"Life is short so spend it with people who deserve and makes you happier"

That's what i always hear adults say, but as the five years old girl i am i don't really understand it,for me playing with my dolls, and watching tv all day long is happy enough, but maybe next week when i start going to school, a real one of course not the full-of-babies and nap-time kindergarten, i'll understand what they mean.

I'm April, i grew up in a big happy familly,a well off one, i have three older sisters and one younger brother, although i'm still a kid i have never been spoiled, i'm not mommy's youngest cute child, or daddy's older more dependent child, but that never bothers me, when my sisters go to shool and i stay alone at home with my mom and brother, i watch tv all day long, i even watch dramas sometimes. I'm kind of a loner and i don't have many friends because all my neighbors are older than me, and my sisters being the mean girls they are doesn't allow me to hang out with them a lot, only when they are playing a game that i can join like hide and seek, singing and acting competitions, playing house and all, otherwise they always tell me that I'm too young to listen to their stories and that i wouldn't understand anyway although they are only a couple years older than me. not fair right?

And that's one of the reasons i want to join the school, so i can make friends which absolutely i won't share them with my sisters, but i also want to learn new things like my sisters, they always come home and share a lot of stories with each other and mom like what they learnt, how their teacher praised them, how their school is taking them on trips and all.

So i'm spending all this week to get ready for it. my favorite color is red because my mom told me that it means power ...well and because it's beautiful too i mean who wouldn't like it, i even chose myself to be clover of totally spies just because she wears red, and she's the coolest one among them, and that's what i want to be the cool kid, i may seem a little bit childish well i'm a child after all but that's what i always see on tv the cool kid is the one who has so much friends and i want so much friends.

*****

Hello everyone,thank you for taking a look on this book, i hope you enjoyed it, and please read the description so that you can have a general idea about what's going to happen in this story later.

I'm sorry if i make grammar mistakes and i hope you'll tell me what you think about it, it'll mean a lot to me.

To be honest writing never crossed my mind i only enjoyed reading, but i thought that it would be a great way to express myself because i really don't have much friends lol, so this book is somehow the relatable one the one you'll find in the unspoken emotions and ideas of a little girl who's just figuring out herself and her life each day.

but of course it's never exciting without some imagination and drama ,i hope you like it and thank you again for passing by

This week was the longest ever, but finally today is my first day in school, i woke up early this morning to get ready i'm wearing a red and white dress just above the knee and white sneakers, i let my hair lose with two red hairclips on each side, had a fast breakfast and i literally begged my mom to take me there earlier.

And here i am sitting in my classroom, but the only thing i'm thinking about is going home, this place is such a disappointment, most of them here miss their parents or refused to even let them leave , and the boy next to me is crying for an hour now after his father dropped him here or actually almost tied him to the chair so that he won't follow him back, and damn he's really annoying i thought i would get rid of those crybabies in the kindergarten but i guess i was wrong.

The day passed by like hell i felt like every hour passed like two, and now it's time to go home, i have no friends of course so i'm waiting beside the school gate for someone to take me home, without doubt my dad wouldn't be the one because he's working, and it seems like it wouldn't be mom either because she's no where to be seen and if she was the one she would've been here long ago, so my only and last option is my sisters.

After about ten minutes of waiting alone i finally spotted my eldest sister, i was so happy to see her so i ran for her like i was running for my life beaming and laughing to myself but when i reached her she didn't even bother with me, well... that hurts, didn't see it coming, she told me to go home with my friends but with the fact that i don't have any she just told me to wait for my other two sisters -which usually go home together because they only have one year age gap between them- and she went off without looking back, i went back to the place where i was standing before disappointed, angry, lonly, but with a little bit of hope, watching all my classmates and other kids going home with their parents, okay i was jealous too. but fortunately this time i didn't wait for long and when i spotted my sisters i ran to them hoping that they'll take me home with them just like everybody else, but no they did the same as my eldest sister, this time i felt like a knife was stabbed in my heart, feeling left behind the only thing i could do is holding back my tears until i go home, and i did ALONE.

That obviously wasn't how i thought my first day would be it was the worst at least before when i was left alone i would be at home watching tv, but this time i was alone in a place a little far from home with almost only me waiting behind watching all the kids my age and even older than me being taken home by their parents or siblings while i stood alone, that hurt me i felt jealous and heart broken and i couldn't help but be angry and disappointed in my sisters, yet i hoped i will make friends the next day i think it will all be better and i would never be left behind again .

After staying up a little late last night thinking and dreaming about what will happen in the next days i fell asleep without realizing, in the morning my mom woke me up to get ready and after doing my daily routine i was ready to go to school.

But today my mom ordered my sisters to take me with them, my eldest sister obviously didn't, so i was left with my other two sisters, well i was better off alone i think because i was just walking behind them.... well following them to be exact, and they didn't care much about me, just every now and then they look back at me and tell me to be faster more like making sure I was still alive.

Now i reached my classroom and the only thing i was hoping is that the crybaby from yesterday wouldn't sit next to me today he's such a headache, but no... well of course why would i even be hoping with this luck of mine it was certain that it will happen in the end. but fortunately enough today he only cried for half an hour, after the teacher started talking he shut up. She started with an introduction telling us about herself and what we'll learn today then she asked each of us to introduce ourselves, i didn't bother a lot i just said my name, and that i hope we will be friends, the boy next to me which his nane seems to be Adam didn't say anything other than his name because he couldn't speek actually, after crying for so long his voice was unclear, his nose running, and he was hiccupping too.

After another long day is finally over, but Actually today was a little better because i made some friends in break time and i learnt numbers, a lot of them too and how to write them, it wasn't actually so hard for me because before starting school i was so excited that i already learnt them alone.

And here we go, now is the time for going home, i started searching for a friend to go home with, because my sisters are no longer my first choice or even a choice at all, i started with observing from afar first so i can know my available choices, almost most of them went home with their parents, but finally i spoted one which happens to be my neighbor too, i went to her and started to talk as randomly as possible so that it won't be obvious that i'm desperate to find someone to go home with, but she went home with her sisters, well what can i say other than " as expected" she and her sisterd are always together the trio that never get separated if you're friends with one of them then you're friends with the three, like buy one and get one for free in their case you take two, and if you've fought one then you missed up with the three, sometimes i want my sisters to be kind of like them but they are just over-doing it in my opinion.

So back to the important matter, going home, i guess my sisters are my last hope AGAIN, i hope it'll trun out good this time, i went to my older sister a~nd... no her reaction was the same as yesterday, then to my other sisters, and what did i even expect to begin with why am i even hoping for the impossible to happen, and i was left behind watching everyone exept me going home with someone feels like déja- vu right?. But at least this time taught me to not wait for anyone again and depend on myself after all as they say " if there is someone who'll never let you down, then that person is no one other than yourself"

I went home thinking and planning what to watch. A cartoon or some drama, well as i said before i watch A LOT of dramas, it's not like i'm not watching something for my age i do i'm watching them all, but you know instead of repeating some episodes i watch dramas.

Now back to the topic god i get distracted a lot when i start thinking about something. I reached home a little bit like tiny bit late, well of course i was thinking and getting distracted all the way home so i walked sooo slowly, to be honest i was barely moving. And my mom being the typical one she is she started scolding me but it soon ended when i told her i was late because i was left behind and she kind of felt sorry for me, or she just didn't have more to say. Later, i did my homework, had a snack, and went directly to watching tv, my sisters came to me asking me if i want to go out and play with them, that was weird usually they never do so i'm the one sticking to them, but it soon hit me, i'm sure it was mom who scolded them, so i refused and went back to watching tv, you'll wonder why i refused like who the hell would refuse a playing offer, but at that moment i was really angry because i was left behind and that too that they were kind of forced, so no thank you. that incident changed me because i'm the clingy sister no more.

The rest of my days were pretty much the same, i always went home alone and i rarely go out with my sisters of course after my mom scolds me for being abnormal for a child. Things in school were really smooth i was always first in class, i don't think i was a genious it just was that my classmates were the typical kind of a kid spoiled and childish, they're always upset when the teacher gives us homework because they just want to play or their little brain just didn't remember and all, but at this point i started to really think about myself, like am i really mature for my age or are the children in my age not mature enough.

Well i guess there isn't much to say about my first year it went fast and boring, and my teacher decided to have a party in our last day of school, most of my classmates brought their parents but of course i was alone yet again. After spending some time in it i was bored seeing how they were crying and clingy to their parents, how childish and messy they were eating i decided to go out and have some fresh air, and when i was going home i spotted him again, it's Adam, but what was he doing here usually he never leaves his father unless they almost tie him to the chair,and then i saw it he was picking his nose and eating it, i'm sorry i know it's disgusting to know but i freaking SAW it, please give me eyes that didn't see it, and that was more than enough for me to go back in which i did, running. When i went back in i was shocked, they brought a clown, oh hell no there are two, I'm really scared of them those freaky smiles on their faces is enough to make them scary, and what's worse i just saw a horror movie trailer on tv where the clowns were the killers. You'll think that it's over-dramatic but those two clowns specifically didn't even seem to like kids so thank you but no, there is no need for me to hang out around you.

I went to sit back in the furthest chair in the corner hoping that they won't notice me, but as always why do i hope with this luck of mine, they decided to play the train game i refused thinking that i might be dismissed but no they insisted and what was worse is that i was the last one to join i was the last one in the line and those creepy clowns were the first.that was a whole horror movie for me i kept looking back and trying to push the kid before me indirectly so that he can be faster,because those damn clowns are getting closer,and when i decided to turn around so that it would be less scary, i was hit again with reality to find that i was holding that Adam thing was another problem himself, no please what did i do wrong why am i so unlucky, two creepy clowns behind me, and a dirty spoiled kid in front of me, now my mind was blank i was holding back tears which were threatening to fall, hoping that those creepy clowns wouldn't decide to make a circle and hold me, and that this dirty kid was clean enough not to wipe his hands on his shirt.

After what seemes like the longest day in my life i went back home,alone, and running like i was running for my life, which practically i was, but the only thing that made me happy that it would be a long vacation without all those people.