Phineas: So, Ferb, what do you wanna do today?

(Ferb shrugs.)

Phineas: What about Perry? What does he want to do?

(Perry chatters)

Phineas: Well, he's a platypus. They don't do much. I, for one, am starting to get bored, and boredom is something of up with which I will not put! The first thing they're gonna ask us when we get back to school is "what did we do over the summer?". I mean, no school for three months. Our life should be a rollercoaster! And I mean a good rollercoaster. Not like that one we rode at the state fair...

(Flashback on a rollercoaster at the state fair. It goes over one tiny hill then ends.)

Fair Worker: Please exit to the left.

(End flashback.)

Phineas: Man, that was lame. Why, if I built a rollercoaster, I would... (Gets idea; angelic chorus plays) That's it! I know what we're gonna do today!

Linda: Phineas, Ferb. I'm gonna pick up a few things. You boys stays out of trouble, okay?

Phineas: Okay, Mom. (At Ferb) We're gonna build a rollercoaster!

(Linda gets into the car; Candace comes over.)

Candace: I'm in charge, right? You did tell them I'm in charge?

Linda: Relax, Candace, nobody has to be in charge.

Candace: But what if there's an emergency?

Linda: Like what?

Candace: What if a... What if a satellite falls out of orbit and crashes into the house? (smiles)

Linda: If that happens, you're in charge.

Candace: Yes!

Candace: (she enters into the backyard) Mom says I'm in charge, conditionally.

(Phineas and Ferb are working on something.)

Phineas: (not listening) Whatever.

Candace: Wait a minute, what are you doing?

Phineas: Homework.

Candace: It's summer.

Phineas: That's cool, you wait till the last minute then.

Candace: Well, I'm watching you. (Goes through the door) And I'm in charge—conditionally!

(Candace walks into the house and the phone rings, which she answers.)

Candace: Hello? Oh, hi, Stacy! No, I can't get to the mall right now. Mom just went to the store, she left me in charge, well, you know, conditionally.

(Phineas and Ferb walk past with lots of wooden planks.)

Candace: And if you go, can you see if Jeremy is there? No, no, he's the cute one that works at Mr. Slushy Burger.

(Phineas and Ferb walk past again, with steel beams.)

Candace: Yeah, he totally smiled at me the last time I was there. I just about died. No, I told you I can't, I'm watching my brother and stepbrother.

(Phineas and Ferb walk past with sinks and toilets.)

Candace: Yeah, and they never get into trouble, 'cause Mom never catches them. One of these days though, I'm going to see that she catches them red handed.

(Phineas and Ferb walk past again, with a flamingo and a lion that roars loudly.)

Candace: Will you hold it down, I am trying to use the phone! (at Stacy) Mom left me in charge, so there will be no shenanigans today. What are they doing right now? Why do you ask? What do you mean you can see it from your house? See what?!

(Candace runs out to the backyard, she stares in shock upon seeing the rollercoaster, along with horror music.)

Candace: Phineas, what is this?!

Phineas: Do you like it?

Candace: (gets angry) Ooh, I'm gonna tell Mom, and when she sees what you're doing, you are going down! (runs off) Down! Down! Down! D-O-W-N, down!

(Phineas and Ferb look blankly while she walks away.)

Phineas: We're gonna need a blowtorch and some more peanut butter.

(Candace takes her bicycle and rides away.)

Isabella: Hey Candace, is Phineas... home?

Candace: Down, down, I say!

(Isabella walks into the backyard.)

Isabella: (hearts in eyes) Hey, Phineas.

Phineas: Hey, Isabella.

Isabella: What'cha doin'?

Phineas: Building a roller coaster.

Isabella: In your backyard?

Phineas: Some of it.

Isabella: Wow. Isn't that kind of impossible?

Phineas: Some might say.

Isabella: Hey, Ferb.

(Ferb waves with the hammer.)

Isabella: Does your stepbrother ever talk?

Phineas: Ferb? He's more of a man of action.

(Ferb hits the nail and then his nose.)

Isabella: I was gonna go to the pool, you wanna go swimming?

Phineas: Kind of in the middle of something here.

Isabella: Oh, right. Okay, I'll see you later then. (leaves)

Phineas: Okay. (at Ferb) Hey, Ferb! You got enough rivets up there?

(Ferb gives a thumbs up showing they have rivets.)

Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry walks around the corner of the house. He jumps up, puts on a fedora and walks into a hole in the wall. He goes down a lift, into a lair, where he gets an "Incoming Message".)

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. For reasons unknown to us, he bought up 80% of the country's tin foil. I want you to get over to his hideout right away. Find out what he's up to and put a stop to it. As always Agent P, it is important that your cover identity as a mindless domestic pet remains intact. Now, get out there. We're all counting on you.

(Agent P jumps into a platypus-themed hovercraft, and flies tough a tunnel. He leaves through a stone and holds his fedora down to hide from Phineas and Ferb.)

Phineas: So, the way I see it, the fuel rockets kick in at the mall's parking lot, then we release the snakes during the corkscrew at the interstate. I'm gonna go get the snakes.

(Ferb puts on his mask and starts using the blowtorch.)

(Candace runs into the store)

Candace: Mom! You gotta come home, right now.

Linda: Did a satellite crash into the house?

Candace: No, no, no. You gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing.

Linda: Seems like we've had this conversation before.

Candace: What do you mean?

Linda: I seem to recall you telling me that the boys were training monkeys to juggle bicycles, and when I come home, there was a stunning lack of monkeys.

Candace: I still don't know how they cleaned that up so fast.

Linda: So, what's the emergency this time?

Candace: They're building a roller coaster!

Linda: Candace, seriously, isn't Phineas a little young to be a roller coaster engineer?

(Phineas talks to a man in a car factory.)

Factory Manager: Aren't you a little young to be a roller coaster engineer?

Phineas: Yes. Yes, I am.

Factory Manager: Well, I must say, I'm very impressed, the forms all seems to be in order, although I'd never seen them filled out in crayon before. So, if there's anything I can get you, anything at all, just let me know.

Phineas: Do you think we could borrow one of those gadgets?

(A robot arm fixing a car is shown)

(Phineas and Ferb is riding the roller coaster that builds by the robot arm.)

Phineas: Now, this is the life.

(The camera zooms in on Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.)

(Agent P swings into the building)

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected, I mean: COMPLETELY EXPECTED!

(Doofenshmirtz presses a button, which activates arms that grabs Agent P.)

Doofenshmirtz: I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, have covered the entire eastern seaboard in tin foil, and when I put my giant magnet, next to my genius, Magnetism Magnifier, I will pull the East, in westerly direction, thereby reversing the rotation of the earth. You may ask yourself, why would he do this? What could he possibly have to gain? Well, let me just answer that question, I haven't really worked on all the bugs yet. I mean, tin foil alone costs a lot.

(Back at the store)

Candace: But, Mom, I'd tell you, they're building it, and it's huge!

(Ferb puts up a poster, Candace comes over to read it.)

Candace: "Phineas and Ferb present the Coolest Coaster Ever now open"? Mom! (runs off)

Pedro: Phineas and Ferb got a roller coaster? You think we get a discount if we bring the flier?

Another kid: Maybe we better take it.

(They take it with them just as Candace brings Linda over.)

Candace: (Gestures toward the empty post, head turned away) There, look, look, look, see? I told you I'm not crazy, I told you!

Linda: (dryly) And you're not crazy because...?

(Candace turns toward the post where the poster was and screams.)

Linda: I see your point, Candace. No crazy person would scream at a post like that. I'll be at the dairy section if you wanna come yell at some cheese, or anything. (leaves)

(At the Flynn-Fletcher house, where the start of the coaster and a stage is. Ferb lets the kids into a tent and walks onto a stage up to the microphone as if he's about to speak, then steps out of the way as Phineas comes up. He grabs the microphone as disco lights shine and rock music plays.)

Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! May I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making: The Coolest...Coaster...EVER!!!

(Ferb reveals the coaster. A bird files into it.)

Phineas: So, who wants to go first?

(Everyone raises their hands.)

(On the rollercoaster...)

Phineas: To fasten, insert the tab into the metal buckle. To release, just pull back on the—oops.

(Phineas drops the safety belt.)

Phineas: Well, you get the picture. Well, that's about it. Enjoy the ride.

(The car goes over the top, and stops, viewing the long drop.)

Phineas: You all signed the waivers, right?

(Down it goes; the car goes around the coaster, on the track. Everyone screams.)

(Going through the drop of snakes)

Phineas: Relax, they're just rubber!

(The car goes into a bucket of mud, then exits. Later, it goes through a car wash, to be cleaned from the mud.)

Phineas: Hey, look, there comes the AH-AH-AH-AH!

(The track is going up and down repeatedly, creating four "AH"s.)

(The car zooms around the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building.)

Doofenshmirtz: ...I really make of my money back, I-I-I want a really spacey real estate, and sell it again.

(Agent P sends a screw at Doofenshmirtz, which he ducks for.)

Doofenshmirtz: Ha! You missed!

(The screw flies to the roof and hitting a line, which throws it back at Doofenshmirtz's foot.)

Doofenshmirtz: Aaaoow!! Ow, Ow, Ow, Aaooww!

(Doofenshmirtz jumps around and accidentally releases Agent P, who quickly attacks him.) (Agent P hits Doofenshmitz's foot.) Aaaoow!! (During the fight, Doofenshmirtz activates the Magnetism Magnifier.)

Doofenshmirtz: Now you are too late! Quake in your boots and watch helplessly, as the unimaginable electromagnetic forces, pull the eastern seaboard, thereby reversing the rotation of the Ea--

(All the tin foil releases from the buildings)

Doofenshmirtz: Well... that didn't work.

(The tin foil forms into a giant ball, flying through the air)

Doofenshmirtz: And now, we have a two-ton ball of tin foil traveling 200 miles per hour directly at us! Quickly, we must separate the magnet from the Magnifier before it's too late!

(At the store)

Linda: Now I know I have that club card in here somewhere. I always have it with me, but my purse is a disaster area, you know how it is.

(Candace goes outside and sees the coaster)

Candace: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Mom? Mom!? (She rushes off.)

(Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building)

Doofenshmirtz: It's no use! It's no use! We are doomed!

(Agent P sees a helicopter. He jumps onto the magnet and fires a grappling hook at it. He quickly wraps some of the rope around the magnet. The helicopter flies off, taking the magnet with it.)

Doofenshmirtz: You did it! You saved us, Perry the Platypus! (The ball of tin foil crashes through the building.) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

(The magnet pulls a piece of the Magnetism Magnifier onto it, and gets stuck on the coaster, which then follows the helicopter into the sky.)

(Candace pulls Linda into the parking lot, not noticing the coaster has been removed.)

Candace: Look, look, look, see?

Linda: (pause) Okay, I give up, what am I supposed to be looking at?

Candace: (turns to see the empty parking lot) No!! It's not POSSIBLE!!!

Linda: (going back inside) I'm gonna go get the cart.

Candace: IT WAS RIGHT HERE AND IT WAS HUGE!!! (sees the rollercoaster fly away) MOM!

Linda: (walks past, taking her cart) Time to go. I've got frozens.

Candace: Okay, so you think that Phineas and Ferb are still under that stupid tree in the backyard, right?

Linda: Well, yes, that would be my guess.

Candace: Fine, then let's go home, now! (She pushes the cart.)

(Agent P sees that the helicopter is smoking and cuts the rope. He drops down onto the coaster and in the cart, right behind Phineas and Ferb.)

Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.

(Perry chatters)

Phineas: Nice hat, Isabella.

(Isabella takes off Agent P's fedora and looks at it, confused.)

(The car goes to the end of the track and flies onto a construction area and flings into the air.)

Phineas: Funny, I don't remember this in the blueprints.

(An airplane picks up the car by the tail)

Phineas: And I'm sure this is new.

(Candace sees the airplane from Linda's car.)

Candace: Hehehehehehehehehehe!

Linda: I worry about you sometimes, Candace.

(The coaster car drops down and onto the Statue of Liberty, bending and throwing it to the woods. It lands on a pine tree which bends so they end up in front of Mr Slushy Burger.)

Jeremy: Welcome to Mr. Slushy Burger, may I take your order?

Phineas: Anyone want fries?

(Before taking any orders, the tree bends back and throws them to France, Paris)

French Man: Croissant?

Phineas: Anyone want a... (French accent) "quasson"?

(The car gets flung into orbit)

Singing Voice: ♪ Aahh-Aahh-Aaahhh ♪

(A satellite flies by)

Phineas: You know, if that thing crashes into earth, Candace is in charge.

(The car suddenly falls down towards earth, towards the Tri-State area. The front of the car begins to burn like a meteor.)

Phineas: We should have charged more.

(Linda pulls the car on the driveway and Candace jumps out.)

Linda: Okay, we're here, are you happy now, Candace?

(Horror music plays; Candace opens the gate to the backyard and doesn't see Phineas or Ferb.)

Candace: Yes! (At Linda) See, Mom? I told you they weren't there!

(Candace opens the gate and gestures toward the tree with her eyes closed, as we hear a sound of leaves rustling. Linda pokes her head through the gate opening and smiles.)

Linda: Oh, hi, boys.

(Candace opens her eyes and her mood changes to shock; cut to under the tree to show Phineas and Ferb are suddenly here.)

Phineas: Hi, Mom.

Linda: Come on Candace, help me with the groceries. (goes off)

Candace: But, but, but, but, but, but, but... (Continues under)

Linda: (comes back) Let's go. (pulls her away)

(Kids drop down from the tree.)

Kid: Hey Phineas, that was great.

Pedro: Way too cool.

Third kid: That was awesome! Can we do it again?

Phineas: Sorry, only one ride per customer.

(Isabella comes down from the tree.)

Isabella: That was great, Phineas. So, what are you gonna do tomorrow?

Phineas: Don't know yet.

Isabella: (pets Perry) Maybe you could teach Perry some tricks.

Phineas: Well, he is a platypus, they don't do much.

Ferb: They're the only mammals to lay eggs.

(Pause)

Phineas: ...Maybe he'll lay an egg.

Isabella: Cool. See you tomorrow. (goes to the gate) It really was the coolest coaster ever. You guys make a great team.

Phineas: Well, a brother is a brother, but I couldn't have asked for a better one than Ferb. You know what I mean?

(Ferb burps rudely)

Phineas: Oh-ho-ho, man! I could smell the peanut butter!

Isabella: Well, that was impressive. See you, guys. (leaves)

Phineas: So, what should we do tomorrow? There's a world of possibilities. (pause) Maybe we should make a list!

(The coaster car explodes in the tree, a car alarm and a dog barking can be heard.)

Candace: (from inside) Mom!!

Linda: (from inside) Give it a rest, Candace!

(The tin foil ball rolls in the background while Doofenshmirtz was still crushed.). The End

(Phineas is sleeping in his bed in their bedroom in the Flynn-Fletcher house.)

♪ Na, na na ♪

Phineas: Yes!

Hey, Ferb! (Throws pillow at Ferb) It's Candace's birthday!

We gotta do better than last year.

(Flashback)

Gorilla: (Comes out cake; Roars)

Candace: AAH! (Slams door)

(Flashback ends)

Phineas: Not our best work.

This time it's gotta be something huge!

(Candace has a dream in her bedroom.)

(Song: "She's Candace")

♪ She's Candace.♪

♪ Like the Venus De Milo, except she's not armless and handless. ♪

♪ She's got a big, honking truckload of ship-launching qualities. ♪

♪ And this is the reason she bears no resemblance to a praying mantis! ♪

♪ (Candace) A name with 7 letters! ♪

♪ (Candace) Only wears designer sweaters! ♪

♪ (Candace) She's got an allergy to dairy! ♪

♪ (Candace) And she's anything but ordinary! ♪

(Perry chatters)

Candace: (wakes up) Perry?

(Perry is on Candace's bed)

(In the kitchen, Candace gives Perry to Ferb)

This is yours, I believe.

Linda: Happy birthday, Candace! I made you a special breakfast!

(Shows a pile of pancakes with a birthday candle on top)

Lawrence: And after that, we have a surprise!

Candace: What is it?! Where is it?!

Lawrence: We have to drive to it.

Candace: (gasps) Ooooooooooh!!!

(Later, in the family car)

(offscreen) Is it the mall?

(Cut to in the car)

Linda: (offscreen) No.

Candace: Okay...

(looks around) but is it the mall, right?

(The car enters

Mount Rushmore

)

Lawrence: (offscreen) No, it's Mount Rushmore!

Candace: Wait.

Please don't tell me we're going to Mt. Rushmore...

Linda: Isn't it great?

(Looks at a pamphlet) Four American presidents carved into a side of a mountain.

Lawrence: It was Phineas and Ferb's idea!

(Candace gives Phineas an angry glare)

Phineas: You're welcome.

(In the parking lot...)

Lawrence: Okay. You lot go on ahead. I'll find a parking spot and meet you there! (drives off)

Phineas: We're going up to the monument. Come on, Perry.

Linda: Okay, we'll join you in a minute!

(In the gift shop)

Okay, Candace. It's your birthday, you can pick out anything you want.

Ooh, what about the Mt. Rushmore bobble head?

Candace: Mom, that's lame.

Linda: Okay.

How about this cute, cuddly

Lincoln

?

Candace: Jeremy?

(Runs to counter) Hi, Jeremy.

Jeremy: Hey, Candace.

Candace: What are you doing here?

Jeremy: Ah, I'm just here on the Mr. Slushy Burger worker exchange program.

Candace: Um...

(Clattering) Uh, oh, well, it's my birthday today, and...I...uh...

(Clattering) I gotta check something.

Back in a flash, 'kay? (Zips off)

(Outside)

(Deeply) Where'd they go?

(Back inside)

Isabella: Hi, Mrs. Fletcher.

Linda: Oh, hi, Isabella.

What brings you girls here?

Isabella: Fireside Girls field trip.

Um, is Phineas here?

Linda: Mmm hmm.

He and Ferb are up on the monument.

Phineas: Possibilities.

Ferb: (Ding)

Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

♪ Doo be doo be doo ba, ♪

♪ Doo be doo be doo ba, ♪

♪ Doo be doo be doo ba, ♪

♪ Doo be doo be doo ba, ♪

♪ Doo be- ♪

♪ Doo be doo be doo ba, Doo be doo be doo ba ♪

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good again.

We just discovered his new hideout is located inside Lincoln's head at Mt. Rushmore.

(Perry scowls)

I-I know. You were just there.

Poor planning on our part, actually. Sorry.

Candace: (growling voice) Phineas?! Ferrrrb?! Ohh.

Man: Hey, honey. What are them kids doing up on the monument?

Candace: Let me see that. (Looks through the binoculars, sees Phineas and Ferb on the monument and gasps) Mom! Mom, you've got to see this now. Here, look!

Linda: Oop. Ran out of time.

Candace: Oh, (Rummaging) here, look now!

(Linda looks through the telescope, but the water from a geyser blocks the action)

Linda: Oh, Old Reliable Geyser. How exciting! (at Candace) I'm just gonna go back to the gift shop.

(Candace looks through the telescope, the water has stopped gushing. Candace cringes and stomps off, causing the telescope to bounce up to Perry, who enters Lincoln's head to Doofenshmirtz's lair)

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus! Your timing is impeccable. And by impeccable I mean: COMPLETELY PECCABLE! (Laughs) You're just in time to witness my latest scheme. Behold, my Drill-Inator! I will bore a tunnel to China, build a toll highway, and make millions!

So, as they say in China: Arrivederci!

(Punches landing)

Phineas: Now, where should we start?

Isabella: (dreamy voice) Hi, Phineas. What'cha doin'?

Phineas: It's a surprise.

Isabella: Can I help?

Phineas: We could use a lookout!

Isabella: You got it!

(Rushes to trees, birds squawking)

Cashier: Uh, ma'am, if you handle the big stick, you gotta buy it.

Candace: Mom! You gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Ranger: (On megaphone) Uh, excuse me. Aren't you a little young to be restoring a national monument?

Ferb: (Holds megaphone)

Phineas: (On megaphone) Yes. Yes, we are.

Ranger: Well, it's good to see young people taking an interest in our national heritage.

Doofenshmirtz: (Grunting and screaming)

Computer Voice: Hull overheating. Hull overheating.

Doofenshmirtz: The molten lava of the earth's core completely slipped my mind. (They pull away, just as the lava flows above them.)

Oh no! THE LAVA IS FOLLOWING US!!! (Perry uses a drill to divert the lava.)

(The lava is being diverted.) You did it, Perry the Platypus! You saved us! (The drill comes back and Perry turns into the upper left and the lava is still chasing them.)

I hate to be a stickler, but the lava is coming AGAIN!!! FASTER!

Candace: Wait 'till you see what those two are up to!

Isabella: (singsong) She's coming!

♪ Phineas and Ferb Theme Song instrumental ♪

(Candace and Linda are coming up the stairs)

They're getting closer!!

Phineas: We're running a little behind on schedule. Go to Plan B.

Isabella: (on bullhorn) Plan B, girls!

(The Fireside Girls haul something over to the viewing area)

Candace: You are gonna be shocked by what I'm about to show you, Mom.

(They arrive at the viewing area, but Candace is the one who's shocked, not Linda. What they see is cardboard, Mount Rushmore)

Linda: Hmm. I guess things look better in photos. (Phone rings) Oh, it's Dad. (walks away)

(Cut to Lawrence)

Lawrence: Hi, honey! I found an absolutely brilliant parking space!

(widen to reveal a huge parking lot, an arrow shows where the car is, cut back to Linda)

Linda: (Going down the stairs) Great! I'll meet you at the gift shop, Dear. I still have to buy that big stick.

(Candace still stares shocked at what she saw. A bird knocks the cardboard down revealing the real Mount Rushmore)

Candace: Huh?

Phineas: Now! (Phineas and Ferb swing on ropes, revealing a hideous looking Candace statue. Candace is still shocked)

Phineas: (long pause) Oops.

(Ferb hammers a rock, the hideous statue crumbles, revealing a proper Candace statue. Briefly, Candace is still shocked, but it turns into happiness)

Candace: Huh? (tears up, sobs) Why it's... (sobs) i-it's...IIIIIT'S BEAUUUUTIFULLLL...! (sobs) MOOOOOM!!! (runs off)

(Candace runs down the stairs)

Candace: Mom! (trips) I've gotta show you something right now! (drags her) Come on! Follow me!

Linda: Candace, are you still trying to get the boys in trouble?

Candace: No! No, no, this is a great thing! Oh, it's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!

Linda: (tries to climb the stairs) You know, Candace, this is the second time I've climbed up there! I'm already down half a dress size!

Candace: Come on! Hurry!

(Cut to the Drill-inator, it bursts out of the "nose" on the Candace statue)

Doofenshmirtz: AAH! (Perry locks the Drill-inator's target onto the Old Reliable Geyser and jumps off)

Wait, where are you going? AAH! (The Drill-inator lands on the geyser) I'm okay, I -- (spins around and gets flung away) AAH! Fie upon you, Perry the Platypuuuuus!

(Perry parachutes down to safety)

(Cut back to Candace)

Candace: Hurry, Mom! You won't believe it!

(Spots of lava form on the statue)

...Huh?

(Lava bursts out of the spots on the statue)

(Gasps) Ewwwww!

(More lava bursts out, Candace gets shocked. The statue explodes as an orchestra plays music to match the feeling and Phineas and Ferb roast hot dogs on the lava. Water from the geyser spurts out from under the Drill-inator at the lava, cooling it)

(Candace's expression changes to depression, Linda makes her perfectly timed entrance) Linda: Whew! Finally made it, honey! Now, what is it you wanted me to see?

Candace: Bu...bu...!

(Camera shows the lava smoke vanishing, revealing the normal monument, no Candace statue and all)

Linda: You're right! It's beautiful! (hugs her) Happy birthday, honey. (Kisses Candace's cheek) Now let's go find your father. (Linda walks away, the camera zooms in on a saddened Candace)

Candace: Ugh! (bangs her head on the iron rod)

(Phineas and Ferb come over)

Phineas: Did ya like your birthday present?

Candace: Uh-huh, uh... (walks away)

Ferb: Well, it was definitely better than the gorilla in the cake. The End

Scene opens up showing a bird flying, then burns.)

Stanky Dog: This is Stanky Dog comin' to you on the hottest of the summer! Unless you live at the beach, I say take it easy and do nothin' today. Yup, just find yourself a shady tree, and maybe an aquatic mammal of some sort, and blow the whole day off.

Phineas: Come on, Ferb. If we let a little heat stop us from having the best day ever, then the morning DJs win.

Linda: Ooh, boy, it's hot today! So what are you up to?

Phineas: We're making our own beach, right here in the backyard.

Linda: (Oblivious) Oh, how cute. Well, I'm off to my spa day. You boys behave yourselves and don't bother your father. He's finally cleaning out the basement. (Leaves)

Candace: Bye, Mom! Yes! You heard her. We can't bug dad which makes me in charge... by default. (pauses) Carry on.

Phineas: We're gonna need more sand. Hey, where's Perry?

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Lawn gnomes across the Tri-State Area are disappearing, leaving thousands of gardens unprotected from the evils of black magic. We suspect Doofenshmirtz. Get right on it.

Contractor: Aren't you a little young to be a landscape contractor?

Phineas: Yes, yes I am.

Isabella: (Offscreen, dreamy look and voice) Hi, Phineas. (Walks up to him)

Phineas: Oh, hey Isabella.

Isabella: What'cha doin'?

Phineas: Building a beach. Check it out.

(Ferb is shown posing on a giant sprinkler.)

Isabella: Can me and the Fireside girls be lifeguards? We need to earn our Aquatic-Safety badges.

Phineas: Sure.

Candace: I mean, I've been a friend of Suzy's longer than Katie, so I should've been invited to that party first. I don't care if they're lab partners! We're locker neighbors. And locker neighbors trumps lab partners any day. (Gasps) Sorry, Stacy. Gotta go.

Phineas: Welcome to our beach.

Candace: Hah! You call that a beach? This is WAY below your usual standard. This isn't even worth a call to mom. You know, if you guys ever want to be popular, you're gonna have to stop playing in sandboxes. (Gets hit by a beach ball) Hey!

Phineas: So Candace, what do you think?

Candace: That's it! I'm calling Mom. (dials the phone)

Stacy: Hey, Candace.

Candace: Jenny? Stacy?

Jenny: You never told us you have a beach in your backyard!

Stacy: You're going to be the most popular girl in the neighborhood.

Candace: I will?

Stacy: I just saw Jeremy and his buddies with their surfboards.

Candace: Jeremy's here? (Panting, drops phone) Gotta go! (Zips off)

♪ Perry! ♪

Doofenshmirtz: (chuckles) Yes, yes! Just look at the bounty of gnome riches! Oh, this is a strange one. (The lawn gnome punches Doof in the face) Wait, who are you? (Perry takes off his fake beard and gnome hat) ... A platypus? ... (Perry puts on his fedora) PERRY THE PLATYPUS?! You are mine now! (Presses button, the garage door opens) Oh no, wait, wait, wait. That was the garage door opener. You are mine now! (Presses button, large monitor activates) And that was the TV remote. I've got to start labeling these things. Aha! YOU ARE MINE NOW! (Presses button, the cage falls on top of Perry, laughs maniacally) Finally, I will rid myself of you! (brings out another control) But first, turn your attention to the giant screen and... (the garage door closes) Hmm, maybe I need to turn the cable on first? (Cuts to the backyard beach.)

Phineas: Let's get this beach party started!

(Song: "If Summer Only Lasted One Day")

♪ Well we'll wake up early and wax our surfboards down! ♪

♪ (Hit the beach, yeah we'll hit the beach) ♪

♪ Throw our board shorts on and head for surfin' town ♪

♪ (we'll hit the beach, yeah we'll hit the beach) ♪

Phineas: Hey, look! I can see our house from up here!

Candace: (Coconut falls and hits Candace in the head) Oh! (Falls on crab, Groaning)

Crowd: How low can you go? How low can you go?

(The crab with Candace on it walks under the limbo, attracting the spectators)

Dancer: Look! So that's how low you can go. We've been asking that question for generations! (The crowd puts a robe with a Tiki hat on Candace)

Candace: What? What's everybody looking at?

Dancer: For winning the limbo contest, you are now officially crowned Queen Wahini of the beach! All hail Queen Wahini!

(The spectators cheer as congratulations)

Candace: (overjoyed) I can't believe it!

(Song: "Backyard Beach")

Ferb: ♪ Listen up people and I'll teach ya ♪

♪ 'Bout Phineas and Ferb and the backyard beach-a, ♪

♪ Every morning, Phineas, he gonna say (Say!) ♪

♪ "Brother, whatcha gonna do today?" ♪

♪ Now you see we're having fun, playing under the sun, ♪

♪ And get in line, get in line, 'cause the wet ski's running ♪

♪ A backyard beach, a backyard beach ♪

♪ Nothing's outta reach, we got the backyard beach ♪

♪ You can change in the broken hut, ♪

♪ Drink out of a coconut, Three games for a token, but the rest is free ♪

♪ You got skiing, parasailing, ♪

♪ Surfing and a-flailing, ♪

♪ Your contacts need saline, ♪

♪ Or else, you can't see ♪

♪ Got the backyard beach, a backyard beach ♪

♪ Nothing's out of reach, we got the backyard beach ♪

♪ Got the backyard beach, a backyard beach, ♪

♪ Don't fall into the breach, got the backyard beach! ♪

Candace: I've never been happier in my entire life!

(Cuts to Linda at the spa, she takes cucumber slices off her eyes.)

Linda: Something is very wrong. Not a single call from Candace. (Checks her phone) Not even a text message. Oga, hose me down. I'm going home.

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I think I finally got the right one. Now, Perry the Platypus, (Shines flashlight on him) you will finally understand...my PAIN! (presses remote)

(Flashback)

Doofenshmirtz: (narrating) Back in Gimmelshtump in the days of my youth, the Doofenshmirtzs' were a proud family. But those were lean times for my father and our beloved lawn gnome was repossessed. Who would protect our zatzenfruit garden from those witches, spells, and wood trolls? From a tender age, my father decided that it would be me.

Mr. Doofenshmirtz: Bewege dich nicht! ("Don't move!")

Doofenshmirtz: (narrating) While the other children played Kick-the-Schtumpel and eat Doonkelberries, I would stand for hours.

Mr. Doofenshmirtz: Bewege dich nicht!

Doofenshmirtz: All through the cold night as the Spitzenhounds howled, my only companion was the moon. And my neighbor Kenny.

Mr. Doofenshmirtz: (narrating) Bewege dich nicht!

Doofenshmirtz: And since my lawn gnome was taken away from me, I will destroy every lawn gnome in the entire Tri-State Area! Behold, the Destruct-inator! And now, Perry the Platypus, to activate my creation! (pushes a button and opens Perry's trap) NOOOO! (Perry hits him)

(Cut to the beach)

Stanky Dog: Surf contest!

Buford: Out of my way, Dinner-bell.

Phineas: Hello, Buford. Perhaps you missed the sign.

Buford: (reads the sign) "No Bullying, No Yodeling"?

Man: (Austrian accent) I don't like this any more than you do.

Stanky Dog: First up in the surf contest is Bobby Nelson. Oh! And Nelson eats it on five-footer! And there's Django Brown shooting the curl, and here comes Buford Van Stomm! Ohh! He pummels Brown with a Philadelphia traffic stomp! And now he's got him in a Half-Nelson, now a Full-Nelson, oh! And now he's actually beating him with Bobby Nelson! Here's the scores from our judges. And Buford doesn't like it one bit. (Buford smashes the table with Bobby) Next up is Phineas Flynn, and it's great to see a young surfer show such confidence. Uh-oh, what's this? (Buford splashes through the holographic Phineas) Oh, those kids today and their holographic projections. He's in the pipeline, now he's hangin' ten! He's hanging twenty! He's hangin' thirty-two! Now he's just hangin'! The crowd loves it! I don't think there's a name for that! The crowd is doing the wave, and Phineas is surfing it! Let's go to the judges.10 to the 5th power, infinity, and oh! It seems Phineas Flynn's radical surfing has made judge #3 re-think Einstein's theory of relativity! Cowabunga, laws of nature!

(Cut to Candace and Jeremy and the people dancing.)

Candace: So, are you having fun?

(The music changes with spotlights)

'(Song: "The Moment Has Arrived (Our Song)")

♪ Girl, the moment has arrived ♪

♪ I can see, although there is no light, ♪

♪ The music, beats throughout the night ♪

♪ And our love's in sight... ♪ (In the middle of the song)

Candace: Eee... (Cell phone rings) just one second. (dreamily, on phone) Hellooooo?

(Cut to Linda in the car, she gets shocked by this.)

Linda: Uh, Candace? Is everything okay?

(Cut back to Candace.)

Candace: Ohh, everything is just wonderful...

(Cut back to Linda, she gets shocked again.)

Linda: And...Phineas and Ferb? What are they doing?

(Cut back to Candace as Phineas surfs in the background.)

Candace: Ohh, such wonderful things...

(Cut back to Linda, she gets shocked once more.)

Linda: Candace, honey, I'm coming home.

(Needle scratch, cut back to Candace.)

Candace: Wait, WHAT?

Linda: (On phone) I'm right around the corner; I'll be there in two minutes.

Candace: Wait! No mom, you can't! (Linda turns off the phone.) Oh, wait, wait! Uhh... (at Jeremy) Stay right there! (runs off) I've got to stop her! (Looks out the backyard gate) Oh, no, no, no, no... (Linda arrives) Mom, Mom, pleeaaasee, Mom! Go away! Don't come in!

(Underground, the fight resumes. Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz into a lever, switching it to "Blow" forming a mountain in the middle of the ocean.)

Isabella: Is that a volcano?

(Volcano blows up)

Stanky Dog: GNOOOOOMES!!! (Gnome hits him) Oof!

Man: Run for your lives!! It's gnome-ageddon!!!

[People run away screaming as gnome continue raining down]

Man #2: Who's protecting our gardens?!!

(Cut to Linda)

Linda: Candace, tell me the truth. What is going on here?

Candace: (Sighs, talking fast) Phineas and Ferb built a beach in the backyard, just like they said they were going to. But instead of just a cute little beach in a sandbox; it turned out to be this absolutely huge beach, with a coastline, and palm trees, and a pier, and hula dancers, and water skiers, and tiki huts, and dolphins, and dancing, and surfing, and everybody from the neighborhood showed up—

(Perry and Doofenshmirtz continue fighting and Perry hits back)

Doofenshmirtz: Oof! (He accidentally triggers the switch from Blow to Suck, which causes the volcano to be sucked down, releasing the water with it)

Candace: ...and then I was just about to share a smoothie with Jeremy when a coconut dropped on my head, and ...and just for a moment, it seemed that the wily Buford would steal away the coveted surfing trophy from under the noses of our heroes...then I can only continue my benign reign and spread love, happiness and ultimate popularity throughout my kingdom! If you would just let me have my moment!

Phineas: Oh, there you are Perry.

(Perry chatters)

Phineas: Well everybody, looks like that's all for today!

Crowd: Phineas and Ferb! (X3)

(The gate lifts and and closes)

Candace: If you don't believe me, go see for yourself.

(Linda enters the backyard)

Phineas: That was great.

Linda: Hey, boys.

Phineas: Hey, mom.

Linda: So how was your day at the beach?

Candace: Wait, wait, my kingdom...my Jeremy...it was all so beautiful...! (panics, at Phineas and Ferb) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PARADISE?! (pants)

Linda: Candace, honey, I think it's time to get you out of the sun for a little while. (she and Isabella lead Candace away.)

Phineas: I think she had fun.

(Song: "If Summer Only Lasted One Day")

♪ If Summer only lasted one day! ♪

♪ (Summer only lasted one day!) ♪

Stanky Dog: Stanky Dog here with a special shout-out to my two new pals, Phineas and Ferb, for hosting a beach party that was hot, hot, hot. And speaking of hot, slather on the sunscreen listeners, cause tomorrow's weather calls for another scorcher.

Ferb: With a slight chance of scattered lawn gnomes.

(Phineas laughs.)