father has reacted like that…?’

The best one so far was the indifferent one, usually it would be someone who detested me and at worst someone trying to kill me.

Nevertheless, I briefly observed my father with curious eyes.

‘Ow, Ow, What kind of hands are so hot.’

The midwife was tapping my newborn skin harder and harder.

“Oh my, why is the lady not crying her first cry?”

“You’re going to choke at this rate. Miss, come on.”

At the midwife and maid’s words, my parents also became contemplative and looked at them pleadingly.

“Baby, our youngest. Hurry up and let your mother hear your voice.”

“What’s wrong, our youngest? Oh, are you scared because of your dad?”

And then my father sniffed and even turned around.

‘My throat, my throat might burst.’

I felt so unfair.

To be honest, I could have cried if I wanted to, but I refused because of the experience I had accumulated so far.

‘At first, there was a crazy jerk who was all smiles and laugh but when I suddenly cried he tried to kill me.’

What was it that he said, that the sacred baby who received the oracle shouldn’t make the same loud noise as the other babies?

Again, such an experience made me refuse.

I was already forced to die in an accident once before so I’m more than happy to spend my time appreciating a beast!

I made up my mind like that but then…….

“Miss it must be painful, why aren’t you crying?”

“Baby, don’t you want your mother to hear your voice?”

“Is, is my daughter sick?”

Somehow the touch that tried to make me cry died down, rather they were the ones about to burst into tears.

No, my father had been crying since a little while ago.

‘Ah…….. I’m weak for that kind of face.’

Maybe it’s because I only meet people who are so indifferent and cold-hearted.

I was pretty weak to this kind of friendly face that you’d only meet once in a hundred years.

Even though they were just passing by, they still helped out.

But this time it’s my family.

Are, are you sure you’re not lying to me and testing me?

Even though I thought of myself as weak to such a face, my lips unconsciously trembled as strange emotions burst in me.

And.

“Hii, hiing…….”

I couldn’t help but let out a little cry.

It was a small sound they wouldn’t have heard if they didn’t care.

However…….

“Well done, well done. My lady.”

“My baby’s voice is so lovely.”

“What, What a relief…..What a relief. Our youngest.”

Even with that faintest sound in their ears, they spoke as if they were proud.

My mother picked me up from the midwife and patted me on the back then whispered.

“Our youngest, thank you so much for coming to mom.”

It was such a warm voice.

Are you sure this is my family?

Not the nightmares you have before your 100th life begins…….?

It’s not just a passing relationship, it’s really my mother…….

Bewildered, I fell asleep at the gentle touch.

Because it was such a warm pat that I couldn’t resist.

It seemed as if the fatigue of the mind that no place to go over the 99 lifetimes took over my body.

* * *

‘I’m crazy, really.’

That was the first thought I had when I woke up.

There was a flood of affection that I had never experienced before. However, I fell asleep with a relieved mind.

‘What a dangerous thing to do……’

I thought that I didn’t want to appreciate this tragedy, but to think I completely let my guard down.

Well, I don’t think it was a wrong choice considering I’m still alive.

But it was really strange.

It wasn’t the first time I’d been patted on the back.

Because even though I was left unattended, there were times when there was a maid or someone in charge to take care of me.

‘However, the feeling was too different.’

I wonder what was so different with the two pats.

But it was really different. My mother’s touch strangely seemed to tell me that it was okay to relax.

The vigilant me – even though I’m weak for certain faces – to think that I fell asleep.

‘Did you perhaps use magic or something?’

I immediately denied it after thinking like that.

If so, then there was no way I wouldn’t have felt it.

2,000 years worth of power has been accumulated, so even if I didn’t want to know it, my senses would’ve noticed it first.

‘Then…. Is it really possible that they’re decent people?’

I contemplated while wiggling my hands and feet.

No matter how many times I think about it, there’s no way such good luck will come to me.

‘To commemorate my 100th life, are you going to throw me into the gutter after letting my guard down?’

I don’t know who you are, but if you are a being who keeps reincarnating me, I thought that it would be possible.

I shivered.

There was a sudden chill.

Even for me that has always embraced life and death recklessly, I thought that it might be difficult to bear.

I didn’t have such bad taste.

It reminds me of my wish in my distant first life…..

‘Well, let’s keep our guard up and live quietly.’

Even if the environment changed a bi- no even if it changed a lot, it didn’t change my task.

* * *

But my little plan fell apart the next day with the name my parents told me.

“Anastasia, our youngest. That is your name.”

My mother stroked my cheek with a gentle look.

And beside her, my father spoke with a proud face.

“The name of the hero who saved this world. That’s the name for our youngest-.”

What my father added right after didn’t even sound right.

Hero?

A hero?

I wanted to fiercely reject the name if I could.

Every time I’ve been named a hero, I’ve always lived the most trashy life ever!!

It felt like a dark cloud was hanging over me.

Of course, I thought the name Anastasia itself was pretty.

But the problem was that she was a hero in this world.

“Anastasia, who saved the world, is still being respected even now, because of that she will forever live happily ever after.”

Judging by her mother’s tone, she didn’t seem to mean anything bad.

No, but it was the same for the parents of my old lives.

Because they all wanted something from me, so they named me after heroes.

Was it because of the huge accumulation of power, or was it because they wanted a world on the verge of destruction?

There was a world that when I was born, an oracle came down.

It was right before the 99th time.

In that world, there were parents who were greedy and named me after a famous hero.

They had great expectations of me and at the same time were very afraid.

Therefore, at first, they often showed a happy face or pretended to be nice, but were soon eroded by fear and abused me.

Just like that, I wanted to prove that I was powerless at the words of my parents.

Of course, it was tiresome for me so I moderately adjusted myself to the abuse.

But then I didn’t know which rhythm to follow with the people who hated and disliked it saying I was like a doll.

‘But if I pretend that I’m having a hard time because of their abuse, they’ll suspect the oracle about me and hit me again.’

I didn’t really know if they wanted it (oracle) to be nothing or if they wanted me to be a hero.

That’s why even if the moment of my birth was warm in this life, I decided to be wary and keep my guard up.

* * *

That was how I was……

‘I was prepared after being named after a hero.’

For a month since I was born, I’ve been puzzled by the unexpected peaceful flow of time.

My family did nothing, it was embarrassing to be wary.

‘Usually, it’s time for someone to come into the building and make a fuss.’

I thought it was either to test my power or run some tests.

Far from that, they were only showing unexpected behavior.

“Oh, my lady. Are you hungry? I am so bad. I’ll be right back with a nomnom!”

That was the maid’s reaction when I woke up and mumbled reflexively.

“Oh, I didn’t change your diaper very quickly? Oh, I am so bad. Let’s take a bath, our pretty youngest lady.”

No, I just twisted my body a little bit.

If I were to describe my childhood in one word, it would be neglect.

Neglect, Cold treatment, Abuse.

Until now, I have been through a time when these words were enough to describe myself.

‘However you’re even paying attention to my little moves?’

Oh, is it perhaps surveillance, not attention?

It was a little convincing to think that.

‘Right, if it’s not like that, there is no way they would be like that even at night when everyone is sleeping.’

I was pleased to find the answer to what I was wondering about these days.

There was always a person next to the cradle as if it would be a big deal if they took their eyes off me.

* * *

No matter how many times I think about it, my mother must have a wonderful power.

Otherwise, there was no way I would sleep like a child every time I get patted.

Anyway…….

When I opened my eyes, after I filled my stomach and was put to sleep by my mother, it was dark around me.

Of course, even this room had a small light on.

‘Huh? I think it’s a bit too dark.’

It wasn’t the first time I woke up in the middle of the night and so I turned my head in wonder.

‘Gasp’

At that moment I was surprised.

Because there was a big mountain in front of the cradle.

‘Ah, no . It wasn’t a mountain.’

I blinked a few times before realizing what it was.

It was none other than my father.

‘I thought the world was already about to collapse.’

It was the first time that my father, who had a wolf-like impression and a huge body, was guarding the cradle in the middle of the night.

‘Well, of course I wasn’t sure because I was sleeping.’

My mother’s pat had a really scary effect.

Anyway, the fact that it was not a sign of destruction made me breathe out a little ‘phew’.

It was a sound that you wouldn’t have heard unless you focused really hard.

A big mountain no, my father, turned around and opened his mouth.

“Our youngest, are you awp?”

[Our youngest, are you up?]

Pardon?

I doubted my ears for a moment.

‘I must have heard it wrong right?’

Maybe my ears are being weird because I just woke up.

What I mean is, that it was a sound that didn’t fit the big body.

However……

“Our youngest, aren’t you hungry? Do you want me to give you a nomnom? Or do you want me to change your diaper?”

Uh…..

What am I listening to right now?

It was a cute one tone up high pitched voice that did not match the charismatic impression of a wolf at first glance.

Of course, I’ve seen him shed tears since we first met, but…….

But this really doesn’t suit you….. Father……

Maybe it’s because I was faced with a situation that I didn’t even think about.

“Hiccup, hic–”

I wasn’t surprised at all – I’m telling you, I’m not surprised at all! – the hiccups just popped out.

Regardless of what was inside, this body is a baby.

“Oh dear, my youngest, were you surprised? It’s Dad, it’s not a scary person.”

No, why is my father about to cry again.

I’m telling you I’m not scared at all. It’s just, it’s just that I was so dumbfounded.

It’s really true though……

“My Anastasia, did you forget my face because I don’t visit you often?”

No, what the hell do you think I am?

I was infinitely being wronged.

Even if I’m a baby, my eyes and head are fine.

I don’t think I’d forget my family’s faces already, it’s not like it’s been a thousand years!

It was a very unfair misunderstanding.

However, my father seemed to think that the misunderstanding that I was scared was true.

My father, who sniffed because he was upset about being scary, picked me up-surprisingly skillful and stable- and then started patting me.

“It’s okay, our youngest. It’s Dad. D-A-D.

I’m not a scary person, I’m also not a monster.”

Heuk heuk. I’m not scared at all. I’m telling you the truth.

Far from a vicious monster, even if destruction comes, I’m telling you I’m not afraid of anything, I can defeat them all.

Of course, I can’t do it right now, but only when I grow up.

The baby’s body is so weak that if you use even a little bit of power, it gets a little tiresome.

However, this desperate explanation……

“Hng.”

The baby’s body, which was still young, betrayed me and let out a whimper.

It was really uncomfortable.

Even if I try to say something with my baby’s body, I can’t even babble yet.

I always end up letting out a crying noise.

‘I did think this would be annoying……’

You’re here to take care of me, and yet you’re the one whining and crying.

I’ve always been a quiet baby even though I’ve been left unattended, but right now I feel even more wronged.

I think I’ve become a nuisance baby regardless of my intentions.

“Oh, my youngest. Is the hiccup weird? It’s okay, it’s okay.”

However, my father comforted me as if he understood everything.

At one point, when the hiccups naturally stopped, he carefully made eye contact and even showed a bright smile.

“Our youngest is so admirable, she knows how to stop her hiccups. You diw good.”

[You did good]

My hiccups started on its own, and it stopped over time, and yet you compliment it?

As expected, it was so strange.

‘Perhaps….. I…’

I wasn’t born into a family full of ridiculous pushovers, right…….?

I was deeply troubled by my angelic father.

‘Yes right, there was a man like that.’

It was a case where he couldn’t refuse his family’s request so he gave them assurance and ended up getting humiliated.

It might be a new case of hardship to commemorate my 100th life.

‘No way, it’s a guaranteed path to hell….’

I’ve always lived my life as a teenager, but I knew very well how terrifying guarantees are.

My goal was to live moderately here and die without being bothered.

Thanks to this, I felt a sense of duty to stay alert.

‘I don’t like the troublesome life of being busy preventing leaks here and there while also being worried about a debt!’

I didn’t know if he knew my concerns or what.

“Anastasia, our pretty youngest. You want me to put you to sleep now?”

My father was just making these easygoing sounds.