I Don't Deserve Love
CHAPTER 1: AIRPORT
It's... Dark everywhere, I know what this is. Not again... This is never ending until the day I die, is it? This is forever stuck with me, I will never be getting rid of this. I can't escape from it, nor run from it, can't hide either. It's always going to be within me, every second, every moment, never leaving me alone like a chewing gum stuck on my shoe. These never ending hellish nightmares, those voices in my head.... They just won't go away till the day I die. They are my painful reminders of my past, never letting me forget the past not even for a second.
As Kelly stands in the utter darkness around her, multiple voices and noises can be heard from all around, from laughter, giggles and chuckles, to crying, sobbing, yells and screams, to her name being called from every direction. Kelly shuts her eyes and brings her hands to cover her ears to stop the noises getting into her head, when it all stopped, it was a sudden silence. As she slowly opens her eyes only to find herself standing in front of an car accident, in front of her was a car that has crashed right into a truck.
Ambulance arriving and taking a very injured boy out of the car, the car's front mirror pieces were pierced all over the boy's body, blood flowing out like river. A weird feeling arises at her feet as Kelly looks down to find blood pooling at her feet, stepping out of the blood pool when Kelly turns her head up again, a body of a young girl lying right in front of her appeared.
Once again the blood was spilled everywhere, multiple injuries on the young girl's body. Kelly startled took a few steps back, as everything in her surrounding turns into black again. A shadow similar to Kelly herself emerges from the darkness behind her.
A smile spreads on the shadow's face as it speaks
Shadow
Well, hello Kelly.. I see u have been doing well for sometime without me"
Kelly
"Without you? Don't kid me, I have never been without you. You have always been there haven't u? When did u ever leave me alone?"
Shadow
:giggles:
"That's true. I was always there, and I always will. I am the only thing that would never leave u alone, you should be glad."
Kelly
"You are the only thing I want to leave me alone"
Shadow
"That's a very hurtful thing to say. You should be grateful to have me."
Kelly
"Sure, I am so grateful that I can't wait to get rid of u."
Shadow
"You do know I wouldn't exist if you didn't mess up right?"
Shadow
"Admit it you did. You messed up everything, it's all ur fault"
Kelly
"I don't see how it's my fault."
Shadow
"I will do the honors of telling u that. First starting from the car accident, if you drove instead.. if u were the one driving, you could have avoided that damn truck perfectly, he wouldn't have ended up dead then, he wouldn't have decided to protect you, none of u would have been hurt. But you decided to let him drive and sleep instead, sleep really? Was that so important?"
Shadow
"Of course tired, that's ur damn excuse? Okay what about the other incident? Were you tired then as well? You were supposed to protect her! You had to protect her, that's all u had to do but u messed it all up! You couldn't protect her! You let her get hurt! You were too weak to protect her! You should have been stronger, but you weren't! And you still aren't, still as weak as u were back then!"
Kelly
"Just shut up... Shut up already!"
Shadow
"Yeah shut me up, that's all u can do."
The shadow moves closer to Kelly, it whispers into her ear
Shadow
"You are the reason they are dead, you killed them. One day u will accept it, I will make u admit it."
The shadow proceeds to push Kelly to ground, who ends up falling deep in water instead, she helplessly drowns more as she tries to get out, something pulling her down to stop her from reaching out.
Kelly wakes up on her bed gasping for air, she was covered in sweat from head to toe even though the air conditioner was on. Holding her head, she sits up straight and removes the quilt. She picks up her phone to check the time.
Kelly
"it's 1 a.m ... I only got 2 hours of sleep, great. Just amazing"
Kelly throws the phone at her bed as she gets up to go into the shower.
Annie Roy
"Mom! Dad! Can you hurry up please. We gotta go pick Kelly and Sofia up."
Lily Roy
"Patience Annie, Patience"
Annie Roy
"You know I can't be patient, I missed Kelly, and now she's finally back."
Alex Roy
"You are acting like she was gone for years, just 3 weeks. Kelly was gone on the business trip for only 3 weeks not 3 years."
Annie Roy
"Without Kelly, even 3 weeks are like 3 years."
:pouts:
Lily Roy
"Okay Kelly's fan girl, let's go pick her up already"
:chuckles:
Annie Roy
:waves: "Kelly! Sofia! Over here!"
Kelly walks over there carrying her suitcases, with Sofia right behind her.
Annie Roy
:hugs Kelly:
"Ah I missed you so much.. I was so bored without you"
:pouts:
Kelly
"I didn't, it was so very peaceful without you."
Annie Roy
"How heartless of u. I am your best friend."
Kelly
"Should have known I am heartless before u decided to be my best friend."
Sofia
"Excuse me Annie? I am also ur best friend and a less heartless one, but you didn't miss me did u?"
Annie Roy
"Of course not, why would I miss u? You are very annoying."
Sofia
"Sure I am annoying but hey I am the one who gets to accompany Kelly on a business trip as her assistant."
Annie Roy
"Take me along too, I get soo bored please."
Kelly
"If I take u both with me, it will not be a business trip, it will only be a trip and I wouldn't get anything done so not a chance Annie"
Lily and Alex come walking over to them.
Lily Roy
"You 3 girls seem to have forgotten we both were here too"
:rolls her eyes:
Alex Roy
"It's like we are invisible"
Kelly
Kelly: "Mom.. Dad"
:gives a small smile:
Lily Roy
"Oh now you remember we exist? Humph."
Kelly
"Well it's Annie's fault, she didn't let me talk to u. She and Sofia got into an argument right away"
:gives a playful smirk:
Alex Roy
:sighs:
"Sofia and Annie's arguments are never ending."
Sofia
"We weren't arguing, Uncle-"
Lily Roy
"That's what u say every time. You didn't even give Kelly a break, you 2 started right away after landing huh?"
Annie Roy
"Mom, we really weren't arguing-"
Alex Roy
"Why do u both argue so much?"
:sighs dramatically:
Both Annie and Sofia give side eyes to Kelly, who took her luggage and started walking towards their car leaving them alone to face Lily and Alex's lecture.
Sofia
"There really is no place like home"
:sighs as she flops on the couch:
Kelly
"I am hungry.. and very tired"
Lily Roy
"You do look tired, did u over work yourself again huh??"
Kelly
"No.. not really, just didn't have much sleep."
Lily Roy
"How many times do I need to remind you that you should sleep on time? Why can't you listen to me huh??"
Kelly
"Mom please, not right now."
Annie Roy
"Hah, yes now it's ur turn to get the lecture!"
Alex Roy
"Ahem...I better go cook u guys something."
Kelly
"Dad, don't u leave me alone too."
Alex Roy
"Have fun dear."
:rushes off to the kitchen:
Lily Roy
"Listen to me Kelly! You gotta take care of yourself, you can't be so careless regarding your own health, you should know that..." :continues the lecture:
After half an hour,
All of them were at dinning table, the maids were serving the food at the table.
Annie Roy
"I will sit next to Kelly!"
Sofia
"No I came first so I will sit next to her."
Annie Roy
"No I will, it's not fair."
Sofia
"Everything is fair in love and war and sitting next to Kelly."
As they continue to argue, Kelly watches them argue in amusement.
Lily Roy
"Enough both of you."
Lily Roy
"I will be the one sitting next to Kelly, now you both go sit elsewhere."
Annie and Sofia both sulky sat down.
Alex Roy
"Well.. I have good news-"
Annie Roy
"Oh Gosh.. mom please tell me you aren't pregnant, I am 24 and you are 45, it will be so weird to have a 24 year younger sibling."
Lily Roy
"What.. No Annie, I am not pregnant."
Kelly
"Well, what's the good news then?"
Alex Roy
"You guys really need to let me finish talking, you always interrupt me before I do"
Sofia
"Okay okay, uncle we won't interrupt you next time. What's the good time? I am excited, tell us quickly please."
Alex Roy
"The good news is, Alexander and Rose are coming back tomorrow from abroad."
Lily Roy
"Wait, really? Rose didn't mention anything about coming back to me."
Annie Roy
"Oh my gosh, really? Are Sam and Ron coming as well? Wait what about William? Is he coming along?"
Kelly
"Who's Rose and Alexander?"
Sofia
"And who's Ron, Sam and William??"
Alex Roy
"Well, you'll find out tomorrow when u meet them. You 2 had a long flight, for now go and have some rest alright."
Kelly
"Rest... Yeah, I do need some rest."
CHAPTER 2: OLD FRIENDS
In the middle of the night;
Kelly was once again startled awake after experiencing another horrible nightmare. Her body was covered in sweat, her hands shaking while her legs felt so weak as if she could never stand and walk. Kelly starts to take in deep breaths to calm herself down, once her quick heart beats became steady, Kelly opened a drawer to take out a tiny bottle with words "Vitamin" written on it. Kelly takes out 2 of the pills in her hands and swallows them down. She puts the bottle back in a corner hidden.
Kelly
*How... How much longer will this go on for? How much longer do I endure this? Will it ever end? Or will this be the death of me? Can I ever learn to let it go? Will I need pills for the rest of my life? Will I be haunted for as long as I live?*
Kelly puts her head back on bed, closes her eyes as she rubs a hand all over her face. She stares out her window, watching as the moon is replaced by the sun, as the stars fade, as the sun rays hit her face telling her another painful, torturous night has ended and a bright new day has started yet again, that she is still here, still surviving. Kelly stares with eyes empty of tears, empty of any feeling.
Kelly changes her night clothes and wears her jogging tracksuit, she puts her hair up in a high ponytail. Her eyes fall on a bracelet in her drawer, staring right at her, waiting to be worn once again. Kelly gulps down a lump in her throat, unable to ignore the bracelet she picks it up and puts it in her pocket.
Kelly
*Even a simple bracelet has this much power over me*
Kelly closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to regain her composure, as she reopens her eyes she avoids looking at the reflection in the mirror, not wanting to see what she will find in the reflection.
Kelly walks downstairs
Lily Roy
"Good morning Kelly. Going out for a walk?"
Kelly
"Good morning mom. Yeah, I want a bit of fresh air. Where's dad?"
Lily Roy
"Alex is in the kitchen like usual, making a special breakfast."
Kelly
"Okay. It might take me a while. I am going out.. for a long walk."
Lily gives Kelly a gentle and understanding smile, a knowing look of what Kelly meant by a long walk. Kelly acknowledges that smile with a tiny smile of her own.
With that Kelly walks out of the mansion.
At a graveyard;
Kelly inhales a deep breath, calming her mind and keeping her heart beat steady before she steps inside the graveyard.
Once she is in front of the grave she came there for, she slowly sits down and puts the bouquet of lilies she brought with her on the grave.
The wind blows making petals of flowers from trees to fall over the grave and get stuck in Kelly's hair. Silently she sits and stares at the grave in front of her, her eyes rereading the name on the grave over and over again as if she still can't believe who's grave it is. Kelly keeps her composure still, even as the tears in her eyes are threatening to escape. As she looks down at the concrete, the only words that escape her mouth are
After staying for a bit more, Kelly returns to Roy Mansion. As she enters the mansion her ears are greeted by voices of people she doesn't recognize.
Alex Roy
"Ah Kelly, you are back from your walk. Come here."
Kelly walks over to the living room where everyone was gathered, keeping her face expressionless and her eyes not giving any hint of a slight emotion.
Kelly's eyes scans the room and takes in the figures of the new people. A couple that seemed like the same age as Alex and Lily, and 3 young guys who seemed like they have no brains. One sitting particular closer to Annie, who also couldn't take her eyes off him as if he is some sort of angel. Another taking selfies with Sofia as if they have known each other for years, as for Sofia… She had hearts in her eyes for him literally. Kelly's eyes went on the last guy, who was staring back at her and quickly looked away so to not be caught by her. She looks back at Alex.
Alex Roy
"Kelly, let me introduce you to Alexander and Rose"
Kelly looks back at the couple who give her a sweet smile, she nods at them in acknowledgement.
Alex Roy
"And these three are their sons, the oldest Sam, then there's William and the youngest is Ron"
Lily Roy
"Alexander and Rose, this is Kelly. She lives with us, she is like a daughter to us just like Annie"
The words "like a daughter" rings in Kelly's head, but she doesn't let it show.
Rose Smith
"Silly lily, you don't have to say it like that, just say she is also your daughter. Ron and William are also our sons aren't they?"
Lily Roy
"Ohh yeah, she too is our daughter"
A slight smiles appears on her face for a moment before it disappeared, Kelly looks over at the 3 guys once more.
Kelly
*Huh.. who would have thought these 3 aren't actually brothers. They look like they share the same single braincell*
Sofia
"Kelly Kelly Kelly."
Kelly
:sighs:
"Can you guys not call my name thrice every time?"
Sofia
"It has become a habit now sorry"
Kelly
"You don't look sorry"
Sofia
"Doesn't matter. I was saying... Did you recognize Ron?? You did, didn't you??!"
Kelly looks at the guy Sofia was throwing heart eyes at and was busy taking selfies with. Ron winked at her and flashed her a grin that he thought would look cool. Kelly studies his figure, looking up and down.
Ron Smith
"Hey hey. Now you don't have to stare at me like that. I know I am very handsome and irresistible but-"
Kelly
"You remind me of a cartoon character"
The whole room falls into a bunch of laughter.
Ron Smith
"You! What the hell! No one ever said that to me!"
Kelly
"well there's a first time to everything"
Ron Smith
"Do you even know who I am?"
Kelly
"You are Ron. What's the big deal in it?"
William Smith
"You don't know Ron? Wow, that's the first time a girl doesn't recognize him"
:Laughs:
Kelly
"First time for everything. And did I say anything wrong? Does he not look like a cartoon character? Hair dyed in that ridiculously orange color that doesn't even suit him, wearing ripped pants as if he's a beggar, also too much unnecessary jewelry, no proper matching shirt. It's like he's trying so hard to pretend like a superstar."
Ron Smith
"You! You! I am a superstar! What do you mean pretend?! I am one!"
Kelly
"I didn't say no either. A cartoon superstar. For sure"
Ron Smith
"You... You are unbelievable!!"
Sam Smith
"I don't think anyone ever insulted Ron so well before."
Kelly doesn't bait him an eye.
Sofia
"Kelly, he really is a superstar. He's a singer."
Kelly
"And? Am I supposed to be impressed?"
William Smith
"Most girls are impressed."
Annie Roy
"pfft - Kelly doesn't count in most girls."
Ron Smith
"I doubt she even counts in girls"
Lily Roy
"Oh Kelly aren't you going to have breakfast?"
Kelly
"I am going to go take a shower. I will have it after, keep it ready by then."
After sometime, Kelly came downstairs after taking a shower. Everyone was still sitting in lounge and laughing looking at something. Kelly came there with a towel in her hand drying her wet hair.
Kelly felt someone staring at her, she looked and caught Sam staring at her, he tried to look away as fast as he could. Kelly ignores him.
Kelly
"What are you guys looking at??"
Everyone looked towards her, Alex and Lily quickly closed the album they were looking at and hid it.
Alex Roy
"Ahh Kelly you came. Go have breakfast, you must be hungry."
Lily Roy
"Yes yes, go do your breakfast first."
Alex and Lily looked at each other and gave Kelly a guilty smile.
Kelly
"You two. Why are you acting suspicious? What were you guys doing?"
Alex Roy
"Nothing! Nothing at all dear!"
William Smith
"Hey wasn't that her pic? Who was that guy besides her-"
Both Sofia and Annie that were sitting beside him hit him with their elbows on each side.
William Smith
"Ouch! what the hell?"
Ron Smith
"You are acting as if that was her ex-boy-"
Alex Roy
"I think you should eat an apple Ron."
:smiles:
Lily Roy
"Yes you do need one."
Lily proceeds to shove an apple in Ron's mouth.
Kelly pinches her nose.
Kelly
"So you were looking at our childhood pictures? That's it. And yes that was my boyfriend."
Sam Smith
"You didn't look like you would have a boyfriend."
Kelly turns her head but not quite looks at him.
Kelly
"And you look like someone that can't ever get a girlfriend."
Sam Smith
"Wait…no. I meant that as a compliment… I just-shit never mind"
Kelly
"And you four. Seriously?"
They looked at each other and then at Kelly.
Kelly
"Will you ever stop acting like I am so overly sensitive about what happened? It's not like I told you not to ever mention it again or never talk about it again. What happened already happened. Can you please stop acting like... Like that?"
Ron Smith
"What happened though?"
Kelly, Annie and Sofia say at the same time
Them: "None of your business, Just shut up"
Lily Roy
"We are sorry Kelly. We just didn't want you to think about the bad memories again."
Kelly
"Goodness mom. Pretending like it never happened isn't going to help either. So just do what you do okay?"
Kelly closes her eyes, rubs her forehead and the back of her neck.
Kelly
"Anyways, I will have my breakfast, and go out for a bit. I have something to do."
Alex Roy
"Sure, let me give you breakfast."
CHAPTER 3: THE DEVIL
Kelly's alarm goes off although she is already awake due to her constant nightmares. She turns off the alarm and gets out of her bed. Usually on week days, Kelly wakes up earlier than everyone else as she goes for a walk and exercises in her personal gym where not everyone is allowed.
After coming back from her walk and completing her daily exercises, Kelly took a cold shower and got ready to go to work. Since Alex and Lily weren't awake yet, Kelly made breakfast for everyone. By the time she was done, they were all almost awake. They all sat down together for breakfast.
Lily Roy
"Kelly, don't go to work tomorrow."
Annie Roy
"We are going shopping with Uncle Alexander and others."
:smiles excitedly:
Kelly
"I did rather not go."
Lily Roy
"You are going Kelly that's it, no arguments"
Kelly
"I don't want to, mom"
Alex Roy
"Kelly, you are always working and that's not good. You should have fun too, you can't be working all the time."
Kelly
"I am not in the mood to go shopping."
Annie Roy
"Oh please, you are never in the mood for anything."
:rolls her eyes at Kelly:
Lily Roy
"You will be in the mood once we are going shopping. Anyway, I am not hearing any nos or buts from you."
After breakfast, Kelly left for work.
In half an hour, Kelly reached the company. It was black building, tall enough to touch the clouds known as Aurora Industries.
The driver opened the backseat door for Kelly, as she climbed out of the car. A guard held opened the door for Kelly to enter.
As soon as Kelly entered the building, everyone stopped in their tracks and looked at her, as she passed by them they all bowed a little to her and greeted her, no one dared to look right at her face. They all had their gazes lowered even as they saw her from far away. It's because of the cold, dark and dangerous aura Kelly carries around her all the time, it's her reputation as the most ruthless one that makes her untouchable, it's the way every single thing about her speaks about the authority she has, the dominance she shows. From the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she dresses, her actions and expressions, every little thing about her that shows she means only business, nothing but business is all that matters to her. Power is all she indeed cares about, power is all she holds. Every little thing she does screams power, every move she makes is powerful.
And Money, money never was a problem for her, nor was any problem left unsolved with money, power was all she wanted, all she desperately desired for, the money only came along with the power. Power and money were always linked together for her, the more power she had the more money she got, the more money she had the more she became powerful. As long as she had the power she needed, the power to have control over everything and anything, Kelly did not care about where that power came from or how she got that power, because in the end no matter the way, the means of getting it, the power would be in her hands.
To people Kelly looks indestructible, to everyone that sees her she is the one that never lost, the one that is undefeated because from head to toe, and everything in between she is all about calculated moves, calculated possibilities, calculated outcomes of every single possibility. Her mind is always working out all the scenarios, and mostly the worst case scenarios, she keeps track of every single move she makes, and the outcomes of the move. She is almost never unprepared, always over prepared, over calculated. Kelly doesn't underestimate any small thing that might happen, that might go wrong because the consequences of it can still be huge. So no matter how small of a step it is, she is always as careful as she can be. No one understands the way her mind works, or why it works the way it works. But everyone knows, everyone can see it so clearly even from far away that the way her mind words is incredible.
Undeniably it is because of the way she functions, she is at the top, above all. Kelly is nothing less than a genius. It is why she can't stand mistakes, especially silly mistakes that can be avoided, it is why she extremely hates careless people with careless attitude making the most careless mistakes. The way Kelly is, she can't afford mistakes as it wastes her time, and efforts. The way her brain works, keeping everything in focus is why it is less likely for her to make mistakes, because everything about her is so extremely sorted out in a way almost no one can completely understand and it is why she can't understand properly either why people couldn't have avoided the most obvious mistakes. Normal people can't keep up with the level her mind works at.
Although beautiful, Kelly is no less than a devil. Her name and the word devil both are 5 letter words, people tend to call her devil, they say Kelly is her nickname and her real name is actually devil. Her mercilessness and cruelty is well known by people all over the country, people say she doesn't know the meaning of forgiveness or second chances and it is true. In her dictionary forgiveness, second chances or anything like that doesn't exist. Kelly is all about revenge and payback, she takes her time in taking revenge she doesn't make it fast, she makes sure the person feels pain and agony in every inch of the body. She makes people pay back in ways it's hard to imagine, Kelly doesn't care if she goes to hell she would willingly walk straight into it without flinching for a moment. Kelly couldn't care less what kind of ruthless monster people think of her as, if they think about her as a human even, in fact she takes pleasure in being called the cold hearted devil, or the one with no heart and no soul because that gives her power, a power she can only have.
There is a reason why she has complete control over the whole country, that even the president of the country fears her, that her power spreads all across the country and even a little in other countries. And there's a particular reason for why she wants all the power she already has. A reason why she can't afford to not have power, a reason why she can't imagine being powerless, a reason she did give anything to have the power she has now. Although her eyes seem empty of emotions, her heart and soul seem to lack human emotions, there are some secrets buried inside her, ones she can't seem to let out.
Kelly took the elevator and reached the top floor, the whole floor is entirely her office.
Kelly goes and stands towards the curtains, she looks at the view of the city in front of her and at how small everyone and everything looks at the bottom from such high height, how small it all looks to her.
Kelly
*should I blow up his entire base or should I take over it all? Either way he wouldn't expect it to be so soon, it would be a surprise to him*
A knock at her door, Kelly turns around.
A man in all black was leaning on her door, from top to bottom he was covered in black, tattoos on his arms that are usually hidden were exposed by the short sleeves shirt he was wearing, his height almost the height of the door, his shirt sticking tight to his body, outlining the shape of his body, muscles, and abs. His pants also quiet unable to hide his length. The veins in his arms more than just visible. His eyes the color of the ocean, his dark hair and a face too perfect to be real.
Kelly rolls her eyes at him and turns back around.
Kelly
"You really should consider getting a size or two bigger pants, the shirt as well Wang Li."
The man smirks as he walks inside the office.
Wang Li
"I think it's the perfect size, fits so well. Not my fault that you couldn't help but look."
Kelly
"Way too obvious to not notice."
Kelly kept her tone of speaking indifferent like she does, and sits down at her desk.
Kelly
"Also very uncomfortable. So if you want to keep your thing intact, better wear a size or two bigger when meeting me."
Kelly opens the file that was put in front of her desk and begins reading through it.
Wang Li
"You are the boss after all, I do what you tell me to do."
Kelly
"Since you are here, I suppose you did what I told you to do?"
Wang Li
"I sure did boss. You know I wouldn't want to end up dead. Just waiting for your command."
Kelly
"Good. Let's wait a bit, till the timing is right."
Wang Li
"Sure. As you say."
Kelly
"You can go back now, do what you have to."
Wang Li gives a nod and leaves the office.
Kelly smirks.
Kelly
*Another enemy eliminated. More power in my hands. How I love having my hands on so much power.*
Kelly puts back her head to her chair and closes her eyes.
People like to resemble me with the devil, and I am quite sure they aren't wrong for that. I might just be the devil, but I am not. There still are many differences between me and the devil.
Of course the first difference is the difference between the power we hold, the devil is capable of far more evil than I could ever be capable of in my lifetime, I am sure the amount of power I hold isn't still comparable to that of the devil it self. But yet if people think I am so comparable to the devil, I suppose that still is somewhat a remarkable experience. Do I want to hold the power of the devil itself? Maybe, I am not sure if I have lost my humanity to that level, not sure if I am twisted enough for that. Maybe I will reach that level.
Second difference between me and the devil, is our purposes. We have completely different purposes for the evil we do, for the cruelty we have done. The devil does it for fun probably, to deceive people, for pleasure I suppose. I do it to have control over a certain things, I want the power to be able to control the things I haven't been able to control, I want to be in control. Why I want that much control over everything? There's a reason for that as well, a reason not too complicated.
Third difference is, the devil I assume doesn't have any weaknesses and I do. I have a few. Although people think I don't, after all I made them think I don't. I made them think of me as the one who doesn't have a heart and soul, everything seems better that way. People think I am indestructible, undefeatable, that I never lose exactly like I want them to think. But there's a lot people don't, a lot they don't need to know. They don't need to know I have weaknesses, I am a human and not an actual devil so it's obvious I have human weaknesses. They don't need to know that every night, every single night I lose a constant fight, that I admit defeat to my nightmares every other night, I surrender to the voices in my head. They don't need to know that, they will never know I will make sure of it.
I don't make mistakes, simply because I can't afford to make mistakes. Making mistakes comes with a price, whether a small or big one, eventually there will be a consequence to your mistake. I learnt that the hard way. I paid prices for my past mistakes, the consequences of those mistakes will forever haunt me, I can't undo them. So I will make sure I will never make anymore mistakes, and I don't care if that makes me seem inhumane.
Whether it's a small mistake with no consequence or a big one, I don't allow mistakes. And the ones that can't keep up with this, I will remove them, they can hate me for it all I care. They don't matter to me, their opinions of me don't matter to me, their existence doesn't matter to me, their hatred doesn't exist to me. They can curse and talk all they want behind my back, in the end I will still be the one holding the most power.
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