The idea of re-birth is fascinating. It is amazing that you have a chance to go through all the experiences in life once again. But does this happen? Is it just a mere fantasy? But here she is, still the size of a baby. If she was not reborn than why was she back to the past? Only time-travel & rebirth could explain what was happening. She could now undo all of the mistakes she had done in her previous life by choosing other options.

This time she decided she won't leave her grandma's side & try her best to stay with her for as long as possible. And give up the opportunity to study abroad because in her previous life, her grandpa passed away while she was abroad & busy preparing for her exams. She would choose a good path for herself & no longer restrain her desire to pursue art.

She knew she wouldn't be able to fulfill everything, the way she wanted but she wished that this time she could make amends for her ignorance. This time round she could make herself a better person & avoid those friends of hers who led her astray. She now decides she will stand up for herself when someone wrongs her. She must become stronger & confident to be able to take her mom away from trouble & all sorts of burden. She knew this was her chance to redeem the past.

In the past, she was selfish & self- indulgent drowning in her own sorrows which led her into leaving her mother behind in that abusive household. Everyone told her she was selfish for choosing to leave on her own without her mother, but she thought she was right. Because she stayed on for more than two decades just for the sake of her mother. But thinking back she seemed to have left out something, that was that she wasn't the only child. She had siblings, of whom she knew nothing much, her mother had stayed on for thier sake, while she didn't.

This time she swore she would choose better, think her decisions thoroughly & make up for her previous regrets.

But, life doesn't give second chances does it? She watches on helplessly as the history repeats itself. Unable to control it she loses her sanity. Her grandma dies, her grandpa also dies just as in the past. She became more insane day by day. People around her thought the grief of losing two of her close kins must've gotten to her, saying 'Time will heal everything'.

But does it?

Someday she drags her body to leave the bed, and live another day assuring herself 'it would be okay'. Numbing herself to loud music on her wired headphones. Cutting papers, as slitting herself would be painful and she was a coward. Struggling to fall asleep past midnight, waiting for dawn, hoping she could lose her breath silently and without anyone noticing. To her, another dawn meant another day of putting on a false facade of happiness. Dreading the coming of another day, the world she had so loved had now become a weary place for her.

Only she and her diary knew what's going on as she wrote night after night : Will someone get me out of here please. Gotta get out of here soon.If I continue my stay here I might rot to death. Someone take pity on me. Mom, looks like I'll die ahead of you... at this rate. That's good too... I don't have to mourn anyone.You're the last person I care about in this world. But you have your own dear ones.

During the day, she's a jovial person laughing about like a normal happy person. The same happy person with friends, numbing herself with the daily silliness of life. At dark, her mood blends with the night, breaking down as the false mask falls off as soon as she's within the safe space of her room.

Her mother had been so busy with her own life, and her daughter had been so strong. She hadn't noticed she had drastically changed. Moreover, she had been so good at keeping up appearances. She barely seemed abnormal.

Had she? Only she knew she hadn't picked up a book for years...books she had loved, stayed up overnight to finish it, books that she had lined up for hours to get, books that mattered so much she spent all her yearly savings on it. Never touched her easel or paints for more than five years...the thing that, made her feel alive. Nor had she traveled for so long the thing that, kept her happy for days on end.

Years went by as she held onto the slight fear of slitting her wrist. But then came the breaking point, she could no longer handle it. One can only hold onto nothing for so long ain't it?

That was the end of her sleepless nights, restless days, mental hurdles and physical struggle.

The end.

She was known as a cold-hearted Introvert, workaholic and a quiet girl whom no one dared to approach. She had that cold beauty which gave others the chills, though she had many pursuers, admirers or persons who wanted to be-friend her but eventually gave up because of her cold attitude.

Her nearly perfect behavior, cold personality and domineering aura made her unapproachable. Her colleagues and students all liked her but no one dared to get close to her.

She was an immigrant who taught in one of the most prestigious University and held a high position. Her work was stable yet she had jobs such as an anonymous Horror novelist, Comedy script writer and in her free time she volunteered in orphanages and old age homes. Most of her salary went to her family back in her country of whom no one else knew except herself, donating the remaining money to old age homes and orphanages. Kind as she seemed no one saw warmth in her smile or felt joy in her laughter. Her eyes had that emptiness which felt like a bottomless pit. It was like she had a shield which prevented people from coming close to her. She was "so close yet so far". She excelled in almost everything that she did, making others feel inferior for she never showed her flaws and emotions no matter what she faced. She was a blank page that couldn't be deciphered.

Until, a warm sunny person claiming to be her brother came in search of her at the University, he had enrolled himself to be with her. She coldly refused him and thought of moving away to another state yet he persisted and made her stay. Two years later, her two sisters and parents also immigrated to where she was, they bought a house and began to persistently call her to live in with them yet, cold-hearted as she was, finally decided to move to another country. Every member of her family thought she was cold-hearted and unfilial only her mom knew the reason.

A few years back she was the top student in her school and she was a promising daughter to whom her siblings, friends and mates look up to, her sunny and approachable personality made her likeable. Parents used her as an example to teach their child to look up to yet she became an unfiliail daughter in thier eyes when she left behind everything and went abroad after her graduation. She sent a large amount of money for her sibling's studies and her parent's living but she never returned home.

She grew up with her granny and when she passed away leaving her all alone, she could no longer fall sleep when someone slept beside her, she had to sleep alone, put off the light and close the blinds inorder to fall asleep. After a month of persistent pleading she went to live with her mom who had now remarried with a baby girl. Her parents treated her well and she had another baby sister and two years later a baby brother bringing her great joy. Her siblings often wanted to sleep with her leaving her no choice and she would wake up to nightmares and fall asleep when she slept on the carpet alone.By morning, she would wake up early to prepare breakfast and no one would notice she had slept on the ground.

She was a girl of few words, quietly reading a book in her leisure time, she stayed in residential schools and seldom came home for holidays which made her home unfamiliar and she paid what she could with her scholarship and never was a spendthrift. She had a few real friends but she never was close with them and only spend time with few individuals. Being an introverted girl, she seldom spoke but did so when necessary so no one took it as rude but rather admirable.Teachers liked her personality and even the Principal liked her a lot as a model student. Yet every of her perfect image in others eyes were shattered into pieces when they saw her become unfilial and leaving her family alone.

Her relatives and siblings asked her not to go yet she never turned back... her mom remained silent and prepared everything for her, she wished all the best and let her go. Everyone hated her yet no one knew that she had an unimaginable secret which only she knew. She could be the Professor she wanted to be, travel the world with her family and have lots of delicious food to her hearts content had 'that thing' not occurred on that fateful day.

She wasn't perfect as everyone thought she was, she had faceblindness but she learnt to remember people close to her by their smell, voice, clothing and the way they walked, she also had a poor sense of direction for she was unfamiliar with the place called her 'home', she seldom went out of the house when she came home or took her dog with her if she had to. Because without the dod guiding her she would lose her way home had, she gone far.

She hated the bright light and the blinds or curtains being kept open in her room for it reminded her of her granny who kept everything bright because of her failing eyes. She found it difficult to express herself and tended to think before doing something or speaking. People's praises and expectations of her gave her pressure and she strived hard to be perfect in everything, making her more and more of a perfectionist. Though she smiled a lot she seldom spoke. Her sunny personality attracted people to her yet she kept to her few friends but, just being amiable with everyone else. She remained a perfect daughter and a model student an example until, the time she left her country, family, relatives,friends and everything.

A few years after her graduation everyone was looking forward to her because she always shone no matter what she did, she herself anticipated her future and planned to continue her further studies and in the mean time be financially independent and look after her siblings. She could be perfect If not for 'that thing' and if that had not happened on that fateful day.

'She went to a Bookstore near her home and as always she had her head up in the clouds. Given her poor sense of direction in an unfamiliar place she walked on and on till she realized that she was going deeper and deeper into the forest, then she walked towards what she thought was the way out which led to her 'doom'. Her parents and relatives searched for her the whole night only to find her return home the next day 'unharmed'. When asked what happened she simply replied she 'got lost on her way home went deeper into the forest, spent a night in the forest and continued walking the next day till she saw the highway waked towards it and luckily met their neighbor's vehicle passing that way so she got home with them'. They were relieved hearing this and each went back to their own home, everyone else went back to what they were doing.

She decided to take a bath with hot water so she poured the bathtub full with boiling water, she seemed to have lost her feeling of pain for she poured the boiling water till it scalded her body, she scrubbed her body till it became dark with all the skin rubbed so hard, she felt a sense of satisfaction which was like removing something filthy. The feeling of being 'defiled' disgusted her so much and she wanted to stop thinking about it again and again but everything remained in her head vividly. She felt so guilty, worthless, and physically and mentally tired. She couldn't accept reality and continued soaping herself again and again feeling dirty all over and wanted to peel off her own skin.....till she heard a knock on the Bathroom door by her brother saying he wanted to take a shower.

She went out in her bath robe went to the kitchen got the Knife and played with it, deep in her thoughts till...she heard her sister come into the kitchen she went to the Fridge took an Apple and went into her room, on the way she stared at the rope lying on the floor of the storeroom. She thought it looked strong enough for her purpose, she went in her room stabbed the Apple furiously several times but felt bad for it was her favorite fruit and gobbled it up.

As she changed into her nightgown she saw the clothes that she wore yesterday which made her unable to control herself as she frantically searched for the scissors and began continously cutting it into pieces, it was one of her favorite clothes. As her mother approached the door, she heard soft sobs and the cutting sound of scissors, she felt shocked for she never had seen her daughter's tears. She came to bring her something to eat for she thought her daughter was too tired to come for family dinner which she never missed.

Her mother entered and saw her child in such a disheveled manner; uncombed hair, and a body battered with bruises, injuries and scalded wounds. She fell to the ground in disbelief as she saw her daughter in such a state, the daughter turned to see her mom on the ground and was surprised. Her mother noticed the blood stained clothes but her daughter calmly said "Where do I burn this?" bringing back to reality she felt sick to her stomach...she then put on a jacket, wore a trouser and went to burn the clothes, as she did so, she felt the sense of removing something dirty like, clearing garbage and putting it into the waste bin.

She came back to her room to see her mom sitting 'still' on the ground and as she entered her mom rushed out to get the First-aid kit, made her sit on the bed and applied ointment and balm for the burns, bruises and the injuries. As she applied the ointments she felt so bad for her child and hugged her tightly in her bosom, she cried silently and as they hugged she felt a sense of relief, a feeling she had never felt before, a feeling of 'home'... she broke into soft sobs and wept bitterly. Though she had never shared her personal life with her mother and was never close she felt a sense of familiarity like that of her granny's smell, a soothing earthy-like smell which was her favorite smell, she wept bitterly like a small child which broke her mother's heart and she felt the child whom she had once thought to be matured, sensible, confident, fearless and perfect was still a little child who never knew how to express herself.

Though she never said a word, her mother instinctively knew what had happened and began to blame herself for not protecting her daughter well. She thought 'When did her fearless and perfect daughter fear anything? A night in the forest would never scare her', yet when she saw the blood stains on the clothes, bruise on her neck, limbs and body besides the scalded and scrapped wounds she knew things were different. She came to a sickening realization.

Then, she thought "had my mother come into my room a little late the daughter she would be holding in her arms would be that of a deceased". Well, she decided to end everything herself with the knife under her pillow after taking into consideration the rope in the storehouse, the balcony, rooftop, the bathtub, every possible way but she didn't want to give any sort of trouble to her family. Luckily her mom came to check on her thinking, that she might be too tired to come for family dinner. Her mom's arrival saved her. She tells her mother to no longer pursue the matter.

She then decided to leave home, which was against everyone's wishes though her mother said nothing but prepared everything for her and supported her decision. She left, leaving everyone disappointed...She decided to let go of her past and inorder to do these she wanted to go 'to a place where no one knew her' and her past...she didn't want to stay in a place where everything reminded her of what she went through. She gradually completed her studies while doing part-time jobs and became financially independent by working part- time, then started working as a Professor in a University, later transferred to one of the most prestigious University. But her feelings, emotions were all buried.

Until her brother came.... later, her whole family immigrated to where she was and with thier warm heartedness, she changed slowly with time and unchanging love into a sunny, jovial person the person who she once was. She and her family depended on each other and still volunteered in orphanages and old age homes who are now glad to see warmth in her smile and pure joy in her laughter.

She had "numbed" herself the moment her granny left her as a means to protect herself, that shield was slowly melting with the love she received from her family yet when she felt bare, filthy and torn she choose to put her shield thicker than before and decided to stay inside her 'Protective Shield' like that of a Tortoise which hides when facing danger...The child in her got used to being alone and independent that even when she grew up she was unable to express herself which made her a cold-hearted person.

Don't judge a person by their looks you never know what they've been through...

Cheers to those who have survived abusive households, SA..."You're Amazing"

Note:This is fictional.

...The end....

It was her unique deep voice that made me remember her. She never spoke if not spoken to, never did she laugh and smiled only once in awhile. She transferred and came in our final year just one year before graduation. She had excellent grades but was never sociable and always kept to herself. She was either in the library or in the classroom all alone during break. We were once paired up for an assignment and that's when I saw her eyes, they were such a beautiful pair of eyes...it sparkled yet looked mysterious. I tried befriending her but she was cold and unapproachable.

She responded to people in a few words and only nodded and said "hmm" most of the time. So it made it very difficult to communicate with her. I knew nothing about her though we've spent a few months together. I tried hard to be-friend her and slowly after six months I got her contact number yet I dared not contact her, for fear of annoying her unless I had a good reason.

Then one day I received a call from her in the middle of the night, she said she was glad to have met me and that I tried so hard to be-friend her. She then said, she was moving away from this place and that she's about to leave right then...As she said her goodbye she hung up the call giving me no chance to say anything.

I searched for her address but she had really moved away, she cut off all contacts with those few she knew which were only me, our homeroom teacher and her house owner. I was dejected and wanted to find her and ask her personally why she had suddenly left but she never picked my call...

Then as I sat on the staircase of her house ,the house owner came and seeing me, she told me to go back and that she wouldn't return anymore. I asked her the reason which she reluctantly told me after so much persuasion.

Her father was a alcoholic who relied on her to earn his living and his booze money after the death of her mother when she was young. Her mother died saving her in a fire which explains the scar on her arm, her father unable to accept his wife's death began drinking and soon lost his senses and became a lunatic beating up her whenever she refused give him money for booze.

She started earning at the age of fourteen, as soon as her mother died and she learnt to be independent while managing her studies with a little help from the school. She ran away from home at the age of fifteen yet, her father came in search of her wherever she went and as a little girl she could never go far.

As she reached eighteen, she finally went out of her city and came to my city two years ago but then her father persistently searched for her and forced her to go back home with him which explains why she suddenly left .

I suddenly realized my life has been so good and that her life has been a living hell.. I've never worked for feeding myself not to mention pay for my fees. I lived in my comforts under my parent's care and had always been dependent on them.She must have had such difficult times and she had her reasons to being so aloof was what I thought as I heard the house owner say all those unimaginable things about her.

After my graduation I began working and went to her city on impulse. I never thought I would meet her in such a bad condition...she had become so thin and pale, her voice was frail and weak. My heart ached as I saw her in this state. She pretended not to know me yet I insisted that I knew her and that I was her friend to which she finally admitted.

I tried to meet her daily but my work schedule was very busy so I could seldom see her and she always tried to avoid me. I felt that she might even dislike me but her life made me want to be with her and be her trust worthy friend, I wanted her to get the warmth I got from my family. I liked her sincerely and wanted to be a part of her life which kept me going back to her.

She started warming up to me after a few months and we became closer that's when I realized she had faced much more than what I've seen and heard yet I didn't want to force her to share but was willing to wait until the right time. For five years we've been friends yet we were never close I genuinely tried hard but she kept on pushing me away.

Then I became busy with my work as exams drew nearer for my students and I had to work till late night that's when she began showing her concern for me, she came to pick me up daily when I came home late and would bring something warm for me to eat. I felt her genuine love though she tried hard to conceal and I felt happy about it. I thought my persistence had finally paid off..

As she came to pick me often people began suspicious of our relationship yet we were the best of friends nothing more not to mention I'm straight and I think she too was or so...She smiled a lot more and laughed occasionally her laughter was filled with pure happiness and I felt really glad.

Our friendship had gone for ten years and we began to live together that's when she told me everything about herself ....She was blamed for her mother's dead, and her father forced her to work and earn for his booze, he beated her up if she didn't bring home her daily wage and starved her for the night. Her grades had to be the best and she was not allowed to go out of her house or make friends those she befriended were treated harshly so they no longer tried befriending her....

Her teachers liked her yet they couldn't help her much, her relatives all neglected her and their neighbors who tried to help were insulted badly by her father. Her life was a living hell, she tried running away several times but her father reported her missing and found her back everytime. He hunted her down everywhere and tied her down as his servant, he blamed her for her mother's death and daily reminded her she was supposed to pay back for her evil deed.

She lived in fear daily and her next few words filled my heart with warmness... She said she was scared when I tried getting close to her then slowly she didn't want me to lose me so she tried to ignore me so that she could prevent herself from becoming dependent on me. She said I was the only ray of 'sunlight' in her dark life and that she envied me dining with my family daily and having to laugh and cry together with my family. She wanted to have a family as warm as mine to pick her up on rainy days from school when I forgot my umbrella and to take her away from school as I was taken on my dad's back when I got sick in school. She envied me a lot when I smiled and laughed without any worries and that, I had relatives I could go to If my family went somewhere else. She then tried pushing me away because she said she was afraid I would leave her alone like all her so-called friends did.

Sad that she had such a tough life and it's not getting any better but at least I know I'm not going to leave her alone. For better or worse we're best friends forever and I thank God for having met a beautiful soul like her.

The end.