ALAIA

20 November 2024

{Letter} [It's been eight years. The days passed, seasons changed and I aged yet nothing changed. I still think of you, my heart still craves for you. I've lived thousand deaths just to realise that you're gone. Your death, your grave, your memories, your smile and you. Everything is imprinted on my soul as if it was the day when you left me in this gray world. I don't want to let you go but everytime I walk to your grave, reality slashes my heart into two. I still remember the flower you loved, those bright lilies in your hand as you tried to pluck one of them and tuck behind your ear, the scent of it engulfing you and then you smile as if you found your desire to live life once again. But now those lilies haunt me as it is me to leaves those flowers on your grave every morning.]

I folded the crisp paper back and let my heart sink in agony. The heaviness of my bridal dress all of sudden became

I get up from the bed and unpinned the dress followed by removing all the gold and diamond jewelleries from my body. For a split moment, I wanted to forget about everything but then the vermillion in my head and sacred chain around my neck made me aware that now I'm married.

Now I'm married to one of the richest

businessman of the country. Agastya Singhania, the Billionaire, who's seven years older than me and the man who still writes letter to his girlfriend even after eight years of her death. And this is my wedding night, the day I was supposed to cherish for whole of my life but instead I spent whole night alone in a giant mansion whose walls taunted me of the reality of my hollow marriage.

But I'm not complaining. Why would I? This marriage was nothing but a compromise that I stepped in on my own will. I was a lost case, a taint on my family's reputation, a girl who was nothing but a filth

Changing my clothes into simple cotton saree, wore couple of glass bangles and tied my hair in a loose braids.

Wiping away the makeup from my face, I decided to step out of my room. Somehow I managed to find my way through the house and found a kitchen which was already fill with food aroma and Agastya's staff who were cooking it. I bit on my lips and sat on the dining table.

The breakfast was already served. I looked at the food, from South Indian to English breakfast, everything was on the platter but it didn't feel appetising. I took a toast and was about to eat when saw Agastya Singhania, my husband walking down the stairs.

He wore a crisp black shirt and Armani suit, his hair neatly trimmed and a vacant emotion masking his expressions. As soon as his gaze fell on me, I shifted my attention back to my plate. No, I didn't get butterflies nor did I feel any kind of newly wedded bride's emotion rather I was uncomfortable.

He gave me a small nod and sat across the table for his breakfast.

He took a sip of orange juice and one of his servent came forward to give his newspaper. Effortlessly skipping the first page, he indulged himself into it. My eyes fell on the first page of the newspaper and there I saw a picture of us with a headline - "Mr. & Mrs. Singhania."

In the photograph, we both are in our wedding dress and smiling at the cameras flashing at us. Yesterday was indeed a memorable day after all it was my marriage, wasn't it?

"Your family will come to see you. If you need anything, don't be hesitant to ask me." He said, passing me the butter.

I pressed my lips into thin line. "Why?" I asked. "Why would they want to meet me?" After almost disowning me.

"If you don't want then it can be arranged too." He gave me a diplomatic reply.

ALAYA

"Calm down, Alaia.Let's not go the past, shall we?" I said to myself

"I'll do whatever you say, I'm your wife." So, I gave him a diplomatic response from my side too.

"No. You're not. Please refrain yourself from using such words. We don't share any relationship, Ms. Alaia. Our marriage is purely for public." He spat, without sparing a glance at me.

"Offcourse, I'm sorry. I didn't mean like that...." I said, my gut twisting.

I'm not his wife, merely his liability.

I closed my eyes and then all of sudden, the flashback hit me like a hurricane.

What was my fault? What was the fault of a twenty five years old girl when she decided to sleep with her boyfriend? And what was her fault when her boyfriend drugged her and made his four friends rape her whole night? What was her fault when someone uploaded her sex tape? What was her fault when her boyfriend physically assaulted her? What was her fault when her family threw her out on the streets? What was her fault when her family disowned her and her father slapped her till she went unconscious?

What was my fault? To love a wrong boy or to believe that the boy who promised me moon and stars will someday ruin my life?

And then there's this man who is still in very much love with his dead girlfriend. Oh, to be loved by someone like Agastya.

\*time skip\*

"Let me help you, please." I said to the Gardner who was sprinkling water over the plants.

He looked at me and then passed me the sprinkler. I smiled at him and started doing something that soothes my soul.

I used to be simple girl with simple dreams. I've always dreamt of marrying a nice man and living in a small house with a huge garden on the back where I'd take care of my flowers in the day and cook nice food for my husband. Maybe, being born in a small town to a average income household does this to us. I wasn't allowed to study too much, just complete my graduation and then get married.

When girls around me were busy in making their career, I was forced to learn how to be a perfect housewife. And I never realised when being a perfect wife became my only dream.

I smiled when saw a bunch of white lillie. I sat on the ground and touched them under the tip of my cold finger. They felt soft and refreshing. I love lilies.

"Why there are so many lilies? Do you love growing them?" I asked to the Gardner, after looking around in awe.

The old man, probably in his late sixties, released a sigh. "Zoya Ma'am loved them."

"Zoya?" I looked at him in confusion.

He shook his head. "Nothing. Please, let me do my work."

I blinked, realisation drowning upon me but I didn't say anything about it. I just turned around and saw a bunch of red roses. I plucked on of them and adjusted it in my hair. "When I was a kid, I used to secretly pluck roses from the park and hide them in my books." I said to him, smiling.

He gave me crinkled smile. "Tell me what flowers you like, I'll grow them."

"Jasmine and orchids." I replied in a heartbeat. And then my eyes fell on the lilies. "But I like them too. Please don't stop growing them." I pointed at the flowers.

He nodded, hesitating to say something but before that could happen, Agastya walked into the garden. I stilled at my place and quickly tried to look everywhere but him.

What if he thinks that I'm trying to intrude into his personal life?

"I-I just came here to....I didn't mean to..." I shuttered, not knowing exactly what to say.

"It's your house too. You don't need to explain everything." He replied and bend down to pluck a handful of white lilies and then walked away.

I followed him, hesitantly. "Wait." I called out for him when he was about to step out of the house.

He turned around and raised his brows.

"I-I..." Stop embarassing yourself, Alaia. I took a deep breath. "I need to buy some groceries. Can you take me to the shop?"

"Whatever you want to eat, you can tell it directly to the cook, he'll prepare it for you. Don't bother yourself." He said, glancing at his wrist watch.

I swallowed a thick lump down my throat. "I like cooking." Because I don't know anything else to do. I want to kill my time and keep my mind vacant. But obviously I can't say it all to him so, I said a single sentence hoping that he agrees.

He scratched his head and for a split second his eyes clearly told me that he doesn't want anything to do with me, let alone going grocery shopping with me but then he nodded anyways.

He gestured me to follow him. As we walked to his main gate, there was this black luxurious SUV waiting for him. The driver get out and handed him the key.I silently opened the backseat door and sat inside. For a moment I wondered if he's going to ask me to sit in the front next to him but he didn't bother to do so. Or maybe he wasn't comfortable with me sitting next to him.

I looked out of the window and it's been ages since I last went outside.

"Do you know how to drive a car?" His question caught me off guard.

"No. Why?"

"You could use any of my car to go out. If you want, I can arrange someone to make you learn driving."

"Am I bothering you? It's okay you can tell me if you feel uncomfortable around me, I'll try not to disturb you." I said, feeling guilty.

He didn't say anything nor did I.

ALAIA

We both know the reality of our marriage. It was just for public and honestly, I've no expectations from him. He's right at his place. He may have took sacred seven round around the fire with me but his heart is loyal to girlfriend; Zoya.

And all the dreams I've had about my marriage came to end the day I was betrayed by the only person I trusted.

This marriage with Agastya Singhania is not guarantee of my future rather it was to save me.

My thoughts came to halt once we reached the grocery store. He handed me his credit card, telling me silently that he's not coming with me.

I went to buy some mushroom, fresh parsley, cheese and couple of ingredients to make a bread. I collected everything as soon as I can not wishing to make him wait for too long. Once I reached the billing counter, something strikes in my mind. I quickly rushed back and bought some cheese cream, blueberries and whipped cream. A lopsided grin crossed my face and after completing billing for everything, I walked back to the car.

"Do you need anything else?" He asked.

"No." I handed him his card back.

"Stay inside, I'll be back." He said to me after while.

I nodded but my curiosity peeked when I found him taking the lilies with him. I really didn't want to interfere in his life but I just couldn't stop myself from secretly following him. But once I saw a cemetery, my heart sank deep in my chest. It couldn't be what I think, could it?

I hid behind the tree and my gaze fell on a grave stone which had a name imprinted on it.

Zoya Khan

1992-2016

I covered my mouth and took a step back when Agastya sat and placed the flowers gently on her grave. I rushed back to the car, my heart thumping against my rib cage. I don't know why but tears gathered in my eyelids.

Don't panic. Don't panic.

\*TIME SKIP\*

I took a deep breath and looked at myself all over again. The heavy red saree draping around me and bright gold jewelleries are making me dizzy. I've been dolled up for our wedding reception party by one of the best make-up artist and this designer saree, I don't even know the number of zeroes it had on it's price. Everything is so costly and sophisticated. It doesn't feel like me, not at all.

It's okay. I can go through this. There'd be Agastya's business partners, friends and not to mention my family. That's it. I can survive them just like I did on my wedding. Right?

A faint knock on the door made my anxiety worsen but somehow I managed to open the door.

"Shall we go?" Agastya asked, offering me his hand.

I forced a smile and casted a look at him. He was in a black suit, his hair styled neatly and I don't know but it was probably the first time when I saw him this intimately. His brown eyes didn't have any spark but they were beautiful nevertheless. For a split second, I wanted to look into them and know their story. His sharp chiseled jaw, a faded scar near his left brow, a mole under his lower lips, high cheekbones, smooth skin. He's mesmerizing. I don't know how to describe it but he could be a fine model if he ever wish to became one.

I licked my dry lips and gave him my hand. Interconnecting our fingers together; his cold and mine warm, we walked downstairs and suddenly all the cameras started flashing. My body grew tensed when I felt all the eyes on me. I never had this much public attention before. My fingers started shivering a little but his firm hold made me at ease to some extent.

"My daughter, you look beautiful." Mother came forward to hug me. I grit my teeth but smiled nevertheless.

My Mother, father and their son with his wife all of them greeted me with big smile across their face.

I despise them. All of them. For what they've done with me, I swear I'd die thousand deaths than to forgive any of them.

Agastya greeted them and then gave me personal space to meet them.

Once he was gone, my family looked at me with disgust in their eyes.

"You better behave, Alaia. I don't even know what that man saw in you to marry a dirt like you." My father said.

"Be a good wife. Don't say no to him for anything. Please him and make good food for him. Massage his feet every night. You're not equal to him, you're his wife and you should know your place. Understood?" Mother placed a hand on my shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.

"And don't let him see your sex tape, now we don't want him to find that his wife is a whore, do we?" Sister-in- law leaned near my ear and whispered before offering me a tight smile.

A wave of nausea hit me and if I stayed any other second with them, I might puke right here. So, I quietly excused myself and my eyes unconsciously started wandering for Agastya. I stood at my place, not knowing what to do when a bunch of people came to me. I knitted my brows and waited for them to introduce themselves.

"Wow, you look so pretty, man. Indeed, Agastya hit a jackpot." A man said, offering me a polite smile.

When he didn't get any response from me, another man patted him on his head. "Atleast introduce yourself. Hey, congratulations on your marriage. I'm Kabir, Agastya's friend and this idiot who just complimented you is Chirag."

"Oh. So, they're his friends." I smiled back at them.

A woman same as of their age came to hug me. "I'm so glad that finally our Agastya found someone to lean on. I'm Sarah by the way. We all are your husband's college friends."

Did he not tell his friend about the reality of our marriage? If they're his college friends then they must know about Zoya, right?

And as I remember her name again, my chest struck with a familiar pain. Please, let this night pass quickly.

Uninterested with anything, I decided to go out for a moment to get some fresh air when the party started and everyone got busy with food, alcohol and music. Once outside, I sat on the stairs and looked up at the bright moon. The cold breeze kissed my face and I wanted nothing but to have a good sleep.

This everything, it is so new and foreign to me. I've been grown up in a conservative household where all I've seen is toxicity. These high society parties, cameras flashing everywhere I go, classy people. Everything is foreign and uncomfortable.

"Ah, you might be the wife, huh?" A sarcastic voice snapped me back to reality.

I turned my head to the side to see a woman staring at me. She wore a short red dress that barely covered her thighs and had a cherry red lipstick. Her toned legs and brown hair made her standout. Wow, she's so beautiful.

"Nah, it couldn't be true. Agastya Singhania married a trashy poor girl from some shitty town. You aren't even pretty, dear. Why did he marry you?" He smacked her lips together in disappointment.

My lips parted in disbelief and self consciousness crept upto to my nerves. I tried to hold back my tears but when she rolled her eyes at me, something in me hurt. "I-I.. Excuse me." I mumbled and rushed back to inside.

My breath caught up in my throat as I panicked.

"Are you alright?" Agastya came to me once his eyes fell on me.

I shook my head. "No." I whispered. / want to be alone. Please let me go to my room. I don't want to be here with all these people. I don't belong here.

"Here. Pass me the water." He said to one of the waiter and offered me the glass full of water.

I looked at him and then at the glass. His assuring eyes made me take the glass from him and take couple of sips from it before I tried to compose myself.

Come on, don't panic. Don't embarass yourself out here. You're wife of agastya Singhania in the public. Please try to act like one.

"I'm fine. Little headache, that's all." I lied to him, forcing a fake smile which obviously he noticed but he didn't ask anything more.

"Agastya, just met your wife. Isn't she lovely?" The same woman who humiliated me outside. came to us with a bright smile.

Heads turned to her and paparazzi started clicking her picture. A little run-down through my memory and I realised that she's some famous model who just debuted in Bollywood.

I wonder if I were her, will the world would've been less cruel upon me?

"Yes, indeed. She's lovely." Out of sudden, an arm was wrapped around my waist and I was pulled closer to my husband who smiled politely at her. "After all, she's mine." He added.

I know. I know this was just an act but then why my heart fluttered? Why it felt good to see that woman's smile vanishing in thin air and all the cameras flashing back on us. Why it felt satisfying to see my family gawking at us in disbelief? And most of all why it felt oddly nice when he called me his in front of everyone?

*********************************

Okay okay so this is really a long episode so please like comment my lovely readers....💋