Have you ever noticed that if you could start a book from it's end,how every little thing that the characters been through, everything they believed, felt and hold close to suddenly stops making sense?

Its like having the perfect hoome then breaking it apart after the construction was over.

Don't get me?

Then why don't you take me as an example,sitting in my bathroom floor looking like a complete idiot as I glared at the leak in the pipeline making that annoying drip drip drip noise.

Exasperated,I breathed in a long gulp of air,calm down.

"I don't have money to call a plumber now."

Muttering under my breath,I sighed again,suddenly feeling exhausted. I have three months rent to pay..and electricity bill.Damn it,why does my life has to suck so bad?

Scrambling around the place,I grabbed a bucket and pulled it over the leakage and left the bathroom, it'd have to do till I figure something out.

Checking the clock,I twisted my lips in a grimace as I realized it's almost time for work.Well,no point in putting off the inevitable,I thought as I pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt(the same shirt I have been wearing for a few days now)

Frowning at the hole in the right sleeve of the shirt I thought,not this one too.most of my clothes are now tattered and in a really bad shape.

I'll figure a way out of that too,eventually.

Everything clicks into place, you just need to give enough time.

With that thought,I rushed for the bathroom.

When I was done with my daily brush-shower-shampoo-conditioner routine, I walked out of the bathroom and groaned.

This day can't get any better. As I looked out my window, I noticed an enormous layer of snow has covered every little trace of life outside like a extra large layer of vanilla ice cream.I scowled at the snow.

Then I looked into the clock to see I'm already running late and rushed for my clothes.

Standing in front of the mirror,I looked into the eyes of a person I no longer was accustomed to.

I would say that I know this stranger with skin too pale to be normal and eyes too big to seem human looking back me, but really,I don't.

It's all just so... Unfamiliar.

I wonder,is this person really me,or just a vague reminder of what I used to be.

Maybe I'm just one of the lost souls in the world.Too gone to fine it's way back again.

The once green eyes that held so much..life for is now lifeless.Without a soul.

Ever ripped a tree out of the mother nature,roots and all and watched it wither until it's all just grey and lifeless? Till all it's life is sucked out of it and all that is left is the lifeless bark and nothing but memories? That's pretty much how my existence is like.

Shaking my head from my sudden chaotic thoughts,I willed myself to stop thinking.

Get your shit together,Tri,nothing good comes out from thinking.

With another look at the outs,I thought,I'm gonna kick Ben's(my employer,in this case) *** if he doesn't pay me double for working in this weather.

Snorting,I rushed out the door.

That is so very unlikely to happen.

*********

It took me more than half an hour minutes to reach to Ben's, and by the time I was pretty sure that my hands have turned into ice and I can't feel anything.

Parking my BMW in the same place I've been doing for two and a half I have been doing,I started jogging towards the two storey building that's almost hidden in the alleyway, if not for the neon lights that says en's and I grinned as I noticed the B was hanging off it's spring.I almost closed the door till I felt tiny arms wrapping around my waist and put kicked the door open.

Phew. Breathing a sigh of relief as I realized the door hadn't hurt the tiny human clinging onto me,I crouched down.

"Hello princess."I tapped her freckled nose with my freezing hand and she squealed, laughing as she ran to the six feet three brother of her who at once pulled her over her shoulder. More squeals.

I don't usually like much noise,but when it comes to Evie,I don't mind her liveliness.

"Hello Tin Tin!"

I couldn't help the smile breaking over my lips as I trudged over to her and messed up her very red hair.

Seriously, it's like strawberry red.

"Yeah,you see Evie and you don't need me anymore huh?"

I rolled my eyes at Evan,and kissed Evie in the cheek,making her giggle more.

"Who are you?Do I know you somehow?"

Raising one eyebrow,I tilted my head at Evan,who was laughing along with Evie.

"You're one hour late.Ben will be enraged if he knows. He'll.." he needn't finish the last part.

Cut off my salary..I know.

"I'll get back inside now...see you around.Drive safe,you two."

I waved at them before rushing inside to get my apron. After about five minutes of yanking at the locker, It finally opened with a bang, and I was rushing inside the sliding doors without really looking at anything. However, my feet faltered as I was stepping inside. I sometimes tend to forget that I work in a club,which is a not-so-good thing when you have social anxiety and you don't like sounds.

I could feel a panic attack bubble out of my chest as I stared at all the people filling the place. Too many people, too many sounds.The DJ started playing an high bass electronic music and I could almost feel my skin start to crawl.

I tried to breathe a huge gulp of air but then I could see the people all around me and I wanted to run away.That was my built-in mechanism. People start meditating, or whatever, I run. Coward.

Calm down,Trin. It's just music, and people.

However, I didn't have the chance to run. I'm not so sure if that's a good thing or not thought.

I sighed as my eyes finally adjusted with the dim lighting and I looked into the fake plastic blonde in front of me.

Oh.

That's all it took,the sight of Plastic Blond and(of course) a glass of tequila on my apron to break me from my stupor.

I stepped back as she spread her witch-long nails,in front of my face,I'm not sure whether to wrangle my neck or not.

I didn't wait around to see it for myself,fortunately.

Ignoring the high pitched voice as much as I can,I rushed inside to clean it.I was giving myself a pat in the back mentally as I realised who-cant-be-named followed me in here when I heard her high pitched voice right behind me.

If only I were that lucky.

Jesus Christ..how are my eardrums still intact?

I swear if you drag your nails in a chalkboard,that irritating sound is her voice.

"..When are you gonna stop trying to harass me?"

Wait.What?

I stared at her,incredulous. Harassing her?Me?

Even the thought of it is just..just.

"You're delusional." pulling the apron up and over my head,I washed it in the tap.

"I don't know what I did to offend you,but please don't try to make life worse for me."

She even shed some crocodile tears too and for a tiny moment, I wanted to clap for such a good acting.

Was she in the drama team in high school? How else can she play the deer-in-headlight when she was the one who dumped her drink on me?

I stared around myself to see many people has already stopped dancing and looking in our direction.

Great. Just what I needed. More attention.

I don't know what's her problem,but I could tell she doesn't like me. I'm perfectly okay with that,I don't expect everyone to like me.

Okay,okay,I was okay with it,until she started playing dirty tricks with me, like the one today.

the annoying smirk in her face,I could tell she was doing it to tick me. It was working,I could feel my temper rising.

Control your temper,Rivers. Don't let her have the satisfaction of making you pissed.

"....you can't act hostile to others and still get away with it! also you wasted a special drink!"

Hold on a minute.. hostile attitude?

Is she fucking kidding me?I kept my mouth shut as she kept on screaming how she will complain about me intentionally wasting her time.

I'm sure she would.Being a bitch all day is all she is good at.

I sighed. I've sighing a lot lately.

When is this gonna be over?

As if listening to my prayers, I heard someone screaming from the other end for plastic blonde to stop bothering the staff and get her job done.

I looked back at the source of the sound to find...ahhh.

What's wrong with this day?

I thought as I looked at George Flores,one of the quietest guy of our staff.You would think all of the bartenders are extroverted and like gossiping,but the reality is quite the difference.

I wonder if he's just introverted,or did something happen in his life to make him quiet,but I guess I'd never know that.Not that I'm particularly interested it anyway.

I sighed as plastic blonde cursed under her breath at George, and throwing another death glare that I skillfully dodged, and went back to the hell she came from.

I couldn't help the relief washing over me at her departure, and when I looked at where George was to thank him.he was already gone.Of course. That's so him,he never waits for a thank you.

Talk about weird day...

*

"I ran into plastic blonde today.."I whispered into the ears of Venus Morrison as I grabbed a pair of beer from the bar stack.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!"

With a surprised squeal,she slammed the bottle of whiskey so forcibly I'm surprised it didn't break.

Gee. Too much of her being not excited about gossip.

I smiled,that's what makes her..her. That liveliness, that spark of life in her eyes as she gets excited is so fascinating.

She's the biggest Gossip-girl around here,but she's as well the closest to friend I've got in my two years life.And probably one of the most precious thing I appreciated in my life.

"Yeah, plastic blonde toppled a glass of tequila on my apron-"I glared at the spot it left in my apron.

"I'll cut off her pretty hairs when she sleeps."She stood up,excited to mad in a fraction of second.

Shaking my head,I carried on, "-and as usual,she threatened me of getting my salary cut and complaining to Ben."

I smiled as I looked at my best friend curse at plastic blonde's audacity.

Winking at her,I started uncorking the bottles.

"But the strangest thing is.. George chased her off today.Literally."

Grinning at her open mouth, I nodded.

"I know right.It's just so weird. He didn't even wait for a 'thank you' or even a 'I owe you one'."

"I'm surprised that he talked to anyone at all..I haven't heard him talking to anyone, except for times when he really needs to.."

That's exactly what I was thinking,but eh.whatever.

If he doesn't feel like talking,he shouldn't.

I remember I didn't want to talk after that..and I didn't, not until a week or two.

Shaking my head at my thoughts,I looked back at V to see she's now gawking a guy over the door.

That's good,I guess.

I haven't told her about my past life, and for once she didn't ask.she gets it that I want to keep it that way.

"I need to get something checked, will be back." With an exaggerated wave of germs hand,V excused herself.

As I walked around the people, delivering the drinks,I smiled to myself.

At first,I when I was nothing but a newbie here,I didn't like anything of Ben's.I didn't want to work here.The people, the noise,the alcohol,everything was too much for me.

This is what I've always feared, and being terrified about.

It's not that I've forgot everything..but the high bass sounds,all these people around me, the sound of people laughing and even the smell of alcohol all around me is a huge distraction..Aside from the occasional panic attacks, of course. Some things never change.

Like the scar in my mind,I thought ,then made myself stop thinking about the area 51.

Redirecting my attention to how much I have made today, I grinned.Ever since the new real estate project has taken place in the next block, we're getting a hefty amount of tips thesedays. I collected enough money to call a plumber and fix the leak In the pipeline.Looking around the place,I noticed what a mess it is.

I sighed.More work.

I swear the sweeper does it intentionally, just so that she can piss me off more and she knows I will clean up her mess.

Well,no point complaining about it.picking up a plastic bag I got down to business.

***************

I didn't realise it was way past closing time, and the club was empty by the time I finished.

I'm not in any rush to go home anyway.

It's not like I have anything to do anyway, working is good. It keeps my mind off..unpleasant things. And as soon as I go home the thoughts that I try so hard to keep away from my mind will rush in again.

I didn't realise that I had company until Venus tapped my shoulder almost making me come out of my skin as I jumped.

"Oh..Oh, it's you." Panting like I just ran a marathon,I waved my arms in front of her like an idiot.

"Don't startle me like that, woman."

She tried to keep her face straight, but failed miserably and burst out laughing as I shook my head at her.

"I was just gonna say that it's late already," she pointed at the clock and nodded at me,"Don't ya wanna go to home now?"

"No. I'm fine.I'll be fine, and..don't worry, I'll close the shop.."

I looked at the walls,the carpet, anywhere but at her as I replied, "I think I'll stay here for a bit more-"

She tried to reason with me,"But it's not safe for you to be alone here at night and-"

"I'm fine.I just told you to leave me alone, now please.."

I regretted as the words flew out of my mouth, and I wanted to take it back.What did I just do?

She flinched as if I've just hurt her,kept the keys on the counter before walking out without so much as a glance my way.

"I.. I'm sorry, Venus.I didn't mean to.."I didn't get to say my sorry completely as the door slammed on my face.

"Goddamn it!"I whispered to myself as I stomped my way outside to the dustbin and threw the packet now full of bottles that made a jangling sound as I forcefully pushed it into the dustbin..

I was having a almost-normal day after a long time, and I go on thinking of my past and acting like a jackass to V when she was only trying to help me.

I was going to stomp my way back inside and close the shop when I heard it.

It was distant at first,but the sound of tyres screeching and horns blowing intensified as I stared at the...holy shit.

Is that a Range Rover I'm seeing in front of me?

Sure enough, the black Range Rover pulled over in front of me,or should I say that if I hadn't jumped away from in front of it, I'd be in hospital. Or dead.

My hand hit the hard concrete floor and I could almost feel the stones cutting into my skin as I watched the lunatic swerve by the club, barely missing the glass windows and hitting straight on to the dustbin I was just throwing stuff in..

The sound of plastic and glass breaking was heard over the loud purr of the engine as it turned off.

Thankfully,the lunatic driving the Range Rover didn't turn around and run me over too.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!"I screamed at whoever was inside the car as I stood up and tried to get the grime off my face and hair.

My shirt.. well, it's in no shape to be fixed as I stood up completely, hands on hips.

Whoever was inside the car didn't think it was necessary for them to answer me so I stomped my way to the windowsill and knocked in it,then tapped my foot until the guy inside muttered something like "stupid bitches and their shit"

Ah.. excuse me,sir. I know how these rich brats are..they think that they can own anyone with their money, they expect everyone to kiss their ***!

I glared at the person inside the car again.

I think he's a guy, I'm not sure tho because the windows are tinted dark and he/she doesn't have enough dignity to pull down the windows.

I stood there for one entire minute, clenching and unclenching my fist as I glared at the ground.

Okay..so that's it. He isn't going to get out of the damn car, probably because he doesn't wants his ridiculously expensive shoes to catch dirt.. and I'm looking like a fool staring at a car that probably costs more than both my kidneys combined with grimes all over me..

I huffed.

This day is going great.. Fucking great.

Brushing my hands over my face again,I walked inside the club...Mr. expensive car can go **** himself.

I got stuffs to do, like clean all these shit off my face before someone accuses me of being a ghost or something..

After cleaning my face off the dirt and who-knows-what,I started towards my locker to get my keys and get the hell out of here.

Well,that was the plan, atleast.

It's funny how things just don't go according to your plans.

"What the ****?"

I heard a high pitched scream,it wasn't until later I realized it was me.

The voice,that is.

As for the reason behind it,I stared at the couch in the right end of the club.My eyes had the look in them people have when they see a ghost as I opened my mouth ,then closed it again. Nothing came out of my mouth.

What the major hell is going on?

Directing my attention to the strange guy lying on the couch,I closed my eyes,rubbed them violently like I was hallucinating and opened them again.Yep,he is still here. And nope,I'm not hallucinating.(I even pinched myself to check,and it hurts)

He's too tall to fit in the little couch,so his legs are almost completely dangling off the sides and by the way he's lying there, I'm sure he's uncomfortable.

Ahem.. earth to Trin?you should be calling the police now that some stranger is in Niall's bar,not observe he's tall and exactly how uncomfortable the couch must be.

Yet like the dumbass I am,I stood there and watched as the strange guy tried to move his feet and sit up straight,but instead of doing just that he toppled to the dirty ground and...looked up at me.

I don't know what is more strange as I stared back at him just as hard.

He's got one of those face that looks straight out of some magazine, handsome and so.. beautiful.

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

I don't know what is wrong with me today, maybe the connection of my head to my eyes finally snapped,or maybe it was my mind as I stared at his lips, pink and full like a doll..a sexy doll.My eyes tripped up his slightly misshapen nose that looks like it has been broken sometimes before,then his high cheekbones and finally rested in his eyes.

He's got those kind of blue eyes that makes you want to jump into them and never come back out of it.Black..nah,Blue holes. and not just any blue,indigo.

I shook my head, trying to clear the haze from my mind as I looked away from the strange guy at Niall's floor who's still staring at me like.. like he can see me. Like he's trying to see something deep inside my soul.

I'm sure that you would never be able to do that, stranger dude.

I don't know what I was thinking until now,but as I looked away from his eyes,the bubble seemed to burst and I started moving across counter to call Ben.

That was the time I heard it..or should I say him?

Looking back at the guy,now he's sitting cross legged on the floor, and he's.. what the ****?

He's laughing?

"Look, whoever you are, you need to get up and leave. The bar is closed."

My tone was clipped,I don't know if it was from panic or annoyance though. It annoyed the hell out of me when I feel like I am losing control. And by the way I'm tempted to check his profile again, I sure as hell was losing it. Fucking hormones.

There's no way I'm going to lose my mind over someone just because he's good looking, and by the looks of him something tells me that the Range Rover outside of Niall's is of this guy right here.

I'm not going to make the same mistake my parents did.Never.

He didn't stop laughing,but his eyes followed my movement as I snatched my phone from the counter and started dialing Ben's number.

I don't care if there's some hot drunk dude sitting cross legged in the club I work,laughing his *** off,I don't want any part of this mess.

"Don't call Ben..I don't want to talk to him,pretty girl."

My head snapped at the direction of the raspy voice and I was staring at his piercing blue eyes again...

I gulped hard, his eyes were rimmed with redness as he smiled at me,looking like a dear on headlights and for fraction of moment I felt my composure break apart.

I snapped back from my hormonal Fangirl and scolded myself, don't lose your head Tri.

And then with my iron resolve, I walked straight for him with the phone in my ear.

"Who are you?"

I sneered in his face, almost shoving him back into the couch.

I don't get why I'm so angry over him,but he just made me think of some shit I didn't needed, wanted to..so I want nothing with this guy.

I really don't need any more complexities in my life.

Maybe all the over working was finally getting to me

I need to stay faraway from this man,In case I did something drastic, like kicking his balls.

I slapped my forehead as a robotic tone replied that the address I'm calling is unavailable and to leave a voice mail. I end the call.

I was going to go to the other end and wait for Ben to call me,and keep watch over here.

But again,suddenly, he spread his arms wide as if he's going to give me a bear hug.

Thankfully,I realised just in time that he was trying to do just that...he was going to hug me, like I'm some frigging teddy bear of him!

****.****.****.

With my heart in my throat,I sidestepped his arms and moved backwards,or flew,I'm not sure which,until my back hit the countertop.

I turned back from him and dialed Ben again.No more waiting. I've had enough, if he picks up,good.If he doesn't, I'm leaving with the dude inside, whatever happens,we will figure it out tomorrow.

This needs to be over.Now. Ignoring the protests of the guy,I put the phone to my ear again.

His phone ringed once, twice then for the third time and when I was sure he wouldn't pick up,he answered the phone.

"Trinity.Do you have any idea what you're doing calling me at midnight?"

He sounds enraged,but his tone is laced in sleep, maybe he was sleeping.

I had this little moment of regret that I distrubed his sleep but as my gaze settled on the guy,now leaning into the couch for support half asleep,I decided priorities first.

"I'm sorry,Ben. It's just..that here's some strange guy in your bar..."

I trailed off debating over the fact that he has ordered Venus to close the shop, and she gave me the keys,I know I forced her to today but still..she does this everyday.

Will she be in some kind of trouble if I..say it to him?

"What? What did you say?"his voice came out neutral, void of any emotions as he said that.

But I could almost imagine him wrangling the towel he's used to do whenever he's enraged.

"Um.. There's some strange guy in your-"

He cut me off by saying,"I heard you fine the first time. Did Venus gave you the key again today?I swear if she did-"

This time I'm the one to cut him off,I know I'm such a shitty friend but I'd never allow my boss to punish my best friend over something I did..be it wrong or right.

"No sir,it was me. I asked to close the shop for today.."

I waited for him to scream at me,to curse at me that if I weren't this careless and closed the bar when it needed to be closed, this wouldn't have happened at all.

Nothing happened.

I waited some more for him to scream at me,but he never did.

When I was sure he's hung up the call,I asked,

"Uh.Ben?You there?"

He sighed,"Yeah, I'm on my way already. I'll be there by . fifteen minutes tops.But tell me,are you okay?He didn't..do anything to you, right?"

I couldn't help the nervous smile that broke through my lips,"Y-yeah,I'm okay.. Thanks, Niall.I appreciate.."

I was cut off by him clicking his tongue at me,"uh-huh. Don't be thankful of me, Trinity.Just remember that you should never be that careless again to keep the door open, alright?"

I nodded,baffled. I've always thought he is an I'll tempered guy,so it's a surprise for me when he acts so..cool.I expected him to lose his shit, seriously..but here he is.

"Are you sure ?"

Again,I shook my head at him,but reminded myself that he can't see me...

"No,he didn't. He's drunk..way too drunk. I tried to talk to him,but he's only talking jumbled shit and..he tried to uh,hug me."

I almost saw the blush creep over me before I felt it,but thankfully,he didn't comment on the "hugging me" part,but I noticed his low chuckle as he drove by.

"I suppose you're in..safe distance from him now?"

I nodded at myself,"Yes, I'm on the other end of the countertop,but.."I looked back at the now unconscious guy sleeping peacefully leaning into the stiff couch,

"He's asleep now.."

"Good.I don't want anymore problem with my staff's anymore."

A pause.

"Trinity?Can you tell me how he looks,or anything about him so that I can decide whether he's a threat to you or not.If you can, it'll help a lot...I can bring police along with me."

I stared at the sleeping guy again, his lips are in a smiling way as he snores slightly... and I had the strangest of feelings.

"..I don't think he's a threat to us.Um..He looks really rich, white skinned,he has blue eyes and dark brown hair."I look at him as I explained how he looks,"and oh,he has a Range Rover.Black."

If I weren't overly sensitive right now,I would've missed the string of curse words that left Niall's mouth.

I'm no saint and I curse like a sailor,but his would sure make bitches blush,tho I must say he tried to hide that from me.

"Range Rover,ah?"

I nodded, again scolding myself for my stupid actions, and replied with a yes.

"Now I have a idea who he is... I'll be there in less than five minutes now,just don't let him get out of the club, will you?"

I replied with a okay but he didn't wait for my answer as he hung up..

I stared at the broken ceiling for a two minutes time before I looked at him again, and I realised that..I wanted to help him.

I don't know where that thought came from,but I beat it into it's original place and sat patiently until Ben comes.

Someone said it right that you never know when,how and what will be the point your life would change drastically.

I checked the time to see it's past 2:30 AM when Niall finally pulled into our club parking lot...

However,I was much thankful that he decided to come at all...

I looked at the guy now trying to sit up straight and wondered, Niall must know him, but why did he sounded so.. troubled after I explained him how he looks?

I shrugged, what is it to do with me anyway?

He told me to wait here until he's here, and then I am free to go home..

"Thanks for being here till this late.. I can take it from here."Niall sighs as he looks at the guy unconscious on the floor..

"Um.Yeah.. I'll be on my way now."I picked up my purse and walked over to Niall to give him the keys,

"I'm sorry that I had to call you at midnight asking for you to come here.. and for these.."

Giving the keys on his outstretched hands,I started walking towards the door..

"Trinity? You should wait a bit more, it's already late as it is," he checked the time and looked at me, "I'll be done with Ray in a second... wait up until then, I'll drive you home."

So this guy's name is Ray... I like his name..hmmm....

Shut up, idiot, scolding my subconscious for her stupid remarks,I looked back at them...so Niall really knows this guy..

Wait.. what? What did he just say?

I turned back to look at my Boss...

Did he hit his head too hard when I called him?Or why else would he be offering me to drive home...?

He chuckled, clearly aware of my thoughts as I stared at him open-mouthed.

"I don't want my staffs to get into any kind of trouble. And you, miss are a young lady. Yes,I agree I am a asshole, but I wouldn't want you,or anyone for that matter to get hurt."

I do not know this guy standing in front of me.. what happened to my asshole of a boss who likes to scream at people?

"Um. It's okay. Really."

He raised one finger in his signature way that clearly states "I'm the boss here,so you do whatever I say"as he walked around the bar and picked up a water bottle..

I scowled but my heart wasn't into it as I thought... What's going on now?

He then walked over to Mr. expensive car and..uh,kicked him straight in the ribs.

Ouch.

"Time over for you, rich dude with flashy car."

I mentally groaned at the mention of my description, and Niall laughed as the guy..Ray stirred.

"Get your *** out of my bar,Ray. Now.Or else.." he trailed off as Mr.expensive car stirred but didn't sit upright..

Though the next kick to the ribs made up straight just fine as he glared back at Niall..

"You're an asshole." Mr.expensive ..I mean, Ray spitted at Niall, now all his huggie-boy  and puppy eyes gone as he glared daggers at him..

"I know that. Nothing new to know of, now get up and get the **** out of here."

Niall grinned at Ray as he cursed while he struggled to keep himself in a sitting position..

It's like both of them has completely forgotten my existence, not that I want them to remember me though...but I wasn't sure whether I should stay or get away from.. whatever this is..

"I would use some help now, uncle."

I could literally feel my jaw on the ground now as I stared at a grinning Niall...

Niall is Ray's uncle?

I didn't notice the similarities between them until now, but now that I look at both of them,I could definitely see the resemblances...

"Yes Trinity, this drunk guy sitting in my bar is my nephew."

Oh..oh. So he hadn't forgot that I was here..

"Um..Yeah. Okay."

I mumbled, looking anywhere but at the blue eyed guy staring at me now..

"Who is she?"

Mentally rolling my eyes at his confused face as he looked me up and down.I recoiled at the furthest corner of the bar....

I scowled as I stared at him.....

What I wasn't expecting was for him to look right back at me...

Some people have the I-can't-see-anything-when-I'm-drunk kind of look in their eyes,and despite my wish,this dude didn't had that kind of look in his eyes...It was more like, I-can-see-through-you kind of look...

Now that I have the undivided attention of this certain blue eyed dude,I don't want any of it..

Can't he just forget who I am or better that I exist at all? Dammit..

"She is none of your damn business, Styles.Now get up and get the hell out of here before I kick you out myself"

Thanking the almighty God up there as the spell was broken, I busied myself with getting the imaginary dirts away from my nails..

I wanted to whistle at Niall's comeback as Ray turned his death glare his way and after much trying, finally stood up...

He had to grab the handle of the couch for balance tho...

This time I'm the one throwing daggers at him as I walked by Niall...

"Someone didn't have to ask ' Who I am ' if he only had been into his damn sense.."

I didn't realise I had said that out loud until I looked up at a gaping Niall and...uh what?

Why the **** is Mr...Ray smirking as if he's got a lottery?

"Uh.. I'll wait by your car, Niall.."

I muttered the words before fleeing outside... literally.

What was I thinking snapping at people,very hot people?

Ugh.. This day can't be any more weirder.

I slumped into the seat of Niall's car as I heard them bantering as they get outside as Niall helped Ray get into his car..

"Be thankful that you didn't break anything other than a few empty beer bottles,or else you would be getting your hangover at the police station."

I mentally snorted as I watched Ray mutter a "**** you" as he walked to his car,all the time looking at Niall's car before he got in...

What's his deal, really?

I thought while mulling over the fact that I'm sitting on the Jeep of one of the person I hate most....the irony isn't lost on me.

Though,I couldn't help the relieved sigh as I heard the purr of the engine as the Range Rover revved out of the beaten up parking of Niall's..

It's not that I liked Niall, which I've already stated more than once,I don't ..but if I get to choose between some rich dude who thinks everyone is dirt and a asshole who likes screaming at people.. I'd choose the latter...

I stared as Niall climbed in the driver seat and smiled at me..

Though I have to say he's acting like a real gentleman today...

Not that it proves anything...

I know better than to trust someone who acts like a good person.. the world is full of fucking snakes who act like humans.

They'd act like.. like they love you, like they had finally changed when in reality,they are just trying to lure you into a trap...

"Um. I can go home by myself, you know.."

I couldn't keep the scowl from my face as I remembered him flirting with plastic blonde..

He didn't reply me as he started the car and revved the engine before zooming out of the parking lot..

I gave him the directions but otherwise kept silent the whole drive...

I can't help but remember the memories I kept far away from my mind...

Dad also acted like... like he finally started to love us, but then.. everything happened..

I shook my head at my distrubing thoughts as the car came to a stop in front of my apartment...

I didn't have to be told twice as I jumped out of his car,the cold air made me shiver but I was determined to get away from my Boss this time..

"Trinity?"

I was halfway through the small distance from the car to the door when Niall called me by my name..

I took in a long breath before looking back at him..

My sudden appreciation of him seemed to vanish away as I looked at the same guy I've watched gawking at every single girl who would looks hot...

I'm certain that he has cheated on his wife,many times than we possibly think... that's what the rumour says, atleast.

I never talk about that with Venus but by the way she sneers everytime she looks at him,I can imagine that rumour to be true.

"I never said I was someone I'd like Venus  to have as a father...." He stopped,as if measuring my reaction but I kept my face neutral. When he got that he isn't getting a reaction from me,he shook his head and continued..

"I just wanted you to tell her that.. I'm sorry. For everything. I know I've never been a good father to her,but I'll try to be one."

I don't know what he's getting on.. but if it's what I'm thinking he's meaning, I'm not putting him off the hate list..and neither would she.

Not so soon, atleast.

"You know you're an asshole, Niall. I don't believe you. I don't believe you until you prove yourself worthy enough of being a father of Venus."

I nodded at him, this time looking into his eyes, challenging him to snap at me. Or disagree with me..

Venus is a good girl,she deserves a good life, and she's a good person,if not anything else..

The least I can do for her is to get his father's head out of his ***...

By the smile in his face,he got my message pretty well,I think..

"Tell me that when you've changed, Asshole."

He didn't reply me,just smiled at my protective instinct to Venus and backed off..

"I'm ready for some pizza now.."I muttered under my breath as I walked into my house..

                           *************

After the long *** sucking day,I decided to take a midnight shower..

The freezing water was just as uncomfortable,but as I rubbed the shampoo over my scalp,I felt my tense muscles loosen up a bit...

After a long, uncomfortable shower,I paddled into my bedroom and pulled a grey sweatshirt over my head with a pair of comfy shorts before jumping into the bed with a steaming cup of black coffee and the pizza I just ordered..

What a day it was..

I thought as I looked around my small apartment..

I didn't wanted a huge place for myself, mostly because I didn't have enough money,but I didn't even needed a big place...

Why would I, after all?

It's only me here, and this apartment is big enough to fit a bathroom, kitchen and a bedroom.. It also costs a decent bucks,so I liked this place at once..

I looked around the cluster of dirty clothes in the chair,then at kitchen and remembered the heap of dirty dishes I didn't get to wash today...and there's a thin layer of dirt all over my place....

Guess I need to clean this shit tomorrow..

Tomorrow is Sunday, that means I have the day all to myself.. maybe I could even go to the mall and get myself some of the clothes as well...

And there's the thing about calling the plumber..

Groaning,I put the now empty pizza box in the dustbin and the coffee mug in the sink before climbing into bed...

So much shit to do, and so little time..

I switched off the bedside lamp and pulled the covers over me..

                             *************

"Yes, thank you for coming here.." I nodded at the plumber as he washed his hands in the tap...

That poor guy had to go through many problems to fix the leak up,but thank the heavens that it is finally fixed..

I'm not much of a chatty person, so without waiting anymore,I handed him his money..

I couldn't help the cringe as I handed him the extra cash he needed to fix the whole pipeline of my bathroom..my precious money...

He smiled, I could tell he was going to start another topic about his grandson's birthday but I showed him his way outside before he could start...

Closing the door behind me,I released a sigh of relief as I walked to the bed and landed face-first on it

I know it's somewhat rude, but I'm done talking to people for the day....

After all these days, and working in a bar for two damn years, you'd think I'd finally get over my overwhelming intention to stay silent..but nope.

I don't know if that has anything to do with that incident but that's how I find myself most comfortable in...

I don't even get why people even try to even talk to me when all I'm gonna do is nod and smile..

I heard the vibration of my phone and stared at the screen, it's Venus..

Why is she calling me?

I was contemplating whether to pick up the phone or not,when I heard a knock on my door...

Uh. Who's here now?

Keeping the phone on the bed,I stood up.. I'll text her later,if it's important then she can call again..

I walked to the door and peeked outside from the little crack of the door.. and was thrown off guard as I looked at Venus standing out there.

She looks almost like... like she's scared as she knocked again, this time harder and I forced myself to snap out of it and open the door..

What a great friend am I,my friend is standing outside in cold and I'm looking at her through the crack!

Opening the door,I was going to say sorry for the last time,but I didn't get the chance as the five feet three lady pushed me into the house by my shoulder.....

What the..hell?

She looks enraged as she walked by me and picked up my phone, almost shoving it in my eyes as she started screaming in my face..

"Do you have any idea how scared I was that something happened to you? What could it have hurt you to pick up the damn phone for once!?"

I didn't get a chance to reply her as she shoved her hand through her blonde hair and glared at me..

"Are you okay?I heard there was some drunk dude yesterday.." She shook her head as if she couldn't believe it,"I know Niall handled it before anything could happen,but still..It could've been anyone. What were you thinking woman?!"

Oh.. that's what it's about.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry at this moment,she was scared that something happened to me..Me.

It makes me feel..so funny that this woman,who was just screaming at me that there's something wrong with me was scared that something happened to me..

I was going to answer her,but all these emotions just clogged up my throat and I just couldn't answer her..

What should I say? That I'm thankful that she cares?

I opened my mouth to say just that but it sounded funny when I thought about it again..

"Uh.Um. I'm okay.. Niall came to take him out."

I heard myself saying as I stared at the fuming lady in my little bedroom and I was so grateful to have her in my life.

I didn't realise what I was doing until I was wrapping my hands around her neck and gave her a hug...

It was a simple gesture,just a hug but it held so much meaning to me...

I felt her smile against my shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me giving me a tight hug..

She gets it...

"Thanks.. for everything." My voice was merely a whisper as I squeezed her for one last time before stepping back from the hug..

"You owe me a cappuccino,Trin. For not picking up my phone,ya know"

It never ceases to amaze me how fast her mood changes,from spitting mad to joking as she launched herself in my bed..

In these two years of our friendship, she's become one of the people that matter in my life.... somewhat like a family,if you can call it that..

I shook my head at her as I grabbed two orange juices from the fridge, knowing full well that she prefers Orange juice more than she does beer..

She grinned at me as I gave her the Mr. Orange....

"You still drink this shit?" She raised one of her neatly trimmed eyebrow at me as I shrugged..

I know it's originally for kids, but I like it..

"I think it was your cousin who came yesterday... What was his name again, Niall called him something like Ray Styles."

I stared at her face for any sign of I don't know what I was searching for, disdain probably as I said those words but there were none...

I knew her better than that to be fooled by her neutral expression..

This bitch has better poker face than most poker players..

This time I'm the one raising my eyebrow at her as I leaned into a pillow..

"I know you're dying to tell me about him. Spill it already."

She grinned,then leaned down across from me..

"Actually, I'm not the one interested in talking about him here.. You are. You brought him up."

Uh-oh.She called me out on my shit..

I tried to think of a witty comeback,but I had none..

Interesting... It's not everyday that I don't have a comeback in my mind..

"It's just that.. he's weird."I pouted, remembering the time he tried to hug me,but a scowl took over my face as I remembered talking to me like I'm some frigging garbage.

"Correction.He's disgusting."

I could tell she's having a good deal of satisfaction of my sudden hatred toward her so called cousin..

"I can see that.. what did he do this time? Don't tell me he tried to kiss you..."

I sneered at the thoughts of my haywire brain as I gawked over Mr. Expensive car.

"He tried to hug me.."

I heard a sound of booming laughter, like the one you see when you find someone farting in open street.. and looked at my bestfriend to see her punching the pillow, still laughing like a lunatic...

This time my scowl was directed towards V as I crossed my arms over my chest..

"It's not funny,V. I was almost gonna kick him in the nuts..he was so drunk, that asshole tried to fucking hug me.."

She grinned at me,"Did you? Kick him in the nuts? That would be a scene..I should've stayed with you yesterday!"

I shook my head,God knows this woman is crazy as I stared at my hands..

"I was close..but no,he didn't get to hug me..I  was across the room before he could get a chance."

She giggled.

"Damn, I would have liked it if you did kick him in the nuts!"

I just shook my head at her this time..she makes everything sound so hilarious..

But somehow, the thoughts of my father stumbling into our house crawled it's way into my head, making the light mood vanish away slightly..

"Atleast Niall came in time,I don't know what I would've done if he weren't there.."

I could tell the mention of Niall ruined her mood too as she looked at her bright pink painted nails...

But I need to tell her this.. she needs to hear it..

"Um..V?" I willed her to look at me as I said the next words, "I talked to Niall yesterday.."

I almost felt her shoulders get stiff before she answered, not looking at me anymore..

The light mood has long since vanished, and the air between us is intense..

"He told me to inform you that he's.. sorry. He said he's trying."

If looks could kill,I would be dead by now the way she's glaring at me..

"I told him that I don't believe him. And..he needs to prove himself eligible enough to be your father first..I hope that's okay."

I know how uncomfortable she gets when someone mentions Niall at all and, mentioning all his affairs is another topic altogether..

She didn't reply me, instead, she sat up straight and looked at the window...

The feeling shit ain't my forte, but it's seriously making me feel bad when she looks like this...

Oh dear, I just want her to be happy.. I don't want my bestfriend to lose her smile, ever..

"He never does,Trin. I know it's hard for you to understand, but he's never gonna be like he was before.. he's never gonna be happy with us."

I understand what she's meaning, more than she knows..but I kept silent and stared at the floor..

We're the bestest of friends, and I've probably said this a thousand times before,but I'm grateful that I have her in my life...

Yet we never talk about the demons in our life...

I nodded at her, fully aware that she's looking at me requesting me not to press her anymore..

I nodded again,I understand.

I've heard of stories of demons under my bed at my childhood,I used to be scared of it coming out at night and eating me up whole...

What I didn't realise was that the demons don't stays under our beds.. it's stays with us, within us..

It wasn't until later that realisation occurred to me,it wasn't until I had nothing I realised that..but that's not the point.

The point is, I realised that.

I looked into her eyes, something I usually avoid doing if I can,but this is one of the desperate times..

I'm not going to push you,V.

This time she nodded at me,as if reading my mind and.. whoosh.

All the tension left the room as she pulled out a white bra from under my bed and waved it around like a flag until I squealed and pulled it away from her grasp and hid it under my pillow...

Then we burst out laughing.

                            ************

After a hour of bantering around in my room,I finally got up and informed her that I'm going to clean all these shit around my house today..

She rolled her eyes at my idea of cleaning and informed me that my idea of cleaning is shoving things into place until I don't have a option to wash my clothes,or clean the dishes..

I snorted at her,but didn't complain when she volunteered to help me clean my house..

She's much more into cleaning anyway..

We cleaned the house up,and by cleaning,I mean,I tried to shove things into place whenever I thought she isn't looking and got hit by...things.

She scolded me and tried to clean everything up all by herself.. I couldn't be happier by her decision..

After a long, tiresome hour,my apartment looks presentable and we launched ourselves into my bed..

"I'm so tired of doing all these shit.."

I sighed as she snorted..

"You mean you're tired of shoving stuff here and there and getting scolded by me?"

I raised my middle finger at her as I stared to contemplate if I should bring going to the mall to her or not..

"V?" I stared at the blue ceiling of my apartment as I called her name..

"Yea?"

"Don't scream, but I was thinking of going to the mall to get some clothes..."

She squealed and jumped at the mention of shopping, ignoring my previous warning altogether as she dragged me by my hands until I changed into a pair of clean jeans and my dark blue hoodie...

                         *****************

I grinned as I climbed off the red jaguar of V...

I remember the first time I met V,I thought she'd be some bitchy rich brat, but when she walked past plastic blonde telling her to "kiss her ***" as she walked towards me and introduced herself,I had taken an immediate liking of her...

Yes, she's really rich, and can probably have twelve chicks as her maids,but this women doesn't care about her money...

Except for her car, of course..she had named her car Tiffany, and is extremely paranoid of getting a scratch on her baby,but I can tell,she hates the money of Niall as much as she hates him..

"I'm not sure what I'm going to get tho.."I muttered as she walked in front me, waving her hands in the overexcited way she does when she's explaining something good..

I couldn't help the smile as I saw the difference between her and I..

She's wearing a pink dress that wraps around her hourglass figure perfectly,her feet are covered in a pair of pale blue tights that's slightly ripped, covered by a knee high brown boots..

Her perfect cherry blonde hair is also in a high ponytail that swings as she walks,not a hair out of place...her face is free of any makeup, just the way she likes it except the pink lipstick she seems to love..

And..me,well, I'm wearing a blue jeans that has lost it's colour over the years and is now almost white,a dark blue hoodie that has a slight hole in the side,but thankfully it's small enough that people doesn't notices it..

My dark brown hair is wrapped up in a low bun, there's about a thousand locks of unruly hair that has escaped my bun and is now getting into my eyes and face, like all the times..

I haven't put on much makeup as well, just a bit of concealer to cover the dark circles and nothing else..

The point is, you get the idea.. we're polar opposites.

She likes everything that a twenty years old should, shopping, gossiping, getting laid, doing 'fun' stuff as she would call it..

On the other hand,I stay in my room all day,well, all day when I'm not working...or at Evan's..I don't go out,I don't get laid... well you get the idea...

We're fucking polar opposites...

Yet here we are, she's looking like a kid in candy shop as she drags me from counter to counter pulling out clothes I should buy, and I..well,I look like someone just put a lemon in my mouth..

As you can see it somehow works out...

"I'm not wearing this hideous yellow dress.."I trailed off because I didn't want to let her know that even if I liked this dress, which I don't,I wouldn't be able to afford it...

She scowls at my choice of buying a pale green hoodie and a black sweatshirt, and begrudgingly followed me around as I picked up "unfashionable" clothes...

"Atleast buy this one dress.. it'll look really good on you."

I was going to say no to her this time too,but before I could say so,my eyes skimmed over the dark purple dress that she's waving around in front of me..

Biting my lower lip between my teeth,I tried to look at the price tag but she covered the tag before I could look at it..

"You like this one. That's all I need to know."

Pushing the dress into my hands,she shooed me away to try it on..

I was complaining the whole way as I followed her to the trial rooms but my mind wasn't in it..Not really...

I really liked this dress, I'm sure it's way out of my budget but there's no hurt in trying it on, right?

Right.

I nodded at a squealing V as I closed the door and put on the dress..

Damn...

That was my first thought as I watched myself in the reflection..

I, in no way have a perfect figure like V, and my belly isn't all that flat..but this dress...

Wow..

I almost whistled at myself but stopped before I actually did it..

The dress has a low V that isn't too deep or too shallow...just the right amount of cut that shows a little cleavage,not too much to look like a slut...it has a silver lining in the waist,then the dress flares into delicate laces till it reaches my knees..

My boobs are not small, and the dress seems to enhance their shape some more..

I stared at my reflection some more,awed by the way I look in it and mentally cried over the fact that I couldn't afford this..

"Trin?You alive?" Came Venus's voice from the other side and I apologized before walking out to let her see me in this dress..

"Oh ****.. you'll make guys hard if you look like this,Trin. You got to buy this."

She didn't stop her whistle like I did,but I was sure mortified..well,not mortified,but I don't want guys to get hard..

"I..I can't buy this." I want to,but I can't..

Here's another difference between me and V,you can actually pursuede me into doing something,or not doing it in this case..but that lady is stubborn as ****.

"This dark violet dress is on me.." She informed the counter guy,who was too busy looking at V to notice me shaking my head to not take her Bait...

After going through the mall, and the pizza shop where we wolfed down our cheese pizzas,V dropped me in my apartment and informed me she'll be at her boyfriend's tonight for obvious reasons..

I winked at her as I walked into my apartment...

I didn't even look where I shoved the brand new clothes of mine,of course except the violet dress that I neatly put into the dresser..

Then I just jumped into the bed and I was out...

I gotta get up early tomorrow, Evan won't be home so I'll have to babysit Eve,then I'll be going to Niall's...

Tomorrow is gonna be a eventful day...

That was my last thought before I drifted off to sleep...

Note: Little did Trin realised that tomorrow is gonna be a eventful day for her, alright! 😉😉

After making myself another cup of black coffee,exactly two spoon sugar,I walked around my place looking like a zombie with a cute pale pink T-shirt I've bought yesterday from Target....

I started to untangle the mess of dark brown hair on top of my head..

I didn't get more than four hours sleep yesterday, and with the we works we did, and shopping,I am tired to the bones and probably looking like a complete dead person...

Finally,I untangled the mop of my hair and started to braid it make myself look presentable..

I laughed at the irony of my thoughts..

We're trying to look presentable now,are we?

I shook my head at my sudden snarky comment and put on a pair of blue jeans that I've owned since... forever.

It seems like I've been here since forever..

It's... I'd like to say funny but it's really not how everything I've always wanted to forget is always there, just under the surface..any chance it gets and it always reminds me of my past..of myself... of everything I didn't want to remember..

Shaking my head at my sudden outburst of hatred towards my mind, I put on the only pair of white sneakers I've got...

Without any further waiting, I dialed Evan's number..

I don't want to sit here by myself and think..  it needs to stop...

He picked up in the second ring, making it obvious that he's awake already..

I rolled my eyes as I put him on speaker..

Of course he is, that guy is a friggin control freak..he probably woke Eve up at this early, just because he's going to his uncle's..

"I hope you didn't woke Eve up, it's really early now..let her sleep."

Without anymore pleasantries,I got to the point...

Yep that's me. Always the professional..

He just laughed from the other end and informed me that he hasn't... Good.

"I'm already on my way..be there in a bit. Don't get outside."

"Go to hell, Gaeddert "

I hung up listening to the thundering laugh of Evan..

Ever the control freak he is, he warned me not to get out into the cold air, which I'm not going to anyway...

I don't like people to order me around, but I really don't mind when it's him, he knows I'm not gonna listen to him for the most part anyway...

True to his word, I heard a knock on my door at right five thirty and opened the door to reveal a shivering dude..

"You look like shit." Evan grinned at me as I pushed by his shoulder to get outside and the cold air hit my face..

"Gee.. thanks for the compliment, asshole."I rubbed my palms to make it a bit warm..

This cold weather is seriously fucking with me..

Thankfully, I've been to Target yesterday and bought this dark violet sweater that I'm starting to love as I climbed up his truck..

Evan's truck was much more warm than the cold air outside so I couldn't help the relieved sigh as I slumped against the leather seat..

I don't get what guys love about all these masculine stuff.. leather seat, leather jacket leather ****.. unnecessary waste of money.

Smirking at my sudden inside jokes,I looked around the familiar environment as we drove the short distance from my house to Evan's..

"Thanks for taking care of Eve today,Trin. I wouldn't know what to do if it wasn't for you taking care of her.."

He thanked me for taking care of Eve for the  thousandth of time and I rolled my eyes,as always..

"Do you see me thanking you because you saved my life, literally." I shook my head at him, "Besides,Eve isn't as annoying as you so

you can chill now.."

He chuckled, muttering a "Yes ma'am " before he concentrated on the road....

The drive was silent afterwards,but it wasn't uncomfortable..

After all,we spend one frigging week in complete silence!

I know he doesn't likes it when I bring that up, but I'm just saying.....

So you know, whatever.

I rolled my eyes at him as he started about talking what I am to do to take care of his little sister but I shushed him by plugging in my earphones..

"I know what I exactly need to do to take care of your sister,so you can stop ordering me.. Besides, I'm never gonna follow through your plans,we both know that."

I stuck out my tongue before replying him, and I tuned out the world..

                             ************

The short drive took more time than it should, because ofcourse Evan is a safe driver..

I wouldn't say the same about me tho..not that I have a car or anything.

But I know how to drive, since my best friend is a nut and wants me to know everything of cars, including how to drive one..

I didn't had a choice..

I smiled and waved at Evan as he dropped me off at his house and went to his uncle's, then I picked the copy of Pride and prejudice before paddling into Eve's room..

Opening the door as soundlessly as possible,I walked inside her room..

She remembers me of the barbie dolls I used to be so in love with when I was a kid. Everything in her house is either pink, white or violet.. these are her favourite colours,as she'd remark..The bed is shaped as a flower, pink fluffy pillows are scattered everywhere along with blue, yellow, pink and some other colours of teddy bears..

One of the biggest teddy,a giant red bear that's bigger than her own self (who she calls as Mr. Taffy) is lying beside her,one of her hand hugging it tightly to her chest..

Eve has red hair, like fire..the same as Evan.

She's only six but her features are already sharp enough to make her look much older...

I smiled as I looked at her little arms hugging a the teddy as she mumbled in her sleep...

She is like a exact same replica of his brother, just smaller.. She has the same nose,eyes and hair as her brother..

It makes me sad that her mother would leave this little girl just for the sake of her own life....

But it's no surprise to me that what people can do for their own selves..or should I say, what they would not do?

Again,I shook my head as I stared at the little girl sleeping peacefully on her bed..

I'm not the most reliable person,I agree but somehow Eve has made her way into my my mind...

It amazes me how she made me talk for the first time,as it amazes me that even when she's only six she doesn't mentions her mum because "that'd hurd Bobbie"....

I patted her head slightly, careful enough not to wake her as I do so before walking outside to get her breakfast ready..

I didn't check the clock but it was already past seven when I started making omelets..

That poor little thing doesn't gets to sleep more than a little past six everyday..

I'd literally die if I were to wake up that early!

When Evan isn't here and she doesn't have school today, I'll cut her some slacks and let her sleep for as long as she wants to..

I grinned as I remembered that Evan told me to wake Eve at exactly seven AM but we both know that I'll do what I want..

"Goodmorning Tin Tin.."

I smiled at the sound of Eve's voice as she came into the kitchen...

"Good morning,Eve bear. You're awake already?"

I grinned as she smiled evilly at me..

"Yeah, Evan would kill you if he knows you let me sleep till nine thirty.."

I waved my hand in the air, smirking down at the six years old..For a six years old, she's got a head of a adult..

"If only he gets to know that. Which he won't. You slept exactly till seven AM then we watched TV while eating breakfast.."

She giggled as she walked to the sink and poured her a glass of water.

"That's why I love you so much,Tin Tin...My mouth is sealed."

I grinned back at her, "Now let's get you some food, your brother would kill me if he knows you're starving till now.."

"Omelets!I love omelets!" She squealed as she started digging in her omelet..

I stared at my cereals before putting one spoon in my mouth...

"Thanks for taking care of me,Tin Tin."

I stared at the little girl eating her breakfast peacefully, and couldn't help but think about the similarities between us two..

I was almost like her..minus the plush toys of course, because my parents would never afford it..and they didn't care enough also, correction,my father didn't care enough to buy me any toys..

But I was much mature than the other kids my age,it could be because of my...environment or it could be something else, I'm not sure either way..but I was always very silent. Calm.

Well.. maybe calm isn't the word. Because I never felt.. calm. It has always been complete chaos, inside and out of my head..

I was walking down the memory lane so I didn't realise that Eve was waiting for a reply,not until she cleared her throat atleast..

I flinched as I came into present time, revealing in the circumstances that makes a kid lose it's innocence..

I never remember being innocence, maybe because I never was.

I stared back at the little girl still eating her food without much of a word,but somehow I knew what she was thinking..

"Eve. You're not a burden,on anyone. Not on me, not on Bobbie. You get that?Don't ever beat yourself up over this.."

I stared into her eyes to make her realise how much I mean these words,and thankfully she looked up and stared back at me,her grey eyes and my green one stared into each other for a few moments before she looked away, nodding slightly to let me know that she understands..

I hope she does, seriously.

"I'll.... turn the TV on,then we can watch barbie dolls together.."

I backtracked, grinning at her as I turned the TV on..

After all,I don't want her to feel uncomfortable for the whole time I stay with her..

This is one of the rare moments when she squeals as I sat across from her on the L shaped couch of Evan that is strictly forbidden for Eve to sit on because she leaves popcorns all over it..

"This day is the best day of my life,Tin Tin!" She squealed some more as I handed her a bag full of popcorns...

Mine as well, little one.. I thought but I just smiled at her as she started gushing about barbie and her sisters..

                         ***************

By the time it was noon,she was fast asleep at the couch after eating a half of the extra cheese pizza she's forbidden to eat, and I'm still smiling at myself as I open the door for Evan to get in..

"I hope she didn't-"

I know he was worrying that she created problems for me, which he sure as hell knows she won't so I just cut to the crap and flipped him off..

"I'm sure we had fun doing everything you've forbidden Eve to do..."

He stopped whatever he was saying and shook his head as he kept his coat in the hanger before walking inside and smiled at Eve as she snorted slightly at the couch..

"I see, you've done a good job of doing everything I had warned you not to.."

He grinned at me as he walked to Eve, pulling her into his arms as he carried her to her bedroom..

Thankfully,she stirred but didn't wake from her sleep as she was laid down onto her bed and I turned the lights off..

As soundlessly as possible, we came out of her room and I launched myself into his couch..

"Your sister is the sweetest thing ever." I remarked but then groaned as I remembered that I still have to go to the club in... one hour.

Just great.

I stared at Evan, who looks almost smug as he picks up two coffee mugs and fills it to the brim,mine black and his with as much cream as it can support....

I rolled my eyes as he purposefully gave three spoon of sugar and smirked at me as he handed me the cup..

"Jerk." I muttered, receiving the cup from him as he sat from across of me..

He snorted,"Says someone who snaps at people to get their attention off her."

I just rolled my eyes at him this time,no need to put on the show of hostility..

"How was your day yesterday?I heard some drunk shit came into the club while you were inside.."

I almost sprayed coffee all over his spotless couch.... almost.

That stupid bitch!She can't keep her mouth shut!

"Um..It was okay. I managed."

I coughed into the cup as I stared at the dark black liquid..

"Care to elaborate what exactly happened yesterday?"

Evan isn't much bigger than me, probably twenty five years old, that makes five years difference between us..

But if you're impressed with his mildness and think he's a softie, I'll give you a advice.. Don't.

This guy knows how to make people cry,as he knows how to make them laugh..

He looks upon me as a sister,so I wouldn't be surprised if he starts to scold me now....tho he hasn't scolded me .Ever.

But I've watched him scold Eve, and trust me,it isn't nice.. thankfully,I had played as her savior every time when he started to get really angry..

Or I hope I was...

I definitely don't want him to scold me like that, dammit...

Not that I'm scared of him or anything..

I sighed.. okay,Trin. Time to grow some balls..

I finally looked up at him,well..his forehead as I repeated the occurrences of yesterday..

I waited for him to scream at me,or tell me that I was careless to leave the door open at that time of night, much less stay there till that late..

I guess there's still a little part of me scared of screaming as I sat there,my shoulders stiff and hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly..

But as always, Evan surprised me by patting me in the shoulder,it was a simple gesture but I cringed inwardly..

There's the thing with me, even after all these years.. I feel dirty.

I still feel the hands against my skin as I screamed..

I closed my eyes tightly to make the images of my past go away,but they just kept coming.. making me feel sick from inside out.

I didn't realise that I had stood up and was walking until I walked outside and felt the freezing air hit my bare skin..

I had decided to put off my sweater halfway through today,but I'm thankful that I did as I stared at the trees that has covered in white..

This time,I didn't move away from the cold air,I welcomed it to me..to make me feel numb again.

I don't want to feel anything.

I screamed but nothing came out of my mouth as I just stood there for...for I don't know how long.

I just know that I stood there until I felt the cold air seeping into every bones,every pores of my skin, making my toes and fingers numb.. I stood there until I felt numb.

Inside and outside.

Then,I unlocked the door and walked inside...

Evan was sitting in the same position he was sitting when I left him, the only difference is that he's got a box in front of him...a leather box,by the way it looks..

I looked at the ground as I walked to him, soundlessly... That's the problem,when I expect me to scream,to cry to do something other than being silent,I don't..

I just turn.. silent.

He didn't look at me when he stood up.

"It's time we get to Niall's..You get ready, I'll drive you by."

I didn't look at him as I replied..I couldn't.

How could I?He was only trying to help me when I just go on and..shut off on him.

But that's the problem..I don't know how to not shut off.

"I.. I'm sorry for that, Evan..I shouldn't have had done-"

I was cut off as he waved his hand in a dismissing manner,

"I get it,Trin. You don't need to be sorry for anything...I get it."

This time,I stared at him to see if he's lying or not, and he nodded meaning everything he said.

What he didn't say is that: You don't need to push anything.

That's the good thing about Evan Gaeddert, he can be downright annoying but you won't find another guy as understanding as him.. I can bet on that!

"I'll meet you in a bit.."I stared at the clock to see I have half an hour to get ready today..

Okay..I don't wanna be late today!

                             *************

Tying the grey apron strings as I walked to the main door that differentiates the staff-only room and the club,I sighed...

Okay. Let's do this..

Taking in a deep breath,I pushed the big glass doors and peeked inside..

The thing with Niall's is that it's a somewhat spherical room with tiny prisms covering the whole ceiling that reflects the light coming from the tiny club laser lights that is situated in between these prisms, making half of the room look like it's space..

However,the dancing floor that I'm so fucking terrified of is dim, with only red lasers moving along with each of the bumps and beats of the Ellie Goulding music that people love so much..

I'm sure Niall choose the dim lighting because he's full aware of people's intention as they dance in there..

I gulped audibly, almost certain that people can hear me..

Thankfully,no one paid any attention to the girl peeking into the club looking like she'll puke on the floor..

And the funniest thing is that, I'll have to reach the bar,that is actually seated right in the middle of the dancing floor... that means, I'll have to push through the heavy mass of people dancing wildly to reach my destination...

Another gulp.

You'd think after working two years in this place, I'd finally be able to get my shit together as I walk by the small distance from the door to the bar and not jump at every beat with the song as if someone smacked me in the ***...

But no such luck, even now..

I'm still that scardy cat who jumps at the slightest sounds of voice behind my ear,or when I feel someone's hand brush over my skin...

Ugh.Lets get this over with,Trin..

Cringing at the feeling as I felt all the people dancing around me and their bodies touching with mine,I tried to dodge them but it was of no use as people brushed by me...

I don't what happened exactly,but I felt my feet stopping, right in the middle of the dance floor where people are dancing wildly.. enjoying themselves,just in the moment.

I closed my eyes,and for a fraction of moment I was back in the days again...

I was again the five years old kid, hiding away in his father's wardrobe as the screams reflected through the walls of the wardrobe, making her bite into her lip until she tasted the coppery taste of blood in her mouth..

I felt the shiver wreaking through her body as she heard something like glass breaking,then the sound of leather smacking with skin filled her ears..

Pressing her tiny palms against her face,she screamed..

Or she tried to,but nothing came out of her mouth as she felt the salty taste of tears mix with the taste of blood in her mouth..

Then suddenly, I felt the scene change in front me,I felt the darkness of the wardrobe vanish,and for a second I felt peace.. like, that nightmare was finally over..

I saw darkness,or better,I only saw darkness in front of me...I was revealing in the peace of the moment when I was thrown into another scene...

I felt my body jerking as they bound me to the headboard, making my screaming stop as they pushed a wad of cloth in my mouth..

I screamed, struggled wildly but it was a lost cause..

I was alone, always alone as I tried fighting off the guy who tried to bind my wrists together..

Let me go!

I screamed,but they didn't hear another word as I was thrown into the bed,my head hit the metal headboard as one of them started to tear the shirt apart from my body..

I tried screaming again,but the cloth around my mouth wasn't helping,I only managed to release a strangled sob..

like the one you see a wild animal do when they're hurt.. trying to fight with the last breath left in their body..

I looked at my father, willing him to understand me..to stop them..

No! Don't! Don't do this,dad. Don't let them do this to me.. Please. Please..

I waited for him to drag the guy with yellow teeth off of me as he finally managed to tear the cloth off my body, exposing me for all to see..

I released another one of those strangled sob as they run their filthy hands off of me..

Please father.. Save me.

I looked into the eyes of my father again, praying for the last time for him to understand me...

It was only then,he smiled at me,his white teeth gleaming in the light as he made his way to me...

For a fraction of second,I had hope..I had hope that I had finally got to my father,and he'll now free me..Save me.

But as he made his way towards me,I saw the guy with yellow teeth grin wickedly at him as he backed off..

What...

I didn't get the chance to end my thought as he leaned over my ear and started whispering,his voice coaxing me like I was still a five year old kid..

"Shhh..baby. Don't make a sound, your mama's sleeping in the next room.You don't want to wake her,do you?"

I gasped,or I think I did as he started laughing wildly...there was no warmness in his laugh now..

It sent chills down my spine and I started to struggle harder..

"I'll be done with you before you even realise it,now shut your filthy mouth and let me **** you."

My eyes burst open as I realised I was standing in middle of a number of people who had now stopped their dancing and is currently staring at me standing there like a statue.

I didn't realise I was crying until a drop of moisture dropped in my outstretched palm that was covering my mouth tightly..

I didn't wait to gauge the reaction of the spectators who watched me breaking down before I was rushing into the restrooms..

I forced my shaking hands to to lock me into one of the toilet and sat onto it,now feeling more exhausted than ever..

I swiped at the moisture in my cheeks,as the shiver wreaked over my body...

You'll never be able to heal..

Covering my palms over my mouth,I screamed..

I want to forget this!

I don't want to remember the hands over my bare skin!

I don't want to remember the words of my...him!

I want to let it go!

There were so many thoughts running in my mind,utter chaos,they were just trying to break free of the invisible barrier,and come out from under the surface...

I opened my mouth to scream again but only a strangled whimper made it's way out of my mouth as I collapsed to the ground..

It's always been like this.. Everytime I think I'm almost there, I've almost forgot the days..then it all comes rushing back to me, breaking me bits by bits..

I don't know how long I just sat there, screaming silently as I stared at the ground but when I felt the pain numbing my senses,I pulled myself together and stood up..

After unlocking the door,I checked if anyone was there and when realised that the place was empty except the occasional trembling sounds of my breathing,I walked to the mirror and looked into my reflection..

Yep. I look like shit...

My eyeliner has made two lines of black in both of my cheeks and the makeup I've put on has now almost washed off, and I don't even want to talk about the state of my lipstick..

I pulled out another wad of tissue that I keep in my apron and started cleaning the mess I made in my face, after much scrubbing and washing when I've finally made all the makeup leave my face again,I tossed the napkin into the dustbin and sighed...

God knows what they're thinking I'm doing now..I gotta get back to the bar now..

Licking my lips,a nervous gesture I've got from Venus,I gave myself a pep talk..

Okay,Trin..You got this. You just need to avoid eye contact till eleven and then you are free to go..You got this.

I sighed again,but this time not letting myself think any further,I pushed the doors of the restrooms open and walked outside,my mind set that I'm gonna do this right...

                          ***************

I didn't look at anyone as I started on making the drinks...

Of course,I didn't want anyone whispering about the strange chick of Niall's crying in the club..

I smirked at myself, remembering that there's a song of Camilla Cabello of the exact name...

Ahh..what a irony it is!

However,I was thankful that my job was to make drinks,not deliver them, I delivered it because I like doing it.. sometimes.

Today isn't one of the times..

I avoided looking into people,and also talking to them as much as possible..

Occasional smiling and nodding,I can somewhat do but I don't have it in me to make small talks with people so I called V to work outside while I serve her the drinks..

It was my time to deliver the drinks today, according to plastic blonde but as V noticed the terrified look on my face,she chased her off and let me work inside,where I'm most comfortable..

"Thanks V. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for you chasing bitch queen off.."I whispered to her as she joined me in the bar..

She grinned at me,but her face become serious as she asked if I'm okay..

That's the good thing about V, it doesn't matter how big her mouth is,her heart is bigger...tho she looks like some cranky bitch all the time, she's a real softie..

I remembered for the nth time how thankful I am to have friends like her in my life and nodded with a small smile..

"It's just..I had a cold. And I didn't wanted to work outside today.."

I know I lied,but... surprisingly enough, I'm still not ready to reveal my past to her,so I thought lying was the best option..

"You want me to ask Niall to let you go now?You know,he won't say no if I ask.."

I smiled back at her, knowing how much she hates talking to Niall yet she's willing to talk to him just because I'm sick,fake sick..

I won't lie,I was thinking of using this opportunity and getting a leave early,but then I told my subconscious to shove it and shook my head at her, assuring her that I'll be alright..

As much as I'd like to hide inside my room and never come back out, I'm never going to hide from myself..

Because the real demons always stays within yourself..

I was done..I was fucking done being the scared little girl anymore..

                          ***************