"Until when will you be like this? Years have passed, why is it so hard for you to forget and move forward , Monica?"

The young woman just looked at her mother and remained silent. She was exhausted from trying to understand her mother's advice. Her physical and mental health were too tired to listen. Her mother had been saying the same thing every now and then , but Monica was too stubborn and ignored her words.

"Just consider this is also for you... I am your mother... I understand your pain, please... Monica... it's almost six years now, forget and move on... try to understand what I'm saying to you, I am telling you this because I love you... as my daughter, I don't want to leave you in this world full of resentment and blaming yourself about what happened in the past . I am dying, Monica..."

Her mother's words hit the young woman from her thoughts, she slowly walked to the bedridden woman who had been diagnosed with cancer for six months .

"What are you saying, Mama... you won't leave me... you are all I have... please don't say that... my heart aches so much... you know you are my only support, Mama... if you leave me.. alone.. what will gonna happen to me? I've been through this since he left me... I am nothing, Ma... I'm only living in this world because of you... I can't give you what you want me to do... I'm suffering too much pain through the years... so please don't leave me... I know it's too much to ask, but if selfishness is the only way to make you stay with me forever, then so be it... I don't want to be left alone again, Mama..."

The young woman could no longer hold back her tears. Just thinking about her mother's situation felt like a knife stabbing her heart. It shattered her whole being.

Despite the situation , the mother tried to sit up, leaning against the headboard of the bed, and the young woman assisted her.

Her mother held her hands...

"Please do this for me... I'm dying, Monica... this is my only wish, please fulfill it... I feel that I won't last long in this world anymore ... my illness is consuming me... I want to stay by your side, but my body can no longer handle it, and I know the Lord will take me soon... Monica, my child... you are the greatest gift i have ever received in my life... my precious daughter, I love you so much... please grant my wish... I want to leave this world peaceful and contented, and that will only happen if you marry someone who can love you ... I have two months left to fix you.. your life... I will soon meet your father in heaven... I want him to know that you are okay and living a good life... please find a man, marry, and love him... don't let anger and self-blame consume you because of the tragedy that happened in the past... don't blame yourself, my child...God has a reason... please grant your mother's wish..."

Because of her mother's words, the young woman could no longer hold back her sobs. She knew her mother wouldn't last long, but she remained blind and selfish, hoping there was still a chance for her mother who had been suffering from stage 4 cancer for six months.

"Mama... you know I can't... I still can't bear the guilt... the past still haunts me as if it happened yesterday... it's hard--"

Her mother interrupted her, knowing why she still couldn't enter a relationship and start her own family. The young woman was still hurt and blamed herself for what happened in the past...

"If you continue to blame yourself and live a miserable life ... think of the people who died early, those who lost their way, and those desperate to have their own families... you are still lucky, Monica... haven't you thought about why you are still alive? Didn't you try to end your life several times, taking pills, cutting yourself, attempting to hang yourself, losing your mind, being taken to a mental hospital... but still, you survived... God has a reason for you, my child... don't waste it... your world doesn't revolve around in just one person... try to discover yourself, the world, and the people around you... it's not too late to change, Monica... opportunity is knocking at your door... try again to open your heart... HOPE is everywhere... LOVE is always there..."

Minutes passed in silence as the young woman absorbed her mother's words. She was struck by her mother's advices ... She realized now how many years she spent wallowing in guilt and self-blame. Her mother was right; she was the one hurting herself... She spent her time in sorrow, planning when to end her life while many people wanted to live and face changes... she couldn't stay like this forever... her mother was right; God had a plan for her...

She let out a long sigh before wiping away her tears and forced a smile at her mother.

"Mama... I can't promise you, but I will try for you and for the people who love me, including myself... your words hit me hard, Mama... why am I doing this to myself? Drowning in sorrow, guilt, and self-blame for six years? You are right, it's not too late to change... it won't be easy, especially since it still hurts me to think about what happened six years ago... why have I been worthless for six years, creating my own cage? I didn't realize that I wasn't the only one suffering in this situation... but also the people around me who love me... I'm really, really sorry, Ma... I was so selfish and didn't realize it..."

The young woman sobbed as the harsh reality hit her. She regretted what she had done... only now did she realize and open her eyes to the truth, just as her mother was about to leave her... she regretted not paying attention to her mother during the years they were together... she only thought of herself while her mother was deeply worried and didn't want to leave her miserable and without peace in life...

"Seriously, Ma? You're kidding, right? Oh, come on. You know I hate that guy... it would be fine if you want me to date someone else... this is ridiculous... I can't believe this..."

The young woman frustratedly rubbed her temples. She couldn't understand why her mother wanted her to go on a blind date with the guy. She had already agreed to her mother’s proposal. She was annoyed with that guy... Just remembering his arrogant, perverted, and rude treatment to her from childhood already ruined her day…

"This is the right thing to do, Monica Austria Santiago... At least you know Yuikiemo Castrio. You grew up together and I know his parents well they're kind and easy to get along with ... Since childhood, you've been together. Why do you hate akie? He's kind, handsome, and he can support you... Akiro is a famous businessman and a business tycoon... Whatever you're looking for in a man, he has it he can also provide you with a good and comfortable life. Why are you so annoyed with him?"

Kind? Oh, come on... Who knows him better than I do? mocica said to her mind. To Monica, he was a headache. Just thinking about being under one roof with him would drive her crazy... The guy was too arrogant and a bit of a pervert. He had harassed and humiliated her many times from their childhood until in high school days ... She was just grateful that he went back to Japan to continue his studies there...

"I told you, Ma... I don't like him... I’ll go insane if I have to live in the same house with him... No one else knows his arrogant personality better than i do..."

The young woman had been stressed since the previous day... She was irritated and irritable thinking about who her blind date would be... She had tried everything... but all her blind dates were failures. She didn’t like their personalities... Some were too serious, as if they would eat you alive just thinking about marrying them; it was obvious her life would be boring if she ended up with them... Some were perverted, overly sweet, and the worst, arrogant... There was one she liked, but he was afraid of commitment, scared of married life, just wanting a girlfriend with no plans beyond that... In short, he only wanted a temporary relationship... She didn't want that to happen to her... She had been left once and didn't want it to happen a second time.

“That's why I'm telling you he's the one I want because I know you already know his personality... and Aki's family is good people. I will feel at ease if that happens."

True, his family was indeed kind. But when it came to the guy, he was a big no for her... He had done many stupid things to her, and she didn't want that kind of man. He was kind to others, especially to her mother, but she knew him well... Since childhood, he had been always humiliating and fighting with her, then twisting the situation to make her look bad, so she was always the one scolded by her mother. She was so annoyed with him, she wanted to strangle him and bury him alive, that’s how much she hated him…

"Ma… i have my reasons, I really, really hate him... Since childhood, he's been a huge headache, you really don't know Aki, Ma... He is a big sh*t in my life... he's too complicated for me... it's a big NO."

The woman sighed at her daughter’s behavior, she had always liked Aki for her daughter. If it weren’t for her having a boyfriend before, she would have long encouraged her to go on a blind date with him... She didn’t know why her daughter was so mad at him…

"Are you still mad at him? Because we chooses to believed him more than you when you were kids? It's been 12 years since you last saw each other, and now he just came back to the Philippines... You were just kids back then, you didn't know anything about the world yet... He's twenty-eight now, and I know he's matured... Whatever happened was all in the past now... you were just kids, you we're not aware of your actions ..."

The young woman slowly stood up on the edge of her mother's bed, where her mother's lay weakly talking to her...

"No, Ma... I don't want him to be part of my life... I don’t want him... I hate him that much... Please arrange me with the right one where I am comfortable being with... just not with Yuikiemo Castrio. Please allow me to go, I have important things to deal with..."

The woman sighed again as she looked at the door where her daughter had just left a seconds ago...

She thought everything was okay, but she didn’t expect her daughter to be that angry at the guy...

It seems she would have a hard time convince her.

...Monica Austria's POV...

I threw my herself on the bed in frustration... just got come from a blind date, and as expected, it was a disaster... i slowly rubbed my temples slightly, trying to calm myself...

Slowly, I turned my head sideways to where the mini table with the lamp shades and a picture frame... i picked up the frame and caressed it…

Why did you leave me? Without saying anything... my heart aches... I didn't expect things to happen..."

She whispered softly as she hugged the picture frame while her  tears flowed freely.

It's been six years, but it still hurts... it’s too painful for me, it’s hard to forget the painful past.. 

The young woman walked slowly through the quiet place, with only the chirping of birds around and the rustling leaves carried by the wind, seemingly in sync with her feelings. This place was peaceful, a private cemetery owned by the dead. 

The sound of Monica's shoes was clearly heard as she walked through the vast and silent area, carrying white roses. She wore black shades, a white blouse paired with a black pencil skirt, and black 3-inch heels. She let the wind blow her waist-length naturally wavy hair.

She walked for a few more minutes before finding what she was looking for.

She took a deep breath and looked at the sky as if she was talking to God. She removed her shades before slowly kneeling on the grass and placing the white flowers on the tombstone.

Aldrin Christ R. Fuente

Born: Feb. 18, 1993

Died: Jun. 25, 2015

"It's been 6 years, hon, but it's still hard to move on. It still hurts… " the young woman said as if her loved one was just around, gently caressing the resting place of her dead boyfriend.

"It's hard to live carrying the pain in my chest. There were times I thought of wasting the life that God had gave me. I'm such an idiot, selfish, and pathetic to do such a thing that can't even lessen the pain I've been through for almost six years. I didn't even pay attention to my mom.”

She spoke tearfully, realizing her mistakes in life as a daughter. She had been too self-centered to understand even her own mother.

"And now, my mom is dying, and I regret all these years I had chance to spend more time with her. The feeling of guilt is eating me, hon. But my mom still worries about me despite of her condition. And I know, sooner or later, she will leave me.. ”

The young woman finally broke down, covering her face soaked in tears, unable to hold back the pain and self-loathing any longer.

“I'm not ready for her decisions , but I want my mom to be happy and not worry about me anymore. She wants me to get married and have a family before she leaves this world. I know you've wanted this for me too. You visit me in my dreams every night to let me know you're happy and at peace. Even your wish for me to forget my feelings for you, I couldn't grant.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, took a handkerchief from her pocket, and wiped her tears.

"I think this is the right decision. I want to settle now. I want to bring back everything, my abandoned self. I want to live a normal life, even if my mom will soon gonna leave me. We may not have ended up together, but I'm still happy I met you, even for a short time. I'm happy you were part of my memories through happy moments. And, with everything that's happened in my life, mom is right—God has a purpose for all of this. Now, even though it hurts and is hard to accept, I'll try to be strong for you, for mom, and for those who love's me.” 

The young woman closed her eyes for a moment before a small smile appeared on her lips.

"Sorry for the drama, I just can't help but cry. But I promise that from this day, I'll try to change and discover the world. Remember, I love you so much. I may forget my feelings for you, but you'll always be here in my heart. You have a big part of me that will never go away no matter what happens. Thank you for everything, hon. I've awakened by the reality, and I'm ready to face it.”

She stood up, dusted off her slightly dirtied pencil skirt, straightened herself, put on her shades, and fixed her hair that had been slightly tousled by the wind.

"I'm leaving now, hon. Wherever you are, take care and guide us who still love's you. I love you, hon, and I miss you," she said softly, wiping away the last tear that flowed from her eyes.

The young woman walked slowly and gently moving with the flow of the abundant wind when suddenly...

"It's been a year since the last time I saw you," a baritone voice spoke from behind her, startling her and causing her to jump slightly in a surprise.

She slowly turned to face the speaker, and her shock grew as she saw who it was.

"So, it's you. Why are you here? Even now, you're still like this, Mr. Castrio, always ruining my day," she glared at him, realizing he was the one her mother had been talking about the in the past days. This sht Assh*le. She looked at him disdainfully, one eyebrow raised, while he smirked.

"Is this your way to welcome your FUTURE HUSBAND?" he emphasized the last words, smiling teasingly.

"Wait a minute. I don't know that I have a FUTURE HUSBAND. As far as I know, I refused to my mom's proposal . You really have the nerve Castrio to say those words to me. Let me tell you this: I don't have a plan to be your wife. It sucks," she retorted, rolling her eyes at him, truly irritated. Just seeing him ruined her peaceful day. She was furious at the Japanese man, almost wanting to curse him to death.

"Are you trying to kill me! ? Tsk!” she was annoyed as hell. 

“I rushed my flight just to come here to talk about this situation because your mom wanted me to talk to you about the proposal. And I just obliged Auntie. Why are you so angry? I didn't do anything to you," he said, squinting at her, with annoyance she rolled her eyes again in irritation.

Monica felt even more annoyed, her eyes almost bulging out from glaring at him. She gritted her teeth and stared at him for a while, scrutinizing him thoroughly.

The young woman could say that he had changed a lot in appearance. Before,in the past. he always wore a white t-shirt, a black leather jacket, cargo pants, and combat boots that highlighted his fair skin and bad boy aura. Now, he wore a more formal business suit that suited his mature and well-built body. He had become even fairer. His hair color once was mint green with a Faux Hawk cut but now neatly cut in a clean business style.

His Japanese features were more emphasizes now. His mother was pure Japanese, while his father was half-Filipino, half-Spanish, giving him Chuck Hazel eyes, which looked greenish but not quite. His eyes were alluring, with wavy eyelashes, thick black eyebrows, a perfectly curved face and cheeks, and a well-shaped nose. Everything about his face was masculine and attractive.

The young man had always been handsome, likely due to his different races, but now his looks had matured even more. It was just his bad attitude towards her that she couldn't stand.

The young woman was suddenly brought back to reality when he flicked her forehead. She didn't realize she had been staring at him for so long.

The young man smirked, noticing she had been checking him out for a while.

Then realization hit Monica. She felt embarrassed, worried he might think she found him handsome. The thought made her shiver, as if she had swallowed a rock . It wasn't that she found him disgusting; she just didn't like him.

"Don't you ever lay your hands on me, you stupid jerk!" she snapped, irritated that he had flicked her forehead. It made her even more angrier.

"Satisfied? Am I that handsome to you that you had to check me out for so long?" he said, amused, which only made her angrier.

"Excuse me? I didn't intend to look at your ugly face. i was looking at your suit  I like your it, but that's all. You're too assuming," she retorted, rolling her eyes at him. He just smirked and shook his head, seemingly not believing her.

"Stubborn, still the same. Too loud and easily annoyed " he muttered, but she heard it clearly.

Monica's eyes widened, resembling Emillie from "The Corpse Bride," about to pop out in anger.

"I heard you. and you don't have to pick me up here. Besides, I have my own car to drive, and I'm not crippled, I can walk," she said, rolling her eyes again and putting on her shades, which almost fell off earlier due to her annoyance.

“Hahaha! Why still stupid, Monica? You might be the one assuming between the two of us. What do you think of me, stupid? I'm not going to waste my time on a stupid woman like you. And to tell you this, I'm here to visit my grandmother's grave. Tsk, you're too exaggerated," he smirked before walking ahead, leaving the woman behind. 

She felt embarrassed and irritated. He could have just said he was visiting his grandmother's grave instead of teasing her. But it wasn't new to her. Knowing Akiero, it was his habit to annoy her and ruin her peaceful days.

"This is ridiculous. That jerk is really awful. Arrgggg!" she stomped away from the cemetery, frowning and extremely annoyed. Her day was completely ruined because of him.

Author's note: This is my first story, guys. I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for any typos and grammatical errors ; I'm still learning to write. I hope you'll support me. If you have any suggestions, just comment, and I'm always open to your feedback.

If I made any mistakes, feel free to tell me and correct me. Don't worry, dear readers i understand.