*Days...

What are they to me anymore?

Nothing, that’s what.

Day in, day out, things always seem the same*.

"There he is again..."

"Wonder why he still comes?"

"He’s that kid, right?"

Day and day, again, I listen to rumors. People talking behind my back. Though, whenever I look at them, I don’t really see a face. If anything, I see an "X" on them. Because I don’t know them; nor do I want to.

I was a wallflower in my own right, but, not one of choice, because it was placed upon me by the society I lived in.

I tried my best, really, to hold on to it all. But then, came a day when a prank went a bit too far. Funny how karma works sometimes. I guess what goes around comes around, sooner or later.

It’s already unbearable to hold it all in, but that just tipped the scales. My life just crashed and burned causing me to do a series of acts that got me suspended for a few weeks.

A few week was enough for me to come up with one concrete idea: ending this pathetic life of mine.

I couldn’t remember what day that was exactly. I was just thinking, minding my own business, staring at the four walls of my room when I glanced at the calendar by my bedside.

It was the first day of that month, that I decided. I ripped out the bottom half. The month now ended on the 13th which I decided, was going to be my last day.

The very next day, I took a part time job without my parent’s consent. I owed my mother some money for something I had done in the past, and I plan to repay it. All of it.

I used the two weeks suspension to the fullest, going full time and all.

My mom never minded me, because she never knew I got suspended and my work time just so happened to be the same as my school days.

I saved as much as I could, then sold my things to fill in the payment. I left it in an envelope by my mother’s side. With that, I could die without regrets.

The next day, the 13th, I decided to go to school. Just one more day to see the life I am about to leave behind, before its all over.

School hadn’t changed. Deep inside, my heart ached for someone to notice, anyone actually. But, no one ever did.

Before I knew it, classes have ended. With the bell ringing, I left the classroom and onto the hallway, walking around till my mind decides to end things.

When I found the courage, I went to the rooftops. I got over the rails, and stood on the edge. Luckily, most students were too busy with their friends to notice someone on the roof.

I closed my eyes, listened to my heart beating in my chest for one last time, before letting one foot off the roof.

Only one foot more, and I’m gone...

I could have jumped then, but I didn’t.

I stepped back from the rails, and came back onto the roof, for I forgot one important thing to do: write a letter.

I didn’t want anyone to be accused of murdering me. So, I went back to the classroom to get my bag. Probably not the best excuse to delay your suicide for a bag, but I felt I needed to at that time.

Why would I need it is still beyond me, but I rushed back to the room. I was a bit worried to think that the janitor would have taken it already.

I glanced around my room, full of wooden chairs and desks cast a strew. My eyes wandered until they found my bag, sitting under a pile of other stuff forgotten by uncaring owners.

I made a silent apology for the things, and headed out.

My mind was so occupied that I didn’t notice the girl by the doorway, and nearly crashed into her.

"I-I’m sorry-" I said right away, but as she turned around, it felt like my mind suddenly clicked, seeing a familiar face.

I knew the girl. She was once a classmate of mine. Someone I wished, never to see, ever again...

"A..Angeline...?"

I forced her name out. Its been years since I last said it. How many was it? Three...four...I don’t remember.

Regret started to swell inside of me.

Unwanted memories forced their way back up.

But, like throwing up, I held it all in.

"H-how has it been?" I again asked. But she didn’t answer. I just looked at her. Seeing the changes time has done on her.

She has gotten taller, her short dark brown hair has grown long enough to flow down her shoulders like a curtain. Her childish body has gained the features of a lady. Yet, her face still had the gentleness she had, even back then.

The way she is now, seeing how she looks feels like a dagger to my chest. My regret started to swell like my stomach after a meal at a Christmas buffet: itching and rising, but trying my best to hold it all in.

I waited, clenching my teeth, mentally preparing myself for the worst.

"Your a monster!"

"Stay away from me!"

Or a simple, "I hate you!"

Whatever she would say, I readied to take the beating.

But, what she said next caught me completely off guard.

With her hazel brown eyes growing wide, as in surprise, she asked, "H-how did you know my name?"

We reached our new house: a medium-sized house with three rooms. I abominate this new life of mine getting to think that I wasn’t suppose to be here. My parents always remind me to get through it and move on, a whole new life awaits me.... So I patiently linger till school starts..

A day before to school starts, I was so worried. I didn’t know what to do for my first day of class - if it was just like my previous school or a whole new life, but I guess it is a new one because by the next day it would be the first day of me being a college student. I don’t even know what college is all about so I guess it’s ’what comes, what goes.’

On my first day, I was nervous and wonder what’s about to come. As I reached my first class, soon the professor entered and everyone took a seat, including me. As soon as we settled down, the prof requested all of us to introduce ourselves, and so we did.

The day went by with homeworks and modules distributed, from one class to the next. Throughout the day, I try to overlook people because its the best way, for me, to avoid unwanted attention.

By the end of the day, I felt exhausted by the way the day went by for me. I hope Kate had a much better first day than I have.

The next day was almost the same as yesterday, but with more homeworks and projects and modules. And I just can’t wait for this day to end.

As classes were over, I took my bag and left. As I walked downstairs to the hallway, I noticed that I left my notes at my seat. Frowning as to why I made the clumsiest mistake, I ran back to the room to get it.

As soon as I was a few meters to the room, I bumped to a guy, a classmate of mine that was invisible among the school ground, but rumors spread through the hall.

We shared a stare until he broke it and said, "A....Angeline"

I was astonished that he knew my name even though I didn’t introduce myself to yet. So I thought our classmates might have told him. Then he asked me, "H-how long has it been?" I became speechless.

I was stunned by the way he asked me, like he knew me but I don’t know him. To break my astonishment, I ask him, "H-how did you know my name?"

It didn’t make any sense how he knew me and I don’t know him...nope, he must be imagining stuff and he probably knew my name because he asked the other people in class.

But that is presumably not true, from what I tend to observe from him. He doesn’t talk nor did he have company. He’s more of a speechless person than I am, myself. Or am I just saying that because I don’t know him yet? What if I keep him company, would it be a good idea? I don’t know what I would tell him because, as a matter of fact, I don’t trust guys so much. But, it still seems that we need to accompany each other because there were only two of us left alone in the hallway.

Countless thoughts started to swarm in my mind. I didn’t know what to do. This is one of the things I hate about myself; how whenever my mind feels like it, it’ll just come up with every single thing I could think off.

Only when I finally got my mind quiet, I realize the guy had been standing there, unsure either of how to react. Neither did I. We just ended up standing awkwardly by the doorway, waiting for someone to say something.

The silence was easily broken by the janitor, signaling us with his big, brown hand to go. "Hey! Time to go now! I’m going to clean the room!"

"Ah, I think we should go..." he said, with his head down, he silently passed by me, and went down the steps. I simply watched him go down; slowly, steadily, without turning back.

What’s wrong with him? Should I go after him? What if he didn’t want me to go with him? What if his friends are waiting for him downstairs? Does he even have friends? Why haven’t I seen them?

’Angeline, why are you so mean?’ I had said to myself.

"A...Angeline...?"

Only once I keep my mental mouth shut, did I notice him standing again in front of me. His eyes locked into mine for a moment, and a sense of nostalgia flowed through me.

I knew him....

"Ahm...could I walk you to the gate?" he asked and, to my surprise, without thinking, I answered, "Yeah....I’d love to."

"I’d love to..."

As those words rang into my ear, for some reason, I felt the burden lighten up.

I don’t know if it’s pity, or she doesn’t know me and is taking this stranger a chance. But, I don’t really care.

Opportunities are meant to be taken.

"Ah, ok then." I forced a smile, just to show I am absolutely no threat, and lead her down the stairs.

I didn’t dare look back, simply relying on the mismatched footsteps echoing against mine as I went down. I can’t really face her, just not yet.

We headed out of our building, and right away, a strong autumn breeze greeted me as I left the college department building.

I risked a quick look back. Angeline was there, just got down from the steps. She glanced my way, but I quickly looked away, and continued down the corridor.

We walked quietly, past the little kids playing tag around past us. Students we crossed were walking against and along with us, but I didn’t notice their presence. I only glanced to my side, following where Angeline would go.

Silently, she lead me to the side gate. She greeted the guard with a smile, and peeked outside the gates.

"It seems they aren’t here yet," she told me.

"You’re going to be fetched by you’re service?"

She shook her head

"No, my parents will fetch me."

Her parents....

I tried my best not to let any memories resurface. But, there’s one thing I’m sure of: I don’t want to see them just yet.

"There’s a waiting room around here. Let’s wait there." I told her, leading her to the metal gated room.

Inside was a simple, pale walled room with benches on three corners for students to sit. But, usually at this time, around 2/3 of the space was occupied by bags of all kinds.

I found a small space in between a power rangers backpack and a guitar case. I made enough space for her to sit, but when I offered her to sit, she simply placed her bag down.

"I wont sit. I’ll just stand. How about you?"

"No, I can’t..."

I trailed off. My mind recalled something. For years, I’ve always wanted to return this to her, and now is the only chance I’ll get.

"Hey, ahm, Angeline?"

"Ah, yeah?"

"Well...I really hope we get to be good friends." I again forced a smile. My cheeks seemed to ache a bit, making me realize how long its been since I’ve last smiled.

Angeline just looked at me, a bit surprised at first, then returned with a bright smile.

"Sure, I’d like that." she replied, in a joyful tone.

Her smile...

Somehow, it lightens my chest a bit to see that.

"Ah, also, I think you forgot this."

I placed down my messenger bag, and unzipped the zipper, pulling out a small sized notebook, with a small silver lock at the side. I handed it over to her, but she took it with a questionable look in her eyes.

I hesitated at first, but found the courage to say it.

"Its from before you left, its you’re-"

"ANGELINE!!!!"

Suddenly, someone interrupts me, shouting with an all too familiar voice.

A chill ran up my spine, as I forced my neck to turn.

There, my eyes came upon another person I never wanted to see.

Her hair was similar to Angeline’s, but slightly longer and a bit more dull in color. Her face, if I didn’t know, would have been mistaken for her sister.

It was her mother.

"Mom, you’re here! I would like you to meet my classmate..."

"No! Get away from that man!"

She shouted, closing the distance with large steps, then forcefully tugging Angeline by the wrist, away from me.

Her eyes glared into mine, and seemed to pierce right into my soul.

Hell seemed to be a better alternative at this point.

"But, why? Is something wrong? He’s just-"

"EVERYTHING, is wrong Angie. Look, I know you’re new here, but there are just some people you must never speak to-" she glanced my way, still gripping tightly to her daughter, "-people like him!"

Angeline looked at me, strangely, with confusion.

How does she not understand what her mother meant?

"But, mom? I don’t even know him yet."

"And, you must never." she raised her voice again at her, and pulled her forward, towards the gate.

"Go ahead to the car." she said coldly, picking up Angeline’s bag and tossing it to her. It looked like she threw it hard, cause Angeline was pushed back a bit when she caught it.

"Mom, but-"

"Go! Angeline!" She shouted in fury, pointing out towards the gate.

Students around were all looking at us, whispering, mumbling things about us.

My feet seemed to be frozen in place. I wanted to get away, run as far away from here as possible.

Of all days, why today.

Angeline, still a bit confused, hesitantly left the gate, out of sight.

Once she was, her mother looked her way for a few more seconds, before turning her sights onto me.

Her eyes, like a predator that had caught its prey, I tried to avert her gaze, but couldn’t.

I can’t...

My heart started to thump in my chest, hands got clammy, and goosebumps started to run.

Move!

I told myself, but I wouldn’t listen.

Move!

I told myself, pleaded, but my eyes wouldn’t let go of her glance

MOVE!!!

*pack*

Before my mind could register it, I felt a sharp sting on my cheek, as my head was pushed to the side.

The sting grew into pain, and only then have I realized what happened: Angeline’s mother slapped me.