Chine Anjeline Alvein hates risks.

Every move, every action, and every step she makes is made with absolute calculation. She hates uncertainties, the possibilities not being in the palm of her hand. And the results of a situation not being on her side of the court.

She hates not knowing. She hates being blindsided. She hates the gamble and the stakes she'll lose if she ever makes the wrong decision.

And so, she built her own illusion of reality, the reality where she can abide by the rules she set for herself. This is her perspective on the beliefs and laws she had written on how she viewed the world and the expectations that had come along with it.

It got to the point that her calculating and careful attitude is seen as luck by some. Her hard work couldn't be seen as effort but pushed to be believed as superstition and guidance of above.

That she only got it because she had the talent.

That she only received something because she had the money to get it.

Because she gets what she wants, what she yearns is what she'll receive. That she has what most people want. That she is the sculpture of perfection. She was molded to receive nothing but praise, to be hailed, and to be looked up to by the people around her.

A role that only she is allowed to play, a mask that is destined for her to wear. 

And because of that mask that she made a character out of, she is known for so many things. 

They see everything she has for herself as a smile from fortune, foreseeing her efforts to achieve every milestone. But she didn't correct any one of their assumptions. Never once denied or agreed. She has no reason to, so she didn't do anything. 

Being able to predict things so she doesn't make the slightest mistakes. It felt good. It felt like a shelter in the middle of a storm. Like the one piece missing in a jigsaw puzzle, everything fits, there is nothing but contentment in the work she had done.

She is like a chess player in the game of life, meticulously plotting her moves and anticipating the opponent's strategies; each calculated step is not a sign of malice, but rather a shield crafted to protect her heart from being vulnerable to the uncertainties that is life.

Being a machiavellian doesn't and shouldn't make her a bad guy. She's just careful, even if it was seen as cunning.

She is a master sculptor, chiseling away at the marble of her life with careful precision, each strike of her tools a decisive choice, shaping her world into a flawless masterpiece that reflects her perfectionist soul.

It's good that way, the walls built around her fragile heart standing strong and high, amidst the storms and the challenges that it went through.

Her heart was a castle, fortified with towering walls of stone, each brick a testament to past storms weathered and battles fought. Inside, she felt secure, cloistered from the raging tempests of love and loss that could breach her defenses. Yet, with every cautious heartbeat, she remained a queen in a fortress, untouched by the vibrant world outside, believing that safety lay in solitude, while the echoes of life danced just beyond her gates. Inside, she has control; she knows what to expect, and she knows the outcomes.

It was a routine, a cycle, boring but safe nonetheless.

Life is a carefully arranged symphony, with each instrument playing its expected role; at least, that's how she painted the reality in her mind, yet there is always that one rebellious musician who decides to play a jazz solo, shattering the notes of convention and turning the entire composition into an unexpected masterpiece. The kind of music she didn't know she'd like. All because of that lone musician.

And that musician is none other than her best friend, her confidant, Lucius Marcel Ventrix.

In the garden of life, where flowers bloom according to the seasons, there exists a wild vine that is Lucius, who twists and turns, defying the neatly pruned hedges around it. Just when the gardener thinks they have tamed the landscape, this vine bursts forth, weaving through barriers and scaling walls, a vibrant testament to the unpredictability of nature’s spirit. That is the kind of person that he is.

He's frustratingly unpredictable, she can't make an expectation out of it.

He is the one unpredictability that she let in her life, or more like he forced his way in until she could no longer reject him and would instead welcome his warm and almost overwhelming presence.

He was a tempest, crashing into her serene harbor coast, the wild winds of his unpredictability dismantling her carefully constructed defenses. At first, she clung to the safety of her anchored shores, wary of the storm he brought. But as the gales howled and the waves surged, she found herself drawn to the chaos he stirred—embracing the tumult as a dance of vibrant colors that painted her once-muted world. Eventually, she realized that the storm was not just an intrusion; it was the awakening of her own hidden depths, and she welcomed the tempest as the fiery warmth that ignited her soul. 

It was maddening for him to just simply break down her walls after she had spent so long building them. 

He was a wild calamity that swept into her serene landscape, uninvited yet undeniable, transforming her stillness into a dance of chaos and color.

Just as the rain nurtures the parched earth, his unpredictable nature breathes life into her monotony, forcing her to embrace the chaos and find beauty in the storm. 

She built a paradise, but he gave her heaven. 

His unpredictability and ability to always surprise her must've been the reason as well as why she fell in love with him. 

The myriad of surprises pulled her in; the warmth he exceeded made her vulnerable until she accepted him, and now there was only him.

That's why Chine regards him as something dangerous for her. His influence affects her mundane and serene coast. The chessboard that she set is now turning against her. It was almost sickening. She spent years trying to craft each detail into her persona. Only for that man to turn the tides against her.

He was a tempest on her tranquil shore, a rogue wave that swept away the predictability of her tides. Each unexpected surge sent her heart racing, eroding the familiar sands of her serene existence. The chessboard she had meticulously arranged now lay in disarray, his wild moves reshaping the game, turning her carefully planned strategy into a chaotic dance of shadows and light. In his presence, she found both exhilaration and trepidation, for love with him was a thrilling gamble—an embrace of the storm that threatened to swallow her whole.

Every beat of her living heart unconsciously yearns for something beyond the platonic line of their friendship that they've established since the tender age of five. The yearning of the years of her longing is pushing her to actually take the jump to this first-ever uncertainty she found herself actually facing.

He is everything she swore to avoid. He is everything she detested to be. He is the opposite of everything she viewed. It was a truth that delights and scares her.

However, the pull of the heart is stronger than the push of her will. Ignoring all her principles and beliefs. And the possibility that he might just be everything she's been looking for just tempts her like a beggar who hasn't eaten in days to a freshly made meal.

But fear is her soul mate; the vines of anxiety and the chances of her feelings breaking their lifelong friendship pull her deep into the abyss. The whispers of recreancy in her mind would always be there like an unreachable itch.

She can't do it. 

Even with the luck, everyone said she had. 

They said she had it all. 

Did she really? 

She has so many flaws beneath the stoic exterior she always shows. She has so many things she can't do no matter how flawless the character she made herself to be. 

There are songs she cannot sing. 

There are games she cannot play. 

There are things she couldn't have. 

There are people she could never please.

And most importantly, 

There is a man she could never have. 

And for the first time, Chine is facing her first ever uncertainty, an uncertainty that she doesn't know if she ever wanted to get an answer to. 

Lucius Ventrix... A danger to her peace. 

And the most twisted part is, she loves every part of it... 

For a girl who lives by luck that everyone made her out to be, she could only say... 

"I'm unluckily in love with you."

Chine could vaguely remember the screams that echoed through the halls of their home. One full of hatred, anger, and disgust. The other of pleading, desperation, and despair.

It was a norm in her life to hear her parents screaming at each other at the top of their lungs, causing chaos in the mansion, and if the words didn't hurt enough, they'd resort to even breaking some furniture.

It was a pain she couldn't fathom, and she wished to not know that pain.

'He probably got caught by mother again.'

That was the only thought that ran in her head as she listened to their argument with an expressionless face.

Listened to every curse, insult, and accusation from her mother. And how her father tried to play it off, begging on his knees with his bleeding hands from the shards of the broken vase, clutching tightly on the hem of the expensive silken dress that she once loved as it was a gift from him.

Now ruined by the truth she's always forced to face about her own husband. A truth that she wished she had never known. 

She knew it was unhealthy to actually get used to your parents arguing but that's how her life came to be. And that's how she lived by it.

That's how she survived. 

The young little her who once used to quiver and cry at the sounds of their quarrel had long died, buried deep in the past of the dark corridors she hid in. 

Chine doesn't even know why they stay married together; her father cheats all the time with younger women, and her mother is destructive whenever she gets a gist of it. The woman who likes control, can't even keep her own husband to herself. 

Her parents' marriage is like a fragile tapestry woven from frayed threads, each stitch a reluctant commitment. Beneath its delicate surface, the colors bleed together—a father’s betrayal staining the fabric with whispers of infidelity, while a mother’s fury unravels the seams, her destructive storms threatening to tear apart the very threads that hold it all together. In this intricate yet precarious creation, no one quite knows why the design persists, clinging to existence despite the unraveling chaos.

It was a toxic poison that was affecting everyone in the house. All her older siblings had cut contact as soon as they could, and her younger siblings had been taken in by her aunts and uncles. 

Why did she stay... She doesn't know as well. She could've come with them. China has every chance to, every opportunity to leave and never look back, but she didn't. Maybe she's as broken as her parents are. That whenever her mother went to her room and cried about her father's betrayal, an invisible thread of obligation just freezes her to stay. 

But there are also times she'd see her father holding her mother so tenderly, eyes wet with tears as he whispers temporary promises that'll continue their facade. 

How he'd hold her so tightly as tears flowed down his face, caressing her skin as he made vows of reassurance.

Her mother, being too tired to do or say anything, just accepted it, lulling them back to their haven made of lies. The temporary peace and quiet that there would be until the same thing happens again. 

Their unhealthy attachment affects her. Their perception of love is so twisted Chine wonders if it is love. Their display had weaved itself into her mind, burying the idea of betrayal and endless forgiveness as a portrayal of love.

And then she came to hate it. 

To despise the idea of love. 

Of falling in love... 

Of being someone who'll receive the end of love.

꧁❀❀❀❀꧂

"Hey Chi, you alright?"

A familiar voice asked beside her, snapping her out of her thoughts as she turned to look at the source of the sweet song lulling her in. 

His voice was a gentle breeze, whispering through a field of wildflowers, drawing her gaze just like how the sunflowers always face the direction of the sun. 

"I'm fine, Lu, don't worry about me." Her voice was soft as she said her reply, straightening her posture as they sat on the bench, looking at their classmates who were still doing the physical activity their teacher prepared.

But Lucius, honed by the years he knew her, could see through the stoic facade she wore. That even if she's looking at their classmates right now, her mind is not present. Probably wondering about everything except this exercise that they're doing currently. 

He's well aware of how messed up her home life is, having seen some of its instances on his regular visits to her house. Knowing this, he heaved a heavy sigh as he held her hand, getting her attention. 

"Let's go."

Chine tilted her head in confusion, now wondering what he had in mind this time. 

"Where to?"

He smiled, his golden eyes meeting her ocean-blue ones. 

"Cafeteria, I'm hungry. And don't worry your pretty little head about it, today's treat is on me this time."

And with that, any attempt of protest died in her throat. 

꧁❀❀❀❀꧂

And that's how Chine found herself at the dining hall with Lucius. Holding a tray of food and some refreshments. 

"Are you sure this is okay? Our period's still not over." Chine sighed as they sat down on one of the tables, her eyes lingering on his tray of food that seemed to be overflowing with sweets than it was filled with nutrients. 

"It's fine, look at the others as well, they're eating here, too." He said as he looked around. It was true; they were not the only ones eating there; some of their classmates who were already done with their activity decided to ditch the rest of the class as well and go there. 

And with that, Chine just decided to no longer complain. 

"You will actually eat all of that?"  The girl bluntly asked as she continued to eye over his meal, only receiving a playful grin. 

"Awww... You worry about me, Chi?" His eyes were full of mirth as they gazed against her blue ones. 

Chine shrugged, taking a sip of her drink as she let the question hang in the air. The occasional noises of the people around them made the atmosphere more casual than tense. 

"It would be a shame to let you die before we even pass our research." 

"Ah, straight to the point as usual."

He only chuckled as he scooped a spoonful of ice cream and pressed the treat against her lips. In her shock, she almost swatted the whole treat away. 

"Come on! I'm only giving you some! If you don't want it, no need to treat it like that!" He feigned offended by her action despite knowing he was at fault for just doing that out of nowhere. 

That statement just made Chine roll her eyes in annoyance. "That's because you just did that suddenly, who knows what you're trying to pull, you prankster."

"Well, I don't care. Now, open up and have some. This is delicious." He offered proudly, raising the spoon once again. 

The girl rolled her eyes before grabbing the spoon from his hand and feeding herself. 

"Hm... An actual ice cream." She hummed before handing the spoon back to Lucius. 

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean."

Lucius, as adventurous as he can be, likes to make strange requests with his food. And apparently, even something as delightful as ice cream doesn't escape that trait. She still doesn't forgive him for the catastrophe of an ice cream he made her eat last time. Just the thought of it made her remember the clinging taste of bitterness on her tongue. 

They continued to eat their brunch slash early lunch. Talking about whatever comes to mind as they share their thoughts and feelings about things. 

Yes... 

She thought to herself as she glanced at the man she called her 'best friend.'

This is safe. 

꧁❀❀❀❀꧂

"Chiiiii!'' Lucius whines as he scurries behind her, carrying a pile of papers. A pout is present on his face as he tries to get her attention.

Meanwhile, Chine was wearing her reading glasses as she read through Lucius' handwritten essay that he was due today. A frown on her face as she skimmed through every sentence, pinching the bridge of her nose, the incoming headache sank in.

"You used AI again, didn't you?" Despite the question, the accusatory tone obvious in the tone of her voice was more than enough for Lucius to understand that she was not asking at all. She knew him too well... Too much. 

He knowing it was already useless to make up excuses at this point, nodded with his head bowed down, still carrying the pile of papers with him. "Yeah.... well- you have to understand! Literature is not my best subject! I suck at it!"

Chine only sighed because there was truth in his words. Her best friend sucks at writing, totally bad at an unbelievable level. Lucius pouted as if upset by the current turn of events. It was almost a miracle how he managed to survive this far. 

"Look, I know you strictly told me not to use any AI, but I'd fail the subject! Mrs. Guanzano was still mad with the disaster of a piece I made last week. Multiple spelling errors, wrong grammar placement, and just.... utter disaster."

The girl sighed, Lucius is known for many good things, but being a bad writer was also added in the mix of goods among the other bads. However, Chine found a semblance of comfort in his inability to make a proper piece without her help. In her mind, it already serves as a way to establish the idea that there is something. 

"And what do you want me to do about it? It's not my work so it's not my problem." Chine said as she folded the paper and put it in the bag that he was carrying, now walking side by side with him. 

That response made Lucius almost cry on the spot as he stopped in his tracks and looked at her. "No, you've got to help me! I already failed in the subject last time and if I fail again this time, I'll attend the summer classes!"

"What's so bad about it? It's not the worst way to spend your vacation."

Lucius visibly deflated at her words which made Chine chuckle a little. It's so fun to make fun of him. His expressive self makes it easier for her to commit everything to memory. Engraved with all the words she could never say as she stood on the same wavelength as him but also parallel with his path, always the same but never could meet. 

However, that is something that pride will never let her admit. But in the times when she is alone with her thoughts, she will allow herself to wonder.

Thoughts that go beyond the line of friendship and over to the line of romance. Chine could only imagine but she would never act on it. She could picture everything she would never have with Lucius because it's safer.

After all, she hates risks and would prefer the safety of their friendship over the thought of losing him for meddlesome feelings she had secretly harbored for him for eight years now.

"Fine, I'll help you." She said as she turned to him, taking off her reading glasses.

"Oh my god, Chine!"

With no warning whatsoever, he lunged himself at her, uncaring of the papers he was holding previously as he wrapped his arms around her. Enveloping Chine and making her look so small in his arms. It took a minute or two before it dawned on Chine what happened and she immediately tried to push him away.

Too much...

But she was not going anywhere as Lucius kept her caged in his arms with a huge smile on his face.

"God's, I could never live without you, Chine."

Chine stilled for a moment at his words and let it sink in, her cheeks painted with crimson that was fortunately not visible in his line of vision.

She felt safe in his arms... If she were any lesser of a woman, she might've already let herself hope for a chance, but she wouldn't. She's not like that. It's not safe, it's too risky.

Too... Dangerous.

"Stupid."

Chine murmured as she let herself savor the hug for a bit longer.

I'm the one who can't live without you.

Chine did end up tutoring Lucius after all, but before she did, of course, she made him pick up the mess of papers they were supposed to bring to the faculty. Scolding him for his sudden action and recklessness, all while lecturing him about gentlemanly manners and how you should not hug people when you're carrying stacks of papers.

After the embrace they shared, she became a bit wrecked. Her head racing ten thousand miles per minute as she remembered every single thing about that hug.

She doesn't get it, it's not the first time they hugged each other either. Lucius, more often than not, likes to hug everyone he's close to. Which includes her. It's both a paradise and a hell for Chine. He'll hug her and then proceed to do the same thing to his friends. Well, she is his friend, no matter how many times she fantasized about the other possibilities, the truth would always be there.

Like a pain that always reminds itself is like a recurring itch on a healed wound. The skin may be smooth, and the pain is gone, but the slightest change in weather, a brush against something coarse, will bring back a phantom sting, a persistent reminder of what was.

And now here they were, sitting together at the library while her every chaotic friend frantically wrote each word of his assignment right in front of her.

"Do it properly, or else I'm going to leave you here," Chine said, reading a book on the seat beside him and glancing at the paper he was currently writing. The boy is trying his best, scribbling down each idea while thinking of things that could relate to the topic.

"It's not easy, alright? I'm trying." Lucius sighed, pausing in his writing. "I just... I don't know, I feel like something is missing or like, something is supposed to be there, but I can't put it into words..."

Then there was silence, which made Chine sigh. She knew it was too much to expect him to learn everything in just one sitting. Despite that bright mind of his, he's bound to have some setbacks.

"What's it supposed to be for anyway?" She asked, putting the book down and finally turning to face him. Almost chuckling at the frown that sat on his face, it looked more like a pout than anything.

Lucius rested his head on the table, groaning. "Mrs. Guanzano instructed us to write a love letter. Since, you know, Valentine's Day is coming up."

That made Chine wheeze, February 14, the day of hearts. It'll never fail to make her cringe every single year.

"Right, that day..." Chine got up from her seat which immediately caught Lucius' attention as he sat right back up when he noticed her about to leave. "It shouldn't be a problem for you then, you're a hopeless romantic yourself."

"Hey, imagining versus actually writing about admiring someone are two different things." He replied, defending his point.

"And how are they different?"

"Just because it is!"

"Hey!"

The duo turned to see the librarian glaring at them, which stopped the two of them from arguing. This is the library, after all; the silence is the most and foremost that must be upheld.

Chine glared at Lucius as if silently telling him it was his fault that they got called out. And then she started walking away.

"Hey, where are you going? You're not actually gonna leave me here all alone now, are you?" He whispered, not wanting another round of the fiasco, a bit panicked that she might actually just abandon him all alone to deal with this.

"I'm just gonna go and get some romantic books, it might help with your... dilemma." She huffed before going to the back of the library.

He watched Chine's retreating back disappear from the back of the library. Looking intensely as if guarding her from actually walking out and leaving him alone.

He looked at his paper which only contains two sentences so far. For someone like him, it felt unreasonable to write a letter about loving someone. He believes in actions, the grand gestures that actually show and don't just happen in the imagination of the mind. He wants to show, to be proud of the love he has. So he doesn't get it. Just why? Why do people love receiving things like these?

Lucius frowned before picking up the paper, crumpling it, and shoving it into his bag.

"Love letter... How stupid."

꧁❀❀❀❀꧂

Before Chine knew it, she found herself browsing the romance section of the library. It felt foreign; she had e never stepped a foot in this section of the library, always biding her time at logic and psychology books.

She browsed through every title, cringing at some while reading the synopsis of the others. She never thought a day would come that she'd willingly come here. Furthermore, she was never a romantic person; the circumstances she lived her life in had no room for such things as romance.

"People actually like this kinds of books?" She murmured to herself as she saw another book with horrendous choice of words for a title.

'The things I do for that guy!'

Chine thought, grumbling as she took a couple of books with her. The guy in question suddenly sneezing out of nowhere and glaring at her.

'She's definitely killing me in her head.'

After a couple of mental suicide and mental cringing sessions with herself, Chine finally came back to their table with stack of books.

"Here's everything I got. The least cringy ones! I'm gonna have a mental shutdown if I ever pick up the other books I saw." Chine took a seat beside Lucius once again, a frown on her face.

Lucius on the other hand, chuckled on the scene before him. The very composed and perfect Chine Alvein, looking all pouty just because of romance books. What a fun story to tell.

"If anyone could see you right now they'd all go, 'Chine Alvein, usually a perfectly balanced scale calibrated to composure, was now a meticulously crafted porcelain doll, knocked off its shelf by a carelessly tossed romance novel. The flawless facade, normally radiating serene confidence, was cracked with a pout, like a hairline fracture in the glaze, betraying the unexpected tremor of romantic longing beneath. What a delectable fall from grace to witness.'" He joked, even throwing some gestures just to mess with her more.

"Look at you, being so creative with words when mocking me. Why don't you put that genius into something that would actually elevate your grade, my dear? And since you're so good now, I'm free to go home now, right?"

Chine was about to stand up, clearly ticked off when Lucius practically pounced on her. Arms around her waist like a stubborn octopus latched onto something.

"No. You're not going anywhere, you're stuck here with me. Nope, you'll sit your pretty ass back down here, help me with my essay, and then I'll treat you to that new ice cream shop that serves the toothpaste that you like." He ranted, face pressed against her back, muffled by the fabric of her clothes.

Shit.

This is dangerous.

Deadly dangerous.

He had no right to make her heart skip like this. Her heart beating so fast it almost hurts, like she can feel it ringing in her ears. The proximity between them making her nervous as she wondered if he can it.

But of course, she can't show it. So she huffed, face turning into a scowl as she replied. "You dare call my mint chocolate chip ice cream toothpaste'?"

"That seriously caught your attention more than everything else that I said?" Lucius broke away just enough to look up at her, his arms still sitting comfortably on her waist.

Well, she did pay attention. She engraved everything he said in her mind, even the pretty ass comment, of course she wouldn't let him know how it affected her.

"Anyway, just let go already, everyone's staring." And with that alone, he let her go. Though everyone is already used to it, there are still some rumors going around about the two of secretly dating. Lucius doesn't want to add any more ammunition into that fire.

Chine turned to Lucius, staring at his lost puppy face. He actually thought that she'd leave him, huh? Too bad, she can't physically do that.

With a sigh, the doubts and the questions in her head cleared, taking a seat beside him again. She shouldn't lose her focus. After all, she's a friend first before anything else.

"You better make this worth my while. Because I'm not gonna read this romantic cheesy stories just for nothing." She said, already picking up the book, Lucius' eyes soften. Even with her walls built so high that it was reaching heavens, there's still that small light gaps that he'd gladly break with his stubborn will.

Yup, he's dangerous.

"Don't worry, you know I'd always do anything for you." He smiled. His smile was a supernova, outshining even the most brilliant, distant stars in the vast and cold expanse of space.

Chine could only smile to herself, an ice cream shouldn't worth so much.