The first time I met Shen Yichen, I was eight years old. He was twelve.

It was summer, and I still remember the heat sticking to my skin as I followed my best friend, Shen Qianrou, to her house. Her family had just moved into the neighborhood, and she had insisted I come over to play.

I didn’t know then that stepping into their house would change the course of my life forever.

"Gege, this is my new best friend!" Qianrou had chirped excitedly, dragging me by the wrist as we burst into the quiet, air-conditioned living room.

At first, I didn’t notice him.

I was too busy gawking at how big their house was—tall ceilings, shining floors, a piano sitting perfectly in the corner. The furniture was expensive, polished to perfection, and the whole place smelled faintly of fresh flowers and something sweet. It was completely different from my small apartment, where my mother and I barely had space to fit our bookshelves.

I felt like I had stepped into a different world.

And then, I saw him.

Shen Yichen was sitting on the couch, long legs stretched out, a book resting on his lap. The moment we entered, his dark eyes flickered up to us, sharp and unreadable.

I held my breath.

I had never seen a boy like him before.

He was beautiful.

Not in the soft, pretty way that actors on TV looked, but in a way that felt distant—like a portrait you weren’t allowed to touch. His features were sharp, his hair neatly cut, and his uniform crisp, even though school had already ended for the day.

He looked like he belonged in a different world.

And in that moment, I knew.

I wanted to be part of it.

"Gege, say something," Qianrou huffed, nudging his shoulder. "Xiaoyu is my best friend now, so you have to be nice to her!"

I swallowed, suddenly nervous.

Would he say hello? Would he smile?

Instead, he barely spared me a glance before flipping the page of his book.

"Don’t bring strangers home." His voice was deep, disinterested. "Mom doesn’t like it."

My stomach twisted.

It was the first time someone had looked right through me, like I didn’t even exist.

I wasn’t sure why it stung so much. Maybe because I had always been the type of child who wanted to be liked, who wanted to belong. Or maybe it was because Shen Yichen wasn’t like the other boys I knew—boys who laughed too loudly, who pulled at pigtails and played in the dirt.

He was quiet, refined, and untouchable.

And just like that, my fate was sealed.

I wanted him to look at me.

Years passed.

The story of my life became one where I chased, and he walked away.

When I was in junior high, he was in high school.

When I entered high school, he was already in university.

When I finally reached university, he was stepping into the real world, taking over his family's business.

Our paths never matched, but he was always there—somewhere ahead, always just out of reach.

And no matter how much I tried to let go, to forget the way he had become my entire world, it was useless.

Because Shen Yichen was my first love.

And some first loves never truly end.

Even now, years later, I sometimes wonder—if I had been born earlier, if our lives had aligned just a little differently, would things have changed?

Or was I always meant to be the girl who watched from a distance, reaching for something that was never meant to be hers?

___________________________________

By the time I entered high school, Shen Yichen was already in university.

I thought it would make things easier.

Less chances to see him.

Less chances to embarrass myself.

Less chances to hope for something impossible.

But fate had its own way of playing games with me.

"Xiaoyu, let's go!" Qianrou called, grabbing my wrist as we hurried across the school courtyard. "Gege is coming to pick me up today!"

My heart stopped.

Shen Yichen? Coming here?

I hadn't seen him in months—not since he left for university. Part of me thought I would never see him again.

But here he was.

Standing beside a sleek, black car, his hands in his pockets, dressed in a simple white shirt and dark slacks. Even in something so plain, he looked like he had walked straight out of a novel.

He had changed.

His face was sharper, more mature. His posture more confident. He no longer looked like the boy who ignored me years ago—he looked like a man.

And yet, his gaze was still the same. Cold. Unreadable. Indifferent.

As if I was nothing more than a childhood memory.

Qianrou ran up to him, grinning. "Gege! Let’s go home together!"

I hesitated behind her. Should I greet him? Should I say something?

Before I could decide, Yichen’s gaze flickered to me. Just for a second.

Then, he looked away.

"Get in," he said, opening the car door for Qianrou.

I stepped back. I shouldn’t have expected anything different.

But just as Qianrou climbed in, she turned back to me. "Xiaoyu, want a ride home?"

My heart jumped.

Would he let me? Would he say no?

I waited, holding my breath.

Shen Yichen sighed like this was a waste of his time. "Do whatever you want."

It wasn't an invitation.

It wasn't kindness.

It was permission.

And somehow, that hurt even more.........!

Xiaoyu’s fingers curled around the strap of her bag, her heartbeat loud in her ears.

Do whatever you want.

It was a simple phrase, indifferent and detached. And yet, it felt like a rejection—like she was nothing more than a passing stranger he had no reason to care about.

She knew she shouldn’t be surprised.

Shen Yichen had always been this way toward her. Distant. Unreachable. But back then, she had been younger, foolishly holding onto the hope that maybe—just maybe—he would eventually see her.

Now, she was old enough to know better.

Qianrou tilted her head, waiting. "Xiaoyu?"

Her friend’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts. She glanced at the open car door, then at Shen Yichen, who stood on the other side of the vehicle, his expression unreadable. He wasn’t looking at her.

Of course, he wasn’t.

Why would he?

The logical choice was to get in. It was faster, easier. A chance to be close to him, even if he remained silent the entire way.

But at what cost?

Xiaoyu swallowed.

If she got in, it wouldn’t change anything. He wouldn’t suddenly soften toward her. He wouldn’t talk to her. He wouldn’t see her as anything more than Qianrou’s friend who happened to be in the same car.

And that thought made her chest tighten.

She forced a small smile. "It's okay. I'll walk home."

Qianrou blinked in surprise. "Are you sure? It’s hot today, and—"

"I don’t mind," Xiaoyu interrupted gently. "You go ahead."

Qianrou hesitated, clearly torn, but in the end, she nodded. "Alright… Text me when you get home, okay?"

Xiaoyu nodded.

Shen Yichen didn’t react.

Not a glance. Not a word. Just silence.

He shut the car door with a quiet click, moved around to the driver’s side, and got in without hesitation. A moment later, the engine roared to life.

As the black car pulled away, Xiaoyu stood there, watching until it disappeared down the road.

She had made the right choice.

Then why did it feel like she had lost something?

Taking a deep breath, she turned and started walking, her shadow stretching long under the golden afternoon sun.

___________________________________

__________________________________

It had been two months since I last saw Shen Yichen.

Not that I was counting.

Life had settled into its usual rhythm—school, homework, the occasional sleepover at Qianrou’s house. The car ride incident had long passed, and I had convinced myself that it didn’t matter. Shen Yichen had gone back to university, back to his life in the city, where I didn’t exist.

It was better this way.

But sometimes, on quiet afternoons, when I sat alone in the library or walked home from school, I wondered—did he ever think about home? About Qianrou? About the quiet little neighborhood he had left behind?

Did he ever remember that there was a girl who once chased his shadow?

I shook my head, trying to push the thought away. It was foolish to think about things that didn’t matter.

"Xiaoyu!"

I blinked, looking up as Qianrou rushed over, excitement clear in her eyes.

"Guess what?"

I sighed. "You won the lottery?"

"Even better!" She grinned. "Gege is coming home this weekend!"

My breath caught.

Shen Yichen? Home?

For a second, I didn’t know how to react. He never came home unless absolutely necessary. In the past year, I could count on one hand the number of times he had returned.

"...Why?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

Qianrou shrugged. "Mom said there’s some important business thing happening, so he has to be there. But the best part? He’s picking me up again on Friday! You should come with me!"

I hesitated.

Last time, I had made the decision to walk home. I thought it would make things easier, but instead, I had spent the next few days feeling an ache I couldn’t quite name.

Would it be any different this time?

"Come on, don’t say no!" Qianrou pleaded. "We barely see him! And I bet Gege won’t even mind. He probably forgot all about last time anyway."

That was exactly the problem.

Shen Yichen had forgotten, while I was still stuck remembering.

"...I’ll think about it," I finally said.

Qianrou pouted but let it go.

That night, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I found myself unable to sleep.

Would seeing him again change anything?

Or would it only remind me—once again—of how far apart our worlds really were?

---

Friday came faster than I expected.

Before I knew it, the school day had ended, and I was standing at the front gate with Qianrou.

"He should be here soon," she said, checking her phone. "Traffic’s bad, though. He just texted that he’s five minutes away."

I nodded, gripping the strap of my bag tightly.

I could still walk home. I could still avoid this.

But before I could decide, a sleek black car pulled up in front of us.

The moment the door opened, my heart stopped.

Shen Yichen stepped out, effortlessly refined in his white button-up and dark slacks. Two months. It had only been two months, yet somehow, he looked even more distant than before.

His sharp gaze swept over the students passing by, uninterested. Then, finally, he looked at us.

Or rather, at Qianrou.

"Get in," he said simply.

She grinned. "Gege, you’re early!"

I stood frozen, my pulse quickening. He hadn’t even acknowledged me.

"Xiaoyu’s coming too," Qianrou added, gesturing at me.

It was then—only then—that Shen Yichen’s gaze flickered in my direction.

His eyes met mine for a split second. Cold. Distant. Unbothered.

Then, just like last time, he turned away.

"Do whatever you want," he said, opening the car door for Qianrou.

I felt it again—that same painful twist in my chest.

I should’ve been used to it by now.

"Xiaoyu?" Qianrou called, already halfway in the car.

I took a deep breath.

This time, I wouldn’t hesitate.

I wouldn’t stand there waiting for something that was never going to come.

I forced a small smile. "It’s okay. I’ll walk home."

Qianrou frowned. "Are you sure? It’s really hot today, and—"

"I don’t mind," I interrupted gently. "You go ahead."

For a moment, I thought I saw something in Shen Yichen’s expression. A flicker of something unreadable. But before I could be sure, it was gone.

He shut the car door without another word, moved around to the driver’s side, and got in.

And just like that, he was gone.

As the black car disappeared down the road, I stood there, the warm afternoon breeze brushing against my skin.

I had once again made the same choice I made 2 months ago, even though I would regret it so much later.

she let out a quiet sigh and turned to walk home, her shadow stretching long under the golden sky.

___________________________________