HANA POV :

         "You will die if you stay here." He said, gripping my elbow tightly. "Run when you had the chance." He coughed again, and more blood splattered out of his mouth.

       "I can't be more dead than I already am," I whispered to no one. 

       But he heard it. His intense gaze caught mine. It's like he has become an entirely different person. I caught a glimpse of determination in the way he looked. 

        "Are you sure?" He asked me.

        "Yes," I replied, and together, we fought the demons. 

                                          *

       I woke up to a pounding sensation in my head. It feels so heavy. With every passing day, the nightmares are getting worse. Sometimes, I even fight with dragons which is funny in reality. But I was fighting for my life in my dreams. But every time, he is there. His hazel eyes, bloodied knuckles, and fierce gaze haunted me for years now. My phone vibrated with a notification.

     I checked it just to find another message from a fraud loan app. I regret signing up for a loan in one app. Now my phone is full of loan ads and fraud calls. Another message popped up reminding me of my approaching Credit card EMI. No, no, no. Don't remind me, I pray to no one in particular. I just pray. 

       I knew that the day sucks without even starting it. Every day is like this. I think, think, and think a lot. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't run away three months ago from my wedding. 

      If I had married Cillian, would I be struggling like this? Would I lead a happy life like all the girls in arranged marriage novels do? Would Cillian have loved me? I tapped my cheeks twice so that I would get out of my head.

       I would have had a life of luxury if I had married. But definitely, not the freedom and the space I need. This is for the best, and novels are novels for a reason.

        I pushed the thoughts away and got ready to go to the office. My tiny studio apartment doesn't require much effort to clean it. So it gives me time to cook my lunch. I settled for a short-sleeved top and a pencil-cut skirt. It was half past 9 when I reached my office and another 10 minutes of walk on these stupid stillettos to reach my ODC. My long hair has now started to become a mess because of the wind gust. I have no one to curse but myself for getting up late and ending up like this. The queue at the lift feels like the line in Disney World. Why are so many people working here?

        I opted for stares as mine is just the third floor. Shalini called me twice now as the DSM has started, and our client has already asked for me. Why the hell did the client join a Daily Stand Up meeting? It's funny how a stand-up meeting has now become another regular meeting since the pandemic, and even GMs and clients sometimes graced their presence. 

        Just when I reached my floor, I bumped into something hard. At first, I was sure it was the wall. But the wall doesn't beat or it doesn't breathe. I took a step back, rubbing my forehead. It's not the wall I bump into, it's a man. I was in a hurry to even notice who it was. 

       "Sorry," I said and once again, started to run. But the man before me stopped me by grabbing my elbow. The first thing I noticed was how tall he was. I hate when the men tower over me. He has a stubble beard and long hair that gives his handsome looks a rugged quality. His eyes are green, and it took me to the forest in my nightmare. And his expression is unreadable.

      "Sorry? Do I know you?" I asked him, looking from him to our ODC. Just twenty steps, and I will be there.

      "Hana," He called my name in a deep voice, his grip on my elbow tightened. 

      "How do you know...."

      "You were the bride," He mumbled to himself, leaving me in shock.

        He knew me. Suddenly, my head started to spin. He knew me! 

       "Who are you?" My words stumbled while I stayed still. 

       "Bash," Someone called him from behind.

        I released the breath I didn't even remember holding. He is not Cillian. He is Bash. He is someone else. Is he Cillian's friend? But I will worry about it later. For now, Bash turned around to meet the girl coming towards us, and I took the chance to get away from him.

        "You alright?" Shalini asked me once I was seated at my desk. I nod my head, opening my laptop.

         She handed me her water bottle. "Why are you sweating?" She questioned.

         "Someone recognised me," I mumbled to myself.

         "What?" She questioned again, leaning towards me.

         I shook my head. "I took the stairs," I tell her.

         "Yeah, Two of the six elevators are not working. I am gonna complain to the management." She said.

         "They will ask you to raise a ticket," Matteo joked from behind.

           His desk is behind us. And he already started working.

          "What did I miss?" I asked her.

          "Just sprint planning. And the client gave a new requirement. You should present that by EOD." She told me.

          "No," I did a fake cry. 

          "It's okay. We just have to add a little feature. I will help you."

          I puckered my lips to give her a kiss in the air. She smiled, and we started to do our respective tasks.

          It was 9 p.m. by the time I completed the call with the client.

          "I am so done. I am resigning." Shalini said while tying her black hair into a messy bun. She got up from her seat, stretching her hands. 

          She is taller than me, and the heels she uses make me look shorter. That reminds me of the person I met today. My mind constantly went back to him. Who is he? How does he know me? 

           "Let's go grab some coffee, and later we can go home and start typing our resignation letters," Shalini suggested, pulling me away from my thoughts.

           "This is the tenth time you said you would resign." I reminded her.

           "The work is like that." She said.

            Together, we went to the cafeteria. All the people who do the night shifts gathered there. It is packed with people as it was in the morning. Why do they look like robots to me?

           "Let's go to the pantry on our floor. It will be less crowded there." I suggested.

          There is no one in our pantry. I thanked the heavens and started to make the coffee for both of us. Shalini stepped out to attend her boyfriend's call. 

         That's when I saw him again. Bash. He is looking at me through the glass door that separates the rooms we are in. He stood tall, hands tucked in his pockets. The suit he wore this morning is nowhere to be found. He was in a buttoned down black shirt, his eyes didn't blink when he looked at me.

     I walked to him, holding my cup tightly. I looked around. It is so quiet. "What do you want?" I dared to ask him. 

      He opened the door, making me step back. He smelled fresh like an evening on a rainy day while I am sweating and probably smells like it.

      "Answers." He said. "You left a guy at an altar. That too, a man who owns so many companies like this," He says, looking around him. "Now, you are working here. That's pathetic."

      Something in me spiked when he said that. It makes me want to throw the coffee at him. But I held back. 

       "That's none of your business." I snapped. "Who the hell are you to judge me?" I yelled at him.

        He shrugged. "I am a spectator. It never occurred to you about the consequences of your doings. Did you ever consider the groom and his reputation? Forget about him? Did you ever consider your family or your siblings, the impact your escape from a marriage left behind on them?"

       "Enough," I said, raising my hand. "Enough. I don't know who you are. But you have no right to judge me and the decisions I made." 

       The weakness I have is I cry when I raise my voice. But I tried to keep those tears at bay. I can't look weak before this stranger.

       "Right." He said mockingly. "Are you on the run?" He asked me, eyeing me up and down. "That explains your cheap clothes and working a 9-5 job....."

        "Are you his friend?" I asked him, cutting his allegations.

       He removed his hands from his pockets and folded them across his chest. "Cousin." He answered.

      I nod my head in understanding. "Tell me, MR. Bash and whatever your last name is. Did Cillian's heart break because I left him at the altar? Did he feel suffocated when he found out that his bride run away?"

     He gave me a contempt laugh. "Why would a man like him break for a girl like you?" He asked me. Every word he said targeted to look down on me, and a part of me urged me to ignore that, and another part wants me to throw the coffee on his expensive shirt.

     "If my absenece doesn't make a difference in his life, what my presence can do? What kind of marriage it will be?"

      He opened his mouth to say something. But I walked away from him. May the consequences be damned. At this point of my life, I have nothing to lose. 

HANA POV

     I hate it when someone takes the food I was just about to have it, let alone grab it from me. I don't know why. Since childhood, I have been like that. My brother, Misha used to do that when we were kids. He used to offer me chips, `bringing them to my mouth, and right when I opened my mouth, he used to take them away, sticking out his tongue. For the whole day, we used to fight over a chips bag. But when my mother did it, I didn't know whom to fight. There were boiled veggies on my plate when Misha was enjoying his meat in the pool of gravy.

      "You should reduce weight." My mom said.

      "Go to the gym starting tomorrow. Your tummy should be toned."

      "But.."

      "No, but, Hana." She cut me off. "It's seven months till your wedding. You should be more presentable for Cillian. Look at Violet and learn."

       Violet didn't say a word and quitely sipped her protein drink. 

       "I can't." I protested.

       "I have been so hungry for weeks now," I tell her.

       "Learn to control it." My mom ordered. 

      "Is Cillian doing the same to look presentable at the wedding?" I asked her, my voice a little louder than usual. It made no one at the table budge.

       "He doesn't have to." She replied. "He is perfect in every way. He is rich, he is fit, he is handsome, and not even a strand of his hair stays out of place. You should maintain the same physique and dignity to match him. This wedding should be perfect."

        "Define perfect," I mumbled to myself.

         At first, I thought I could do it. It's healthy, right? You eat healthy food, hit the gym and what's there in it to worry about? But then it started- the hunger, the strict diet and the punishments.

        It was 2 months before the wedding when I craved a sweet. I was in periods. I always crave sweets during my periods. So I went to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get a bite of chocolate. That's when my mom came back from her work. 

       At first, I thought, she was being ridiculous. None of the things she said made sense to me.

       "I craved it. What's wrong?" I said.

       "This will ruin everything you did until now." She shouted at me.

       "Then let it be," I shouted back.

       She grabbed me by my elbow and rushed me to my room. "You better get inside before your father catches you." She said.

       I didn't know that eating chocolate would be a crime till then. For worse, I thought she was protecting me. I didn't realise she wasn't even trying to help me until I was given just water and a bowl of salad the next day. It's not the hunger that pains me. It's how I was treated there. It's like I don't have a self, and I am not a human. I am 23 years old and I am a software engineer. I don't understand why I even have to beg my mom for a plate full of food. What did I do to deserve that? I have no idea.

                               .             *

       There aren't many photos of Cillian and Bash together. Like Bash, Cillian has green eyes. I saw him ten years ago at a ball. I didn't remember how he looked. But I remembered how I felt- scared. I thought of searching for Cillian and checking if there was any news about him or the marriage - our marriage that never happened. But I talked myself out of it. I call it selective ignorance. Both Cillian and my Credit Card bills will fall under that category.

        I lay flat on my bed, thinking about the bills. This is not how I imagined my 20s would be. I have a 9-5 job, but the salary wasn't enough. The rent and EMI I have to pay are more than the salary I receive. The person I once lent money to is still struggling with his job. So there's no way I could get a penny out of him. Whom should I ask for money? I don't know. I wondered what would happen if my mother let me join the very first job I got. It's a system engineer role, and the pay was good. I would have gained one year of experience and could have been in a better position. 

      I sighed, realising that I was thinking of what could have been instead of what was happening. What's the point anyway? What happened has happened.

     It was 10: 30 when I started thinking.

    Then I opened my phone to scroll through the useless stuff.

     It was 11:30 when I played a cooking game.

     It was 12:30 am when I started to check my social media. And I am still wide awake. I can't even feel like sleeping. I miss the times when I used to feel so sleepy that I used to nod off even in the most serious situations. 

      It was 1:30 when I stared at my own shadow on the wall.

      I blinked, and it was already 2. Another stressful and boring day is waiting for me. It will be the 10th of the month in no time, and all my bills await to be paid off. I wished for the time to stop. That's the last thing I remembered before falling asleep.

      I see no Ashton Martin or any lavish car outside my apartment. No sign of security guards. Which means Bash hasn't told Cillian about me. I don't think Cillian would have come for me if he knew. After all, I was the bride who left him at the altar. He wouldn't want me back. But what if he seeks vengeance? Can I fight him? 

      Do you want to fight him?  My inner self questioned me. I have no strength left to run again. If I get caught, I guess I will get caught.

                                               *

     "I brought you coffee," Shalini said, as soon as I sat at my desk. 

     "Thank you," I smiled at her, taking the cup she handed. At times like this, I may become a little positive about life. I get back to work while opening the Teams app on my laptop. My Project manager has pinged me to visit her cabin.

      "What does she want?" Shalini asked me from beside me. 

      "I don't know," I said, getting up.

      "Tell her that we have resolved Martin's issue in production." She said with a glare that was directed at her screen.

       "I will if it is about the Martin's issue," I told her.

       "Hey, Defne." I greeted, trying my best to put up a pleasant smile. 

        She showed me the chair in front of her table and asked me to sit.

        I haven't had much interaction with her. She is usually nice to the employees, always having a wide smile on her face. Something is off today. She is nervous? She rubbed her hands before linking them together on the table. 

       The thing I like about Defne is how easily she could get along with the younger staff that we don't even realise that she is twice the age we are.

       "Before I start, I wanted you to know that you are an asset to this project. We all feel that." She said slowly. Usually, her words run like a bullet train. Something is definitely off.

        She handed me a paper, and it's not just any paper. It is a letter of termination. My eyes widened with shock. I couldn't read the letter fully. 

       "I tried to stop it," She answered my unasked question. "I have given other names. But it came from upstream. It's a layoff."

      "Bullshit. Our company is doing just fine." I said, holding the paper tightly as though my life depended on it. In a way, it does.

      "I know that. It came out of nowhere. I can't say this to you. But, it's like you have been targeted. I am saying this as a friend. But you only have a month left. Make sure to find a new job. I will write the most.."

      "Astounding recommendation letter?" I cut her off. "Thanks for informing me," I said and got up from my seat. I left her cabin before she got the chance to show her sympathy. I don't need it. What I need is a job, money and stability. 

     "What happened, yaar? Why did she call you?" Shalini asked me when she spotted me.

      But I didn't wait to respond. I feel like I might cry. So I did what I always do. I run. After 10 minutes, I find myself on the terrace with a termination letter in my hand. House rent, Loan EMI, Credit card bills, and a month to find a new job. Why is life so exhausting? Why am I failing to take care of myself? My eyes burned as fresh tears surfaced them. 

       I hardly slept for 5 hours. I hardly had my breakfast. I hardly drank my coffee. I am hardly surviving. Why does life have to be this hard? Why? 

         Defne's words drummed in my ears. 

        It's like it's like you have been targeted.

        I suddenly know why I have been targeted. That Bash! That stupid fucking Bash.

        "The view is nice, isn't it?" I heard a voice from behind.

        I knew the owner of that deep voice before I saw his face. Because he has been living in mind rent-free for hours now. 

      When I turned around, he was leaning into the wall, his hands tucked into his pockets and a smug smile on his face.

       "Did you do this?" I ask him, raising my hand in which I held the paper. 

       "Is that a termination letter?" He clicked his tongue, looking around before he turned toward me. "You should have known that life is tough, especially for a girl who fled her mansion to be on the roads."

      I call it jail. I wanted to scream. But I held back. 

      One thing I have learnt through hard way is that never show your weaknesses, no matter who it is on the other side. 

      "What made you think that life with Cillian is any better?" I asked, folding my hands across my chest.

       I can say that he is surprised at the way he opened his mouth to say something and paused. 

       "Anything with money is better, Miss. Levine."

      I totally agree with him. But I refused to admit it to him.

      "Anything is better without abuse," I tell him and tried to cross him.

      But he held my elbow like he did last time. His sea-green eyes held my gaze. "What does that mean?" He asked me in a bossy tone. He is expecting an explanation which I don't intend to give him.

      It is so cruel that he has such beautiful eyes but a tainted heart. "Do you love Cillian?" I asked him, without averting my gaze. "Is that why you are seeking vengeance for his ruined reputation? I thought they already did the damage control."

     My words made him loosen the grip on my elbow. "You have a smart mouth." He says. "I hate it when people have smart mouths."

     "I hate when people don't have smart brains," I tell him as ridiculous as it sounds. "I hate you."