Though not many has this fear of being imperfect, it is still real and a painful thing to experience. No one has once pressured me into being like this, its just me who chose to be like this. This overwhelming jealousy and hatred coursing through me is something about me that I hate, instead of being happy for others achieving their goals all I want to do is steal their happiness and achievements.

     Still, I try to be happy for them and I do cheer for them whenever they need it or not. That's why I'm perfect!

 Ever since the day that I was born I knew my role in this life. I'm meant to be the main character, the only character that everyone admires. For the first seven years of my life everything was perfect, top of my grade and chosen for school performances and completions. I was happy, I was content! But, those good things don't always last.

 For years,, I found myself feeling burned out, losing my sense of self, barely seen smiling, barely moving. I felt weak, I felt lonely. Everybody already has someone! keeps pushing me away! Why?! I hate this feeling, this feeling of sadness, hatred, emptiness, and madness.

 Now, just because I was like this for a few years doesn't mean that I won't come back to my usual perfect persona! Something can't be gone forever! Now, just like before I'm back to being a straight high honor student, I feel happy now that I've become someone worthy of being a person. But, I…

 I still want more, this is nowhere near enough! This STUPID feeling of emptiness won't leave me alone! And- and-.! They're all still better than me! They have hobbies, they also volunteer, arts, sports, student councils, class presidents, what else?!

This is fine, this is alright.. Just because they're the main character of someone doesn't mean that I'm not the main character too! I'm the perfect angel in someone else's eyes, maybe in those rivals of mine too.!

...Well, this was just my little rant, so I'll start with the story now!!...

[ 14 ]

 There, I sat in my room silently panicking about the things that I needed for my volunteer work. Texting and asking the others about the materials, clothing, food, and others, I couldn't help but wonder if... I would be able to continue this facade. I loved the feeling and I loved the attention of the others. Being a girl scout isn't bad too, I get to camp, play in the dirt, run, climb, crawl, hunt, and start fires without getting yelled at by those who believes that it's disgusting for women to do the normal necessities to do in the wild.

  "I don't need to go to do gardening tomorrow since I have to take care of my cousin and need to catch up with my projects so that's covered.. Then, for Sunday I need to go to the mall for the girl scouts meeting.. I wonder if I'll be able to make it for my badminton practice."

 "Whatever, it's 1 A.M I need to sleep, so I'll just worry about this tomorrow." I laid on my bed and closed my eyes to sleep, for an hour I still wasn't able to fall asleep. What do I do when I can't sleep? I stretch, after all.. I need to be able to do the splits if I want to protect myself since my arms are weaker than my legs.

. . .

 After eating breakfast I took a break for a while and scrolled through social media, it was one of the few things keeping me sane in this world. An hour later my parents left for work,, so I get to spend the whole day alone!

 Well I suppose that I can do my school works, and I'd need to draw a lot.. Eh- no one in my family is bad at drawing so I can do this!

..... I wasn't able to do anything but, I was able to practice badminton with my friend.?

Ahhhhh.. Let's just skip to the next day.

. . .

In the morning I reviewed my lessons(no I didn't) and did my homework (I also didn't.).

 I wonder where the orange cat that I was letting yesterday go. I hope that those red marks that I saw on the street wasn't the cat's blood! It was quite cute if you ask me, but it's a stray so..

Ah, I just remembered.. There's a storm coming, so I wonder how that kitten's going to stay warm and dry. Well, that's not my problem. Being perfect doesn't mean taking in strays, so I'll just hope for the best!

.

.

.

...well this is it for now, did you enjoy it reader? the mix of emotions that you felt in my rant and the emptiness in my life? I hope you did! Goodbye and thank you, dear reader!...