I Am the Fake Saintess, and the Gods Are Obsessed With Me
This is not my life
lina (fl) Fake saintess
( wakes up) ugh... my head, that was the weirdest dream ever.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(ooks around) ... Wait. This isn't my room.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Sees the lavish, medieval-style bedroom with golden chandeliers, an ornate canopy bed, and luxurious furniture) Okay, who broke into my house and redecorated it like a medieval fantasy novel set ?!
System
[Ding ! You have been transported into the novel The Saintess and the gods' obsession.]
lina (fl) Fake saintess
... what.
System
[You have replaced the Lina Euphoria, the fake saintess of light.]
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(staring at the ceiling) What ?! No, no, no. Are you tellIng me i am in some cheesy romance novel? Where Is the dragon ? Where is the sword fight ? This isn’t what i signed up for!
System
[Correct. You are now the fake saintess.]
lina (fl) Fake saintess
Fake? Fake?! Are you kidding me? I am fake everything in this situation. I don't even know how to summon a magical weapon! What am I supposed to do here, say a prayer, and hope for the best?
System
[You must fulfil your role as the fake saintess. Your actions may change the course of the story.]
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Shakes head) I didn't ask for this. I just want to go back to my comfy bed and scroll through memes.
[Door opens suddenly, revealing a tall man in white robes with golden accents.]
Edward ( High priest)
(Steps in, his voice smooth and authoritive) "Saintess, you have awakened. The gods are waiting for you. "
lina (fl) Fake saintess
( Eyes twitching) Oh. Oh, no, you have to be kidding me.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Looks the man up and down) Is this one of those guys who is way serious to have fun?
Edward ( High priest)
(Bows deeply, voice calm but reverent) " I am high priest Edward, Saintess. It is an honor to finally meet you."
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Squints) ... You're the priest ? Seriously ? You're the one who has to greet me on a full on rope like it's the red carpet ?
Edward ( High priest)
( Nervously but still formal ) " Saintess, is something wrong ?"
lina (fl) Fake saintess
( Claps hands together) " Okey , deep breath. Let's take this one step at a time , Edward. So I am the Saintess of Light , right."
Edward ( High priest)
( Firm but with a hint of patience) "Yes, you have been chosen by the gods."
The Gods are texting me?!
Location: Saintess chambers - Grand temple.
Lina sits on the extravagant bed, head in her hands, trying to process everything.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Groaning) Okey, let's recap. I've woken up in a novel. I am a fake saintess, and if I get caught. I am properly going to get executed. Awesome, I love that for me. (Sarcastic)
[A glowing translucent screen suddenly pops up in front of her.]
System
[welcome, Saintess Lina, the gods are watching.]
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Eyes widening) What in the plot device... ?
[Before she can react a furry of messages starts appearing.]
lux ( ml 1) God of light
(God of light) (message) welcome dear Saintess, we have long awaited your arrival.
Nyx ( ml 2) God of darkness
( God of darkness) (message) This is going to be fun.
Astra ( ml 3 ) God of stars
(God of stars) (message) How wonderful another saintess to guide.
Ignis ( ml 4 ) God of war
(God of war) (message) Hah ! , let's see if she is strong enough!
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Screaming internally) oh great that gods are texting me like this is some celestial group chat.
[Edward enters the room looking as composed as ever.]
Edward ( High priest)
(Firm, yet polite) Saintess, the ceremony is about to begin. please prepare yourself.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(fake smiling) Oh, of course I was just... communing with the gods! haha!
Edward ( High priest)
(pauses than nods) I see, then I should escort you to the temple.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
( internally) Nod to herself: figure out how to fake communing with the gods before they ask me to do it again.
The fake saintess's first disaster
[Location: Temple of light ceremony hall.]
[Lina stands in front of a massive crowd with priests, nobles, and knights watching her.]
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Internally) Okay no pressure, just kneel, say some fancy words, and summon Devine light. Except... for the part where I hhave no power.
Edward ( High priest)
(Beside her, calm as ever) (whispering) Saintess the ceremony is beginning please processed.
Edward ( High priest)
(Loud, authorities) Saintess, Lina Euphoria, receive the gods' blessings and show us the sacred light.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(fake smile), of course! Just a moment... Gotta you know channel my holy vibes.
[ she kneels before the alter, raises her hands dramatically, and closes her eyes.]
lina (fl) Fake saintess
( Thinking) Okay, system help me out. How do I summon divine light.
System
[Error, no divine power detected].
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Eyes twitching) Excuse me??
Edward ( High priest)
(Watching closely) Saintess...?
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Nervous laugh) Just... feeling the energy! Yep, the divine energy is totally flowing.
[She tries again, waving her hands, pretending to focus.]
lina (fl) Fake saintess
(Muttering nonsense) O light shine forth... Uh sparkle, glow, illuminate!
[ Silence. Nothing happens.]
Crowde ( whispering) why isn't the light appearing.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
( internally panicking) Oh no, am I just gonna die again.
Nyx ( ml 2) God of darkness
( God of darkness) ( message , laughing ) Oh , this is gold. please, continue embarrassing yourself.
lux ( ml 1) God of light
( God of light ) ( message, concerned) Why don’t you use the power we granted you.
lina (fl) Fake saintess
( Thinking) Maybe because you didn't give me any.
System
[ Warning , suspicion level is increasing. ]
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