Lord ! I would end up being late again today.....only if this useless alarm worked properly, or maybe it was just that I woke up late..ahhhh what a life...Nothing ever works out for me..

But the dream that I saw was surely something, rather than a dream it would be more appropriate to call it a memory from three years ago and still its so vivid inside me . I walked up to my mirror and god, my face, it looked terrible. Warm tears kept filling my eyes...I guess I was crying all night not noticing it myself.

Of course every time I dreamt about it...I end up waking up with tears in my eyes.

....It is memory of my mother's last words and the promise I made to her. Ever since I was young my mother was the only one who always remained by my side . Though my dad was there too he was always busy with business tour and its only once in a blue moon that I get to see him. So the relation between me and my father was poor actually really poor, though he loved my mother with all his heart.

So my mother was the one who looked after me all my life . She was always right there for me....but everything ended so suddenly. My mother came to know that she was suffering from lung cancer and hid it from me and my dad.

She suffered all alone until she grew weaker and weaker everyday . I saw her suffering everyday still I was able to do nothing that would lessen her pain...even when I was right by her side.

Gradually we came to know about her disease but it too late to save her. During that time she had remain in the hospital with checkups and dosage and every single day I had to watch my mother screaming in the middle of the night that she ended up being afraid to sleep at all. My heart felt like someone was tearing it apart with all their might.

At that time she spared her last words for me, she said " Kara dear, I always wished to be by your side so that you won't end up being lonely.... every time I had to bear this pain your innocent smile comforted me . But now the time has come for me to leave....but before that happens just promise this one thing, no matter what happens hold on to your smile and when the time comes you will find this special someone who will love you for who you are.....so until then please keep on living, promise me , won't you?"

And because of the promise that I made to her that day...I still live on ......

After my mother died my father showed up even more less. It has been almost 2 years since he came home.....and I'm home all alone.

But right now, I Kara Lane , 17 years old, have this something to live on.. I have this crush on special someone!!

Ethan Davis .17 years old , my childhood friend for whom I seem to have developed feeling for sometime now....and I ...um want him also feel the same way. Its not actually an easy task, cause he is a real flirt , is really popular, got the looks and everything I don't have.... wonder why I fell for him?

He....was not like this, he was nothing like this . He was kind and was a good child .....

After my mother died I fell into depression and didn't knew what to do....at some point I even thought of ending my miserable life...but at that time this someone was there who looked out for me....at nights I was scared to sleep alone he would come over and hold my hands tight until I fell asleep.

He would bring me food and feed me even if I resisted ....every time I cried he would hold me close to him and say "Don't worry, you won't be alone ever again, cause I will always be by your side" and simle at me innocently..... at that time he gave me the courage to move on and I really admired him for that...

Then one year later he had to move to another city due to certain reasons and transferred into a school over there.

Now again he is back and is a different person , a person I don't know, who I don't want him to be...

Somehow I feel he is not his true self and is suffering inside...I understand... cause I have seen my mother do the same....hiding the pain inside a fake smile.

Today I am going to confess my feelings for his , though I am pretty sure what his answer might be...he is still kind enough to me but only that in a flirty way...haaah...that brat! The way he is now it really pisses me off but I still love him....I want to save him, save him from his suffering and I will do it not matter what the cost....I don't want to lose him too.....

I really am late , I closed the door behind me as I hurried out....I walked down the street as I reached the front of my school.....and as I gazed upon it, I felt a tight knot in my stomach....I tried to calm myself...its OK its nothing to worry...you have known him for long , he will literally laugh at you like this...

As I became frantic , a hand suddenly pulled me towards it . i got shocked and looked over to see who it was . SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!!! It was Ethan!! What a timing my god...

Well its not like I have to confess right now ....I can take my time and prepare well.....Ethan stared at me as I was dealing with my thoughts.... that's when I came to realise that I was still in his arms. I got flushed and pushed him away . He grinned and said "oh beloved, you should be lucky to be in arms and yet you resist. You should grow up."

"Like hell ! And I am not beloved and all", I yelled as other students stared at us. Ethan smiled and said " Well that's what your name means , so however I call you it all means the same , right lilies? " all the girls screamed with excitement as he winked at them...

Well well Kara you don't have time for this . Find a way to tell him how you feel already!! I reminded myself.....

During P.E I was all set to go....at that time I was asked to go and keep back the props . Ethan also helped me out. This is the right time , I thought to myself.

As we walked back I called out to Ethan , "Hey Ethan , I ..um I. .." why, why is this so hard to say....I practiced so much , still why....my face heated up...Ahh I don't want him to see me like this.

Ethan looked worried as I stumbled upon my words...."what is it...you face is all red , are you alright !!?"

"Its nothing, I'm fine" I said , I got so frustrated because I am not able to say what I want....

"I guess its the heat, let's head back fast." Ethan was still worried....but this was my only chance....Ethan started walking again.... no, I don't want this..

At last I screaming behind him, "Ethan! I'm in love with you!"

Ethan just smiled......

Soon i came to realize that love is not so easy and is really hard to be conveyed....its even more hard to reach the heart .

After I confessed Ethan , his reaction was even worse than I expected. He just burst out laughing and said, " My beloved, finally I was able to make your heart flutter by my charming smile, or hey was it my looks that made you fall for me ??" he continued to laugh again...

Why, I knew this was exactly the thing that would happen , he is just flirting and playing around again and making fun of me....he doesn't even think that I'm serious..... does he know how much courage it took me tell that. I shouted at him "Idiot, you idiot don't make fun of my feelings!!" tears started to fill my eyes as I said that. "I'm not some girl who wants to be seduced by your words and looks....this has nothing to do with that, I literally mean what I said..." I went out of breath and started breathing fast....my face all red and eyes that would cry out any second . I guess he noticed too..

He looked at me for a while and said, "I know. I have known from the very start. You are easy to read"I looked at him surprised....he smiled . " But I didn't wanted you to confess to me, that's why I've been trying to avoid this kind of situation.. "

"But why ,why would u-", he interrupted me in between," because I would never fall in love with you" he was surely serious..... I could say immediately from the look on his face.

The tears that I held back for so long came running down my cheeks .....I knew this was going to happen and I even prepared myself for this....and yet why, why does it hurt so much inside. This tears why won't it stop. I covered my face so that Ethan won't have to see me like this...

"I'm sorry , I really didn't want to hurt you. I don't know how to say this in any other way..." he said without having to look at my face.

"Its OK, I'm fine.....I ...l understand. But still..." I ran back without finishing what I wanted to say. I didn't even look back once. The sadness, the pain, the frustration that I felt was not under my control. This is my fault. For falling in love when I knew the outcome all along Well it doesn't matter anymore.... its over, everything and I am tired, tired of all this ....Mom, I don't think I will be able to continue living like this....the promise that I made to you has become a really big burden on me.

Let's stop this...I've had enough. In the end, that's what I said to myself..

But the end was just the beginning.....