Table of Contents

Color Inserts

Title Page

Copyrights and Credits

Table of Contents

Prologue: Heaven Official's Blessing

Chapter 1: The Scrap Immortal, Third Time Entering the Heavenly Capital

Chapter 2: Three Clowns, Night Discussion on the Palace of Tremendous Masculinity

Chapter 3: The Ghost Takes a Bride, the Crown Prince Mounts the Bridal Sedan

Chapter 4: Mountain-Locked Ancient Temple, Forest of Hanging Corpses

Chapter 5: Red-Clad Ghost, the Burning of the Martial and Civil Temples

Chapter 6: Clothes Redder than Maple, Skin White as Snow

Chapter 7: Puqi Shrine Talks, Guileful Tales of Banyue Pass

Chapter 8: Shortened Distance, Adrift in Sandstorms

Chapter 9: Dallying HuaLian, Night Fall in Sinner's Pit

Chapter 10: Wind Master in White, Bellowing Sandstorms from Nowhere

Chapter 11: Poking the Ghost King, The Crown Prince Seeks Truth

The Story Continues

Appendix: Characters

Appendix: Locations

Appendix: Name Guide

Appendix: Pronunciation Guide

Glossary: Genres

Glossary: Terminology

Footnotes

About the Author

Other works by MXTX

Back Cover

Newsletter

Prologue:

Heaven Official’s Blessing

AMONG ALL THE DEITIES of heaven, there was one famous laughingstock of the three realms.

Legend has it that eight hundred years ago, there was an ancient kingdom in the central plains called the Kingdom of Xianle.

The Kingdom of Xianle was a vast and bountiful land. There were four treasures within it: abundant and handsome beauties, vibrant music and marvelous literature, gold and gems, and their one infamous crown prince.

What would be the best way to describe this crown prince? Well, he was a unique man.

He was beloved by the king and the queen, and they doted upon him exorbitantly. They would often say with pride, “My son will become a great ruler in the future, and his good name will echo down through history!”

However, the crown prince was not interested in imperial power or wealth in the mortal world at all.

What he was interested in, in his own words, was:

“I want to save the common people!”

When he was young, the crown prince focused solely on his cultivation, and there were two short tales that were widely spread of his time on that path.

...***...

The first tale took place when he was seventeen years old.

That year, a grand Shangyuan Heavenly Ceremonial Procession took place in the Kingdom of Xianle.

Although the custom of conducting these divine ceremonies has been out of fashion for centuries, it is still possible to deduce what a grand, jubilant occasion it must have been from remnants of ancient books and oral tradition.

The wondrous Shangyuan Festival, upon the Grand Avenue of Divine Might.

Seas of people gathered on either side of the grand street, with royals and nobles talking and laughing in merriment atop the high platforms. The glorious royal warriors bedecked in armor opened the paths, while maidens danced elegantly, their fair hands scattering flowers—and who could say whether the flowers or the maidens were more beautiful? From within the golden carriage came marvelous music that drifted across the entire imperial city. And at the rear of the procession was a grand stage pulled by sixteen white horses in golden bridles.

Upon this towering grand stage stood the God-Pleasing Warrior, the focus of everyone’s attention.

At the Heavenly Ceremonial Procession, the God-Pleasing Warrior wore a golden mask. Dressed in glamorous attire and with a sacred sword in hand, he played the role of the subduer of evil, the number one martial god for the past thousand years: the Heavenly Emperor, Jun Wu.

It was the greatest of honors to be chosen for the role of the God-Pleasing Warrior, which was why the selection criteria were exceedingly strict. Thus, the one chosen that year was that crown prince. People across the kingdom believed that he would give the most thrilling performance as the God-Pleasing Warrior.

However, an accident happened that day.

During the third tour of the procession, it passed by a city wall that was hundreds of meters tall. At the time, the martial god upon the grand stage was just about to strike the demon down. It was the climax of the performance, with people on both sides of the street at the height of excitement. The top of the city wall swarmed with crowds clamoring to watch the show, pushing and shoving each other to get the best view.

At that moment, a small child fell from the edge of the wall.

The screams of the crowd reached to the heavens. Just when everyone thought this child would stain the Grand Avenue of Divine Might with blood, the crown prince looked up, leapt into flight, and caught the boy.

The people only saw a glimpse of a white silhouette that flew like a soaring bird before the crown prince landed with that small child in his arms. The golden mask fell, revealing the young, handsome face behind it.

In the next second, cheers erupted.

The people were thrilled and joyous, but the state preceptors of the royal cultivation hall were troubled.

They had never imagined such a huge mishap would occur.

This was ominous luck! The gravest of misfortunes!

Every trip the grand stage made around the imperial capital symbolized one year of peace and harmony within the kingdom. Now that it was cut short, did that not mean the invitation of disaster?!

The state preceptors were so distraught, they were losing hair as fast as the rain fell. After much contemplation, they called the crown prince over to speak to him. In the softest manner possible, they requested: “Your Highness, might you be willing to face the wall in reflection for a month? It does not really need to be a month, as long as the intention is there.”

The crown prince smiled. “No.”

This was what he said: “There is nothing wrong with saving people. Why would the heavens condemn me for doing the right thing?”

Uh…but what if the heavens do condemn you?

“Then it is the heavens who are wrong. Why would I apologize to those who are wrong?”

The state preceptors could not argue.

This crown prince was such a person.

He had never encountered anything he could not do, nor had he ever met anyone who did not love him. He was the justice of the Mortal Realm, the center of the world.

Although the state preceptors were frustrated—“What the heck do you know?!”—it was not their place to say much, and they did not dare say more on the subject either. His Highness would not have listened anyway.

...***...

The second tale takes place in the same year, when the crown prince was seventeen.

Legend has it that, south of the Yellow River, there was a bridge called Yinian.1 Upon this bridge was a ghost that had been lingering for years.

This ghost was exceedingly fearsome: it was clad in broken armor, the flames of hell blazed beneath its feet, and its body was covered in blood and pierced by all manner of sharp weapons. Every step it took, it left behind a footprint of blood and fire. Every few years, it would suddenly appear at night and wander back and forth at the head of the bridge, blocking travelers to ask them three questions:

“What is this place?”

“Who am I?”

“What is to be done?”

The ghost would then devour whoever answered incorrectly. However, no one knew what the correct answers were. As the years went by, this ghost devoured countless travelers.

During his ascetic travel, the crown prince caught word of this. So he set out and found Yinian Bridge and stood guard there night after night. Until finally, one night, he met the haunting ghost.

When that ghost appeared, it was indeed as horrifying as the legends said. It asked the crown prince the first question, and he answered with a smile.

“This place is the human world.”

However, the ghost replied, “This place is the abyss.”

An auspicious start. The first answer was already incorrect.

Well, all three answers are going to be wrong anyway, the crown prince thought, so why should I wait till you’re done? And so he pulled out his weapon and lunged.

The fight was complete chaos. The crown prince was skilled in martial arts, but the ghost was terrifying and dauntless. Man and ghost fought so hard that the sun and moon began to topple. In the end, the ghost was finally defeated.

After the ghost vanished, the crown prince planted a flowering tree at the head of the bridge. As he did so, a cultivator passed by and happened to see him sprinkle a handful of dirt to consecrate the grave and send the ghost off.

“What is this?” he asked.

And thus, the crown prince replied with his now-famous line: “Body in the abyss, heart in paradise.”

When the cultivator heard this, he gave a light smile. He then transformed into a divine warrior clad in white armor, with auspicious clouds beneath his feet. Then, he drew in the wind and rode off in holy light. Only then did the crown prince realize that he had just encountered the Heavenly Emperor, who had personally descended to the Mortal Realm to subdue evil.

The deities had already taken notice of this exceedingly outstanding God-Pleasing Warrior since his time in the Shangyuan Heavenly Ceremonial Procession. After the meeting at Yinian Bridge, they asked the Heavenly Emperor, “How does My Lord find this Royal Highness?”

The Emperor answered, “This child’s future is infinite.”

That night, a celestial phenomenon manifested in the skies above the palace, and storms raged.

Amidst the flashes of lightning and the roars of thunder, the crown prince ascended.

Whenever a mortal ascended, the Heavenly Realm always shook. When the crown prince ascended, the entire Heavenly Realm quaked outright with three times the normal tremors.

Achieving fruitful cultivation was always far too difficult. It required talent, training, and luck. It was often a long road of a hundred years for a god to be born.

It was not that there were no fortunate souls who became deities at a young age. However, the majority who tried exhausted their entire lives, trained for a hundred years, and still had no Heavenly Tribulations dawn upon them. Even if they did come to face a Heavenly Tribulation, should they fail the trial, they would die—or be ruined, if they managed to survive. Those who made the attempt were as numerous as the sands of the Ganges, but most were simply ignorant mortals who would spend their entire lives as nothing more than ordinary, never finding their own paths.

Yet this Royal Highness was no doubt the darling of the heavens. Whatever he wanted, he received; whatever he wanted to do, he succeeded. He wanted to ascend and become a god, so at the age of seventeen, he did just that.

He had always led the hearts of the people, and the king and queen loved and missed him dearly. So to honor their son, the king ordered great temples and shrines to be built across the land and for statues of the crown prince to be erected and worshipped by all. The more believers that were amassed, the more temples were constructed. That meant the crown prince’s life would be more prolonged, and his spiritual powers would grow more powerful. Thus, in a few short years, the Xianle Palace of the Crown Prince became incomparably glorious, and for a time, its prosperity and splendor reached its peak.

Until three years later, when Xianle fell into chaos.

The cause of the chaos was tyranny, with rebels rising in revolt. However, while the flames of war were set ablaze all over the mortal world, the deities of the Heavenly Realm could not easily intervene. Their concerns were ghosts, monsters, and demons that encroached on the borders, and whatever fell outside of those parameters had to be left to its own devices.

Think about it: conflicts were everywhere in the Mortal Realm, and everyone believed they were justified. So if any god were to stick a foot in… Today, you would back your former kingdom, tomorrow, another would avenge his descendants. Thus, would there not be gods who wanted to fight each other all the time, who would fall into a life of disgrace?

That was why the crown prince needed to keep his distance. But he did not care for that reasoning in the least.

He said to the Heavenly Emperor, “I will save the common people.”

The Heavenly Emperor possessed a thousand years of divine power, but even he did not dare let those words hang off his lips. When he heard this, it was easy to imagine how he felt, yet he could not do anything to stop the crown prince.

So he said, “You cannot save everyone.”

“I can,” the crown prince declared.

Thus, he descended to the Mortal Realm without looking back.

Naturally, the whole nation of Xianle rejoiced. However, ever since ancient times there had been one truth the people always spoke of in the human world: there would never be a good outcome when gods descended to the Mortal Realm without permission.

And so, not only were the flames of war not extinguished, they blazed even wilder.

It was not to say that the crown prince did not try, but it would have been better had he not intervened at all. The harder he worked, the more of a mess the war became: the people of Xianle were devastatingly battered and crushed, the wounded and casualties innumerable, and in the end, a plague swept through the entire imperial capital, and the rebel army broke through to the palace and ended the war.

If it was said that Xianle was originally hanging on by a thread, then the crown prince came and cut it directly.

After the kingdom fell, the people finally came to realize one thing: the crown prince they worshipped as a god was never as perfect or strong as they imagined.

To speak harshly, was he not just useless trash who could not do anything right?!

Without anywhere to vent the anguish and pain of losing their homes and families, the battered people furiously poured into the Palaces of the crown prince, toppled his divine statues, and burned down the divine temples.

Eight thousand temples burned for seven days and seven nights, burned until there was nothing left. From that moment on, the martial god who protected peace and safety vanished, and a God of Misfortune who brought disasters was born.

When the people call you a god, you are a god. If they call you crap, you are crap. You are whatever they say you are. It had always been thus.

The crown prince could absolutely not accept this reality, and he had an even harder time accepting the punishment he received for his transgressions: banishment.

His spiritual powers were sealed, and he was knocked back down to the Mortal Realm.

He’d grown up endlessly coddled and pampered. He had never tasted the suffering of the human world before, yet this punishment hurled him from the clouds down into the mud. And in this mud, for the first time, he understood the taste of hunger, poverty, and filth. This was also the first time that he did things he never thought he would do willingly: he stole, he robbed, he cursed loudly, and he gave up on himself. He lost all dignity, no self-esteem remained, and he was as unkempt as one could be. Even his most loyal servants could not accept this change in him and chose to leave.

“Body in the abyss, heart in paradise.” This phrase had been engraved on stone monuments and plaques everywhere in Xianle. If not for the war that had burned almost all of the kingdom to the ground, if the crown prince were to see the remnants of those words, he would probably be the first to rush to destroy what was left.

The person who had said those words had personally proven that when the body was in the abyss, the heart could not be in paradise.

He ascended to the heavens quickly, but his fall from grace was even faster. That awe-inspiring impression at the Grand Avenue of Divine Might, the evil he met at Yinian Bridge; it all seemed as if it were only yesterday, and the Heavenly Realm merely sighed for a while before letting go of what was past.

Until one day, many years later, a huge rumble thundered from the sky. This Royal Highness ascended for the second time.

Throughout history, heavenly officials who were banished either never regained their glory or fell into the Ghost Realm. It was rare to turn over a new leaf after banishment. This second ascension was truly grand and spectacular.

What was even more spectacular was that, after he ascended, he charged all the way into the Heavenly Realm and rampaged in full fury. Thus, he had only been ascended for the span of one incense time before he was knocked back down again.

One incense time. It could be considered the swiftest and shortest ascension in history.

If the first ascension could be considered a beautiful tale, then the second ascension was a farce.

Having been banished twice, the Heavenly Realm looked upon this crown prince with full contempt. And in that contempt, there was caution. After all, he was already threatening and on edge after the first banishment; now that he had been banished twice, would he not go berserk and take his revenge on the world?

Yet who knew? After being banished this time, he did not go berserk and even adjusted earnestly to banished life. There were no issues at all, and the only problem was that…maybe he was taking things a little too seriously?

Sometimes he would busk at the end of the street, expertly playing any instrument and singing any songs, and even shattering boulders on his chest as part of his act. While there had long been word that this Royal Highness could sing and dance and was a master of many talents, it was unbelievable to witness all his talents in such a fashion, truly inspiring complicated feelings in anyone who saw.

Sometimes, he would diligently and humbly collect scraps.

The deities were shocked to their cores.

It was unthinkable that things would reach this point, where now, if one was to say “the son you gave birth to is the crown prince of Xianle,” it would be a curse more malicious than “may you die without sons.”

He was once the noble and gracious crown prince, a heavenly official who was part of the divine ranks. But in truth, no one else had ever screwed up so badly. And so, this was the story of the man who was known as the laughingstock of the three realms.

After laughing, those who were more sentimental might also sigh. The darling of the heavens, who once stood at such a height, had truly and thoroughly vanished.

Divine statues collapsed, a native kingdom was destroyed, and not a single believer remained. Gradually, he was forgotten by the world. Thus, no one knew where he had drifted afterward.

It was already a great shame to be banished once. No one would be able to get back up after being banished twice.

...***...

Many more years passed. Suddenly one day there was another huge rumble in the sky. The heavens fell and the earth cracked, the ground trembled and the mountains shook.

The lanterns of everlasting light shuddered, the firelights danced in fury, and all the heavenly officials inside their golden palaces jolted awake, every one of them running out to ask each other:

“Which new dignitary has ascended?”

“Such a grandiose entrance!”

Yet who knew? They had exclaimed in wonder the first second, but in the next, all the deities of heaven were thunderstruck.

Weren’t you done?!

That infamous weirdo, the laughingstock of the three realms, the legendary Royal Highness the Crown Prince, he…he…he…he fucking ascended again!

“CONGRATULATIONS, Your Highness.”

Hearing this, Xie Lian looked up, and he smiled before saying anything. “Thank you. But can I ask what you’re congratulating me for?”

Ling Wen-zhenjun stood tall with her hands folded behind her back. “Congratulations, you have won first place on the chart of ‘Heavenly Official Most Hoped to be Banished Down to the Mortal Realm’ of this calendar cycle.”

“Well, no matter what, first place is first place,” Xie Lian said. “But since you’re congratulating me, is there anything that’s actually worth being happy about?”

“Yes,” Ling Wen replied. “First place on this chart receives one hundred merits.”

Xie Lian immediately said, “If there are any similar charts in the future, please absolutely call me up.”

“Do you know who second place is?” Ling Wen asked.

Xie Lian pondered for a moment, then replied, “That’s too hard to guess. After all, in terms of ability, I should be able to take the first three places myself.”

“Pretty much,” Ling Wen said. “There isn’t a second place. You’re so far ahead that you’ve left everyone in the dust.”

“That’s too great of an honor,” Xie Lian replied. “Then who was first place for the previous calendar cycle?”

“There is no previous winner,” Ling Wen said,

“because this chart was first established today.”

“Huh?” Xie Lian was taken aback. “You don’t mean to say that this was a chart set up just for me?”

Ling Wen replied, “You can think of it as, you just so happened to make it in time and just so happened to steal first place.”

Xie Lian grinned, his eyes squinting into crescents. “All right. I’ll be happier if I think of it that way.”

“Do you know why you got first place?” Ling Wen continued.

“By popular demand?” Xie Lian guessed.

“Let me explain the reason to you,” Ling Wen said. “Please look at that bell.”

Xie Lian turned his head to gaze toward where she pointed, and what he saw was an extremely beautiful sight. There was a grand palace temple made of white jade, abundant towers, pavilions, and gazebos, with heavenly clouds lingering about as streams flowed and birds danced.

He took a good look for a while, then asked, “Did you perhaps point in the wrong direction? There’s no bell anywhere.”

“I didn’t,” Ling Wen said. “It’s right there; don’t you see it?”

Xie Lian looked again seriously, then answered honestly, “I don’t.”

Line Wen replied, “It’s all right if you don’t. There used to be a bell there, but when you ascended, it fell because of the tremors.”

“…”

“That bell is older than you, but it has a spirited character and enjoys a good spectacle. Whenever someone ascends, it tolls a few times in applause. When you ascended, the tremors were so strong that the bell tolled like mad and couldn’t stop at all. In the end, it shook itself off the bell tower before it finally ceased. And when it fell, it crashed down onto one of the heavenly officials passing by.”

“Um…is everything better now?” Xie Lian inquired.

“Not yet. It’s still under repairs,” Ling Wen replied.

“I meant that heavenly official who was hurt,” Xie Lian clarified.

“The one it hit was a martial god,” Ling Wen said. “A flick of his hand and the bell was chopped in two right then and there. Now, please look over at that golden palace. Do you see it?”

Again, Xie Lian looked to where she was pointing and saw amidst the haze of clouds the resplendent golden glazed roof. “Ah, this time I see it.”

“It’s not right if you see it,” Ling Wen said. “There wasn’t anything there before.”

“…”

“When you ascended, the golden pillars of the golden palaces of a number of heavenly officials collapsed from the tremors, and their glazed roof tiles shattered. There are some that won’t be so easily fixed, so the heavenly officials could only put together some last-minute palaces to make do for the time being.”

“And I’m the one responsible?”

“You’re the one responsible.”

“Mm…” Xie Lian asked to confirm, “So I’ve offended many heavenly officials since the moment I arrived?”

“If you can make amends, maybe not,” Ling Wen said.

“How do I make amends?”

“Easy. With eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits.”

Xie Lian grinned again.

Ling Wen added, “Of course, I know you don’t have even a tenth of that amount.”

Xie Lian replied earnestly, “How do I say this? Even though I’m very sorry, if you want just ten thousandth of that amount, I don’t have it.”

The faith of mortal believers was converted into the spiritual power of a heavenly official. Every stick of incense they lit and every offering they gave were thus called “merits.”

Xie Lian turned solemn in place of the smile and asked seriously, “Are you willing to kick me down from here and give me eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits for it?”

“I’m a civil god,” Ling Wen said. “If you’re looking for someone to kick you down under, you’ll need to find a martial god to do it. The harder they kick, the more merits they’ll give.”

Xie Lian heaved a long sigh. “Please allow me to think about what I should do.”

Ling Wen patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, there will always be a path when the carriage reaches the mountain.”

“Boats always sink when they reach the pierhead for me, though,”2 Xie Lian said.

If this were eight hundred years ago, when the Palace of Xianle was at its peak of prominence, eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits would be nothing; the crown prince could throw it out without batting an eye. But the present wasn’t the same as the past, and all his temples in the Mortal Realm had long since been burned to the ground. He had no believers, no incense, and no offerings.

There was no need to say more on the subject. Either way he had nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing!

He crouched by himself on the side of the main street of the Heavenly Capital feeling distraught for a while before suddenly remembering: he’d ascended for almost three days now, but he still hadn’t entered the communication array of the Upper Court. He’d forgotten to ask what the verbal password was.

The heavenly officials of the Upper Court had gotten together and set up an array that could instantaneously allow the consciousness to communicate and pass on messages. Once ascended, one must enter the array, but a password was required for the consciousness to find the designated channel. The last time Xie Lian had entered the array was eight hundred years ago, so he didn’t remember the password at all. He let his consciousness scatter to search and saw a channel that seemed to be what he was looking for, so he went in randomly. The moment he entered, he was blasted by an outpouring of crazed yelling from all directions.

“Place your bets and no take-backs! Let’s wager on how long our Royal Highness the Crown Prince can last before going down again!!”

“I bet one year!”

“One year is too long; last time it was only one incense time! It’ll be three days this time, I think. I put my merits down on three days, three days!”

“Don’t, you dimwit! Three days is almost over already, do you even know how to gamble?!”

…Xie Lian silently exited the array.

He’d entered the wrong one. That couldn’t be it.

The heavenly officials of the Upper Court of Heaven were all bigwigs who guarded over a given region. They were widely known by every household and kept occupied by a myriad of state affairs. Since they were deities who ascended respectably, in keeping with their status, they were generally more reserved and often put on airs. Xie Lian himself had been the only one who dragged out every single heavenly official inside the communication array to greet them out of excitement the first time he ascended, incomparably earnest and exceedingly thorough in introducing himself from head to toe.

After he exited that array, he went on another random search and entered a different one. This time, he relaxed, thinking to himself, How quiet—it’s probably this one.

Just then, he heard a voice say softly, “So, Your Highness is back?”

It was a very comfortable voice, the sound soft and gentle, the tone decorous. However, if one were to listen closely, one would discover that the voice was quite cool and indifferent, the same as the sentiment it carried, causing that soft gentleness to turn into something more malicious in intent.

Xie Lian had intended to enter the array in a proper manner, then lie low, but since the other party had already addressed him, he couldn’t keep pretending to be deaf and mute. Besides, he was still delighted that there were actually heavenly officials in the Upper Court who would willingly start a conversation with a God of Misfortune like himself.

Thus, he quickly answered, “Yeah! Hello, everyone, I’m back again.”

Yet little did he know, after this exchange, every single heavenly official who was currently inside the communication array perked up their ears.

That heavenly official said languidly, “Your Highness certainly ascended with tremendous force this time, huh?”

Within the Upper Court of Heaven, emperors, kings, generals, and chancellors were everywhere, and heroes flowed like water.

In order to become a deity, one must first achieve greatness. Within the Mortal Realm, those who had obtained accolades or ones in possession of great talent had always had a better chance at ascension. So it wasn’t an exaggeration to say that rulers, princesses, princes, and generals weren’t a rarity here. Everyone was a Darling of the Heavens. Everyone acted courteously with each other, so they would address one another as Your Majesty, Your Highness, Lord General, Alliance Chief, Head Chief, whatever, as long as the title was flattering. However, the words from this one heavenly official seemed to have something lurking beneath their tone.

Although he said “Your Highness” this, “Your Highness” that, Xie Lian couldn’t sense a bit of respect from him at all. It was more like he was poking him with a needle. There were also several heavenly officials inside the communication array who were authentic crown princes, and they were feeling the hairs on their backs rise from such an address, incredibly uncomfortable. Xie Lian could tell that this other party didn’t come with good intentions. But he didn’t want to fight, so he chose to run instead.

He smiled. “It wasn’t too bad.”

However, that heavenly official wouldn’t give him the chance to run. He said tepidly, “It’s Your Highness, after all, so it wasn’t too bad for you. But my luck doesn’t seem to be as good.”

Suddenly, Xie Lian heard a private message from Ling Wen.

She only said one word: “Bell.”

Instantly, Xie Lian understood.

So this was the martial god who was hit by the bell!

If that was the case, then the other party wasn’t angry without reason. Xie Lian had always been adept at apologizing, so he immediately said, “I’ve heard about the accident with the bell, and I’m dreadfully sorry. I do apologize.”

The other party humphed, the meaning unclear.

There were a great number of renowned martial gods in the Heavenly Realm, and many of them were newly ascended dignitaries who came after Xie Lian’s time. Xie Lian couldn’t be sure who this person was by voice alone, but he couldn’t stay ignorant of his name after apologizing either. So Xie Lian inquired, “Might I ask how I may address my lord?”

The other fell silent at this.

Not only did the other fall silent, it was like the entire communication array froze, and the air was assaulted with stagnation.

From the other end, Ling Wen sent him another message. “Your Highness, although I think you should have recognized him after talking for so long, I still want to give you a hint. That’s Xuan Zhen.”

“Xuan Zhen?” Xie Lian said.

He was stumped for a moment before he finally came around, then sent a voice message back in shock. “That’s Mu Qing?”

General Xuan Zhen was the Martial God of the Southwest who possessed seven thousand temples; his name in the human world was considerably distinguished, and this General Xuan Zhen’s real name was Mu Qing. Eight hundred years ago, he was a deputy general at the Xianle Palace of the Crown Prince.

Ling Wen was also quite shocked. “You really didn’t recognize him?”

“I really didn’t,” Xie Lian replied. “He didn’t talk to me like this back then. Besides, I can’t even recall when we last met; it was either five or six centuries ago. I can barely remember what he looks like, so how can I possibly remember what his voice sounds like?”

The communication array was still deep in silence. Mu Qing didn’t utter a sound. The other heavenly officials were pretending they weren’t listening while waiting on the edge of their seats for whichever one would continue the conversation.

Things were rather awkward when it came to those two. The complicated plot had been spread in rumors for so many years, and everyone basically knew the story at this point. Back then, when Xie Lian was still the esteemed crown prince of Xianle, he trained at the Royal Holy Temple. This Royal Holy Temple was a royal cultivation hall in the Kingdom of Xianle, with a very strict standard for selecting disciples. Mu Qing came from the slums, and his father was an executed criminal; someone like that didn’t qualify for acceptance to the Royal Holy Temple, so he could only run errands. Within the temple grounds, he was someone who cleaned the Royal Highness’s room and served tea and water.

Xie Lian saw how hard he was working, so he requested that the state preceptors make an exception and accept Mu Qing as a disciple. It was only by the golden mouth of the Royal Highness that Mu Qing could enter the temple to cultivate and be trained alongside the crown prince. Then, after ascension, Xie Lian appointed him his general and took him along to the Heavenly Capital.

However, when the Kingdom of Xianle fell and Xie Lian was banished to the mortal world, Mu Qing didn’t follow him. Not only did he not follow, he never even spoke a word in Xie Lian’s favor. Either way, the crown prince was gone, so he was free. He found a cave on a piece of auspicious land and trained arduously, and not a few years later, he passed a Heavenly Tribulation and ascended to heaven himself.

In the past, one was in the heavens and one on earth. Now, there was still one in the heavens and one on earth—it was simply that their positions had switched completely, that’s all.

On this end, Ling Wen said, “He’s very upset.”

“I figured as much,” Xie Lian said.

“I’ll go start another topic of conversation, you’d best take the chance to leave,” Ling Wen suggested.

“Nah, it’s okay,” Xie Lian replied. “It’s fine as long as we pretend nothing’s happened.”

“Are you sure?” Ling Wen said. “I feel awkward just watching you two.”

“It’s not that bad!” Xie Lian replied.

For someone like Xie Lian, everything besides death really was okay; he didn’t have a lot, and certainly not shame. He had done much, much more awkward things, so he genuinely felt that this was okay. Yet who knew that “okay” wasn’t a word to be uttered lightly? He had only just said “it’s okay” when a voice roared angrily.

“Who the fuck knocked down my golden palace?! SHOW YOURSELF!!”

This angry roar was going to make the heads of all the gods explode.

While they were already filled to the brim with surging complaints, still, each of them held their breaths, waiting soundlessly to hear how Xie Lian was going to answer this accusatory cry. Yet unexpectedly, things only got more exciting. Before Xie Lian had opened his mouth, Mu Qing spoke up first.

Or rather, he only snorted. “Heh.”

The newcomer spat coldly, “You knocked it down? Good. Just you wait.”

Mu Qing replied coolly, “I didn’t say it was me; don’t make false accusations.”

The other said angrily, “Then what are you laughing about? Are you out of your mind?”

“No reason. You just sound funny, that’s all,” Mu Qing said. “The one who knocked down your golden palace is in the communication array right now. Go interrogate him yourself.”

With things reaching this point, Xie Lian was too embarrassed to run away just like that.

He cleared his throat. “It was me. I’m sorry.”

The moment he spoke, the one who came after also fell silent.

Next to his ear, Ling Wen messaged him again. “Your Highness, that’s Nan Yang.”

“This one I know,” Xie Lian said. “But it seems he doesn’t recognize me.”

“He does,” Ling Wen confirmed. “It’s just that he spends most of his time roaming the Mortal Realm and rarely comes back to the Heavenly Capital. He didn’t know you had ascended again, that’s all.”

Nan Yang-zhenjun was the Martial God of the Southeast. He possessed eight thousand temples and was incredibly loved by the people. His real name was Feng Xin, and eight hundred years ago, he was the number one heavenly general of the Xianle Palace of the Crown Prince.

Feng Xin was loyal to a fault, and he had been Xie Lian’s imperial bodyguard since the crown prince was fourteen years old. He grew up with Xie Lian; they entered the heavens together, were banished together, and drifted together. Unfortunately, they couldn’t endure all eight hundred years together. In the end, it was an unhappy separation as each went their own way, never to meet again.

The master of forgone days, fallen so low as to be the laughingstock of the three realms with neither offerings, temples, nor believers. All the while, the two servants under him had both passed a Heavenly Tribulation and became great martial gods themselves who guarded their own domains.

Under these circumstances, it was impossible for anyone not to think too much. If Xie Lian had to choose between Feng Xin and Mu Qing and say who made him feel more awkward, he would answer “they’re both fine!” But if bystanders had to choose whether they wanted to see Xie Lian brawl with Feng Xin or Mu Qing, then that would depend on the individual’s taste. After all, all three had sufficient reasons to beat each other up, so it would be a hard pick.

Which was why everyone was severely disappointed when Feng Xin did not respond for the longest time. He didn’t say a single word, and instead went invisible. And so Xie Lian concluded the scene on his own, beating himself up voluntarily: “I didn’t think things would get this out of hand. It wasn’t intentional, and I do apologize to everyone for having caused trouble.”

Mu Qing replied sarcastically, “Oh, what a coincidence.”

Coincidence. Xie Lian also thought this was quite the coincidence. How did he so coincidentally hit Mu Qing and wreck Feng Xin’s palace? From any bystander’s perspective, this was practically intentional revenge. But the truth was thus: he was just the type who could pick up the single poisoned cup in a thousand cups of wine. It wasn’t like one could do anything about what others thought, so Xie Lian could only reply, “I will do my utmost to compensate everyone for their golden palaces and any other damages. I pray you will all give me a little time.”

It didn’t take any brains to see how obvious it was that Mu Qing wanted to keep making snide remarks, but his golden palace didn’t suffer any damage, and the bell that fell on him was also chopped in two. If he continued to be so overbearing, it’d be unseemly for someone of his status. Thus, he also fell silent and went invisible. When Xie Lian saw that the awful messes themselves were now gone, he quickly fled too.

He was still pondering deeply and seriously on where he could go to get his hands on eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits. The next day, Ling Wen invited him to the Palace of Ling Wen.

Ling Wen was a heavenly official who managed the affairs of celestial personnel and controlled the smooth sailing and rapid career promotion of humans. The entire palace was stacked full of official documents and scrolls from the ground to the ceiling, quite an astounding sight, enough to make one quake with fear. On the way over, every heavenly official who emerged from the Palace of Ling Wen was holding stacks of documents that were taller than the average person. Their complexions were ghastly pale, looking either like they were breaking down or numb.

After Xie Lian entered the great hall, Ling Wen turned around and got straight to the point. “Your Highness, the Heavenly Emperor has a request for you. Will you give him some assistance?”

There were plenty of Zhenjun and Yuanjun in the Heavenly Realm, but there was only one who could be addressed as Emperor. If this lord wanted something done, he needn’t ask first, which was why Xie Lian was a little taken aback before he replied, “What is it?”

Ling Wen handed him a scroll. “Recently, there have been a large number of grand believers from the north making frequent prayers, so I imagine things must not be peaceful there.”

The name “grand believer” usually referred to one of three types of people. The first type were the rich, those who paid for incense and religious services and built temples. The second type were missionaries, people who promoted the religion and gave sermons. The third type were believers who possessed absolute faith in both heart and body.

Among the three, the first type dominated. The richer someone was, the more they feared and respected gods and ghosts, and there were as many rich people as there were fish in the sea. The third type was the least common, because if someone could genuinely reach that level, then their spiritual state must be exceptional, and they wouldn’t be far from ascension themselves.

The ones spoken of here were, obviously, the first type.

“The Heavenly Emperor cannot attend to the north right now,” Ling Wen explained. “If you are willing to make a trip over on his behalf, then in the future, regardless of how many offerings these grand believers give as a gesture to pay off their vows, everything will be counted under your altar. What do you think?”

Xie Lian received the scroll with both hands and said, “Thank you.”

This was clearly Jun Wu helping him, but the Heavenly Emperor made it sound like he was asking Xie Lian for help. Of course Xie Lian could tell, but he couldn’t find the right words to express how he felt besides those two.

Ling Wen replied, “I’m only responsible for getting things done. If you wish to say thanks, wait until the Heavenly Emperor returns and go thank him directly yourself. By the way, do you need me to lend you any spiritual devices?”

“No,” Xie Lian said. “Even if you give me a spiritual device, I won’t have any spiritual power once I go down, so I couldn’t use it anyway.”

Having been banished twice, Xie Lian had lost all of his spiritual powers. Things were fine in the Heavenly Realm; the Heavenly Realm was the place where the divine palaces stood and spiritual qi was abundant, endless, and right at his fingertips for him to use. However, once back in the Mortal Realm, he was stunted. If he wanted to have a spiritual battle with anyone, he’d have to borrow said power from someone to make do—quite the inconvenience.

Ling Wen pondered for a moment. “Then it’s best if we call a few martial officials over to lend you a hand.”

The martial gods that were currently in office either didn’t know him or loathed him. Xie Lian knew that much, at least. “Forget about that too. No one will come.”

Ling Wen had her own considerations, however. “I’ll give it a try.”

It wouldn’t matter whether she tried or not, but Xie Lian neither agreed nor protested and let her go off to try on her own. Thus, Ling Wen entered the communication array and clearly and loudly asked:

“Everyone, the Heavenly Emperor has an urgent matter in the north and is in dire need of capable hands. Is there any martial highness who can assign two martial officials from their palace?”

Just as the words were spoken, Mu Qing’s voice popped up airily. “I hear the Heavenly Emperor is not in the north at the moment, so this is probably a call for assistance from His Highness the Crown Prince, am I right?”

Xie Lian thought to himself, Are you just lurking inside the communication array at all times of the day…?

Ling Wen thought the exact same thing and dearly wanted to slap Mu Qing out of the array for obstructing her work, but still she smiled outwardly. “Xuan Zhen, how come I keep seeing you inside the array these days? Seems like you’ve got free time on your hands lately. Congratulations.”

Mu Qing replied coolly, “My hand is wounded. I’m currently nursing the injury.”

Every heavenly official thought to themselves, That hand of yours can chop the mountains and slash the seas without breaking a sweat. What could splitting a bell do to you?

Ling Wen had wanted to wait until she had tricked two people into volunteering before saying anything at first, yet not only did Mu Qing figure it out easily, he had to say it out loud too. Now there surely wouldn’t be anyone available. As expected, not a single soul responded, but Xie Lian didn’t think anything of it. He turned to her.

“I told you no one would come.”

“If Xuan Zhen didn’t say anything, I would’ve succeeded,” Ling Wen said.

Xie Lian chuckled. “You worded it like a pipa player with half her face covered, and within the fog, the flower looks three times more beautiful. If others thought it was to do work for the Emperor, of course they would’ve come. But if they came and discovered they’d be working with me, there would probably be a riot, and how could we cooperate under those conditions? Either way, I’m used to being alone; it’s not like I lost any limbs during all these years, so we’ll leave it as it is. Thanks for all the trouble, I’ll be off now.”

Ling Wen was out of ideas too, so she cupped her hands in salute. “All right. Wishing everything goes smoothly for Your Highness down below. May heaven officials give their blessings.”

“No paths are bound!” Xie Lian replied, waved his hand, and left in a dashing manner.

...***...

Three days later, the Mortal Realm, in the north.

There was a tea shop by the side of a major street. Its storefront wasn’t big, a small operation, but what was good about it was the scenery. There were mountains and waters, people and the city. It had it all, but not much; not much, but just right. If one was to have a chance meeting here in this landscape, it would definitely become a beautiful memory.

The tea master inside the shop was extremely idle. When there weren’t any customers, he’d bring a stool out to sit by the entrance to watch the mountains and the waters, the people and the city, quite jolly as he looked on. Today, he saw a white-clad cultivator who had come down the road from a distance. The cultivator was travel-worn, as if he had walked for a long time.

When the man came close, he brushed past the small shop at first, but suddenly, he halted. Then, very slowly, he backed up. Lifting the tip of his bamboo hat, he looked up, glanced at the shop sign, and smiled. “‘Little Shop of Chance Encounters,’ what an interesting name.”

While this man appeared somewhat tired, his expression was a cheerful one, so much so that the one watching him couldn’t help but lift the corners of his lips too. The man then asked, “Excuse me, is Mount Yujun nearby?”

The tea master pointed in a direction for him. “It is indeed around here.”

The man let out a sigh, managing not to let his entire soul out while he was at it. He thought to himself, I’ve finally made it.

This was indeed Xie Lian.

When he left the Heavenly Capital that day, he had originally set the desired landing location in the Mortal Realm to be somewhere nearby Mount Yujun. Yet who knew when he left in such a dashing manner, and jumped down dashingly, that his sleeve would be caught by a dashing cloud. Yes, it was caught by a cloud. He didn’t know how his sleeve got caught, but either way, he tumbled across the million-meter-high sky, and by the time he tumbled down, he no longer knew where he was. After walking on foot for three days, he finally made it to the first intended landing point, and he sighed deeply with emotion.

Xie Lian entered the shop and picked a table next to the window, ordering tea and snacks. After he finally settled, there was suddenly the sound of weeping and gongs being played outside.

He gazed toward the main street and saw a group of men and women, both young and old, escorting a bright-red marriage sedan as it passed by.

The air surrounding this procession was downright odd. At first glance, it seemed like a marriage procession, but upon a closer look, there was solemnity, grief, fury, and terror on those faces. The only emotion missing was joy. It didn’t look like they were festive at all, yet still they all wore red with flowers and made an ostentatious show. Such a scene truly was exceedingly peculiar. The tea master raised the copper teapot in his hand high and tipped it to pour tea. He also saw this scene play out, but he only shook his head before moving on.

Xie Lian watched as the bizarre procession disappeared into the distance, and he grew deep in thought for a moment. Just as he was about to take out the scroll Ling Wen had given him to read it over once more, he suddenly sensed something dazzling flit by.

When he looked up, a silver butterfly flew past his eyes.

That silver butterfly was glittering and translucent, and as it fluttered through the air, it left a sparkling bright trail in its wake. Xie Lian reached out toward it in spite of himself. This silver butterfly was incredibly intelligent; instead of being alarmed by the movement, it stopped on the tip of his finger. Its wings shimmered, beautiful and serene, and beneath the sunlight, it felt like the illusion of a dream that would shatter with a single touch. A moment later, it flew away.

Xie Lian waved at it as a farewell, and when he turned his head back around, there were two more people sitting at his table.

There were four sides to this table, and those two each took a side, one left, one right. They were both young men of eighteen or nineteen years of age. The one on the left side was taller, with deep brows and handsome features, and his eyes carried a sort of unbridled wildness. The one on the right was extremely fair, elegant, and poised. His expression was a bit overly distant and cold, making him look as if he was extremely displeased. Actually, neither of them looked pleasant.

Xie Lian blinked. “You two are?”

The one on the left replied, “Nan Feng.”

The one on the right said, “Fu Yao.”

I wasn’t asking for your names… Xie Lian thought.

Just then, Ling Wen suddenly transmitted a message. “Your Highness, there are two junior martial officials from the Middle Court who have volunteered to go assist you. They’ve already descended to find you and should be there by now.”

This Middle Court was naturally the opposite of the Upper Court. The heavenly officials of the Heavenly Realm could be crassly divided into two groups: those who had ascended and those who hadn’t. The Upper Court consisted of heavenly officials who ascended on their own abilities. There were only about a hundred of them in the entire Heavenly Realm; extremely eminent. As for the ones in the Middle Court, they were brought up as “appointed generals.” Strictly speaking, they should be addressed as “Peer Heavenly Officials,” but when everyone addressed each other, they’d often take out “Peer” in the name.

One might ask, if there was an Upper Court and a Middle Court, was there a Lower Court?

No.

Actually, there had been one when Xie Lian first ascended. At the time, the division was still “Upper Court” and “Lower Court.” However, later everyone discovered a problem: when one was introducing oneself, it sounded really bad to say “I am xxxx, from the Lower Court.” With the word “lower,” it felt like one was lower compared to the others. It must be known that there were definitely geniuses and outstanding figures with impressive spiritual power among them, and what they were missing was only that one Heavenly Tribulation before they could become real heavenly officials. And who knew if that day would arrive soon? Thus, it was proposed that one word be changed, and saying “I am xxxx, from the Middle Court,” sounded so much better…even though they both meant the same thing. In any case, after it was changed, Xie Lian couldn’t get used to it for the longest time.

Xie Lian stared at these two junior martial officials, each appearing more upset than the other, not looking at all like they had come “voluntarily.”

He couldn’t help but ask, “Ling Wen, they don’t look like they’re here to help me work, more like they’re here for my good-for-nothing head. I hope they’re not here because of your trickery.”

Unfortunately, what he said didn’t seem to be transmitted, and he couldn’t hear Ling Wen’s voice by his ears anymore either. He figured it was because he’d been away from the Heavenly Capital too far and too long, and his spiritual powers were depleted. Without any choice, Xie Lian first flashed a smile at the two junior martial officials, then said, “Nan Feng and Fu Yao, was it? Let me first thank you both for volunteering to come help.”

The two only nodded, giving quite the attitude. It seemed they must’ve come from the retainment of distinguished martial gods. Xie Lian told the tea master to bring two more cups, then he raised his own teacup and scraped the tea leaves aside as he asked casually, “Which Highnesses are the two of you from?”

“The Palace of Nan Yang,” replied Nan Feng.

“The Palace of Xuan Zhen,” replied Fu Yao.

“…”

Well, this was certainly horrifying.

Xie Lian gulped down his mouthful of tea. “Did your generals tell you to come?”

The two answered in unison, “My general didn’t know I was coming.”

Xie Lian pondered for a moment before asking again, “Then, do you know who I am?”

If these two junior martial officials had come in blind because of Ling Wen’s deception and helped him, then they would get scolded by their own generals upon their return. It wouldn’t be worth it.

“You’re His Royal Highness the Crown Prince,” Nan Feng said.

“You’re the justice of the Mortal Realm, the center of the world,” Fu Yao said.

Xie Lian choked for a moment, then asked Nan Feng, uncertain, “Did he just roll his eyes?”

“Yes,” Nan Feng replied. “Tell him to beat it.”

It wasn’t a secret that Nan Yang and Xuan Zhen didn’t get along. When Xie Lian first heard of this, he wasn’t surprised in the least, because Feng Xin and Mu Qing hadn’t shared any great friendship in the past. What had kept things peaceful was that they were subordinates, so when the crown prince said “don’t fight, you have to be good friends,” everyone held back and didn’t flip out. Back then, when they got really upset, they’d stab each other with words at most. But with the way things were now, faking it was no longer necessary.

This was also why the two heavenly officials’ folk believers in the southeast and southwest regarded each other with contempt. Throughout the years, the Palace of Nan Yang and the Palace of Xuan Zhen had always seen each other as enemies. The two before him now were a classic example.

Fu Yao sneered. “Ling Wen-zhenjun said that all willing volunteers are welcome, so on what grounds are you telling me to scram?”

The word “willing,” uttered using that expression of his, really wasn’t persuasive. Xie Lian said, “Let me just confirm. You two really came as willing volunteers? If not, then please don’t force yourselves.”

The two answered in unison, “I’m willing.”

Looking at those two grim and dispirited faces, Xie Lian thought inwardly, You guys actually mean “I want to kill myself,” right?

“Well, in any case,” Xie Lian continued, “let’s talk business first. I’m sure you both know what we’re doing here in the north, right? So I’m not explaining it from the top…”

“Nope,” the two said in unison.

“…” Not having a choice, Xie Lian took out the scroll. “Then I guess I’ll start from the very beginning for you two.”

It was said that many years ago, at the foot of Mount Yujun, there was a couple about to get married.

This couple was deeply in love. That groom waited for the marriage procession to arrive, but he waited for a long time and still there was no sign of the bride. Anxious, the groom went to the bride’s house, but his father- and mother-in-law told him that the bride had long since set out.

Both families reported this to the authorities, and they searched all over to no avail. If she was eaten by the beasts of the mountain, then at the very least there’d be a leftover arm or leg; how could she just vanish into thin air? Thus, of course there was suspicion that the bride wasn’t willing to marry, so she colluded with the marriage procession and ran off. Yet who knew that many years later, when another couple was to marry, the same nightmare replayed?

Once again, the bride was gone. However, this time there was something left behind. On a small road, the search party found a foot that hadn’t yet been fully eaten.

EVER SINCE THEN, things had gone out of control. Less than one hundred years after that first incident, there had been a total of seventeen brides who went missing in the Mount Yujun area. Sometimes there’d be a couple of decades of peace, and sometimes two would go missing in the short span of one month. A horrific legend quickly spread of a ghost groom who lived on Mount Yujun, and if a woman caught his eye, he would kidnap her on the road and devour the marriage procession.

Ordinarily, this affair wouldn’t have been reported to the heavens. Although seventeen brides had gone missing, there were thousands more who were perfectly fine. Either way, the girls couldn’t be found, and they couldn’t be protected even if everyone wanted to do so; they could only make do with the status quo. Now there were fewer families willing to marry their daughters into this area, and the locals didn’t dare make a fanfare of their weddings, that was all. But it just so happened that the father of the seventeenth bride was a lord official who doted on his daughter. When he heard of the local legend, he meticulously selected forty valiant and capable military officials to escort the marriage procession of his daughter. But the daughter was spirited off anyway.

This ghost groom had really stirred up the hornet’s nest this time. No one this old lord official sought in the Mortal Realm could do anything about it, so in a fit of outrage, he assembled a group of government friends and conducted a wave of crazed religious services. He even followed the guidance of a great master and opened his stores to feed the poor, among other similar deeds. It was a huge uproar that shook the city, until finally this alerted a few heavenly officials above. Without going to such ends, it was practically impossible for the voices of insignificant mortals to reach the ears of gods in heaven.

“That’s the gist of it,” Xie Lian said.

Since those two still looked very uncooperative, he couldn’t tell if they had actually been listening. If they didn’t listen, he’d have to tell the story again. Nan Feng looked up though, and frowned. “Are there any similarities between the missing brides?”

“There are those who are poor and those who are rich, those who are beautiful and those who are ugly, there are lawful wives and there are concubines. In short: there’s no pattern,” Xie Lian said. “We can’t determine at all what this ghost groom’s preference is.”

Nan Feng mn-ed and picked up his teacup to take a sip, seeming to be thinking now. Fu Yao, on the other hand, never touched the tea Xie Lian had pushed in his direction and had been languidly cleaning his fingers with a white handkerchief this entire time.

He said coolly as he wiped, “Your Highness, how would you know that it must be a ghost groom? This can’t be certain, since no one’s ever seen it before. So how can we know if it’s male or female, if it’s old or young? Aren’t you a little too quick to judge?”

Xie Lian grinned. “This scroll is a summary provided by a civil official from the Palace of Ling Wen. The ghost groom is just the common name for it. However, what you’ve said makes a lot of sense.”

They spoke a bit more, and Xie Lian realized that these two junior martial officials’ reasoning and logic were quite coherent. While they didn’t appear very friendly, they weren’t muddled at all when discussing important matters. Xie Lian felt relieved. Looking out the window, the hour was getting late, so the three left the small shop for the time being. Xie Lian put on his bamboo hat and walked for a bit before abruptly realizing the two behind him weren’t following, so he looked back, puzzled. Turned out, the other two were also watching him in equal bemusement.

Nan Feng asked, “Where are you going?”

“To find some place to settle for the night,” Xie Lian replied. “Fu Yao, why are you rolling your eyes again?”

Nan Feng continued his questions, still puzzled. “Then why are you heading to the wild bushes?”

Xie Lian often camped out in the wild and slept on the streets, and he could lay out a cloth on the ground and spend the night just like that. So naturally, he was ready to find some cave to start a campfire in as he’d always done. But it was with Nan Feng’s reminder that he suddenly realized that Nan Feng and Fu Yao were both martial officials under a martial god; if there were any Nan Yang temples or Xuan Zhen temples around, then they could enter directly, so what need was there to sleep out in the wild?

A short while later, the three found a broken-down Tudi³ shrine in an incredibly inconspicuous little corner that worshipped a round, small, stone Lord of the Soil and Ground. With incense residue and shattered platters, it looked exceedingly desolate. Xie Lian called out a few times. This Lord of the Soil and Ground hadn’t been worshipped or called by anyone for years, so when he suddenly heard the call, he snapped open his eyes and saw three people standing before his shrine. The two on the left and right respectively were both enveloped in a sheen of spiritual light abundant like some nouveau riche, their faces barely visible. The deity jumped in alarm.

His voice trembled. “Do the three heavenly officials have anything to command of this humble one?”

Xie Lian inclined his head. “No commands. I just wanted to ask if there are any local temples that worship either General Nan Yang or General Xuan Zhen?”

The Lord of Soil and Ground didn’t dare to affront him and replied, “Um um um…” Then, in a quick divination with the pinch of his fingers, he answered, “There’s a local town temple about two-and-a-half kilometers from here, and the one worshipped is…is…is the General Nan Yang.”

Xie Lian put his hands together in prayer. “Many thanks.”

However, that Lord of Soil and Ground was blinded by the two balls of spiritual power on both sides of Xie Lian, so he quickly vanished. Xie Lian fumbled out a few coins and placed them in front of the altar shrine, and when he saw there were fallen remnants of burned incense sticks on the ground, he picked them up and relit them. Throughout the entire thing, Fu Yao was rolling his eyes so hard that Xie Lian almost wanted to ask if his eyes were tired.

About two-and-a-half kilometers later, they indeed spotted a local town temple standing fiery red by the roadside. While the temple was small, it had everything. People were going in and out, extraordinarily lively. The three concealed their forms and entered the temple. The one worshipped within the hall was a clay divine statue of the martial god Nan Yang, bedecked in armor with a bow in hand.

When Xie Lian saw this divine statue, he hummed inwardly.

In a small temple in the countryside, the craft and painting of divine statues could be expected to be rough. But on the whole, this statue was still significantly different from Xie Lian’s own impression of Feng Xin.

However, distorted divine statues were something that every heavenly official had long since gotten used to. Never mind that their own mothers wouldn’t recognize them sometimes, there were heavenly officials who didn’t even recognize themselves when they saw their own statues. After all, there weren’t many artisan masters who had actually seen the real forms of the heavenly officials, so the statues were either distorted beautifully or hideously. One could only rely on the posture, spiritual apparatus, attire, and crown to determine which heavenly official it was.

Usually, the more affluent the area, the more the divine statue would please the heavenly official. The more impoverished a place, the worse the taste of the craftsmanship, and the more tragic the sculpture became. To speak of the present, there was only General Xuan Zhen whose divine statues were in a better situation. Why? Because for everyone else, if their statues were ugly, then whatever, leave it be. But when Mu Qing saw that his statues had been hideously sculpted, he would either secretly destroy them and make people start over, or appear in dreams to express his displeasure. This went on for a long time until the grand believers all learned that they had to find an artisan master who could sculpt beautifully!

All the temples of Xuan Zhen were exactly the same as their general: particular and tasteful. But after Fu Yao entered the Temple of Nan Yang, for two whole hours he thoroughly criticized the statue of Nan Yang from head to toe: how the design was deformed, the colors tacky, the craftsmanship crude, the taste bizarre. Xie Lian watched as the blue veins on Nan Feng’s forehead slowly popped out, and thought he best quickly find another topic of conversation.

It just so happened that there was a girl who entered to pray, and she very sincerely knelt. Xie Lian said warmly, “Speaking of, Nan Yang-zhenjun’s main domain is in the southeast. I never imagined you guys would have such a following in the north too.”

When people constructed temples, they were imitating the divine palaces of the Heavenly Realm, and divine statues were reflections of the heavenly officials’ venerable selves. Temples attracted worship and were where believers gathered, becoming an important source of spiritual power for heavenly officials. And due to various reasons—such as geography, history, and customs—people of different regions often worshipped different gods. A heavenly official’s spiritual power would be maximized on their own turf, and this was the main advantage of having a domain. Only to a heavenly official like the Heavenly Emperor, who had believers from all over the world and possessed temples everywhere, was the notion of a main domain meaningless. It was a good thing that the holy temple of Nan Feng’s own general was so popular even outside his main domain. He should have been proud, but judging by his expression, this was very much not the case.

On the side, Fu Yao gave a light smirk. “Yes, yes, he’s deeply loved.”

Xie Lian said, “But I just have a question that I don’t know if…”

“If you’re going to say ‘you don’t know if it’s appropriate,’ then don’t say anything,” Nan Feng interrupted.

No, I was going to say “don’t know if anyone has the answer,” Xie Lian thought.

But he had a feeling that it’d be bad if he said it, so in the end, he decided to change the subject again.

Yet unexpectedly, Fu Yao languidly said, “I know what you want to ask. You must be wondering why there are so many female believers coming to worship?”

That was indeed the question Xie Lian had in mind.

There had always been fewer female believers than male in the martial gods’ stream; only Xie Lian himself was an exception, eight hundred years ago. However, the reason for this exception was very simple, and it was also only two words: good-looking.

He knew very well that it wasn’t because he was distinguished or because he had extraordinary spiritual powers. It was merely due to the fact that his divine statue was good-looking, and his palace temples were handsome too. Practically all of his palace temples were constructed by the royal family, and the highest-skilled experts and artisans of the kingdom were summoned to sculpt the divine statues exactly in accordance with his face. Besides, because of that phrase “Body in the abyss, heart in paradise,” the artisans liked adding flowers to his divine statues and planting seas of flowering trees at his temples. Thus, at the time, he had another title: “The Flower-Crowned Martial God.” The lady believers liked that his divine statues were good-looking and that his palace temples were filled with flowers, and due to that alone, they were willing to casually enter to pray.

The usual martial gods were too heavy in killing aura and often had their faces sculpted to be serious, savage, and cold, so when lady believers saw, they would rather pray to the bodhisattvas instead. While this statue of Nan Yang had none of the killing aura, it was far from good-looking, and yet there still seemed to be more female believers praying than male. Nan Feng obviously didn’t want to answer this question either, which was making Xie Lian even more curious. It just so happened that right then, that girl finished her worship. She rose to her feet to reach for the incense, then spun around.

While she was turned away, Xie Lian nudged the other two. They were already very annoyed, and with his nudge, they looked, and whoosh, both their faces dropped.

“Too ugly!” Fu Yao exclaimed.

Xie Lian choked for a moment, then chided, “Fu Yao, you can’t talk about girls like that.”

If he had to be honest, what Fu Yao said was true. That girl’s face was incomparably flat, looking exactly like someone had leveled it with a slap. It would almost be an insult to say her features were plain; if they must be described, then only “crooked nose and slanted eyes” could be used.

However, Xie Lian didn’t register whether she was beautiful or ugly at all. The main thing was, when she spun around, there was an enormous tear on the back of her skirt, and he really couldn’t pretend he didn’t see it.

Fu Yao was startled at first, but he quickly regained himself. The popped veins on the corners of Nan Feng’s forehead also instantly vanished.

Seeing his face change colors so drastically, Xie Lian quickly soothed, “Don’t be nervous, don’t be nervous.”

The girl took incense and knelt down anew, and said as she prayed, “May General Nan Yang give his blessings. This believer Xiao-Ying prays for that ghost groom to be captured soon, so no other innocents will be harmed by him…”

She was sincere and devout in her prayers and didn’t sense anything peculiar going on behind her at all, nor was she aware that there were three men crouching next to the foot of the divine statue she was praying to.

Xie Lian fretted. “What do we do? We can’t let her walk out like this. Everyone on her way home will see.”

Besides, judging by that tear on the back of her skirt, it was obvious someone had intentionally ripped it with a sharp object. She probably wouldn’t just be seen by a crowd of onlookers, she would also be publicly laughed at, and that would truly be considerable humiliation.

Fu Yao was unconcerned. “Don’t ask me. The one she’s praying to isn’t my General Xuan Zhen. ‘Do not look at what is improper.’ I saw nothing.”

Meanwhile, blood was draining from Nan Feng’s handsome face. He only knew to wave, not talk; a perfectly fine, unbridled, strapping young man was forcibly rendered mute, completely hopeless. And so Xie Lian had no choice but to take action himself, taking off his outer robe and throwing it down below. The outer robe flapped in the air for a moment and drifted down onto the body of that girl, blocking the very inelegant tear on the back of her skirt. The three sighed a breath in unison.

However, that breeze was strange, and it startled the girl. She looked around, took off the robe, and hesitated briefly before she placed it onto the altar. She was completely unaware, and after sticking the incense in the burner, she made her way out. If they let her out to walk around like that, the little maiden would probably not have the face to look at anyone ever again. The two on Xie Lian’s right and left were either frozen or frozen, completely useless however you wanted them, and he sighed. Nan Feng and Fu Yao felt the space beside their bodies empty suddenly. Xie Lian had already taken form and jumped down.

The lamplight inside the temple was dim, and a small gust rose from his leap, causing the firelight to flicker. The girl Xiao-Ying only saw a blur before a man suddenly emerged from the darkness, reaching out to her with his upper body bare, and she was scared out of her wits right then and there.

As expected, she screamed. Just when Xie Lian was about to speak, the girl’s slap already struck out in a flash, and she yelled “harassment!”

Thwack! And Xie Lian was slapped just like that.

The slap was clear and crisp, and the two crouching on top of the altar both felt the side of their faces twitch at the same time.

Xie Lian wasn’t mad at the strike, however, and only forcefully stuffed the outer robe into her arms, swiftly whispering something. The girl was greatly alarmed, felt her behind, and suddenly flushed red in the face. Tears welled up in her eyes; who knew whether it was anger or indignation. She clutched the outer robe Xie Lian gave her and dashed out covering her face, leaving Xie Lian standing there half-bare. With the girl gone, the temple was now deserted. A cool breeze wafted through the hall, and it was suddenly a little chilly.

He rubbed his cheek, and with that red hand-mark on half of his face, he turned to the other two. “All right, everything’s resolved.”

Nan Feng pointed at him. “Did…you tear your wounds?”

Xie Lian looked down and oh-ed.

After undressing, what was revealed was a body smooth and fair like jade. Except his chest was heavily wrapped in layer after layer of white cloth, firmly bound. Even his neck and wrists were wrapped in bandages. Innumerable small cuts crawled out from the edges of the white bandages, truly a startling sight.

He figured his sprained neck was pretty much recovered by now, so Xie Lian started unbinding his bandages. Fu Yao glanced at him, then questioned, “Who was it?”

“What?” Xie Lian asked.

“Who fought you?” Fu Yao demanded.

“Fought?” Xie Lian was confused. “No one?”

“Then all those injuries on your body…” Nan Feng was hesitant.

Xie Lian looked at them blankly. “I fell on my own.”

“…”

Those were indeed the injuries from when he tumbled down from heaven three days ago. If it were from a fight with another person, then he actually might not have been hurt so badly.

Fu Yao grumbled something, but it wasn’t clear. Either way, it definitely wasn’t praising him for his fortitude, so Xie Lian didn’t bother to ask, focusing only on removing the heavy layer of bandages from his neck. The next second, Nan Feng and Fu Yao’s gazes hardened as their eyes fell on his throat.

A black collar encircled his snow-white neck.

Sensing their stare, Xie Lian gave a light smile and turned around. “First time seeing a real cursed shackle?”

Cursed shackle. Like its name implied, it was a shackle formed by a particular curse.

Heavenly officials who were banished from heaven would have the mark of sin, forged by the wrath of heaven, branded onto their bodies. This brand formed a fetter that sealed spiritual powers away, never to be freed. Just like a brand on the face, or chains shackling hands and feet, this was a form of punishment, and a warning. It was both terrifying and humiliating.

As the laughingstock of the three realms who was banished twice, of course Xie Lian had such a cursed shackle on his body. It was impossible for those two junior martial officials not to have heard of this before, but there was still a little difference between having heard and seeing it personally. Thus, Xie Lian could understand why they would react the way they did.

He figured this might be making the two junior officials wary and uncomfortable. After all, it wasn’t like those shackles were a good thing.

At first, he used the excuse of going out to search for clothes in order to get a chance to step outside, but he was stopped in his tracks by Fu Yao’s eyeroll and his comment: “It’d be incredibly indecent for you to go out in the street looking like that.”

In the end, it was thanks to Nan Feng, who tossed him a temple attendant’s robes that he’d grabbed from the back of the building, that Xie Lian was able to stop being so indecent. However, even after they’d settled back down, it felt like the incident earlier had caused the mood to become somewhat awkward. And so, Xie Lian took out the scroll given by the Palace of Ling Wen.

He said, “Do you guys want to take another look at this?”

Nan Feng raised his eyes and gave him a look. “I’ve looked through it already, I think he’s the one who needs to take a better look at it.”

“What do you mean I’m the one who needs to take a better look at it?” Fu Yao countered. “That scroll isn’t detailed at all, completely worthless, and you think it’s worth another look?”

Hearing him say the scroll was worthless, Xie Lian couldn’t help but feel a little sad for the ashen-faced junior civil officials at the Palace of Ling Wen who put this together.

Fu Yao then continued, “Oh yeah, where were we? The Temple of Nan Yang—why does Nan Yang have so many female believers, right?”

All right. Xie Lian put the scroll away and rubbed his pulsing forehead. He understood now. No one would be able to look through it tonight!

If they weren’t going to focus on the real business, then why not see what the side business was all about? Turned out, other than the Royal Highness who spent centuries collecting scraps in the Mortal Realm, every deity knew that there was a period of time when Nan Yang-zhenjun—Feng Xin—was called “Ju Yang-zhenjun.” The man himself deeply detested this title, and everyone only had one word for his experience: injustice!

The original correct writing used the characters “Ju Yang,” which meant “Perfect Sun.” The incident that warped them happened many years ago. During that time, a king was constructing a great number of temples and palaces. To demonstrate his faith and sincerity, he personally drafted the titles for every temple or palace’s establishment plaque. But when it came to the Palace of Ju Yang, for some reason, he used characters for “Ju Yang” that meant “Tremendous Masculinity.”⁴

This gave the officials responsible for the construction much grief. They just couldn’t figure out whether His Majesty changed it intentionally or if it was an accident. If it was intentional, why wasn’t there a clear decree that indicated yes, this is what We want to change to? If it wasn’t intentional, why would their king commit such a low-level mistake? It wasn’t like they could say “Your Majesty, you’re wrong.” Who knew if His Majesty would mistake them for being sarcastic about his carelessness? That they were hinting that his knowledge was shallow? That his heart was insincere? This was His Majesty’s royal writing; were they going to trash it if they weren’t going to use it?

Divine beings had hearts most difficult to discern, and the officials were in pure agony. After much deliberation, instead of causing grief for His Majesty, they thought they might as well cause grief for Ju Yang-zhenjun.

It had to be said that they made the right decision. When the king discovered that Perfect Sun had become Tremendous Masculinity, he didn’t make any statements, but instead invited a bunch of scholars to scour the ancient texts with great vigor to find countless miniscule reasons and compose many essays to painstakingly prove that it should’ve been Tremendous Masculinity in the first place, and that Perfect Sun was wrong. In any case, every Palace of Perfect Sun in the country became a Palace of Tremendous Masculinity overnight.

Feng Xin, whose divine title changed so randomly, didn’t find this out until decades later. He basically had never bothered to look closely at the signs of his own temples, but one day, he suddenly felt rather baffled. Why were there so many women coming to pray in his temples, each of them flushed with shyness on her cheeks? And what in the world were they praying for when offering incense?!

After he figured it out, he charged up to the peak of the ninth sky and shouted his curses to the scorching sun and the vast skies.

He shocked every heavenly official.

After he was done cursing, there was nothing he could do, so he could only relent. It wasn’t like he could pick on those women who were praying so sincerely, so he forced himself to listen for many years. It wasn’t until a decent ruler came along who thought Tremendous Masculinity was horribly obscene that it was changed to “Nan Yang,” for “Southern Sun.” Nonetheless, no one forgot what else he could grant beyond his duties as a martial god. However, everyone also upheld an unspoken rule: never call him by that name. At the same time, they also upheld a general consensus: how to evaluate this Nan Yang-zhenjun? With one word: good!

Don’t let him open his mouth to yell at people and everything should be good!

Nan Feng’s face was already as dark as the bottom of an aged wok, yet Fu Yao was suddenly feeling poetic, and he recited demurely:

“Friend of women

A trusty companion;

Ask for a son

Most powerful is he,

The secret formula

To bolster masculinity,

A son in your prayers

Nan Yang delivers.

Aha ha, aha ha, aha ha ha ha ha ha…”

Xie Lian very kindly held back his laugh, leaving a bit of face for Nan Yang in front of his divine statue. Nan Feng, however, was outraged. “Don’t you act all sarcastic here! If you’re really that bored, go sweep the floor!”

The moment those words were spat, Fu Yao’s face also darkened to the color of a pot bottom. If the Palace of Nan Yang couldn’t stand to hear the words Tremendous Masculinity, then the Palace of Xuan Zhen couldn’t stand to hear people bring up the term “sweep.” This was because, when Mu Qing was still an errand boy at the Royal Holy Temple, all he did all day was serve tea, deliver water, sweep, and change the sheets for Xie Lian at the Palace of the Crown Prince. One day, Xie Lian saw him silently reciting training incantations while sweeping. He was thus moved by his spirit for learning and hard work under such harsh and difficult circumstances, and persuaded the state preceptor to take him in as a disciple.

How to best describe this incident? It could be considered grand or insignificant, it could be humiliating or a compliment; it depended entirely on the individual in question. Obviously, the individual in question had taken it as the humiliation of his life, since Mu Qing and every martial warrior under his command would flip out whenever they heard the word “sweep.”

Sure enough, Fu Yao steadied himself, then after throwing a look at Xie Lian—who was waving his hand, appearing fully innocent—he sneered.

“Listening to you, those who don’t know would think your Palace of Nan Yang sides with the Palace of the Crown Prince and fights hard to right the injustices against him.”

Nan Feng sneered too. “Your general certainly is the ungrateful one that bites the hand that feeds him, what more can I say?”

“Um…”

Xie Lian was just trying to intercept when Fu Yao aha ha-ed and said, “The kettle is calling the pot black, what right do you have to point fingers?”

“…”

Listening to them turn him into the mallet with which they took turns to beat the heavenly official standing right up there on the altar, Xie Lian finally couldn’t take it any longer. “Wait, hold up. Stop, stop.”

Of course no one paid him any mind, and they even started throwing fists. Who knew who threw the first punch, but either way, the altar was split in half just like that, and platters of fruit rolled all over the ground. Seeing how there was no way he could stop this fight anymore, Xie Lian sat himself in the corner and heaved a sigh.

“What a sin.”

Then, he picked up a small steamed bun that had rolled to his feet. He dusted off its skin and was about to bite down when Nan Feng saw him from the corner of his eye and immediately slapped it away.

“DON’T EAT THAT!”

Fu Yao stopped too, and appeared shaken and disgusted. “How can you eat it when it’s rolled in the dirt?!”

Xie Lian used this chance to raise his hand. “Stop, stop, stop. I have something to say.”

He separated the two and said, looking amicable, “First, That Highness the Crown Prince you two speak of happens to be me. This Highness hasn’t even said anything, so don’t sling me around like a weapon to attack each other.” He paused for a moment, then added, “I don’t think your generals would ever behave like this. If you two act so indecorously, you’ll ruin their reputations.”

When those words were spoken, the faces of the other two changed to something indiscernible. Xie Lian continued, “Second, you two are here to help me, right? So is it you who listens to me, or is it me who listens to you?”

It was a moment before the two replied, “We listen to you.”

While their faces looked like they were saying “Listen to you? Dream on,” Xie Lian was already very satisfied. Then, pah! He put his hands together in prayer.

“Good. Now thirdly, the most important thing: if you must throw something, then please throw me instead of food.”

Nan Feng finally pried away the steamed bun that Xie Lian had clutched in his grip hoping for a chance to eat it. He said, looking like he couldn’t take it anymore, “If it’s fallen to the ground, don’t eat it!”

...***...

The next day, back at the Little Shop of Chance Encounters.

The tea master was once again by the entrance relaxing with his leg up when he saw the three approaching from a distance. The cultivator in light, simple white robes with a bamboo hat hung on his back led the way, while two tall, black-clad youths trailed behind him.

That cultivator strolled up languidly with crossed arms, and he spoke equally languidly, sounding more idle than the old man. “Shopkeeper, three cups of tea, please.”

The tea master smiled. “Coming!”

Then he thought to himself, Those three silly guys are here again. What a shame, each looks sightlier than the other, but each of their brains is more damaged than the next. What god, what ghost, what heavens? When you’re crazy, what good is a decent face?

Xie Lian still picked the spot next to the window, and after they settled, Nan Feng spoke up. “Why do we have to come here to discuss things? You sure there won’t be people listening in?”

Xie Lian replied warmly, “It’s fine. Even if other people hear us, they won’t care, they’ll only think we’re insane.”

“…”

“In order to avoid the three of us continuing to waste each other’s time like this, let’s lay it all out,” Xie Lian said. “Now that we’ve calmed down overnight, have you guys thought of any ideas?”

Fu Yao’s eyes flashed, and he said coldly, “Kill it!”

“No shit!” Nan Feng said.

“Nan Feng, don’t be so rude. Fu Yao didn’t say anything wrong,” Xie Lian said. “The way to solve this problem is to kill the creature, but the bigger issue is, where do we go? What are we killing? How do we kill it? I suggest…”

At that moment, the sound of gongs and drums came from the main street, and the three looked out the window.

It was that bleak and tragic wedding procession again. This party of men and horses blew their instruments to the utmost, hollering and cheering as if they were afraid people couldn’t hear what they were about.

Nan Feng frowned. “Isn’t it said that the people around Mount Yujun don’t make spectacles of these rituals anymore?”

This procession consisted of large, strong, buff men. Their expressions and muscles were both taut, and cold sweat oozed from their foreheads. It was like they weren’t carrying a festive and cheery bridal sedan but rather a guillotine that’d end their lives early. It made one wonder just what sort of person was seated in that sedan.

After hesitating for a moment, just as Xie Lian was thinking of going to check things out, a sinister wind blew past, raising one of the curtains on the side of the sedan.

The figure behind the curtain was lying slumped in a very strange position inside. Her head was bent in an awkward angle, and underneath the bridal veil there were bright red lips curled in an overly exaggerated smile. The sedan tipped and the covering fell, exposing a pair of bulging eyes staring their way.

From the looks of it, this was clearly a woman who’d had her neck wrung, and who was now laughing at them uproariously but soundlessly.

Perhaps it was because the sedan carriers were shaking too hard, but that bridal sedan wasn’t steady in the least, so the woman’s head bounced along with the bumps. They bumped and bumped, and THUD, the head fell off and rolled onto the street.

The headless body sitting inside the sedan also fell forward with a bang, and the whole person crashed out of the sedan.