Chapter 1 : The Beginning

Risa,

I'm sitting on my favourite table that is on the back of the cafe. Where no one would come to disturb me. I'm an a introvert and I don't like when people approach me. So, I intentionally try to avoid everyone. I wanna live my life peacefully rather than make it a chaos.

From where I'm sitting, I can look at outside of the window. This is the best place for me. I come here everyday and enjoy my cup of coffee.

But, that's not the only reason. I also like coming in here a lot because of it's indoor garden concept and they have various books in here too. The two things I like the most are here this make me be even more attracted to this place.

I always spend hours here reading books. This is the place where no one disturb me and I can read quietly.

While I was taking advantage of my alone time. I heard some footsteps approaching towards me. I know who exactly it is.

They are only people whom I allow to approach me They are my best friends Patch and Daisy.

I will introduce you to them later... but before that did I introduce myself?. I'm sorry about my forgetfulness. So, first I'll introduce myself then.

My name is Larisa Lawan. I was born in Thailand. When I was just a kid my family moved to New Zealand. I was in my middle school. When I moved back in Thailand with my mother. I used to live with my grandparents but now I live alone in my condo which near my university.

My family is not here with me anymore but I got used to living alone. My uncle raised me after most of my family passes away.

I'm an Architecture student currently in my first-year of university. I really loved my family a lot but now they are not here with me but still their memories are with me which I treasure the most.

Patch and Daisy been my best friends ever since I moved in here. They have been with me during good and bad times. We went through a lot together. I've trust them the most.

I'd met them when I just moved in here. I couldn't speak Thai so well and I was very scared to speak in front of anyone. So, I used to be alone at school and no one came up to me to talk. They saw me as odd one.

Later, These two came into my life and they have helped me a lot. As I was having hard time blending in with other. They were the one who approached me.

After that my life became much better. They are the most incredible people I ever came across in my life. They are like my family now. I can't be more thankful to them.

Since we first meet until now. We been together always. They are the only ones I have left with me. So, They are very close to me.

At the time, when I was thinking about all these. I heard the sound of someone pulling the chair. As I looked up, I saw Daisy and Patch sat in a chair front of me.

Patch is the girl with black jacket and torn denim. She is very tall even taller than me. I'm 170cm considered as tall but she even taller than me. She 178 cm damn tall as tower!. I'm envy her height and confidence so much!! next to her, that's Daisy.

She wore a white top and a purple skirt. Daisy is a lot shorter than us. She is 167cm but she is the sweetest one in three of us and mos approachable person too.

Me and Patch are rather called out blunt, and rude at times because we are not friendly to everyone. We are sort of anti social people and addition to that we don't think about others before us. We speak whatever on our mind directly even if it's rude.

We both basically have no social skill specially me. I'm very introverted person. Who doesn't like to talk to anyone rather than my friends.

Everyone say that, I don't even take the effort to talk to other and always have mean face when looking at other but I think that's not true. As for Patch she is basically doesn't have much interest in talking to others.

We were born in reputable family that make other think we are spoiled and have bad attitude just because we are rich.

Well, Daisy is opposite of us. She get along with others easily. She is very kind person who think of others before herself and she is the one that everyone prefer talking too rather than us.

Today, we don't have any classes. So, we aren't wearing uniform. We just came here to hang out or scold me..

Why would they scold me?...you'll know that soon.

"How long have you been here"? Patch murmured. While she was doing something on her phone.

"Just a couple of minutes ago," I replied with smiley face trying to look innocent. I wanna hide my bad doings.

"I'm going to order okay?" I told them and run away before the topic could even get started.

"Okay." Daisy said. I nodded and got up from my seat and made my way straight to the cafe counter.

When cafe owner seen me coming towards the counter. He came to my side to take my order. We come here often. So, he is familiar with us.

"You looking beautiful today." He told and complimented me with friendly smile on his face.

Today, I wore pastel blue cardigan with a clouds pattern, white t-shrit inside it and straight dark blue jeans.

"Thank you," I said and smile back at him lightly. I knew him since I come here almost everyday. So, it's a slightly easy to have small talk with him sometimes.

"I would like to order as usual." I said and removed my phone from my pocket to pay.

"Okay I'll start preparing it. You can go back to your seat. I'll send it to your table." He replied.

"I'll pay up front," I said. He putted the scanner in front of me knowing how I'm going to pay. After it was done then I returned back to my chair.

I've noticed that Daisy and Patch was talking about something while staring at me. Daisy pushed her elbow towards Patch's hand indicating I was returning to the table.

I'd immediately sensed their action but I didn't react to it and when I reached at the table. I sat in my chair quietly and started using my phone knowing what they want to talk about and I wanna avoid it.

"Did something happened with the guy....Who you were going to meet few days back?" Dasiy asked me both of their faces looked pretty serious right now. As I seen their faces, I putted my phone aside.

"I didn't went to meet him." I told causally. There one thing talking about guys doesn't interest me at all. I love to talk about everything with my friends but this topic.. love doesn't exist for me.

"Why did you do that again Risa?" Daisy said while scolding me about it she seemed concerned about me. I don't mind her, trying to match make me because she does all this out of concern.

"I don't like all these you know. I tried it when you persuaded me but I couldn't do it" I said explained it to her.

"He is the fourth guy in this month whom we tried match with you. Not to mention the other people who came up to you, but you didn't talk to any of those." Daisy said with concerned face. I know her concern is right because I'm a reserved person but I don't want anyone in my space.

"I understand that, but if you continue to reject people like this, then nobody will ever come up to you again." Daisy added. I get her concerns about me that she doesn't want me to feel alone like I did before.

"I know, I tried when you told me to but it didn't worked. I think it's time to stop...I know, earlier I did many things which made you guys be concerned about me but I don't need anyone in my life. I'm very much comfortable as I am and I'm not feeling alone at all. "I said softly and trying to put my point of view in front of them.

"Ok, If you think like this then I won't force you to go on date again." Daisy said calmly agreeing me. While respecting my decision. She doesn't want to put me in a uncomfortable place too.

I'm grateful that whatever she did for me but it's now my decision. I don't want anyone in my life. I'm okay being with myself. I want to leave as it is.

It's not I like, I hate people etc. It's just that being alone make me feel secured that I don't have anyone to lose and my biggest fear to actually have someone with me ...it give me anxiety that I'll lose them..like I did before.

This anxiety started after that incident happened with me in the past but I don't have courage to think about it again. So, let it be I don't talk about it with anyone.

I didn't even discuss this incident with Patch and Daisy too. They know how sensitive I'm about this topic that's why they also doesn't mention it. This fear is so intense that I find it extremly difficult to get along with others.

Mostly, I would run away even at the name of relationships. I'm okay being alone it's not a problem for me. What scare me the most is to have feeling for someone. I've fear having someone by my side.

Before, I'd been through very traumatic experience. I did completely shutted myself with everyone including my friends. All I can say is that it was darkest time of my life but I'm better now.

That's why Daisy thinks it will be great for me. if I find someone in my life who could be with me. So, the past won't repeat itself.

She thinks it's better to have someone in my life than live alone. I know she is worried for me but this is not what I want.

She persuaded me to meet few guy many times. Even beg me to which why I have to accept her request.....that also didn't worked at all.

Just we're talking about all this, We got our food on our table that made them concentrate on the food which spared me from talking more about this relationship topic.

I don't want them to empathize with me anymore. I'm in very good state of mind now and also extremely comfortable with my current state..

I've already explained myself to them. I feel relieved that they understand my point too. I think it's time for them to stop being concerned about me. Even though love doesn't happen for me that's okay because it's not like I've never tried.

Hold on! I did went on blind date. I had never actually been in relationship with anyone. Actually, I didn't even went on second date with either of them. Let's just say this things doesn't work out for me.

Date 1

At the coffee house,

He brought me to this cat café which I really don't like. Don't get me wrong, I'm a cat lover but I think these people take animal as there way to earn profit and sometimes even the customer are not very kind with them which I don't like.

"Hey, sweetheart." He said. When I went to take a seat with him. Which I raised my eyebrow in amusement as a reply.

Sweetheart? Just hearing that I already wanted to run away. I'm an a introvert what do you expect with me?

Like how someone actually call the person they just meet sweetheart? I just don't get it..

Sweetheart?

My Foot!.... I don't like people who have this gecko behaviour. I swear this word made everything be even more awkward for me. He and I are practically stranger to each other.

Well, I guess someone would get a great lecture from me today because they were the one who forced me to come here today.

"Sawadee Kha." I said and attempted to make a fake smile. I promise that I was trying to make that look true.

Because, I don't want anyone to blame me that I didn't even put any efforts in this date because I've already went out of my comfort zone by coming out with him here.

"What would you like to have?" He replied, while smiling at me. I was thinking that he was being genuine and I started to convince myself that it can work out but I obviously knew what's gonna happen.

"Unsweetened latte will be fine," I said. I'm trying to keep my mood up. So, I won't ruin anything.

"Just coffee? You can have something with coffee... doughnut? ....doughnut will be good. " He asked himself and answered himself without waiting for my answer.

I didn't like way he continued to stare at me. I'm anti social and I'm not used to being stared constantly. This made me feel nervous and uncomfortable instantly.

"No, just coffee," I said. He didn't even waited to hear my answer. So, I had step up and tell him what I wanted. Even though I'm an a introvert but that doesn't mean I can't speak up.

Still, I told him with a smile because I thought he was trying to be considered of me.

"You should have something with the coffee you look thinner than before when I first saw you" He told. I'm not actually surprised that he have seen me earlier because I'm University Star. The whole university know about me.

It's common that he might have seen me before but what made irritated me was that he was lying to me. I've been gaining weight recently. I was a bit thinner back then.

What do you think he's got a vision problem? I mean, I didn't lose weight. I'm not kinda of person who needs compliments and wanna be centre of attraction.

I'd just joined Moon and Star competition too because I was forced by seniors. I don't even know how I've won that competition because all I did was fake smile in the whole competition and played piano.

Which learned since kindergarten. I love music very much that's why it was only part where I was genuinely interested in.

So, The moral of the story : This fake compliments won't work at me.

He been lying at face obviously but what I can do. I have to act like I bought his lie.

"No, I don't want to have anything else," I said. I acted as dumb a person who doesn't know about her own body and I politely refused him.

His stupid ass still ordered that doughnut for me. FYI, I don't like sweet things at all. If you had something in your head. You might have remembered that I've ordered unsweetened latte which clearly indicate don't like sugary stuff but he would still force me to have that doughnut.

While I was still trying to talk to him but he was being touchy with me. I tried to brush his hand off and clearly showed how much I dislike it but he still continues being touchy. Well, He obviously haven't heard how anti social I am right?

What I'm joking about there is always a head line in University gossip pages how blunt and distant I am.

Should control myself or not?

"Why would you order that for me, when I don't want it? and how do I look skinny when I've gained weight?... Stop lying to my face and dare to touch me again. I'll break you hand" I told him with a very sarcastic face.

I don't mind if he spread this news in whole University. How he got his ass handed to him.

"I've already ordered it for you. So you need to eat it now, and if you don't want me to call you skinny then should I call you fat? " He said. He laughed like a maniac and acted like he had made a very good joke.

"I've just figured it out what call myself. I would call rather myself dumb then go out with a idiotic person like you." I replied and copy his laugh.

This guy did get on my nerves. So, He did got what he sow.

Someone would care to give this guy a little brain. He insulted the girl he wanna be with. My tolerance have reached to it's limit and I can't stay here any longer.

I pulled my wallet out of my bag and put some cash on the table for the coffee and his stupid doughnut that he ordered. I grabbed my purse and got out of my chair. He watching me with confusion and grabbed my hand to stop me.

"I'm leaving first, I don't want to stay here any longer with a maniac." I said and yanked my arm which he was grabbing. After I walked out of that coffee shop.

Date 2

At the Ice cream shop,

So I don't want to relive that weird experience again, this time I've chosen the location. Please be a bit nicer then that guy..... Because I don’t wanna deal with another idiot.

I was waiting for him outside the store. After, few minutes he arrived. At least he is on time.

"Sawadee Kha." I said before, he could even have the chance to talk. You know people learn from there past mistakes and definitely I won't relive the same things again.

Sweetheart was surely traumatizing.

"Sawadee Krub." He said and smiled back at me.

"How are you doing?" I asked. I want to be kind this time because Patch asked me to have more patience this time, Like I didn't had it last time. I did required patience to tolerate that fool for almost an a hour.

"I'm fine, how are you?" He questioned me.

"I'm all right too," I replied and we walked inside the store together with him.

"I'll get dark chocolate ice cream...What flavours would you like have?" I asked him. When it already our was time for us to order and there other people waiting for their turn too..

"I can't make up my mind yet," He said. He frown his eyebrows and placed his hand over his chin. As if he was thinking something very serious.

"I want chocolate, but I also like strawberry too," he said and continued to look at both flavours simultaneously. I remembered there are a lot of people in the queue behind us waiting for their turn. They all making faces at us because this guy taking too much time to order!

"Why don't you get any one of them. you can buy another one next time?" I said indicating him to order fast and obviously he didn't get it.

I did which I'd feared the most. I turned around to watch the faces of people in queue making angry faces at us. Which made me uncomfortable.

"Yes but I don't know which one I want to have right now. " He said while making faces like a kid that is anything but not cute.

I can hear people whining more and more about us. I want to tell them that they are not the only one getting bothered. I am also annoyed with him.

"So, why not you get both flavours together" I suggested because I am very uncomfortable standing in here and we are here for quite a long time.

"No, I'll just pick up the chocolate flavour and I'll buy strawberry some other day." He replied with a very happy face.

I feel like my soul has just left my body.....

Isn't it what I suggested you at the start. Why do feel and look like a babysitter right now.

So, he took the chocolate flavour finally we got out of the line. Like FINALLY.. I am little relieved because there is no more angry gaze on me.

After, we finished with our ice cream. He asked to go on a dinner with him.

Excuse me, do I look like a crazy person to you. you took so much time to pick a ice cream flavour. Can I expect you pick dinner any faster than this ?

NO! I don't wanna babysit you any longer.

"Oh, I forgot I had to meet the professor in a couple of minutes. I need to go now," I said... I've officially came up with the lamest excuse ever. I did tried to hide the embarrassment that I got from using that excuse and I picked my belongings as quickly as possible.

I looked at his face before running away and he smiled at me.

Wait! did he actually bought that? who cares. Before he could say anything I've typically ran away.

Date 3

Near the University,

So, I have learned few things from my previous experiences that I can't to go out to eat with any guy that's why I've decided to meet them in University.

"Sawadee Kha.” I said with a smile and it was a genuine smile because I was in good mood that day.

"Sawadee," he said with indifferent look.

I guess he can't take any respect given to him. I think this guy doesn't wanted to meet me it’s clearly showing on his face. Then why did he come to this place? Anyway, I also didn't wanted to meet him. So, we're equal.

"You didn't wanted to meet me right ?" I said with confidence. Well, I can tell if he have any interest in me or not.

"..." He was dumbfounded for a second and looked at me with suprised expression.

“It's alright, you can say it directly.” I told him and encourage him to speak what's on his mind. I'm not typical kind of girl who can't take rejection and truthfully I won't be affected by it too.

“Well, Yes. I came here because I was forced.” He replied slightly hesitating.

“Then we're on the page. I don't wanna be here too. You don't have to force yourself and act like you're interested in me.” I said bluntly. If he thinks that I was saying this because I'm mad or anything, it's not true.

“Are you speaking the truth?” He told. After he heard what I've said he instantly turned his head towards me and looking at my face with shocked expression.

“Yeah, I'm speaking the truth.” I replied him causally it's nothing shocking at all. Girls can be uninterested too.

“Actually you're not bad at all it's just I don't like you.” He said. I think he is trying to console me but that is not needed though.

“You don't have to worry no one can get it more than me. I've no interest getting into any type of relationships either. I was also here because I was forced....and also one more thing you can use my Anti-Social behaviour as an excuse to whoever is forcing you.” I suggested him. I don’t practically care what people think about me and my introverted behaviour is already famous. So, no one would ever suspect him.

“Thank you....it just that I'm not interested in girls. I've a boyfriend but I can't tell my friends yet.” He spoke truthfully which made me smile.

“It's nice that you have someone. I don't think...I've any right to say this but still, I think you should tell your friends about it and If they're your actually friends then they will be happy in your happiness.” I suggested him.

It's my opinion. They aren't his actual well wisher. If they aren't happy in their friends happiness.

“I'll try, you're not bad as others say.” He told me. Now he was smiling at me.

Well, what he said.. I'll take that as a compliment.

“Thank you, I'll leave now.” I replied. I know that I'm a not bad person it just that I prefer being a reserved person and I can't interact with other easily makes other think I'm mean.

So, This date wasn't success too. At least it wasn't bad as the other two dates.

I'm literally exhausted with going on these date thing. Seriously, socialising this much drain my whole energy. I have got that this dating isn't my thing.

Now, I just wanna go back to my normal life and I don't want to date Anyone, Anymore.

No one can force me. Even if Daisy cry while rolling on the floor. I won't agree with this idea. Keep that in mind

SO, EVERYONE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

Chapter 2 : Hate

After, finishing with our lectures. Me and my friends were sitting in the faculty cafeteria. We come here before the break time but it is still extremely crowded.

In Architecture faculty cafeteria it is always crowded because sometimes students stay at the university for assignments.

We're at the university since early morning because all of us had morning class today and We can't go back together either because all of us have our own works to do.

Right now, I'm sitting next to Daisy and in front of us is Patch. Today’s weather is extremely hot it is almost unbearable for us.

It might be due to overcrowding too. Which is not new to this faculty but today's weather add upto it. This almost end of our semester that's why it is more crowded today.

"Do you want some water?" I asked Daisy. She seems a bit pale and tired because of the warm weather today.

"Thanks." she said and grabbed the water bottle from my hand and drank it instantly. I guess she might be feeling a bit under weather today due to the heat.

"I think you should go back home." I told her because I felt quite worried about her condition. She doesn't look very well right now and We all know she can get sick easily. So, I think she should head back home.

"Yeah, Risa is right. You should head back home early today." Patch said while supporting me. She also worried because of Daisy's condition.

"I will head back later." Daisy replied agreeing with our suggestion. We know that she still have some work left in here and can't go back home instantly. At least she need to complete some of her work before going home that's life of architecture students.

After this we continued with our food. All of a sudden, Patch gave me this weird look.. I'd instantly got it that she is having evil thought to tease me again.

"Don't you have to go to your club today after this." Patch asked. she gave me this look with astonishment.

Why she is giving me that look? You'll find it within seconds.

"I do remembered that I was supposed to go there today." I said. I acted as if it's nothing and I tried not to look indifferent.

So, I don't like going to my club a lot. I went there for once. After, that I wouldn’t go there. If there was something important I would send someone on my behalf or I won't go there at all.

"Finally, you are going there. They might welcome you with flower in their hands." Patch said sarcastically. She was trying to pull my leg. After listening to her joke about me, the one who didn't feel well, started laughing at me too.

"What are you laughing about? Aren't you ill?" I spoke to Daisy. I gave her an annoyed look. Isn't she sick and sick people are supposed to quiet that's what she should do!

"I'm laughing because you didn't go to your club at all. You must be a ghost there." Daisy added another insult. Now they both ganged up on me. These guys are having too much enjoyment by making fun of me.

They should be careful the first chance I get to take my revenge and I won't definitely let that go.

"I don't want to go there because of that guy...haven't you seen his face when I first joined the club. It was clear that he hated me." I replied. I'm highly annoyed by this topic.

Usually, I'm not type of a person who would get mad easily but this matter annoy me to next level.

I hate that guy to the guts! I don't like seeing his face it make me want to break his face really bad.

"Well, that's true. He hate you to this extent but I wonder why?" Patch said with curious expression.

Me and Daisy nodded in agreement. I do agree on this but I don't have any answer of their question.The first time I'd meet him. He was the one picking fight with me. I guess their is nothing in his head.

The person we're taking about is music club president Phi Gorn. He is second year student in medicine faculty. He is our senior who doesn't behave like one. I don't get why everyone in the university is so obsessed with him but I'm not because I have brain.

Trust me, I’m anti social but I've never behaved bad with him but since we meet the first time till now that guy did only bad things to me. So, I decided not to care about his existence and avoid him.

This all started when I just won thr University Star title. Due, to this competition. I had never got to participate in my club activities. After, completing with the competition. I decided to attend my club activities properly.

That day,

So, I went to music club to attend my club activities but before that I needed to find where it was.

How come I don't know where my own club is? Dumb me forgot about where the music club was because I’ve never went there after I've joined it, not even once.

I was never interested in Moon and Stars Competition, but I joined because of Phi Kim. He is our senior from same faculty as me, He was the one who forced me to join competition and become the representative for the faculty.

As you know, I would never be forced by anyone. Even if they're my friends but he literally had to stalk, beg, even putted pressure on me by all the senior including the whole faculty which made join the competition.

I don't know why he did all this in the first place. He could have just choose another representatives for our faculty. Who was more willing than me but I don't know his thought.

So, here is why I took it upon myself. Otherwise, I would never do that. I'm not very social kind of person. I don't even how I won this competition. I was never interested in this but still won. All I did was fake smile every time and played piano in talent competition.

I have already accepted my fate and compromise with my situation that I've to be centre of the attraction every time.

But still, All the attention I got from the competition made me very uncomfortable and I'm very dissatisfied with it but I am trying to live with it.

I had to snapped out of my thoughts because I need to focused right now. I have to find where the music club room is.

I did contacted to one of my friend she gave the room number, but I can't find it. Suddenly, this University became so huge.

I tried to find the club room on my own but I felt like I was walking in going in circles. This made me feel totally miserable. I can't even find the club room.

Am I dumb or this thing is actually very confusing? I asked myself again and again.

Even after thousand of tries and roaming around in circles again and again. I’ve completely understand it now that can't find the room on my own. I have to ask someone to help me... but who should I ask.

This might be the first time. I'm actually stopping to talk to random people. This will totally be posted in University gossip page. I'm sure about it..

I need to gather all the courage I got and I need to ask somebody to help me. I started repeating this sentence in my head continuously.

I have found one of the senior who was walked around. He seem to be a bit familiar to me because I think that I've seen him at the Moon and Star Competition that time I did meet many people from various faculty.

I guess it will be less awkward to talk to a senior whom I know rather than asking someone who is completely a stranger to me.

“Phi!” I called him. He look at face and he was completely shocked that I was the one who calling him. He even double checked by pointing at himself asking me if it's him to which I nodded at him as reply.

Then he walked closer to me. His face shows how clueless he is right now. If it was me I would feel the same.

Now, here comes nothing.

"Phi, Can you tell me where is the music club room is?" I asked him. I don't know if he'll help me out or not. I'm already miserable right now and I require help desperately. If he doesn't help me then I'm done.

"I'm going to the music club as well. Let me take you there, " He said with a smile. I'm glad he was helping me. We walked together to the music club room.

Apparently, I was trying to find the club room at the complete opposite direction.

"Thank you Phi for helping me. "I told him. When we reached there. I'm really glad that he helped me or else I wouldn't have been able to find it on my own.

"It's Alright, By the way I've never seen you at the club?" He asked me before I could go inside the club. I had stopped myself to answer him. He question is reasonable one because I've never been here. I wasn't even slightly offended by his question.

"Phi, I was busy with the competition, that is why I did not participate in the club activities." I replied to him humbly and he nodded as reply.

After, I went inside the club room.

While I walking inside the room. I was feeling little stressed because I might have to explain everything to everyone and it is going to be a lot of work for today.

Thinking all this already makes me feel exhausted.

As I walked inside the club room. I didn't recognise anyone in that room but around the corner of the room, I saw my senior from architectural faculty.

He is the one who forced me to join the competition Phi Kim, he was sitting with the group of people. Obviously I don't recognise any of them rather than Phi Kim.

I encouraged myself a little bit before walk up to Phi Kim. If it was just him. I would have went there directly to him without any hesitation but there was other people there too which made me hesitate.

“Risa?” Phi Kim called my name. Before I could call him. He noticed me and called my name out which made the people beside him stare at me.

Suddenly, I felt like everyone in the room right now was staring at me. I guess that's because he called my name quite loudly that made everyone turn their head to see me.

"Phi Kim." I called his name and wai him to which he wai back at me.

“Finally the University Star decided to come here. " He said in sarcasm. Why out of all the people he is giving me sarcasm that too now when I'm already feeling extremely uncomfortable.

I felt like he was the only one left who didn't teased me yet. I guess he isn't the remaining one now.

Does he remember he was the one who force me to participate that competition. I had no desire to join that beauty pageant kind of thing.

"Why are you messing with me Phi?" I told him. I had already had taken many joke on myself today and guess what? I don't wanna take anymore jokes.

"Help me, I don't know to anything about club." I told him with pleading face. I'm tired of everyone jokes today and I don't want anyone to pull my leg more. So, it's better to plead him right now then answering anything more sarcastically.

"I'll ask the club president to help you." He told me and He pointed at the tall guy next to him. He standing right beside Phi Kim listening to our conversation.

He was staying still even when Phi Kim pointed him to help me but didn't say anything what a weird guy.

He is very tall person..much taller than me even when I'm wearing heels which indicates he might be almost 180cm tall or something. He wore glasses and he had a bit tanned skin.

He look nice and had dimples on his cheeks. His face features were alright too, round eyes, nose straight etc..

He looks fine but why in the world this guy is giving me annoyed look as soon as he saw my face. I don't know what's wrong with him?

"Gorn! Help her out. " Phi Kim told him, but he didn't seem much pleased by thought of helping me.

That is why he is behaving like this I got no idea what all this is about. Still, I didn't thought about it much. It can be my misunderstanding too.

“Sawadee Kha" I said and Wai him, but he didn't Wai in return or even care reply. I was just giving him respect but this guy doesn't seem to take it. I let it slip since I don't care. I did my part but he didn't it's his problem not mine.

"Which instruments do you play?." He asked me directly. If you tell me this was very predictable. I would say 'yes it was'.

His expression showed that he didn't like to wasting time talking nicely.

This were my being nice thought went into the downfall.

He didn't even bother to move away from his friends. He was still standing with his group asking me questions.

Which definitely uncomfortable and I was greatly bothered by it.

I don't like attention and currently I'd to answer his questions in front of everyone it's not like I can do anything about it.

"Piano and Keyboard." I said simply. He wasn't very respectful with me but I can't be like that to him it isn't appropriate for me.

So, I can't do the same no matter how much I want to put him on his place. I gotta control myself for now

"Can you play it properly?" He asked with indifferent expression to which I also kept my expression neutral.

"I've been playing it since I was five." I replied to him briefly. I love music since early age due my dad liked music a lot and he was the one who used to play piano for me.

He was the one who taught me playing. After he wasn't here and I moved back to Thailand. I'd took professional classes until my high school because of it. I'm very familiar with piano and keyboards.

This time he didn't even care to reply and he just nodded his head. Why he is being mean to me?

“You need to go through a evaluation then you will be able to get in to music club. Which you already missed. So, you have perform it now.” He told me all these things without changing his expression even a bit.

“Ok.” I replied briefly. I knew he was indirectly taunting me for missing the evaluation but I swear that it wasn't intentional.

“What a trouble.” He mumbled to Phi Kim. He was clearly showing how irritated he is by my presence.

“Are you talking about me?” I replied. I had enough from past few minutes I was enduring it because he is my senior but that's doesn't give him right to insult me again and again.

“What if I'm talking about you?” He said rudely. Now, he was acting all worked up because of my simple question and everyone around him was grabbing him to stop. So, he wouldn't do or say anything to me.

“If you think I'm scared of you that might be the last thing I am.” I replied him with annoyed look too. I'm done with behaving nicely to him. It's always give and take can't be one sided at least not with me.

“Stop it, both of you.” Phi Kim had step in to stop us. I'm thankful to him because I don't want talk to this guy anymore or else. He might get his ass handed to him.

“Risa, play the keyboards. We'll evaluate you.” Phi Kim said. I didn't argue with him and agreed to play.

I sat on the Keyboard which was placed on stage made near the door in the music room. This made everyone attention on me. I took deep breath and started playing the song.

Well, I played chemtrails over the country club by Lana Del Rey.

Me being anti social is one thing but my love for music is another thing. I never had any problem playing music in front of everyone. I had to perform in front of many people quite few times that's why I wasn't worried at all.

When I finished playing I heard everyone clapping for me expect one person and obviously it was Phi Gorn.

“You played Keyboard very well and sang nicely too but... We don't take overly privileged people in our club.” Phi Gorn with utterly ridiculous face.

That's when I thought he was complimenting me but he obviously he was insulting me how can I even imagine good words from his mouth.

“I thought music club required skills. I didn't knew being privileged or not was mentioned on the form.” I replied to him. There is simple rule that I follow which is I don't take anyone bullshit at all.

I got up from the Keyboard and walked down from the stage and stood in front of him to talk to the arrogant guy more easily.

“Arrogant kid!" He yelled in anger.

“and you're not?” I asked him. I didn't let him bother me. Why would I get all worked up because of him. He doesn't matter to me that's much that I'll be angry because of him.

“Gorn, Risa stop it. ” Phi Kim came in between us and separated us away from each other again because of Phi Kim, I took my step back otherwise I would have never step back.

"Now listen both of you, Risa you're in the club and Gorn stop being so hot headed." Phi Kim told us. He looked very serious right now obviously I'm also not in the mood to joke either.

I just nodded my head as reply. I want didn't to speak anything or else I might start arguing with Phi Gorn again.

“I'll leave now Phi Kim.” I told to Phi Kim. He slightly shake his head as yes and I left the room...

Guess what? This news was also posted in university gossip page. In fact there was a whole video of the the incident still people think I was the one who was worng because of my image being an Anti social.

Like being a introvert or Anti Social is the biggest crime people could ever commit.

I'd let people think whatever they want too. After that I didn't ever tried to correct myself to them because I don't think it's necessary.

Since, then until now. I wouldn't only go to music club at all. I had talk with Phi Kim. If there was something important I would send someone in my place it was like I wasn't the part of music club which is better than arguing all day

If I run into Phi Gorn by chance at the university or even outside the university.

We would avoid each other like the other person don't even exist. Mostly, we can't bare seeing each other faces and everyone in the university knows about it.

Chapter 3 : The insanity

Since, that day I didn't ever kept my foot inside the music club. If there was any work I wouldn't do it either or I would send someone in my place to do that work.

If anyone think I'm being over dramatic then whatever it is I don't care. All I want say to them is 'be in my position and choose what will you do'.

For me, Music club is the last place where ever I want to be. I wouldn't ever go there out of my own will but today is an exception.

I had a call from Phi Kim calling me to the club for something urgent and he did emphasis on 'me being there rather than someone else'.

So, I guess I can't really send someone on my behalf. Which is bad cause I don't like breathe in the same air with that guy.

It would have been nice if I could send someone as my proxy. I did countless time sending someone else as proxy. The Campus Star title is quite useful when you want people to work for you.

I'm not using them FYI. Rather, they line up for it. Besides having them follow me every moment of my life or having to cope up with their annoying selves all day. Making themselves useful sounds more interesting to me.

Back to topic,

As much I hate going there again, but I have to today because Phi Kim was the one calling me there.

I won't ever think to go there if he wasn't the one calling me there. I  basically pity Phi Kim. I gave him hard multiple times.

Example:- Moon and Star Competition. He was forced by his seniors to make me participate cause he was in his sophomore year. Which he was our senior(Second year).

They wanted me to join the competition. So, the Architecture faculty would win and Me... being stubborn mostly take 80% part of in my personality. You know I didn't agreed to it until the very end.

Later, I had to give in because I got pressure by the whole faculty including professor and quickly understood what he was going through.

So, If Phi Kim is the one calling me. I have to go there. Besides I knew he wouldn't call if it wasn't something important. At least I should go and listen what he got to say.

So, I bid my farewell to my friend at the cafeteria. I headed straight towards the building where music club is situated.

My desire not wanting to go there overtook me a great time and I tried to take the longest time to ever reach there.

Ususally it takes 10min walk from architecture faculty cafeteria to the music club room building but today it took me 30min to walk there. You could guess the amount of urge I got to desperately wanting to go there.

When I did at reached at the music club room there was only Phi Gorn, Phi Kim, Phi Dew and Earn. They are Phi Gorn band members and they were the only one present there. None other club members could be seen.

I don't come here often but I can recognize Phi Gorn band members cause they are popular band in the university. Everyone talks about them not that I have any interest in any of them. I just know cause it they are popular here.

Leaving that, Why did they even call me here? There is no other club members available here. Obviously it's not any club meeting if there is no club members present here.

So, the question is why did they even call me in here. This pique my interest a little. I took step inside the club room. I was standing outside the door for quite while better get straight to the business.

“Ooho, So on time!” Phi Gorn taunted me. As soon as I walked into that place. I didn't even kept my foot in here properly and this guy started taunting me. This guy has no rest does he?

I wanted to turn around and walk back to my faculty immediately as I already stepped inside the room. I can’t just get away from here as soon as I step in. Can I?

“Risa, Come in!” Phi Kim said and grabbed my hand before I could run away from here. This guy's brain works really well. He immediately sensed my escape. Hence, he dragged me inside the room before that happens.

Look like I have to tolerate that guy for some time I guess.

“Phi, why did you call me here?” I asked. When we reached end of the room where all the bench was situated. Everyone was sitting there.

I immediately started questioned him because I didn't wanted to waste my time seeing that guy makes me want to scratch his face so badly. Before I let imagination become reality let just get over with it.

“Calm down first. Don't kill each other. I'm warning you guys” Phi Kim told while pointing both me and Phi Gorn. Obviously I wanted to scratch his face and he also have similar looks on his face.

How dare he!

We were at a staring competition at the moment. It is very obvious what is going on in our mind.

If this guy think he could glare at me. I will get scared due to his glare and I will back down. He is surely mistaken

Just because someone is older doesn't mean they could get away with everything. I'm not kind of person you should except all this from. 'you should respect older even if they are wrong' Bullshit!

I don't have it in my blood. I can

equally return him with the same glare without backing out.

Wait a minute, use your brain Risa. if I want to get out of here early. I have to get straightto the point rather than letting this guy gets on my nerves and waste my time on him.

Wish. Wish. Don’t Let this wish turn into reality Risa. I told myself this over and over again.

“I won't! just say what have to say Phi Kim.” I replied to Phi Kim and reverted my attention to him.

I should literally give my attention to places where it is worth. I don't have to waste my breath on useless people.

“Good, you know.. we have band right?” Phi Kim asked me. I could sense hesitation in his voice. This clearly gives me red alert.

I'm not a fool. Who can't differentiate people's behavior easily. If there is something off going on I would sense it right away. You could say 'I'm a good observer'.

Now, The problem is why is he is hesitating? He would normal talk carelessly because we consider each other good Phi and Nong.

If he hesitating this make me nervous because last time I heard this same tone of voice is when asked me to join Moon and Star competition. This tone of voice always bring me into the mess.

“I know.” I said being genuinely nervous. I don't want get myself dragged into another mess.

I'm already trying to clear one. Due to this Moon and Star competition. I don't want add another one to the list. Currently I'm sensing high chances of it.

“One of our band member is leaving the band… we have competition upcoming next week we need you to fill in..” Phi Kim explained. His way of speaking was different from usual. I can sense his nervousness and desperateness.

“I can't.” I told him directly. I know this is a serious issue and ever after listening to Phi Kim nervous and desperate voice and other members pitiful gaze on me.

All of this won't work at me. I told him which I felt was the right thing to do and that is answering 'NO'.

I will never do this.

There is no way that I'm being part of this band. This band have Phi Gorn in it. Obviously he is not solely the reason he is not that important in my life there are other reason too.

"Why Risa? Can't you help us just this once.” Phi Kim asked with his tone voice was down pleading me which almost looked like begging.

“Let her be, I told you she would never join us…..Big ego she got.” Phi Gorn said and gave this attitude ‘told to so' at Phi Kim.

“And you don’t have big ego? Phi, I don't know what's your problem with me? But I won't waste my time on you. You can think whatever you like….As for Phi Kim, I have responsibilities of my own which I need to focus on.” I said.

Honestly I don't know why this guy got a beef with me but I have no time feeding him with anything. He has no right to judge me and I won't let him affect me too.

After hearing my words the band members were in obvious shock. All of them were staring at each other. You could see the obvious confusion on their faces with eyes widened.

Judging from thier looks in thier faces I think they couldn't process the information what they just heard few seconds ago.

All of were staring at each other. The cold air filled the room leaving everyone in the room silent with obvious error of 'what to say now'.

If course it was beside me and Phi Gorn. I sure he was literally thinking to murder me in his thoughts. I wanted to tell him the feeling were mutual.

After seeing everyone reaction. I guess no one gives that guy a taste of his own medicine. I would happily be the first person and I can give it over and over again too.

“Good because I don't like you to be part of our band too. You could leave.” Phi Gorn said. When I was already thinking to leave this room.

He said these things without showing a single expression on his face while pointing me the door but even without a expression his face it still shows how much he meant what he just said.

This was enough to flared up my rages at an a undescribable level. I clenched my fist to ease my anger but nothing was working.

"You don't want me to join right?" I asked.

I need to went my anger which flared up.

It is high time to leave now and I didn't leave as I was planning earlier. Rather I took a step closer to Phi Gorn and I faced him directly. I didn't let a single expression get on my face.

I have to give this guy a taste of his own medicine. I wouldn't people easily get on my nerves. I normally don't get affected. I don't know why this guy with glasses always make stand on the edge of the hill and always on the urge of unleashing my rage.

"Clearly." Phi gorn replied with unbothered expression. This behavior of his and these unbothered expression on his face. I hate it so much that I can't even explain it.

Everytime I see him like this I can't surpass my emotions like I usually do.

I have no difficulty acting unbothered with anything but whenever I get his expression like these. I would lose my composure easily. Which make me hate it even more.

His expression wasn't enough already. He even took a step closer to me now without backing up. This make me fall from the edge which I was trying to hold on to for so long.

Our faces were very close to each other. We were glaring at each other without anyone backing down. I had already lost my sanity.

Cause of it I broke this battle by turning myself to the right where Phi Kim was standing.

"Then Phi Kim please listen to this carefully. I. WILL. JOIN. THE. BAND." I told him confidently without forgetting to add sarcasm in my each word.

After I was done with my sentences I got myself out of the music club room.

I have officially lost it. I didn't knew what I just did but I'm regretting the every moment of it already. The moment I got out of the music club room building realization hitted me hard on my face. I HAVE MESSED UP.

Why did I ever let my rage get over me. It was biggest stupidity I have ever done in my life. I need get away from here. I ran fast as I could to the cafe outside the university.

I already called my friends there as I got to the cafe. Obviously I can't handle this mess on my own.

Like literally how I am suppose to handle this now. I'm going crazy I think.

"I need to get out of this shit." I said while messing my hair. I have rested my head on the table out of frustration. I can't show my face to my friends. After doing the dumbest thing I did in my life.

Daisy seated next to me trying to soothe me. Pattch was sipping her americano silently trying to think how to get me out of this mess.

"You dug your own grave" Daisy said frantically. She was basically rubbed salt on my wounds.

This made wanted to rethink why did I ever had friends for. I wanted to bang her head somewhere so bad. I'm already in mess and she is not helping me rather she is laughing at me.

"Stop irritating rather help me. How to get out this mess!" I said with visible frustration on my face. I wish I could kick this friend of mine.

Actually, I look like I'm having episode of mental breakdown. Which is very accurate cause I'm having one right now. This make her want to tease me more. When did I ever started behaving like this.

This is so not me!.

I don't display my emotions at all. I can always hide them well. I am so out of place today that I can't handle myself too. What is happening to me right now.

"You can talk to Phi Kim and back out now." Daisy suggested. I got my face from the table and saw Diasy's face for second.

I tried gathered myself. I got my head up from the table and adjusted myself to sit properly. I need to handle myself I won't let that guy affect me so much. I'm trying to convince myself but I can’t. It's not like everyday I do these kinds of mistakes.

In fact this is my first time doing something so out of my rage. Normally I will make our lose there mind it's never been me. I don't what driven me to take such rash decision. I regret my life choices deeply now.

"You can't back out now it won't look good. If you do it now you might even give Phi Gorn a chance to mock you and you won't be able fight back given your situation right now." Patch said calmly. She was trying to think for a solution for a while but it looks like she also didn't got any solution for this too.

"You're right. How did I even managed to get myself into this insanity." I said to went my frustration. It's clearly visible right now how I desire to knock myself against any wall for my stupidity.

"You're right. Usually other would lose thier mind against you. How come it's been this time." Daisy asked me a question which I don't have answer too.

I just shrugged my shoulders. As I don't have any answer.

I don't lose my composure easily with other people.

Literally almost everyone on the university tried to get on my nerves but they never had this pleasure how I can lose it now. I feel Iike biggest loser right now.

"I can't think. I'm tired... I will leave first" that's all I could reply to her. My head hurt just by the thought of what I did few hours ago.

I can't imagine it myself actually tolerating this even in my imagination. If I can't imagine it then how I am supposed to cope up with it in the reality that's the biggest question right now but I don't have a answer right now. I have to go back and rest.

This is the best decision now.

Diasy is right I did dug my own grave and I can't do anything about it.

We all came to one conclusion that I have to do what I have promised because I can't go back now.

Just thought about letting that guy have any chances to speak rubbish is intolerable for me. I won't even let him do this even in his dream. So, what do think does he even got a chance in reality.

NOT A HAPPENING!

I have accepted the fact that I gotta do what I have to and I decided to get back to my condo. I need to go back my house tomorrow.

Daisy and Patch let me leave first cause I look too exhausted and they know I have to go to my house tomorrow. So, they don't want to disturb me more.

As you already know I live in condo which is near my university but my home is actually a little far from the university almost 30 min aways from university.

That's why I sometimes have to visit my home time to time. Where my family used to live. Now, just Uncle and my cousin lives there.

As a architecture student I need to live somewhere close to university which is very helpful when I need to work on different assignment living near university is really convenient but I didn't moved to the condo just because of this reason.

I simply wanted to run away from the reality that my house contains. That house have too many memories of my family which haunted me a lot. I can't live there for longer period of time. otherwise I have episodes of insomnia for a while.

Obviously, I have to go back home sometime to meet my uncle. He basically raised me. My brother is in the same university as me. He lives with his friends obviously the same place as me. We just have our condo on different floors.

Mine is on 4th floors while his is on 6th. I do meet him almost every now and then but not my uncle that's why I call him everyday and visit him regularly.

So, I have to go home occasionally show my face to my uncle. I need to be grateful to him for what did for me until now.

As if, My life wasn't already at edge. Now I pushed myself of the cliff by my foolishness.

I guess this is called:

Pure Insanity.