Doctor: How are you feeling today, Ms. Asya?

smiling. "I feel pain ."

Doctor: "Why, or are you thinking of the person you are waiting for?"

I nodded my head yes. "Yes, that's why my heart, body and soul are crushed. It's like I don't exist."

While I was wondering how much more they could break my heart, it was broken so much that I thought my heart could never be repaired again.

It turns out that the people who can hurt people are my family. They were the ones who hurt me first, and then they tripped me up every time.

Does a person have to give up on someone just because they loved them? I was the one who stayed. Did you have to be admitted to a mental hospital because you loved someone? I stayed and the only thing that made me go through this was my family, not anyone else, the people I thought were my FAMILY.

I am Asya Yıldırım, I was born in Istanbul. ; Asya, whose father is not loved by her mother and is always in the background. My father and mother never wanted to have a child. When my mother got pregnant, she did everything she could to make me miscarry, took medicine, jumped from high places, but she couldn't make me miscarry, now you will ask why she didn't try to abort me, she didn't work as a doctor because she didn't want my father to find out, until my father found out.

"It turns out that this is a child, then you will give birth." said . My mother gave birth to me, albeit reluctantly. When I was born, I was not happy, but sad. My grandparents wanted a grandson to continue their family name, but when they heard that it was a girl, their faces were sad. When I was born, they did not even come to wish me a blessing, and my mother had me tied up so that she would not be a child yet.

As for my father and mother;

When I was 15, I learned that my father had his own company and that he was also involved in smuggling, etc. My father was collaborating with shady mafias. I was very surprised to hear this. My father was a criminal. Although I did not accept this at first, I later realized that men in black clothes were coming to our house. It turned out that they were my father's shady friends. When my mother realized what I had learned, she warned me not to tell anyone. I didn't have many friends anyway, so who was I supposed to tell?

As they say, people have a turning point, so my turning point started with my mother and father's fight that night.

My mother and father used to fight from time to time, I already knew that, but the fight that night was bigger. I still remember, I was 17 years old at the time and I was secretly listening to their conversations from my room. According to what I heard, my father cheated on my mother (Gene) and my mother caught my father cheating. My mother used to tell me that all men were the same, she used to say never trust me, that was the only advice she gave me, and when she saw me, she said, "Don't trust any man, they are all the same"!!!! He has no more advice than that.

My mother was screaming and screaming in the house, but there was no sound from my father. Finally, my father said, "Oh, you talk to me as if I cheated for the first time, you made me feel bad." he said in a harsh manner.

My mother said, "What were you saying before, Süleyman? What do you mean? I saw you cheat with my own eyes and I calmly cheated on you. What kind of man are you?!!"

I WANT YOU TO NOT BE TIRED

My mother was screaming and screaming in the house, but there was no sound from my father. Finally, my father said, "Oh, you talk to me as if I cheated for the first time, you made me feel angry." he said sternly

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My mother says, "What were you saying before, Süleyman? What do you mean? I saw you cheat with my own eyes and I cheated on you calmly. What kind of man are you?!!"

My father said, "Aylin, if you want, don't deceive the child. Didn't you ever suspect that I was cheating on you? You kept silent knowing that I was cheating on you. What has changed now that your mouth is so open?" he said calmly.

My mother, shame on you, I devoted my life to you, you treated me before even my daughter, did you do this to me?!!!. Yes, you're right, I had my doubts, but I didn't see it with my own eyes... but even if I didn't see it, I couldn't make it stand on you. I always put more effort into you, but you are not worth it.!"

There was a bit of silence after my mother's words. I was wondering what they were thinking. Would my mother divorce my father? My mother was a woman who was very fond of her comfort. Even if she died, she would not be able to leave my father and divorce him. My mother covered up many of my father's mistakes. My father used to appear in magazines with pictures of himself with other women. He didn't even say a word to her. Now I don't understand what has changed. But the most important question was what would happen to me?

My father and mother continued to argue for a while, but I was brave enough to listen to them.

I wasn't, after all, the family's fights were affecting me badly, and my psychology wasn't very good anyway.

And I won't wear myself out with their troubles anymore, now you will ask why my psychology?

It's bad, that was my normal anyway, I studied in very private schools, I received the best education, but

None of them gave me happiness, I was always excluded in my high school here, no one loved me.

I was always a lonely child, maybe that's why I didn't have any hope for life anyway.

Why would anyone love someone who is not loved by others? Those who brought him into this world did not love him.

I closed my door and went to bed. I was so fed up with this life that I didn't want to die, I wanted to disappear. I was already a burden to my parents, why did I come to this life?

I took my favorite book from the nightstand and started reading it. It was actually for adults, but I loved it. Don't love me so much, mom. While reading this book, I identified a few parts of it with myself. Maybe it wasn't normal, but I still enjoyed reading it.

As I read the book, I felt like I was free from the normal world, I forgot what I experienced, I was completely in that world, isn't it normally like that, when you read a book you love, it's like

ColdDIE

Published (2072 Words)

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Don't you feel like you're there? Do you not get angry at the characters there when necessary or do you not become that character and share their sadness? I was like that too. The only place I could hide was my books.

I heard the sounds of my mother walking upstairs quickly. The next room was their room. She entered the room and quickly closed the door. I stood up and went out of my room. When I looked down, I saw my father leaving the house. I approached my mother's room, opened the door slightly and took a look inside. My mother was sitting on the floor crying. My mother's crying made me very sad, after all, she was my mother and even though she didn't love me, I loved her. One part of me was saying go and hug me, the other part of me was saying don't be ridiculous, Asia, go to your room and sleep, the other part of me felt more burdened and I entered the room quietly and approached him with my finger steps. When my mother raised her head, she noticed me, she was looking at me with red eyes. My mother was actually a very beautiful woman. She was a tall, well-groomed blonde woman. She had blue eyes like me. She used to be blonde. She dyed her hair brown. I have never seen my mother smile. He was only fake laughing outside, but even so, laughing suited him very well. My father owed me a childhood and my mother a youth. Maybe if my father loved my mother, my mother would also love me. Maybe if she valued me, my mother would also value me because her husband loves me. I hugged my mother tightly. My mother pushed me away from her with her hands. She looked at me angrily and said, "Why didn't you go to bed? What are you doing here? Go straight to your room!" he said with a harsh tone

I sat across from my mother. "I heard you were fighting, I came to see how you were." I said in a quiet voice, when I talked to my mother, my voice escaped me, and suddenly I was filled with fear and excitement for no reason, because the moments when we talked were so few that maybe they didn't exist.

When my mother started laughing, I was surprised at what I was experiencing. It was an expression I did not expect. "SO, DID YOU HEAR THAT? 1. Haha, were you really scared, huh?"

-A-mom I'm

My mother, don't lie at your pure feet, you know everything, it's all your fault, if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be in this situation. When were you born, his interest in me disappeared, why were you born? I wanted to make you fall so bad, it didn't happen, God damn it!!!! Did you say that I will have to give birth?

Oh come on, you were born...! Why didn't you become a man and make your mother smile?"

My mother continued crying. "WHY WERE YOU BORN?" II. BECAUSE OF YOU. my mother stand up

He suddenly stood up, grabbed my hair, made me stand up, dragged me out of his room and threw me out of the room. When I found myself on the floor, I looked at my mother's face and said, "Do not enter my room without permission again andHe didn't bring anything else, now get out!” he said and closed the door in my face.

I went into my room crying, threw myself on the edge of my bed, and cried loudly. No matter how much I cried, I couldn't open my eyes. Then I threw myself into the sink, took my father's razor from one of his razors, I had it a long time ago, opened my arm and made two or three cuts on it. Every time I threw it, my arm was stained with blood and I was saying 'WHY DID I COME, STUPID Asya'!!!!

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canceled

When I looked at my arm, there was blood everywhere. When I looked at my arm, I felt relieved. I washed my arm with cold water, bandaged it and went to bed. I fell asleep with both the tiredness of today and the pain in my arm.

In the morning, I opened my eyes to the sunlight entering my room. I thought maybe this was a hope. I went into my dressing room and put on a mini pink skirt and a white long-sleeved sweater. I didn't want anyone to see the wounds on my arm. Even if they saw it, what could they say? I gathered my long blonde hair that reached my waist from the middle of my head, looked at the mirror before leaving the room, went downstairs with a fake smile on my face, and while I was going down the stairs, I saw my nanny, Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle was a French woman. My father brought her all the way from France to Istanbul just for my education. Mademoiselle was living with us, she was giving me all kinds of personal development and courtesy lessons, and at the same time, I was improving my French. As soon as I saw Mademoiselle, I held her with both hands, even though my skirt was short, and bowed slightly. Mademoiselle nodded and accompanied me. .

mademoiselle" Bonjour Asia, comment te sens-tu aujourd'hui ?(good morning asia, how are you feeling today)

bonjour, Mademoiselle, merci pour votre question, je me sons très bien, passons à table avec votre permission, making the smile on my face even bigger. (Good morning, Mademoiselle, thank you for asking. I feel very good. Let's go to the table with your permission.) We walked towards the table with Mademoiselle. She was truly a very ladylike woman, the epitome of politeness. I wished my father and mother had kept it to themselves instead of me. When I went to the dining room, my father and mother were already eating at the table, my father was looking at the news with the tablet in his hand, and my mother was shopping online with the phone in her hand. When I sat at the table, neither of them even turned to look at me. This is exactly the warmth I was waiting for, my loving family. After eating our meal quietly with Mademoiselle, my mother looked up from her phone and said, "Asia, I have news for you."

You are the culprit of what happened to Hana, Asva, your birth is due to sadness in this house