No

I won't look back

I'll never look back

I can feel the shadow even if he stands miles away from me cause his eyes...

His eyes are always on me

My skin tickle with goosebumps and hands shake as fear spread all over my soul

Intense eyes

He's watching me

And noticing me

Always

Not one time nor two

I said always

I remember how I used to wish experiencing something horror but it's not just horror

It's more than that

And please God save me this time

And every other time he's behind me

I've a habit of doing mistakes

And just like every time I did a mistake again

My feet rolled back as i finally meet the hooded figure of a nightmare

A heavy exhale left my mouth and the bag of my back felt heavy as I stare at the figure which was hidden in the dark

The moonlight helped me to see the shadow and by looking closely I realized

He's smiling

Not the sweet smile we gave while greeting

It's the scary one

As if he's going to hunt me any moment

My body shake

Save me

Please

I'm trapped

2024

Vanya:

"hey vanya aren't you coming with us?"

A sudden voice make me flinch out of my sleep and soon when I look at my right I realized it's none other than my unknown classmate Laura

Oh it's already off from school?

I push my self back and sit straight before my hands start to collect the already messed up books

"no,I'll go myself"

"who's even offering you a ride silly?"

I knew that

The gossip girls laugh down their nose at me as they throw their self at each other

I should leave...yeah

I stand and held my bag pack

Things have started to annoy me more than before

...even more...humans

I put the ear buds on and walk to the exit gate

The hallway was filled with shouts and bullying

Just like everytime I kept silent

The only thing I can do is look and pretend the other time it's regret and silence

Does teasing adds fun?

Maybe it's fun

I never knew what that even is

It's been 18 years of my life still I don't know what fun truly means

I can spell the word but don't know the meaning

Yeah I'm sick

It's a fever

Fever of my life and the people around me who thinks hurting is fun

Oh well,maybe it's fun

How do I know?

I exit the college and walked to the only place I know beside my broken house and the college

"Mr.dimitri is busy"

The policeman said

" let me in...i need to talk"

He look down at me,his eyes are grey

I hate grey

I hate colors

"he..himself said he's busy miss,you better go and come any other time,stop creating a drama in a police station"

His grey eyes turn into fury as I keep standing there,I'm not going anywhere until I got what I came for,the place is not less than chaos but I'm unfortunately obliged

If I leave maybe the hopes of coming here will die

"ask him again please"

He glare at me before he turn and went inside the office

I stare at the brown wooden door,waiting for it to open

I look around the place

Chaos

Oh God I hate chaos and noise

It reminds me of the nightmares that live in my head all the time

The black birds that surround my mind all of the time

It's too much

My hands reach for my ears-

"you can go inside"

I open my eyes to see the same man glaring at me while opening the door enough so I could go in

"thanks"

I almost whisper and went in

The red carpet press under my feet

Red and elegant

Unlike the creaking wood of my room's door

"dad..."

I look at the man who sat on a leather sofa in front of me

Green eyes stare at me

I've gotten the same

Look I mistake again

He's not a dad

...at least not for him

"sorry"

I whisper again

He leaned back and stare at me with his chin up as if I'm a dirt to the expensive gold batch he keep stick to his clean suit

Again..unlike my old dirty shirt

"what're you here for..again?"

I look down

"..i need money"

A chuckle echo in the room and it was from none other than my Fath-the great officer dimitri

I always have to cut myself

"you just came 2 days ago"

I nod

"but..the money wasn't enough...i had 2 meals in the past two days"

True

1 meal a day

For dinner are the fortunately left overs

He raised a brow at me

"you think I'm a feeder?"

I look up at him

He's someone I know but doesn't recognize

Or maybe used to know

"look little girl...I'm a rich man but not the kindest and I'm not here to waste my money for someone I hate"

My already broken heart finally escape the bandages and shatter

He's so cruel

I don't know who's going to tell him

"..this time"

I said,trying my best to not to crawl out of the room and burst down in tears

"I'll try to find a job again...this time they'll accept me..just...this time"

I've tried God knows how many time and always failed sometimes the place is wrong the other times it's my fault they say

As if running from the gang who tried to capture me in their bed

I was kicked out for telling the truth

Cause of course the owner thought it's a lie and I'm a whore

"take"

Soon the money was lying on the table

Oh guess what?

"you can have 4 meals for 4 days"

The back of my eyes burn

But look I'm used to it

After I grab the money I bow and went out

Earth is hell

Peoples are...

So much hell

My knees felt weak and I don't know for how long I can walk with falling

I stopped in between and look around

At the people crying

Some are old while others are child or adults

They've someone they love

Someone they're crying for

Someone who're here

With thinking I start to walk towards the hallway which was surrounded by jails

Here and there

Jails

And people were insides

Oh,criminals

They were shouting and crying others were silent

"vanya?"

I look behind me to see sam

Classmate in short

I hide the money in my pant's pocket

"hey.."

He frown,his eyes red and it does not take a genius to guess he was crying

Maybe he also has someone here

"what ya doing here?"

I shake my head

"uh-no nothing and you?"

He nods and look down

"my brother is here.."

"in jail?"

To not-my-surprise he nod

It was popular in our class that his brother has killed a girl who was once his girlfriend,since that the students never talked with him

"i was going up to see him..amm wanna come I might be a bit afraid alone you know psychos and...you know"

I nod

Soon we were walking up to the..killer section, it was a bit dangerous but still

I think I should give company to someone

This place is living in a past century

No much security

"here"

I look at the man who was stuck in the jail he come to Sam once he realized he's here

"s-sam"

He was crying while Sam was consoling and telling him to calm down that it's only a year or two

I don't know if the rumor is true or not but I pity him

A metal noise gain my attention and I look inside the cage besides Sam's brother ones

I gasp when my eyes find the tattooed man sitting on the floor

He looks like a mess

Messed up long hairs which reached his shoulders and a...very dangerously handsome face,he's scary

He played with the metal rob that roll back over to him

Muscles were covered with black ink and all over his bare chest

I don't know him but I can tell he has done something very very dangerous

He looked up and I catch my breath

His eyes were grey...and a sharp cut was marked on his left eye

He stared at me

Dangerous and scary

A wide and wild grin covered his mouth

Hell-

"let's go...bye Smith"

Sam said and I follow him not looking back

But when I did

I only felt a strange fear

Vanya:

I'm tired

Alot

But I don't have time to stop

My fingers tap on the keys as fast as they can

Yeah I'm finding a job

Or trying to

Now that I've failed many times as a worker

Maybe I should open my own shop

"ugh"

I roll my eyes at the thought not that I don't want my own shop but the problem is that I don't have money for that

A shop

My own

Just like I used to wish for my own shop

A flower shop

Oh that was past..nothing is the same right?

Opening another site I find nothing

Again nothing

And again nothing

The hunger pangs growl at me while I sigh

Oh God I'm so tired

And I never knew when my head tilt back and I fell asleep

2 days after

"do you?"

I look at Sam in disbelief and some relief

"yes"

He said while smiling

Gosh,it's been 3 nights since I was trying to find a job but today when Sam told me about the stuffs store...finally

He push his chair towards me

"i know about that shop my grandma owns that you should go there....I'll love to help you vanya"

I nod

He looks like an angel at this moment

Thank you God

"vanya" I said as the old lady look at me with a sweet smile

"such a pretty name vanya..sam told me about you,you need a job right? "

I nod feeling a bit nervous at the sensation of cold water at my back

It was raining still I'm here

Cause...i don't have time or money

"come inside sweetheart"

Warmth spread over my heart

She's..sweet

Like my dead mother

The store was small but had alot of things inside,detergents and other things

"when do you want to begin?"

"from..tonight?"

She nod and smile before telling me my whole schedule

I can only hope that I won't be kicked out from here too

2 months later

I opened the creaking door to my room and get inside

It's been a long and tiring day

After the college I head straight to the store and came back at 10:00

Tiring isn't it?

But at least I'm getting money

Been a long time since I went to the station and why would I?

I've my own money now

I let myself fall on the bed

I haven't been kicked out yet...

Ms.forger is very sweet and kind towards me I don't think she'll ever blame me for anything or kick me out

But...time can change anytime and peoples too

After all those hurts us the most who are least expected

A light shine through the dark room and it's from my only laptop

Maybe a notification from another job?

I quickly held the laptop but it's not what I thought it would be

*Rayne Silverwood has escaped the jail.....

I close my eyes

I thought it's a...

Leave maybe I should sleep

I close the laptop and fall back on my bed

Closing my eyes again

I hope I see a pretty dream instead of a nightmare

Well pretty dream sounds like a joke to me now

Vanya:

"you should come with me vanya?"

"oh no no Sam it's alright"

I deny for the thousandth time,because sorry I'm not a party person

So our exams were finished and...guess what I've a friend

Yeah it's sam

And right now he's trying to convince me to go with him

To the club

He's pleading and begging but..what should I do?

I mean yeah he have done things for me in these past 3 months like getting me a job and then helping me in my house chores and thank God now that house is a bit fine since I've never cleaned that much due to less time

"vannnnyaaa..please"

I stare at Sam and sigh

Just like he's my only friend..I'm his only friend too since they say he's too nerdy

And the brother case too

"...just this once"

His pleading eyes light up as he stands from the rooftop wall

"hey be careful!"

I yell as he smile down at me

And I?

Only smile a bit

I'm not used to smiling alot...not even a bit

It's a miracle that I've smiled just a bit

..in my 9 years of life

Since mother left

"c'mon then vanya let's go"

"right now???"

1 hour later

"ugh this one is so good wanna try vanya?"

I shake my head in no at the small glass of..alcohol or what

Who knew that the nerd who sit on the last bench drinks and goes to 'these' type of noisy clubs every Sunday

Add that,exams-over-party

I look around the place

So noisy and smelly

All of them were dancing,at the right corner making out,at the left..same

This..is really uncomfortable I mean so much uncomfortable

I grip the edge of my jacket due to the shaking of my hands

I think I'm stuck

The lights were purple red and blue but all I can see is black

This is black

My life is black

So black I can barely breath

The hole under my feet is pulling me in again

This is..loud

My eyes shut down and hands reach for my ears

I've to stop it all

I can't-

"vanya..?"

Sam...oh Sam he is here

I look over at him

He looked at me with confusion and concern

"you okay..?"

I nod my head multiple times

"then...why're you shaking?"

Oh no

"i think I'm sick I'm sorry Sam I think I should leave"

He stare at me before nodding

"fine.."

After a little goodbye I exit the chaos to a peaceful dark alley

Sometimes I can't think of anything

Not even what's happening around me or even to me

I'm unknown to myself

I don't know me

My feet come to a stop

Strange

A strange feeling

The hairs on the back of my neck stand

Shivers roll over my body

No...

Eyes

Dark eyes

I feel them on me

It's been a very long time since I've been feeling as if someone is looking at me

Exiting college,eyes

In the store,eyes

Even at home

The eyes never go

Everytime I turn and try to find the eyes

But I can't

I never...found them

I look back to realize that I'm still not so far from the club

The music echoes lightly in the alley

The purples and blues and reds still glow in the dark but there is something....

Or someone

In between the unknown crowd

The tall figure stands out

Yet I can't see

I can only feel

Eyes and

Fear

That strange fear

And then I did what I've done before

I run away from there