Ria's Journal
Alone
I returned home after so many classes
me
mom! Where's the phone?!
mom
..ria, you didn't have your lunch yet. eat something first
me
No please mom! I don't wanna eat!!
mom
You're loosing your weight. Did you forget what the doctor said?
me
I remember everything mom! But please give me my phone now. I'll eat later! Promise!!
Mom gave me the phone. And I opened MT to check notifications.
As usual there were many messages. But I replied only to my close ones. I have no energy to talk with everyone.
Ethan
are you back home safely, cherry pie?
Ethan
how is your day going?
Ethan
Anything wrong? Why are you so quiet today?
It was how our conversation going
I've no intention to ignore him or something. It's just because my mood was bad
and I didn't tried to hide it. I know he won't misunderstand me. That's why he's my bestfriend and more
He asked me what happened?
I tried to tell him about my new college which is one of the best college in my country. And a piece of hell for me
me
I can't get used to it. I tried my best...
me
I don't know. I always feel like I'm staying at hell
Ethan
But you said you've many friends there
me
Yeah I doo but.. *sigh I can't explain it
He kept asking me what was the problem
I wanted to hide it from everyone. Especially from Ethan
I thought he can't understand my situation
but he did. Not properly but more than enough as he never disappoints me
me
They don't care at all what they're saying or doing. But it's different when it's come to me. They always treat me well and take care of me. But… Am I selfish?!
Ethan
You have a bad habit of blaming yourself, silly girl and ....
He is always the best at comforting people
He made me feel better once again
because of him my bad day changed to the good one
then he went offline to do his assistant professor's job. and told me to rest well and not to blame myself anymore
I was tired and exhausted. So I fall asleep at evening
I came online around 10:00 pm again
I saw my friend texted me. He was my close friend but for some reason I asked him to not to text me anymore
he did the same thing which he did twice before
And again I got hurt.. I felt like I'm the one at fault
But it was okay as I knew it's going to happen
baby boy
I'm sorry for what happened
baby boy
I will never bother you again if you don't want to talk to me
It was his third time doing it
It's just a part of drama he likes to play always
me
thank you for exposing yourself. You can go away
I didn't know what to say and his pfp was pretty disturbing for me. That's why I told him..
me
Change your pfp. it's disgusting.
I was rude probably. But it was hard to control myself
I was feeling kinda guilty and sad
My elder sister entered the room
she said to me while sitting on the sofa..
I looked at her. she looks serious
big sis
I've something important to tell you. Put the phone away and listen to me carefully
I did what she asked me to
big sis
Your class teacher called me today..
I was lying down. But sat up after listening to her
big sis
yeah, and we had a conversation about you
big sis
Shova is your close friend, right?
big sis
She asked me to stop you from talking to her
big sis
she's not a good girl
me
I'm not going to believe in her words *scream
big sis
You also know that, aren't you?!
big sis
Okay, let me know you a little bit about her
My sister started telling me about what she heard from my class teacher
I was just listening to her
And I feel like I've nothing left now
I get to know something that I never wanted to
my close friend in my new college who I love the most and thought she loves me and care for me is a bad girl
Not only bad, she's the baddest one
And she's just using me for..
she will throw me away like a piece of trash which she has done many times before
big sis
Your teacher wanted to talk to you about it directly
big sis
Because Your other classmates told her that you're too immature and childish.
big sis
Yeah and they're right. You're not a serious person
big sis
Okay, as your wish
big sis
You looks pale ..ria
big sis
is something wrong?
me
No, just got a headache. It's fine
big sis
okay, take your medicine
big sis
..ria! Be serious and stay careful. Don't get into any of these. Always remember that our dad is a very respected person to people. Don't ruin his reputation
me
I won't, sissy.. Never!
I'm now alone in the dark room
I'm not feeling well at all
and I know what is going to happen next
I need someone by my side now
But I can't tell about it to anyone
everyone is busy. I shouldn't bother them now. so I entered in my gc and started chatting with my friends whose active at that time
But I can't forget the pain.. It hurts so much.. My heart's broken into a hundred pieces just like my gc name
I don't wanna back to that piece of hell again. I just wanna die
Bee 🐝 came online. he's my another bestfriend on MT who I talk to the most these days
Bee🐝
is something happened?
Bee🐝
Because You're quiet today
The door of my room opened again
mom
..ria what are you doing?
mom
I heard you have a headache
me
Yeah, a little bit. Don't worry Mom
mom
what happened to your voice?
And touched my forehead..
mom
..ria, You've a high fever! Since when are you sick?! Why didn't you tell me before?! Even you didn't eat your lunch nor dinner!!
me
I won't eat mom. don't force me
mom
I'll see about it later. Now just give me the phone.
me
No, after another 5 min..
Mom took away the phone before I finish my sentence
mom
..ria eat something so you can take your medicine
me
I won't mom. You know everything. Yet you're forcing me!
Mom knows what did I mean. So she left the room
I'm alone in this dark room again
it's noice free and comfortable
I can't feel any of it though
I want to stay alone forever
and spend the rest of my life lying like this
without anyone by my side
Everything's gonna be alright
I'm not feeling well again. I feel like I've lost my everything
maybe I'm just having mood swings now. But it hard to control myself
I'm trying to keep myself clam. But it's really hard
I don't know what should I do now! Should I just die?!
I can't do anything by my own will. But I can die maybe
No, I can't. Dying isn't easy . I need a proper preparation before doing this
I feel like I'm returning to one year ago; the darkest year of my life
the same feeling, the same stress, but it's hurting more this time
I'm trying to be cheerful as I always do… but I can't
I've no right to stay happy
I've to put an end of this. It's getting more tiring nowadays
I don't know what I'm doing or saying
they don't love me anymore
why you blame me always!?!
It wasn't my fault.. I was...
I was careless back then.. I'm immature.. I'm not strong like you...
I couldn't control myself.. I've waste one year of my life...
I don't deserve to be your daughter..
i always do whatever I want.. I never listen to you
But I love them both… I didn't do this because I want them to worry about me
It was because I was hurt… I needed you by my side
they were busy as always…
yeah, I expected too much… It's my fault
I wanna stay with them a little bit more
no, I've made my decision. I'll do whatever you want
I'll listen to you this time… I'll try my best to be emotionless
even I've left something precious that you may never know
It hurts… But I can do it. because I'm your daughter
*sigh.. I'm really going crazy
I don't wanna be hopeless
Everything's gonna be alright ~
Everything's gonna be okay ~
It's gonna be a good, good life ~
me and my room
me
I wasn't feeling well at all since yesterday. I tried my best to not react and bear the pain silently. I've taken painkillers too
me
I wanted to skip my classes today. But yesterday dad went to my school and got my application approved
me
it's quite a bit insulting for him as everyone knows him and respect very much
me
because my school's rules is very strict. If someone skips a single class their parents have to go to the office and get the approval
me
He already did too much so I didn't want to bother him again. So I took the painkiller and got ready for my classes
me
Our driver bro took me to the school and went back to home.
me
but soon I realized that I'm 10 minutes late, and they've closed the entrance.
me
I wanted to just run away. But I need my attendance, which was the reason I came here despite the pain
me
So there was no choice but to stand there and wait for a kind person to open the entrance
me
There was no one from my class. I felt very anger because of those useless rules. it was hard to control myself
me
I hate my school. It's just disgusting. I've no idea why people work so hard to get admissions here!
me
the guy sitting in office asked my ID number. I gave him that. He called my dad, but dad didn't pick up the call as he was busy as usual.
He kept calling my dad but dad wasn't picking up the call
me
I was so angry and sad that I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to stab someone to relieve my anger
me
they asked me other phone numbers. But I haven't said a word and stayed silent due to my anger
me
I waited there almost 1 and half hours but they didn't open the entrance. So I decided to not wait anymore
me
Then I just got out of school and called my sister. She sent the car to pick me up. I returned to home without attending classes
mom
*opened the door* Why are you home now? Why you didn't attend your classes?
me
(I explained everything to her)
mom
it's all your fault. You always look for a way to skip classes
mom
its only a pain, yet you got sick because you always skip your meals.... ... ....
me
(I heard everything silently.. And came to my room and lie down)
As soon as I lay down in bed, all my anger went away.
I'm happy because I'm in my room! I'm alone here and it's peaceful
sometimes I think I'm in love with my room! Hahah
If I could live here alone for the rest of my life, I wouldn't need anything else.
Me, my room and phone, what a peaceful life!
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