Random Moments
As Long As There's Ice
Nikki my best friend tells me as I sit down in my seat beside her in as she stated the most: Crappy Way.
I say sarcastically laying my head down on the desk.
Ari
I woke up this morning, fell out the bed, slipped and hit my head on the bathroom sink, the faucet also decided to burst in the process of me brushing my teeth, I stepped on a Lego, poured me some cereal only to find out that I'm out of milk when I tried to pour out of an empty carton. Oh yes indeed life is great, so great that I look like I just went through hell and back...
Ari
Does that answer your question?
Nikki
I think you need therapy.
Ari
I tried, but their office was closed on the way here, which is another sign of my crappy morning.
Connor
Oh my gosh, Ari who broke up with you!
My other friend Connor asks as he walks in obviously trying to hold in his laughter. To be honest he's more of a nuisance than a friend.
I tried to leave him behind...but he came back.
Nikki
You know you love his annoying behavior.
Connor
Wait Ari, just know it's a crime to commit murder even if you get dumped by your Ex...
Ari
But you're free gain right?
He puts his hand on his heart offended.
Connor
You would kill this pretty face?
Nikki
No...not yet at least.
Connor
Very funny girls but with all seriousness what happened?
I reluctantly tell Connor what happened.
Connor
...pft...he...um...well...haha...
I roll my eyes, as Connor no longer able to hold it in burst out into a fit of laughter.
Connor
Ha...you know what they say, "life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you're gonna get." but in your case you got a box full of shit...ahahahaha.
I go to the side of the room and drag the big trashcan over to us with a still laughing Connor, I pick him up and throw him head first in the trashcan.
Nikki
Wow...when you said throw him away, I didn't think you meant literally.
This Wacko is still laughing.
I crawl under the desk rethinking my life choices.
Nikki
Wanna get some snacks and watch movies after this?
Nikki suggests looking at me under the desk.
Ari
As long as there's ice I'm in.
I'll Add It To Your Tab
Ari
Is it too late to say I told you so?
Ari
Because, let's be honest, I told you so.
Ben looks up at me, and glares.
I only smirk in response of clear amusement.
Ben
Aren't you supposed to be a supporting sister, that should be saying everything is okay?
I say pointing to his now overly bleached "BLACK" sweatshirt.
Ari
I say again...I told you so.
Ben
I forgot you're the insensitive type that makes a poor man cry.
Ari
But let's be honest here, who in their right mind would bleach anything of color, especially black.
Ari
Big Brother with all due respect, that's just common sense!
Ben
But it wasn't getting fully cleaned when I washed it with detergent!
Ari
That's because your lazy ass put it on Quick Wash! Quick Wash isn't clean!
Ari
You JUST admitted it wasn't fully cleaned!
I say pinching the bridge of my nose in irritation.
Nikki
Is there another Sibling Battle Royale going on today?
Nikki
I can literally hear you both from outside.
Nikki
With all due respect I'd rather not suck, an idiot who washes his colored clothes with bleach.
Ben
You know I didn't mean literally!
Ben blushes smothering his face into his used to be black sweatshirt.
Ari
Okay with stupid actions aside, that doesn't look like your sweatshirt, it's too small, and you're a little overly buffed for that size bro.
Ben
It's not mine...it's my girlfriend's little brother's sweatshirt that she spent 200 dollars to buy this name brand shirt for his birthday tomorrow.
Me and Nikki just look at him.
Ari
I pray you have a quick and painful.
Nikki
Wait, when did she get it?
He says raising an eyebrow at her odd question.
Ari
So why are you washing it?
Ben
Because it got wet in the rain and I told her I would wash it for her?
Nikki
why didn't you just let it dry out?
He looks at Nikki with a blank emotionless stare.
Ben
Now that I think about it-
Ari
Yeah, you're hopeless.
Ben
Hey! Washing probably would've done better so it wouldn't mold!
Nikki
But did you read the instructions on the shirt on how to wash it, like wash by hand or in cold water?
Ari
Let's be honest here even if he didn't read the instructions, who washes black with bleach?
Ben
You are not gonna let me live this down will you?
Nikki
Weren't you planning on breaking up with her anyways? Nice way to end it.
Ben
I think your friend is secretly evil.
He leans over to me and whisper.
Ari
I found that out when she scared a girl that was messing with her so hard that she pissed her pants.
Nikki
Ari, you're not one to talk.
Ari
But Nikki does have a point.
Ari
Use this as an excuse to break up. Be like, "oh darling I'm not good enough for you"
Ben
You're a horrible Inspiration Speaker.
Ari
Being straightforward is truly a gift.
Ben
I don't want her to hate me, when we break up.
Nikki
Oh so your brother's a romantic.
Ari
He wants to leave with that last meaningful hug, and that goodbye kiss.
Nikki
You can never go wrong with that.
Ben
I think this is what you call bullying.
Nikki
Well I was knocking at the door when I came, but since I heard y'all arguing from outside I decided to let myself in. I have a delivery to make from Ari, to Ben.
Ben
If it's an, "I told you so" card, I don't want it.
Nikki hands Ben a box, he looks up at us both suspiciously, as he opens the box.
He says holding a new name brand black sweatshirt.
Ari
Nikki's uncle runs the shop, and I gave him some of my designs before for new clothing ideas. As soon as I saw you doing that...
I say pointing to his disaster of a mess.
Ari
I called in one of my unused favors to him.
Ari
And Nikki being a dear, was so kind to deliver it.
Ben looks at the sweatshirt extremely happy then his face falls immediately looking at us two.
Ben
I owe you two don't I?
Ari 2.0
While washing dishes, and scrubbing the hell out of this dirty plate that Connor used two months ago, and didn't wash, I answered him.
Ari
Our Niece is coming down to live with us for a while.
I didn't invite the bastard over, and he has the audacity to dirty my dishes and not wash them.
HE DOESN'T EVEN LIVE HERE!!!!
Ari
Because she misses her Uncle and her Aunty, and because our idiot of a brother wants to go on his long awaited vacation, away from child duty.
Connor
Haha, you said duty.
I grab the dish sponge and throw it at Connor.
Ben
Okay back on topic, so you're basically saying that he dumped his child on us because he wants to be lazy.
Ben
And he calls me the lazy one.
Ari
I have more respect for you than him.
Ben
I think that's the first compliment you've given me in all of our years of living together.
Ari
Cherish it you won't get another one.
Nikki
Ari, my question is when will you start going out on dates like a normal mid-20's woman.
Nikki says coming into the kitchen, and pouring her some juice.
I say getting more irritated at this one spot that won't come off the dish.
Connor
Come on Ari obviously likes me, you don't have to lie to me Ari, just say it loud and clear.
Nikki
Yeah, you set yourself up for that Connor.
Connor moves closer pouting.
Connor
Come on Ari you can't even play with m-
I grab him by the collar and cut him off.
I say pointing to the dish.
Ari
You undefined degenerate, self left a used plate in my house when you came once again uninvited.
Ari
Give me a reason to play with you.
Connor
Your words hit harder than a brick wall.
He says with a dramatic tear fall.
He says trying to get away but I grab him by the hood.
Connor
I think these dishes need a good cleaning.
Connor
Why don't I wash them for you A?
He says cleaning the dishes.
I look up to see Nikki and Ben looking at me.
Nikki
I feel bad for your future husband.
Ben
If the husband can make it to become a husband he's solid, it's the children I'm worried about, I don't need Ari x 100, or an Ari 2.0. That's a terrifying thought.
Nikki
Good luck Uncle Ben.
Ben
Funny, you're acting like you won't be the Aunty.
Nikki
I'll be in a whole other state, hiding.
Nikki
I'll think about it.
Ari
Y'all having a nice conversation over there.
Nikki
Yes quite an entertaining one.
These guys are both my sorrow, and strength, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I'll trade Connor in a heartbeat.
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