...°˖➴♡...

..." The deeper the sea "...

The heaviness inside my heart is just making me mad. I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in bed. The dream seems to be terrible than i thought.

I can't be like this. I just have to forget everything and move on.. But i can't. Im lost in this freaking world.

I looked under. My baby.. sleeping peacefully. she's 9 months. I love her so much. She is dreaming about the world. The world i hate so much.

I sighed looking at her sleeping peacefully. It just makes me happy that she's sleeping peacefully.

I turned to my left. There was no-one.

So he is gone.

" What a tiring day ! " i moaned.

I looked around. "Nice and clean.. just like usual. " I was relieved. I always drinks a smoothie in the morning, hoping that it can make me healthy for a full day.

I entered the kitchen with full energy.

The kitchen is one of my favourite place. Everything was ready. He prepared breakfast as always.

I glance at the smoothie on a bottle and a note with it.

Eden never fails to make me smile.

A great husband and a well father.

I wish i could be happy, but i can't. I didn't choose to be.

Eden was someone every girl would dream of. He was tall, handsome, young and healthy.

It's been 5 months since i married him. It was our choice to marry each other. We both started our life quitely. If i talk about Eden, there would be so much to talk.

I looked at my phone.

...10.32 am...

...MONDAY...

THE day i hate the most. The day i have to be productive. I pumped my breast milk and put them in my bag. It's a baby bag. I bought it in thrift bag shop.

"Hhmm.. diapers?? Where is it..??"

I looked around everywhere but i can't find diapers. That's crazy. Our house is small. Yet, I can't find diapers. I don't want to wake her up too.

I rolled my eyes under the chair.

"There it is!" . Ouch!! My head hit on the chair.

Looking for Ellie's things is so hard. Its like I'm looking in a deep sea. Speaking of sea, now i think going to beach, perhaps is the best idea.

Ellie always cries without her car. I thought girls would love dolls and other things. But ellie loves cars. Her favourite car is the green one. I looked at my bag again to make sure i have taken everything for Ellie.

She started walking lately. So she put things around everywhere.

I looked all over my closet to find a dress for beach. My dresses are in a mess while Eden's are clean.

I think of him a lot lately. My busy days with Ellie always makes me forgot about him and i felt bad for that.

He is the nice husband. I Don't deserve him. THAT aches my heart.

Without him i would be dead.

I was depressed.

I took Ellie in my arms gently. I kissed on her forehead. She's the hope i have.

She don't even know how much she makes me happy.

"I love you.. Ellie." I whispered.

I put her in my body and opened the curtains. The warm sun light touched her and my face.

She slowly opened her eyes. Her green eyes, the colour i love the most. She stretched her arms and legs.

This tiny human is the only one i need.

She was about to cry. I putted her in the bed.

"Good morning, my little Ellieve.." i gave her a kiss. I wish she would be always young.

She's growing up so fastly. I was always thrived by her little things. I wish i could be a better mom for her.

The first word of her was

...'Dada'...

Which was a complete shock for me. I was surely a bad mom for her.

Im always normal with her. My happy side is only with her.

I will be always with her.

She touched her legs and was about to suck her toes. I pulled her leg backwards. Then again she did, i pulled it back.

My phone is ringing. It was Eden.

"Good morning.." he said by clearing his throat.

"Eden.. Thank you for the smoothie. I was really about to call you! ". He knows that's a lie but he keeps up with it.

"Are you seeing Amanda today?? " he asked slowly.

I hate this. Whenever he brings up Amanda's name, i hate it.

I gritted my teeth and looked at my sweet Elleive. She smiled with her one teeth visibly.

"Im not going to meet her.." i told him exuses everytime but he never questions me about that.

" Elen, you have to be sure.. are you going to somewhere??" Sure he knows me well.

"Yeahh.. me and ellie are going to beach today.. and lunch at the sea hear restaurant". I said to him while making myself pretty with some makeup.

"It must be fun!! Be safe.. call me if you need anything ". I looked at the clock.

...11.00...

Elleive got ready and i combed her blonde hair. The same hair colour as me. I choose her a white top pairing up with her white bow.

I took her in my arms and give her a peck. She smells amazing. I have a lot of baby fever.

I wored a sky blue top up to my thighs, revealing my soft and beautiful skin.

Me and ellie took a picture together.

My heart was telling me to send this picture to Eden. But my personality trait didn't.

I sighed and gave Ellie the milk i pumped in the kitchen. Ellie smiled bigly when i gave her the bottle.

I looked at myself again. The young and hot mother. "Isn't it too revealing Ellie??" I asked. She said something that i can't understand. I nodded at her with a move of approval.

I looked at my lipgloss and wored it because it's been so long since i wore it.

"I look young..well I'm young.." i smiled at myself.

"I'm going to be a hot mama" i throwed my shoes in the floor and wore my sandals which was perfect for the dress.

"Well.. now the house is in such a mess.. he's gonna clean it.." he cleans them really well.

I took Ellie and put her in her car seat and started to drive. Eden always goes through cab cause, he knew i need cars most of the time.

Im not a stay at home mom. I goes to gym and other places. We're not financially stable yet.so we are maintaining a good plan.

Eden always tells me to have friends! I know i can have friends but still i don't think so.

But Eden never talked about his friends at the office. I don't even know if he's cheating me..well, what am i thinking??

I can't think like that.. he's a nice person.

Am i overthinking??

I really wish he could live happily and our little Ellie too. I love to die soon.

...Suddenly the car stopped....

...°˖➴♡...

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...°˖➴♡...

......"The sudden break of a hot mom."......

Ellen suddenly hitted the sudden break, making her lose control. She putted her head on the steering wheel and let herself sank through it.

"Hell.. " she whispered slowly.

The noise of her child Ellieve made her feel more alive. " Ellie, mommy's here.. don't worry " Ellen looked towards the back seat and pat Ellie's head.

Ellen have post - traumatic stress disorder, which made her have several mind puzzles every time. Eden who knows this recommends Ellen to go see a doctor but Ellen hates this.

She hates everything except her child.

She slowly started driving. Her mind was on somewhere. She was someone else. The deeper she rode the deeper she thought.

It's 1. 30 pm. Ellen is still driving without a destination. She was thinking about something.

...She is now driving her car through the finch street. ...

She never thought she would be here. She stopped near the street entrance and got out of her car. She slowly looked around and took her phone.

Ellen switched off her phone and put it in her pocket. She grabbed her bag and took Ellie in her arms.

She walked towards. There are some peasants living there. She felt unwanted.

She walked around the street, until she find a wrecked house. A house!!

She looked around the wrecked house. She was staring at it deeply.

"Hey, Miss.. Are you new here ?? "

A man about 40 year old walked towards her by swaying his hand.

She was still in thought. Ellie starts to cry when the man was nearly approaching them. Ellen stood still looking at the wrecked house in full of deep thoughts.

"Hey.." The man shouted at Eleanor who is looking at the house for minutes.

Ellen suddenly noticed that her child was crying and a stranger was near her.

"Calm down.. I'm here.." Ellen pat Ellieve's head. She looked at the man and said " who are you??" Ellen pushed her eyebrows upside and down.

" I'm reserd.. i haven't saw you any where around here.. are you a new person here..??" The man asked with curiosity.

Ellen turned her back towards the house. "No.. I lived here." She said with a half look.

Ellie hugged Ellen. The man stood still looking at Ellie's movements. " This house?? Did you lived here??" The man pointed at the wrecked house.

"No.. I Don't know this house.. I'm off." Ellen smiled at the man and walked towards her car.

Tears were falling down from her eyes. She walked fastly. Her thoughts were making her numb. She felt bad.. really bad..

Ellie in her arms were looking at her mom who is crying. Ellen put Ellie in her car seat and made herself to drive.

She started feeling like vomitting. Ellen fastly gets out of her car and throws up in the foot path. She felt really nauseous.

She slowly started to breathe. Her eyes were in full of tears. She wanted to scream so loud. But she didn't. The voice of her is not coming out. Her every breath made her feel like a monster.

...The monster she was scared of....

"I hate this..i hate this.." Ellen chanted. Her voice was cracked. Her view were blurry because of tears. She wants to go and drive back but she can't.

"I hate this feeling... " she made herself walk towards the car and looked at her child through the glass window in car.

Ellie was playing with her car. THE GREEN CAR. HER FAVOURITE.

Ellen looked through the car and made herself onto the front Seat to drive. "I can't have no more..i have to go." Ellen grabbed her phone from the pocket. Her lipgloss was smudged. She looked at herself on the mirror.

Ellen opened her phone and shiveringly called Eden who is at the office.

The call.

" Eden.. " Ellen took a deep breath and wiped her tears. " Eden i need you.." Ellen cried.

" Elle, what happened.. don't panic.. where are you and ... Ellie ??" He was asking with worry in his voice. "I'm.. in finch...-" Ellen was cut by Eden.

" finch street.. " Eden gasped. He was running. His panting voice was heard through the phone call. " hhhhuuf.. I'm coming. Don't worry.."

Ellen was crying. She throwed her phone towards the seat. Ellie started crying.

Eden hasn't cut the call. He was still in his phone. His voice was heard in the car through the phone.

Ellen cried miserably. She was looking not beautiful nor hot. Ellen was still making her mind full of negativity.

She felt every dark emotions. Her pain was never this much worse. Her head was exploding. It's much worse than she thought.

...7.00 pm ...

...Monday. ...

I was sleeping like a wood. I don't know when i got home. Was it just a dream??

I rolled my eyes on the bed and didn't find Ellie. My heart was having an attack. Ellie...where's my Ellie??

I can't walk outside. I feel pain everywhere. It's worse than the pain i have suffered.

"E...ll.." I felt pain in my throat, making my words not come out.

My Elleive..my baby. Where are you??

I felt lost.

I looked at the ceiling. I rolled my body towards the right side. Then it was worse. I fall to the floor. Now my pain is worse.

I closed my eyes for a second and made myself get out of this dream. But someone called me.

" Ellen..Elle.." A sound full of care. Suddenly i felt warm. A warm of a human body..

Human bodyy..???

I opened my eyes.. only to see Eden putting me to bed. I'm in his arms.

In his arms!!!! I WANTED to scream so loud of this sudden shock. But i gulped my own saliva.

Eden looked at me and putted me gently on the bed. He looked concerned. His face have the sad expression which i hate the most.

Once again, I became a burden to him.

"Im.. sorr..yy" I hugged myself.

" Elle, it's okay.. Are you okay now?? "

He asked me by adjusting the pillow which I'm laying my head on.

" yeah.. i became a burden to you again.." I felt really bad for him. He was sad because of me. I want him to be happy.

" You are not.. Elle, don't go there.. you promise??" I know he would say this.

He was handsome even when he's sad.

What did i just thought!!

" I was driving to beach but somehow i ended up there.... i can't promise you Eden.. Where's Ellie?? " I was looking at his eyes. His beautiful eyes.

"Ellie's with Amanda. " He said by gripping his hand hardly.

"Hell.. no . Eden.. why did you!!" I was scared. Really scared. Im not a protective type mom. But i was scared of Amanda. She hates Ellie.

I tried to get up. But eden blocked me.

"Eden.. i want to meet Amanda.." I said by a sudden panick. Even though my legs were hurting, i stood up for my daughter.

" Elle, If you really want to meet her.. i will help you.." Eden gave me a gentle smile. He gaved me a hand for walking.

I never felt this much pain.

...°˖➴♡ ...

...°˖➴♡...

..." Give me ! "...

I helped Ellen to walk. She is really sad.

I found her and Ellie in the car.

" AMANDA...." Eleanor yelled.

I was shocked hearing her yell at Amanda. I know she hates Amanda but.....still Amanda is someone who  can be  a friend to Ellen. 

"Give back.. my child, give her back to me!!" Ellen walked towards Amanda with support of me.

"If you yell, your child would cry" Amanda exclaimed by turning towards Eleanor. 

"I hate this.." I can hear her mumble about Amanda.  It's funny. She hates Amanda. 

"Amanda, Thank you for accompanying me and Elle. Do you want some coffee??" I asked to calm up the situation.  I Don't want them to fight.

Ellen hates it too.

I looked at Ellen she is really beautiful. A beautiful women. I think.. only  she deserves me.

Her dress is still the same. I don't want to change her. She hates that.

But i wiped her face. Her beautiful blonde hair and sky blue eyes. I love her.. I smirked thinking about this.

Amanda gave Ellie to Ellen.  Ellie smiled at me and Ellen.

"Coffee." Ellen sat herself on the chair. She looked at Ellie with lots of love. Amanda sat opposite to the chair.

Amanda is a therapist. She is a good friend for Ellen. I made coffee for me, Ellen and Amanda. 

Ellen was about to drink it but Ellie started crying. She always cries if We don't share our food to her.

She looks like Ellen. The only women i love. Or i can love!!

" Ellie,baby..don't cry.. mommy will give you some milk. " Ellen looked at me signing me to go.

She hates breastfeeding infront of me, well it's normal.. I think.

Amanda sighed and stood up " I have something to talk with you, Eden. " she followed me. I goes to our open bedroom towards the hall.

Amanda sat next to me in the bed.

I really felt uncomfortable, so i moved a little backwards.

While we were talking, I can feel the eyes of  Elle towards me. But if i look she would feel something.  I tried to concentrate myself from Ellen's death stare.

" Eden, you must let her go on her own way.. " Amanda sighed.

I hate this. " Amanda, That's nothing you have to talk about.." I said to her not coldly but with a smile.

" But your marriage is a fail.. you and her is not a match she's a crazy women and with your beauty and age you could get another women who loves you.. " Amanda was telling me to divorce her. She always brings that up in every conversation. 

I hate being like this. " Amanda stop.. please. Even though it's broken, I still have hope." I really have hope in our relationship.  But i don't know if Ellen have it.

"Eden, you are also thinking like this.. that's your problem. Dump her-"

"AMANDA, STOP IT.." I shouted.

I don't want to dump her. She's my wife. My only wife. Even though we are married  for months. 

I really love her. I wish i could give her everything. I want to make her life a better one. A new one. If she said me to go, I'll go.

Amanda rushed towards the hall and grabbed her bag and rages off. I felt bad. I sighed and laid on the bed.

The silence in the house felt awkward. 

But soon, I heard Ellie's drinking  voices.  She's drinking her milk. I turned towards the other side, by turning my back towards Ellen.

The pillow Ellen used. I hugged them. It's been years since i got a hug. I love hugs. They are a comfort. I looked at the pillow.

It smells like her shampoo.  I love this smell. Ellen, i love you.. But.

I heard a sound near me. The footsteps of Elle. I removed my hand from her pillow and turned towards to see Ellen.

" Amanda forgot her book here." Ellen showed me a book. Ellen sat on the edge of the bed looking at me.

" Isn't it painful?" I asked and looked at Ellie who is sleeping in her arms.

"I'm okay now.. I will make dinner" Ellen laid Ellie on the bed and stared at Ellie with love and care.

Ellie is really lucky.

"I will help.." I smiled. Ellen laid on the bed next to Ellie. I looked again. Ellie is sucking her fingers.

"Elle, Do you think about ELLEN'S future??" I enquired for an answer.

Ellen sighed and answered by standing up " Eden, I'm afraid that she's not gonna see the sunlight in every dark day... I'm going to change."

I looked at Ellie. I don't want her to live in this dark world. I don't want Ellen to live in this dark world.

After minutes, i felt asleep.

Something really touched my face. Its water. I slowly opened my eyes. Ellen was in her garments. Oh god....

She don't know that I'm awake. That's why she's changing. She was turning towards the mirror facing her back towards  me. My heartbeat was racing.

Her bra is unclipped. Her wet hair is making her self look hot. Her small waist and big breast, because of breast feeding. 

I really wish we would be a lovely couple. She turned towards me. I closed my eyes. I don't want her to feel bad. I can hear noises.

I opened my eyes again.

I didn't saw her.

She was in the kitchen. 

...----------------...

I reached kitchen and glance at the dress she's wearing.  "Hmm.. " I  made myself heard.

She turned and then turned her back towards me. " Elle, I have something to tell you.. " I said by looking at the note i have wrote for today.

I write notes everyday, to make her day excited and full of joy.

"What is it?? " she didn't even looked at me. I walked towards her and stood near her. I smelled her hair and whispered at her ear from behind resting my face in the shoulder of her cold skin.

" well, I want us to go on a date.." I whispered.  She got startled. She stood still and said. " Tomorrow night???"

I can tell what's the expression of her

Face when she said that. " whenever you want.. " I removed myself from her shoulder.

She turned. Her pajamas was a small  sleeve one. "Hmm.. Eden, we will be going to a date.. so, are we still going if i  says  'No'" She made herself clear. 

"Tomorrow, im taking a leave from the office. I don't want to wait for long time on this.. so will you??" I made it sound more excited as possible. 

" hm.. yes" Elle said with a moment of thinking.

I smiled bigly. My heart was dancing with joy. I was too excited to plan a date.

...----------------...

Elle turned her back towards me and continued her work. I walked to the hall and sat on the couch which i can straightly look at Ellen, who is doing chores in pajamas. 

Our kitchen and bedroom are open. There are doors only in the bathroom, frontdoor and backdoor. Everything else is open.

I press the button of TV. The baby shark video popped up. It's Ellie's favourite song. I laughed. Ellen glance at me and then continued her work.

I skip every channel and played the news. The volume was increased so i decrease them cause Ellie's sleeping.

I looked at Ellen. She's now making us some salad and pasta. A weird combination of night.

I could stare at her for days. She's a beautiful women and she's my wife..

My eyes met on Ellen's palm. The marks. There is marks.

She hurt herself when she's in anger or sad. I hate it. I Don't want her to make dinner if she's hurt.

...----------------...

I walked towards the kitchen and took a box in the drawer. Ellen didn't looked at me. When she turned to look at me , I  grabbed her right hand.

"Ouch.." she moan.

"Isn't it crazy that you're doing chores with cuts on your hand!! " I chuckled and took the ointment to spread on her hand.

" No need of these.." she mumbled looking down.

" Elle, if it's possible.. Can you stop moving??" I smiled at her awkwardness.  She's cute.

" I'm sorry!" Ellen said looking down.

" for what ??" I said calmly. Even though i knows the reason. 

" For making you worry.." she is still looking down. 

" did i ever said that I don't want you to make me worry??" I wrapped her hand.

" .... why are you like this!!" Ellen was looking down,  not looking at me from the start.

" what ??" I chuckled.

" ... Eden, Thank you.." she looked at me and smiled for the first time today.

" Elle.. I want you to go and sit in the chair, I'll bring the food. " i gently pushed Ellen towards the chair and made her sit.

...----------------...

I can clearly feel that Elle is looking at me, just like i did. Did she ever know that i love her so much.

I smiled and walked towards the table and placed the food.

Ellen looked at her hand.

" Thank you, Elle.. for this meal.." I laughed at her silliness.

...----------------...

...Everything about her makes me happy. ...

...°˖➴♡...

...EDEN POV ENDED ...

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