It was a bright afternoon, yet the darkness of her room enveloped her as she sat at the edge of her bed, the weight of the past pressing down like a suffocating blanket.

Hanna had made an abrupt decision to return to her childhood home. As she sat on the bed, memories, both vivid and haunting, flooded her mind, each one a painful reminder of the fractured foundation upon which her family once stood.

She had arrived that morning, and all she had done was sit and stare at the scribbles on the wall from years ago. She didn't know what to do and kept asking herself the same question over and over again. "Was coming here the right decision?"

Though she yearned for a quick escape from this suffocating atmosphere, she reminded herself why she had come back. She needed to revisit her nightmares to start life over again.

Seeing traces of her haunting and unfulfilling past in everything she did, she knew it was time to let go. There was a reason why she couldn't find happiness even after fleeing from this house, and she knew it better than anyone else. The only thing she could successfully do was her reporting job, but recently, she saw the shadows of her past in it too. Unsure if it was because of her five-year relationship that had just ended or if Karma was catching up with her, all she could think of was finding an escape and leaving everything behind—her career, which she had fought hard for in hopes of finding happiness and fulfilment and her five years long relationship, she left everything behind.

Her five-year relationship had been built on convenience and benefits. Deep down, she knew she wasn't capable of giving or receiving love, so she decided to end it and quit her job, uncertain if she could really start over. She felt a bit relieved though, no longer feeling pressure from both society and Jase, her boyfriend. She had compromised a lot in the relationship, feeling a sense of responsibility and pity towards Jase even though she wasn't happy and didn't love him.

She clearly remembered the breakup—the disappointment on Jase's face. She wondered if he was truly disappointed or just sad to lose where some of his income came from. Hanna had developed a system where she gave him thirty percent of her income monthly because of the guilt she felt towards him. She knew Jase had been cheating for the last two years, and she didn't care because she didn't love him but she still felt guilt towards him because she felt he had no other choice but to be trapped with a broken person like her. "What a jerk," she whispered with a smile. She was glad to give him a chance to go to someone who really cared.

Often, she wondered what the real meaning of life was, thinking if it would have been better if she had stayed in this house, enduring the abuse. She snapped back to reality, realising it was evening already, and the sun had set. She got up and went to the living room.

Seated in the living room and staring at the dinner table, she could hear the laughter that once filled the house before that night when everything started tearing apart. It was a cozy evening, and everything felt just right. Mum had served her favourite fried rice with orange juice, something she shared in common with her dad.

"Dad, doesn't Mom just love us so much? She always makes food we like," she recalled saying as if it were yesterday. She didn't realise when tears started rolling down her cheeks. Oh, how she missed those times when her only worries were about eating delicious food. Now, she could care less about what she ate. She sighed, turned her head back, looking around the living room, when that painful memory hit her so hard that it was difficult to keep her eyes open.

It was clear—the day it began to break, the day her family started to tear apart. The vivid memory of being choked almost to death haunted her. How did this happen? Why did her father walk in with an alcohol bottle, drunk to the point of rage? Why did he beat her mom so hard and choke her almost to death? Lost in thought, she jerked back to reality upon hearing a bang on the door.

"Who is it?" she asked, wondering who would visit this place that had been empty for years.

"It's me, Temple. I saw the light on and was wondering who was at home."

"Temple?" she thought to herself, making her way to the front door, peeking through the window before opening it.

"Oh, Hanna? Who would have thought? It's been years since anyone last saw you around here."

She felt uncomfortable and could see how shocked he was.

"It has been a while, Temple. Is there a problem?"

"No, no, I thought someone broke in or something. I mean, no one has been here since Mr. Lee, I mean, your dad died."

"Oh, yeah. I came to fix some things. I'm going to sell the house."

"Oh, why? I mean, it's okay. No one uses it anyway."

She could see the disbelief in his eyes, almost like he was judging her.

"I want to ask, do you know who has been cleaning the front and backyard? I noticed it was clean, and the flowers were well trimmed and watered," she said.

Smiling, he replied, "Well, that would be me. I just wanted it to look warm."

She was speechless. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," he said, turning to leave. As she turned to go back inside, he added, "Welcome home."

She looked at him one last time before closing the door. She stood at the front door, staring at the sitting room and the dining room, and thought to herself, Home? She hadn't heard that word in a while. Could she really call this place home?

Hanna sat down, trying to digest what had just happened. She hadn’t seen Temple in years. The last time she saw him, he was just a little kid. She was shocked to see that the boy she used to bully had grown into a fine young man. He still had those bright hazel eyes that shone under the sun, and he now towered over her with his honey-brown hair cascading to his shoulders. She remembered how he used to hate his hair growing long, always screaming, “I’m not a girl!” whenever someone suggested letting it grow.

“What could have changed him?” she whispered to herself, letting out a sigh. Beyond Temple’s surprising transformation, she was astonished that he recognized her immediately. She had thought, no, she had hoped, that no one would recognize her.

Hanna’s mind drifted back to their childhood. She recalled how she used to tease him relentlessly. Temple, with his innocent eyes and shy demeanour, had been an easy target. She used to laugh at his discomfort, never considering the lasting impact it might have on him. Now, seeing him as a confident young man, she felt a pang of guilt.

...****************...

Hanna’s bedroom felt like a cavern of darkness. The silence was broken only by the thunderous music from the living room. She was trying hard to fall asleep when suddenly, her eyes flew wide open in terror. The sound of breaking glass echoed through the house, followed by dishes shattering.

Hanna bolted to the door, slamming it shut behind her. With her little hands trembling, she dragged a chair to barricade the door. Collapsing to the floor in the dark, she trembled with fear. This happened almost every night, yet she never got used to it. She couldn’t understand why it had to happen to her. Her home used to be perfect; why did everything have to change?

Her mother’s screams brought her back to reality.

“What do you want from me? From us?” Mrs. Tami cried out, her voice filled with pain. Hanna could hear the sound of her father hitting her mother, the agony filling the house through the thin walls. She was miserable.

“I’m going to leave this house! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” Mrs. Tami screamed. Hanna had never heard her mother use such strong words. She remembered being scolded for saying she hated Benny in her class because Benny had read her diary. Her mom had said hate was a strong word to use. “Why did my mother go back on her words?” she thought, feeling a sudden wave of disgust. Without realising it, she muttered, “Liar,” followed by tears. Life truly was not fair.

“Snip, snip, snip.” Hanna jerked up, realising she had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. Years passed, and the memories of those nights never left her. They haunted her dreams, resurfacing whenever she felt vulnerable. Nightmares from her past were familiar, so she quickly wiped her tears and made her way to the window to see where the noise was coming from. There was Temple, trimming her flowers.

“Why is he trimming the flowers? Aren’t they trimmed enough?” she wondered. Yet, she kept watching him from her window. She felt a sense of relief knowing someone still cared about the house. It made her feel like he cared for her. She stood there, staring through the window, not realising she had a smile on her face.

It took ten minutes for Hanna to realise what she was doing. She had been staring at Temple trimming her flowers for a while now and finally snapped back to reality. It was the next day already, and she knew she had come back here with a plan. She needed to sell this house, and she needed to do it fast. She didn’t care if anyone called her a coward; her idea of healing was to sell off everything that tied her down to this town and house and escape to a better place to start afresh.

Hanna let out a sigh before turning towards her room. Before coming here, she had thought a lot about where to start with clearing up this place, but even now, standing here, she still didn’t know where to begin. It was worse because everything was still where it had been since she left, and she didn’t expect that. She stood in front of her door and looked at the room opposite hers. Her parents had built the house this way because they wanted to be a close family. They wanted to be there whenever she opened her door; they wanted to see her every morning. She could recall how much she hated it after everything fell apart. She hated that the first face she saw in the morning was her father’s. Even the door of the room disgusted her. Standing there, she could feel the rage building up, anger that had piled up for years. She wanted to break down that door so badly. While standing there, she realised that she wasn’t ready to touch places that reminded her of her parents, so she decided to start with her room. “It’ll be easier,” she thought.

Over an hour had passed, and Hanna had not made any progress; she had barely even started. Thirty minutes ago, she decided to start by clearing out her wardrobe, but when she opened it, she felt overwhelmed seeing the dresses and clothes she once loved. She loved the colour purple, and a lot of the dresses and clothes she had growing up were purple. Those clothes held great sentimental value because she always went with her parents to get them. She would throw tantrums to get more clothes, accessories, and shoes they didn’t plan on buying, and she always got her way.

She had initially planned on giving all her clothes and shoes to charity, but the overwhelming feeling made her close the wardrobe as fast as she could. She felt like she was suffocating. She wanted to leave the house as quickly as possible, so she decided to take a walk. She remembered there was a park not too far from the house that had daisies she used to love plucking. She was going to head there just to get fresh air. Even though she didn’t want to leave the house for fear of being recognized in the neighbourhood, right now she couldn’t care less.

Hanna quickly made her way to the bathroom, washed her face, and brushed her teeth before quickly throwing on jeans and a baggy t-shirt. She made her way to the front door and was surprised to see Temple still trimming some flowers. She felt bad and responsible, so she decided to give him a jug of water.

“Hi.”

“Oh, hello, Hanna. I hope I wasn’t disturbing you.”

“Not at all. How long have you been here?” she asked while handing him the jug of water. “Just in case you’re thirsty,” she added.

“Thank you. Maybe about an hour and a half,” Temple replied, taking a sip from the jug.

They both stood in silence, not knowing what to say next. The awkward silence was eating Hanna up, so she decided to break it.

“Don’t tire yourself too much. You’ve already done enough, and I’m selling the house anyway.” After saying this, she wondered if she sounded desperate or excessive because this was the second time she had told him about her plans to sell the house.

“Oh, Hanna, it truly does not matter at all. I just don’t like seeing it empty and unkempt. Even though it’s been years since anyone was here, I still have good memories of this place. I would rather not let it go.” He said with a smile.

Hanna became anxious after hearing what he said. She remembered many things she had long forgotten about this place, the good times and her childhood innocence. She could recall her and Temple sharing a kiss because they wanted to know what it felt like. She wondered if those times they were emotionally attached were what he meant by “good memories.” She tried her best to hide her anxiousness.

“Oh, okay. I’m heading to the park. I want to relax there.” After saying this, she quickly walked past him to leave. Then he said,

“You know, I’m glad to see you again. Thanks for coming around.”

After he had said this, Hanna quickly increased her pace. She didn’t want to hear more of that nonsense. What does he mean he’s glad to see her again, acting like he has been thinking about her all these years? Temple had said something else that she did not hear, and she did not want to hear it anyway, so she kept walking quickly to the park, increasing her pace even more.

Hanna got to the entrance of the park, her head still bent down. She didn’t want anyone to recognize her at all. Before leaving the house, she had decided to wear a face cap just in case, but it still wasn’t enough. She felt she needed to keep her head down to avoid everybody. She couldn’t risk being seen. She didn’t want the neighbourhood aunties, who she felt would be grannies now considering the years, to see her. They would ask her a lot of questions, and she didn’t want to be in such a situation.

She was still faced down and walking really fast when she bumped head-first into someone right at the entrance of the park. She was shocked. Although this was a very beautiful park, people hardly ever went to it because of the really big one downtown, so she had not expected to see anyone here, especially at four in the evening. It might sound funny, but people really didn’t go here, so she thought maybe things had changed in all these years. Why didn’t she consider it? She was so confident about being here alone.

Still trying not to raise her head, she said sorry, but she still looked up. However, because she kept her head downwards, she could only see from the shoulders to the toes of whoever this person was. She realised it was a woman who was also pregnant. Seeing she was pregnant, she felt the need to apologise properly. She probably didn’t know anyone around her age who would be pregnant in this small town anyway, so she confidently looked up.

“I’m really sorry. I was not watching my way,” she apologised.

“It’s alr— Hanna?”

Hanna was surprised. She looked closely again and realised who this was. The very person she owed the biggest apology to and the very person she had wished to never see. What was Tara doing in this small town anyway?