LAURA

by

MVMANALO/VICKY MANALO

P.E,R,K,S,/MVM Copyright

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“Every once in a while I see her smile…., I hear Christopher Cross’ song on repeat while I rub my tummy. I am about to deliver a beautiful baby and decided to name her Laura. She was a wonderful angel but there’s something with her that I couldn’t help but notice. Normal girls would flinch, cry or react gravely when they get hurt or suffer broken leg, arm or bruises from bike rides or lost tooth. But with Laura, she seemed composed and don’t cry, shout or overreact over pain, broken bones or even when her uncle asked her to kill a chicken for Thanksgiving dinner. That was the first time I saw her not blink and just smiled when she saw the chicken’s head flowing with blood all over the table and even touched it with ease.

When I was younger I may have my share of bad habits like bullying kids in our block, throwing stones at them until they bleed or sticking a pencil on my classmates finger when I got angry once in a while. My parents would bring me to psychiatrists and been medicated for almost 10 years until I met Laura’s dad, Gary. He was a good man, God bless his soul and tolerated my craziness. I miss him so much that when he died due to an accident I drowned myself in rum. But a good news came that even if I was smoking and drinking I learned that I was pregnant and stopped everything I was doing to protect my baby and deliver her healthy. And so I thought!

Tan, tanantan, tan tan tan tan, tan tananan tan!, the song playing is entitled “Togetherness” by Little Nightmare box with Mono, six and the Tin Man series and game. I love this music, it eases my mind and heart but not my soul. Mine is always restless, searching for something or some one to fill in a void in it, in me. I like seeing kids bump into something then bleed from it and also love to see people in an accident or shooting, ,like it soothes my soul, keeps my mind at ease especially when they bleed and shout in pain. And when they die, that’s the interesting part, I love the autopsies and cutting of skin, like cutting meat from poultry or meat factories. I watch a lot of You Tubes on these and it excites me to see people get hurt and bleed to death.

I don’t know why but I just do. Mom said that it’s not good to feel this because pain is a natural feeling but inflicting pain to others isn’t normal. But who is? Normal?

As I was growing up, mom used to love watching horror flicks and films such as Tin Man, Saw, The Boogie Man and women assassins such as Resident Evil and Killing Eve. But I never liked suspense or horror scenes. What I am interested in is watching strange films such as Silence of the Lambs, Carrie, Annabelle, Chucky and more. I am fascinated by cutting skins and seeing it bleed like I want to smell, eat and see these skins, and how fluffy, soft to munch as they looked vulnerable, pale, lifeless, dead. And when I touch these delicate, smooth skins, I flip and my mind would turn into a powerful haze like I get aroused with them, with beautiful and wonderful smell of skins. As I grew up I had several instances that pricking the arm of my classmate with a newly sharpened pencil or punching one of my girlfriends when we had a petty fight since she called me ‘psycho’ in 8th grade, is a soothing thing. Her nose bled profusely and it felt good seeing the blood flow from her nose. She stopped me from touching her nose and shouted for help but I covered her mouth so as not to be seen with her on this momentous day of my life. Her eyes grew wide when I tried to touch her broken nose and peered through it, smelled the blood flowing from it and licked it. Ahhhhh!!!, blood, brokenness and skin bruised and all red, I love it, I wanted to see more so I took my hand off her mouth, which she nervously avoided then looked at me and asked why I am doing it. I said, I love her and she can go to the clinic now. Thank you!. She was my best friend I think since  3rd grade and I really liked her a lot, but when she ran to call for help, she looked at me and said it again. You are really crazy, Laura!

Why thank you, Jen!. Maybe I am and I love it!....That was the start of my journey as a kid who was found to be crazy and called many names like psycho, strange, weird, addict, drunk, skeezo…prenik…whatever  and many more. The weird name some kids at our block used to make me angry was Laura Whora, well I’m not a whore really, but I did cut lawn for a bar girl near our house, when she needed help for her front yard. Maybe because I looked harmless, so she paid me to cut her grass and well I didn’t just cut them but trimmed them as well. I was 12 years old then. I looked like a tomboy but had big headlights and it’s okay with me. Britanny was the name of the girl working at Philly’s Bar. Phil is our horny neighbor who loves to peep at women in their private rooms using his telescope which found out when he asked me to take out his garbage bags one afternoon. How I knew the weird stuff he does, well! I secretly checked his bedroom to see things I haven’t seen in our house especially my mom’s room. So, yup, there was the huge telescope that you use when you want to check on the stars at night. But with Phil, he is better of alone fantasizing on Britanny on her bedroom where the telescope could see through the girl’s glass window when she is changing from her work clothes to undressing or really none at all. So this is what you’re busy every time, and at this time. Phil is a horny bastard, big time! Then I heard his Ford pick-up drive in to park it on is front yard, so I immediately ran downstairs to hide in his bathroom. When I felt that he is already upstairs to check on Britanny at his fancy telescope. I quietly tiptoed out of his house and smiled at how things are great when you’re an adult, I can’t wait to become a woman.

My neighbors are good people, it’s just that maybe they are bored or sad when they’re at home that they do what they do to have fun or find happiness. I am okay but I get sad when I am alone too. So, watching videos cut, do surgeries on people are awesome. I think I want to be a doctor when I grow up but we don’t have enough money to be one. So, when mom’s out working as a nurse in a hospital near our village, I would ran errands and do household jobs for our neighbors to get some money out of it. I now have $30.00 and would put some on my piggy bank and use some to buy ice cream or candies. Then, a thing struck me. I can save up for metal tools like what doctors use in surgery. So I did that and bought my first surgical knife. I tried using it to cut a frog I caught one time from our school pond. But it’s not the same as when I am cutting human skin. It’s more enchanting, thrilling and listening to a person scream out of pain and blood oozing from the cut or peeled off skin, is very satisfying. So much was the arousal I get from the pain,

I cum every time I pierce my own ear, tongue, eyebrow, nose and nipples. With my nipple, it didn’t bleed much so I hated that part. But when my ear gets to bleed and tasted the sweet, salty blood of mine, my brain went straight to heaven after. And so, that started it all. My wild and crazy life into the world of peeling off or cutting skins, breaking barriers of the normal and abnormal, being free to make a choice, to make a person bleed and die or make a person especially women, bleed and cut her skin off to place on jars and idolize them inside my basement room, all the time, every time for a life time.

Mom died a couple of years ago and I was left with an uncle who happen to be Phil. He was nice at first but always wanted to feel me in areas I didn’t want to be touched since they’re private. I was sixteen years old then. I wanted to be sent to an orphanage but Phil didn’t want to and he always said that he needs me at home, or he just wanted to fuck me every time he needs me when his sluts are out and about at the bar. I lived in fear where after school, he would try to break into my room and harass me.

I always hurry when I wake up and eat a little something on the fridge to get out of the house just as not to see him. I have friends at my section but never really had a close one to talk with about my issues. I do good in school and had A’s on almost all of my subjects. Phil was very proud and sort of changed when I turned 18. But one night when we finished dinner where he cooked pasta and grilled chicken, which made me happy graduating in high school, he came into my room to kiss me goodnight.

For the last two years, all I ever wanted was someone to love me as their daughter. And Phil did that now and made me feel that I mattered. Phil, me and some of his friends ate and drunk wine, beer and gin tonic. I had the best time of my life and had everything I wanted to have ever since mom died, which I really grieved on losing until the present. I was happy and felt that I have a dad now, but when I hugged him, my eyes closed on feeling safe in his arms, he pushed me hard that I went down on my bed flat. He closed the door behind him and took off his shirt and pants down fast. He said many things to me that I hardly remember because I felt dizzy and I think I’m going to sleep now. I did and the next thing I remembered was my v*gina hurt bad and I saw blood on my bed sheet. I was naked with bruises on my arm, back and face. Phil raped me and I never accepted that. He would come home and kiss me which I always shove off and look at him with great distaste and hate that I wanted to kill him right in front of me. He had a gun in his waist and he would flare it to me to scare me. And he did it successfully again and again. But one night when he was drunk and slept on the couch, his gun was on the side table, I was quiet not to wake him and took the gun. I didn’t think twice and fire the gun once, twice and the third. I looked at his bleeding face and head with a gunshot hole and smiled. You think you can fool and rape me all over again. You bastard!, Your dick ain’t even worth it, or worth me. He was bleeding to death and woke up when he felt pain in his chest and now his head. I was smiling at him when he breathed his last breath.