“I miss those times, Kookie.”

Taehyung confesses with a soft whisper, laced in a transparent fear he couldn’t shove under a cloak anymore and pretend it is not real; that is doesn’t exist. It has been five years since they’ve debuted.

Taehyung watched as time grew its own wings and flew away over decades selfishly in a heartbeat. He watched Jungkook from his innocent youth slowly traverse with fragile unsure steps into the harsh, unforgiving adulthood. Despite having each part of his life exposed to a devouring crowd, that sometimes lacked consideration for his intimacy, Jungkook bloomed like a flower after a cold winter before everyone’s eyes. He is 21 now.

Taehyung is sitting down in bed next to Jungkook, foreheads glued to each other. Their eyes are bound in a secure connection, examining each recently developed emotion sparkling and demanding to be noticed. To be met and shared. Their sight betrays each feeble trepidation their hearts create stealthily in their chests.

Jungkook senses his anxiety. He brings his hand to Taehyung’s cheek cupping it gently as if he were an ancient piece of art and coming in contact with it would cause a loss of value.

For him though, the real treasure is the love he nourished with coy and a shaky heart in his boyhood. The inexperience that acted like a heavy mantle was only a soft impediment for Taehyung. He taught him to externalize his deepest thoughts, to reveal each idea running through his mind. Taehyung earned his trust with gradual credence, which ultimately evolved into confident I love you’s and tight grips when their fingers interlocked.

“I miss them too. But mostly, I think I miss every moment I lived and I was not in your presence.” He admits shyly, running his thumb across his cheekbone. He notices that his cheeks got puffier, even softer lately. Jungkook smiles underneath the touch and leans in to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

Taehyung curls his lips upwards into the unexpected but sweet kiss upon hearing the heartfelt avowal. He allows their lips to find haven into each other, like two lost ships finding a port during a tempest, molding themselves into one shape altogether.

“Baby?” Taehyung inquires lowly, his baritone voice ringing pleasantly into the small hotel room where they are at, once Jungkook pulls away from the peck.

“Mhm?” He responds quietly, lips still hovering on Taehyung’s, inhaling any sounds that depart from his mouth.

“Does the future scare you?” Taehyung asks. His voice quivers and he shuts his eyes while his eyelashes brush against Jungkook’s cheekbone.

Jungkook figures he’d rather listen to his lover’s voice for the rest of his life if he could. He permits the words to float like paperplanes in the air for a brief moment. The atmosphere should feel heavy with them divulging their fears. But the couple interchangeably agreed that no matter how severe a situation presents itself to be, if they dealt with it together, the complications would fade away as fast as it took for them to take form. Trust and support were their intangible assets.

“Sometimes.” Jungkook discloses as his thumb unceasingly runs back and forth across his cheekbone. He brings his other hand on his partner’s chest, placing it flatly where his heart is located. He feels the soft, repetitive thuds against his palm which makes him remember the first time they slept together; the very first time their hearts learnt to share the same rhythm and occupy the identical baseline.

Jungkook is about to learn he and Taehyung share the mutual unease and anxiety about time.  That hidden feeling in the back of your mind knowing that things are moving a bit too fast sometimes and you can’t quite make sense out of them, knowing that contingency is inevitable and unknown.

“It scares me too.” Taehyung admits and becomes aware of his rapidly pulsating heartbeat. The juncture is perhaps unsettling and he knows that his heart shamelessly unveils his inner turmoil.

Each birthday comes faster and faster, which is scary for him. You can’t stop time.

Taehyung feels like the past years were like a handful of hot sand slipping through his fingers, brushing against his knuckles roughly; only to let him know that the moments were indeed real, that they happened. But they all came to a brusque termination the moment the sand reached the shore.

Dust to dust.

“It should. You’re getting old.”

“You’re older than me, though.” Jungkook pokes fun at him. He moves his hand to his neck, tracing with the tip of his fingers his jawline, tickles raising goosebumps to appear on his honey caramel skin. Jungkook ultimately reaches his ear, where he carefully tucks a strand of hair behind.

“Doesn’t matter. You’re still a baby.” Taehyung mumbles with a petulant expression planted on his face, to which Jungkook giggles.

“M’not a baby anymore.”

“I wish you were, though. I wish we stopped growing up.“ Taehyung purses his lips together and Jungkook’s eyes fall involuntarily to them. “Or maybe we could have been able to freeze time to truly remember some things, don’t you agree? I wish I had lived your 18th birthday for an entire week. I wish I could have felt the butterflies swarm inside of me when you first touched me for more than a couple of hours. Not that I feel nothing now- but it’s more experienced, more skilled… the butterflies are still there, but they’re…adults? Like us, kind of? I think I just miss the beginning of everything, I don’t ever want to forget how you and I got together and how-.”

Jungkook stops his rambling by crashing their lips together, absorbing with hunger the hypnotic reverie Taehyung created so easily just by describing their memories and digging out so many forgotten emotions. They kiss and kiss remembering how their lips first met each other and began memorizing each other’s taste and movements.

“Maybe forgetting some things is better, because you can make room for new memories.” Jungkook mumbles into the kiss, pulling back to tilt his head to a side to gain more access. Taehyung’s lips are back on his in an instant and his cold hands travel underneath his shirt. He brushes Jungkook’s well-built abs with his palms, causing him to shudder under the touch. Jungkook lets out a soft whimper and his body feels drawn to his, and just like a magnet he collides into it.

“Like this, baby?” Taehyung teases playfully as his fingers circle around his nipples briefly, pinching and releasing them all of the sudden. He knew that was his baby boy’s weak spot. Jungkook exhales soft moans into Taehyung’s mouth as a result of the mini produced havoc, and he swallows them greedily.

“M-maybe.” Jungkook whispers, weak and delicate. A sight that Taehyung consumes in its entirety, but he decides to straddle him and pause their momentary activity.

“Uhm, T-Tae? Why d-did you s-stop?” Jungkook breathes out and whines at his boyfriend’s new found position. It proves to be aching due to the stir created in his boxers, adding pressure and demanding attention and touches. Which Taehyung ignored?

Taehyung wiggles from side to side and crosses his arms together, pouting. “I’m not done talking yet, you interrupted me.”

“Can’t it w-wait?” Jungkook asks with pleading eyes and his orbs darken with want and desire.  

“It was important.”

“O-okay. I’m listening.” He sighs in defeat and grabs Taehyung’s thighs with both of his hands. “Stop moving though. Hurts my-”

“Oh sorry.” Taehyung looks apologetically at Jungkook’s flustered face and rozy cheeks, biting down a grin. How easy was it to startle the boy.

Jungkook shoots him a warning glare, intercepting his faint smirk. “It’s okay. So?

“It’s your birthday today.” He announces. Unsurprising, to say the least. Everyone knew. The pictures posted by his band members on twitter forcefully made him know that.

“It is, yes.” Jungkook nods dumbly.

“I didn’t get you a cake… nor bought you a gift. I actually forgot where I was going with this.”

“Tae.” He whines and his fingers almost dig into Taehyung’s thighs before he slaps them off ever so gently. “Hush now, no touching.”

Jungkook frowns in response.

“I wanted you to know that I miss you. And I miss everything, all the time. And I’ll miss this when we’re done with it and we’re filming something, or when the cameras are on us and I have to restrain myself from touching you. I’ll miss when things were simple and no one questioned anything. I’ll miss putting my arm around your shoulders without a care in the world because people didn’t care. I’ll miss how simple it was to… have you.” Taehyung confesses shyly, and his cheeks become the same color as his boyfriend’s.

“Tae.” Jungkook breathes out his name like he was air for him. He is rendered speechless and his mouth slightly parts.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything. I thought if I waited more and more for your birthday it would never come… and I could have more time with baby you. But you’re older now. I even tried keeping my eyes closed at midnight and hoped the clock never hit twelve and maybe magic would have saved up both and froze our ages and- why are you laughing? Do I have something on my face?”

Jungkook suppresses his laughter. “No, no.”

“Then?” He scoffs.

Jungkook runs circles into his thighs and smiles brightly at his lover. “You’re just being very cute and adorable.”

“I’m being serious, actually.” He mutters and presses his lips together.

“So you didn’t get me anything then?”

“I did.” Taehyung reaches for his back pocket and pulls a Polaroid picture. “I took this at the exhibition earlier today. I saw the picture of you and I felt like the world stopped for a whole minute. Has that ever happened to you?” He furrows his eyebrows together in a contemplative look.

“A few times since you straddled me today. But anyway, can I see the picture?”

“Ah sure. Happy birthday, my love.” Taehyung hands him the picture and kisses his knuckles as he takes it into his hands.

“Thank you, angel.” Jungkook examines it closely and instantaneously everything that Taehyung has rambled on about now made perfect sense.

The picture showed Taehyung in front of a framed candid of Jungkook during their debut years. The innocence and inexperience were plastered across his features. He was a young boy with big dreams. A boy with high hopes from the future. A boy with a big heart who found another one just as golden as his.

Jungkook remembers too. The fragility of those times. The simplicity. He gave up his reticent and shy behavior once Taehyung stepped into his world.

He realizes now how unprotected and dangerous his moves can be to the media. He doesn’t want to lose Taehyung by being reckless, even if that implies hiding. It is the safe thing to do, right? He absentmindedly starts crying.

“My baby.” Taehyung coos. “What happened? If you don’t like that picture of you then maybe I can go back and take another one or-“

“No, no. It’s perfect. I just…” Jungkook swallows a sob and wipes off his tears with the back of his hand.

Taehyung’s face softens visibly and asks as worry colors his voice, “What is it then?

“Do you think we will have to hide forever?”

“I don’t know, baby.” Taehyung pauses as a tear softly falls from his cheek. “But with me you don’t have to conceal anything. Let me be your sanctuary.”

“Kookie?” Taehyung’s voice tickles his insides as he stirs awake, eyelids softly rising up midway before lowering again.

“Hm?” He hums quietly and nuzzles his face deeper in Taehyung’s neck, relishing in the mellow and warm contact of their skin. He never wants to let go of this feeling. The certainty that Taehyung provides him with. The reliability.

Taehyung pulls him closer to his body, limbs tangled with each other, sculpted in a beautiful shape of solace underneath the sheets. “Baby.” He asserts with firm conviction, tasting the manner in which the petname always vibrates so sweetly on his tongue. “You up?”

Jungkook ever so slightly shakes the crown of his head against his neck, mumbling a quiet “No” and keeping his eyes shut. Taehyung giggles at the sight and allows the younger to rest for a few more minutes in the comfort of his body.

He grabs his phone with a short and lazy movement, as his other hand keeps Jungkook close, with very little space between them, and goes on twitter. He knows the picture he posted for Jungkook’s birthday might have stirred some backlash among the fans. He only wishes they were softer on him. But he tries to understand, to grasp their mentality. He wants to believe they all come from a good place. He wants to believe their intentions were well placed. He reads through the comments and sighs unwittingly.

The management team suggested they’d take some time apart during the world tour, until things calmed down. The fans seemed to be keen on watching Jimin and Jungkook interact on stage. The hugs, hand holding and touches supplied their devotees with a particular satisfaction. Their interplay comfortably helped redressing the unwanted attention on their secret relationship away. It was for the best. But it hurt knowing that others owned a certain jurisdiction over your sentiments. That’s not a way to live your life.

“Sad TaeTae?? N-no.” Taehyung hears Jungkook’s silent utterance quiver onto his neck. His eyes revert on the boy straightaway. The dark orbits reflect curiosity and interest. He feels his heart swell in his chest.

“’M not sad, baby.” He declares as he lets the phone fall behind Jungkook. He brings his hand to his face and slowly brushes his hair back, soundlessly placing a chaste kiss on top of his forehead.  But the sneaky inaccuracy is visible and completely transparent for Jungkook. They know each other too well to let such minor lies camouflage their emotions.  

“Don’t lie.” He advises sympathetically. ”What happened? You can tell me, Tae.”

Taehyung lets out another sigh. “Some fans are just being a little too unreasonable, that’s all.”

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks squinting and his eyebrows almost connect in a funny looking unibrow.

Taehyung giggles and kisses his forehead again.

“Hey, don’t ignore me.” He chides, petulant.

“They just, they think I don’t care about you. You know how Jimin posted those videos and lots of pictures with you two together.” He pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing. ”And I only put up that candid from the exhibition. Some said I’m negligent and thoughtless. That I couldn’t even bother spending time with you on your birthday.” Taehyung confesses. He seems somewhat displeased as if he was supposed to fulfill the fandom's hopes or expectations and he failed.

Jungkook looks at him perplexed. “You shouldn’t care about that, angel. They can’t know what we’re doing on our free time. People will always talk whatever they want to. It’s something we can’t control nor stop from prevailing. Please, don’t let it get to your heart.” He speaks softly, trying his best to remove Taehyung's doubts and fears. Nothing he did was wrong in his eyes.

“I know, baby. But it still sucks.” Taehyung replies, giggling softly at the impractical juncture.

You can’t mend what’s out of your reach. Do people ever think about the heaviness of their own words? Do they realize how easily the words flee out of their mouths only to find a wrong harbor in people’s hearts, where they retreat unwillingly and struggle for a way out, only to destroy the newfound place so easily?

No one thinks of repercussions.

People are selfish. They're concerned chiefly with their own personal profit or pleasure.

Jungkook senses his restlessness without difficulty. He offers him a reassuring smile and his features soften altogether as he speaks. “Some things will always suck. But we’re lucky we have the seven of us. And… I’m luckier to have you without anyone knowing. It’s more special like that sometimes.”

“Is it?” Taehyung asks, intrigued, eyes flickering.

“Yes.” Jungkook responds with confidence as he nibs at his jaw playfully. “Just mine.”

“Mhm.” He hums compliantly. “I think there’s a way to let some of the fans know we were together on your birthday, though.”

“Really?” Jungkook wonders out loud and returns to placing soft pecks alongside his jaw before lowering to his neck. “What is it?”

Taehyung feels goosebumps appear all over his body. Regardless, he tries to maintain focus. “You know the live we held for the comeback?”

Jungkook nods dumbly against his skin.

“Well, I was on the losing team and as punishment we have to write a sincere letter to the winning team. Which is… you.” Taehyung mumbles, fluttering his eyelashes and sighing at the systematic kisses he receives ones after the other.

Jungkook hinders briefly. “What will you say, then?”

“You’ll see, baby.” He replies and feels the absence of Jungkook's lips on his skin. All of the sudden he feels cold and sulks visibly at the loss. Jungkook notices it all too well and before he giggles stealthily he returns to the previous activity in a heartbeat.

TRANSCRIPT:

 “Jungkook-ah, I see you in front of me. How are you doing? Happy Birthday! I can also see that you are busy with Tannie right now. My eyes are always on you. I love you. You’re very lucky to be able to spend your birthday with armys! Have a great time on this special day!"

It is unprecedented for Jungkook to be reckless with his actions. He never roams around aimlessly nor risks to possibly endanger his overall safety by doing so. Since he isn’t engaged in any major activities but the actual world tour and his training, his mind didn’t even phantom the likelihood of a nearby danger.

Undoubtedly, his work-out routine presented no serious risks; some repeated push-up sessions, running, lifting weights, these only make his muscles burn and ultimately increase his stage stamina that helps him be active throughout the entirety of each concert. Completing his vigorous physical exercises isn’t something that would potentially result into harming him.

Or so he thought.

One afternoon he decides to do a quick training before the concert.  His management team suggested it is best to exercise in their hotel rooms for a short period of time and try to avoid gyms, since they can’t exert their power over any locations they haven’t visited before. Jungkook agrees nonetheless and begins to work out in the living room of the hotel they are all staying at.

He starts by stretching out on a yoga mat and meditates for a few moments. He brings his toes together, keeping his knees apart from each other as he holds his head up high, channeling his positive energy and thoughts into a restful mantra. He takes a deep breath and lets the cool air soothe the burn in his lungs he anticipates well knowingly.

After maintaining that posture for a while he gets up from the mat and starts to warm up. Accidentally, he forgets to put on his shoes and whilst engaged in the said exercise, his heel bumps into the furniture quite loudly. The ***** skin is grazed by the sharp edge and Jungkook puffs.

He decides to shift his attention to the actual training, ignoring what just happened; he figures that the buzzing pain is soon going to pass. However, he frowns at the pulsating burn in his heel and goes down to the floor to do some push-ups, hoping numbness would soon replace the uncomfortable feeling.

As he gets into position his foot crumbles down under the overwhelming pressure and he collapses onto the floor with a loud thud.

“Ow!” Jungkook yelps and he cannot help but to squint from pain. He shifts on his feet and limps carefully to the nearest chair, where he brings his heel onto his knee to examine it attentively. He sees that the wound is quite deep and the blood has already reddened his foot and a small patch in his sweatpants.

Jungkook curses absent-mindedly at himself and at the unlucky situation he found himself partake in. He presses his fingers above the wound hoping that the added pressure would suffice in making the bleeding cease. He winces at the electrifying pain that spreads throughout his body and bites his bottom lip.

“T-Tae?” He endeavors to call out for his boyfriend but the name comes off almost inaudible. He swallows as his brows are furrowed together in discomfort as he presses harder on the open injury.

 “Tae!” This time his voice gets higher but still not loud enough to be intercepted between the walls. Taehyung is currently in the bedroom watching anime and probably didn’t hear any of the sounds his boyfriend’s accident might’ve stirred.

Jungkook’s eyes water in the slightest as he begins to wonder about how he’s not going to be able to perform tonight, about how millions of armys are going to be disappointed in his performance, or even worse, the lack of it. He thinks that the other members will be just as disappointed in his recklessness and scold him for not being careful enough to stay unharmed in such a circumstance.

“Tae!” The call is more of a shriek this time, filled with fright and worry. “Tae! Tae!” Once his voice unhinges itself he cannot stop calling out for the other boy.

The door opens suddenly and a panicked Taehyung appears wearing a silk robe. He stops momentarily, eyes adjusting to the situation presented in front of him as his mouth slightly parts.

“What- Jungkook!” He runs to him, kneeling down next to him and pressing his hand above Jungkook’s hand covered in blood.

Jungkook hisses and a tear falls, tracing a painful path downwards his cheek. “I’m s-so sorry! I-”

“What? Why would you be sorry? That’s crazy. Wait- let me just-“  Taehyung removes the belt hanging around his waist from his robe and wraps it around Jungkook’s heel. His dressing gown slowly falls to his sides as he ties the material around the hemorrhage. “Here, better baby?”

Jungkook nods and wheezes in clear discomfort, placing his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder for support. “I didn’t mean to- I swear, I’m just so, so- so stupid.”

“Hey, no, none of that. You’re not stupid. Accidents can happen to anyone, yeah? It’s okay, you’ll be okay, baby.” Taehyung soothes, cupping his boyfriend’s cheeks and kissing the bridge of his nose. ”Do you think you can you walk for me?” He brings his hands down to his thighs, massaging tiny circles into them, to which Jungkook sighs in relief.

“I-I think so.” Jungkook scrunches his nose, foretelling the pain of walking. He shakes his head in dismay. “Hurts, though. I don’t wanna.”

Taehyung nods in indulgence. “Okay, okay. Stay here, you don’t have to move. I’ll call- I’ll see if Namjoon can get a doctor, alright?”

“D-don’t leave me, T-Tae.” Jungkook grips his wrist tightly.

“Hey, I’m right here, not going anywhere, baby. It’s okay, yeah? Breathe for me, please.”

And Jungkook does, inhaling deep and exhaling profoundly while keeping his gaze fixed at Taehyung. He looks just as scared, pink blush invading his cheeks as his eyes stay widened.

He hates causing Taehyung negative feelings, he hates being a draining black hole for people’s well-being. He only makes people feel bad.

Bad.

Bad.

Bad.

Jungkook feels his eyes clutter to the point where his vision turns blurry, then tears begin to spill from his eyes.

“Baby. Please don’t cry. Please. It’s okay. No one is mad, okay? We are only worried for you and we just want you to get better as fast as possible. Please don’t cry, baby, it breaks my heart.” Taehyung soothes, pressing his forehead to Jungkook’s. “Please?”

“I’m s-sorry.” Jungkook sobs and maybe the pain of the wound doesn’t even equalize to the pain he feels encapsulating his being when he knows he’s letting people down, when he’s hurting them. Unwillingly. How can one’s innermost turmoil strike others? Why is pain so selfish? Does one raid of sorrow not qualify as redundant enough? Why must there be an entire army that gets injured?

Taehyung runs his fingers to Jungkook’s hair in repeated soft motions, calming him down. “Don’t be. You did nothing wrong, alright? Namjoon’s going to get a doctor here really quickly. Can you focus on my voice for a while? Hm?”

Jungkook does nothing more but nod against Taehyung’s forehead as he wraps his arms around his neck, bringing him closer until the position gets uncomfortable enough to bring tension to both of their muscles. But none of them move. They remain still and sore as Taehyung summarizes to him the anime episode he just watched and Jungkook listens to his voice, while he lets out minimized sobs and sighs which Taehyung kisses away each time.  

“Thank you, TaeTae.” Jungkook ultimately whispers with puffy eyes and swollen face.

Taehyung’s lips twitch upwards as he disconnects their foreheads to look at him in the eyes. “For what, baby?”

Jungkook blushes and looks down at his heel. The belt became red of blood. “For uh… you uhm.”

“Hm?” Taehyung hums encouragingly.

“Thanks for- thanks for taking care of me, Tae. And uhm, binding up my wound. And for calming me down.”

Taehyung places a chaste kiss on his lips. “Don’t be silly. I love you, okay?”

“Even if I lose a leg?” Jungkook asks and he looks serious, cocking up an eyebrow and tilting his head softly to a side. 

Taehyung laughs at the sight. “Kookie, baby, it’s only a scratch.”

“So? Answer the question.”

“Yes, of course I will." Taehyung assures him. "No one is going to replace you. No one can ever take your place. Not now, nor ever. You're stuck with me. And I'm stuck with you.”

Jungkook cannot help but smile stealthily yet his mind keeps racing with faint taints of worry. He lets out an audible exhalation of air. “TaeTae, what if I need surgery or something?”

“You will, if you keep talking nonsense.”

Jungkook frowns upset. “What does that supposed to mean? I’m in distress, don’t talk to me like that.”

“Mhm, princess.”

"Don't patronise me." Jungkook pouts.

"I'm not."

"Mhm. Sure, you're not."

The doctor eventually comes and their embrace breaks apart, Taehyung moving to Jungkook’s side to hold his hand tightly, as his other keeps his robe closed. He kisses Jungkook’s forehead as each stich is applied to the wound, whispering sweet nothings into his ear until the procedure is complete.

Jungkook dries his eyes and thanks the doctor for coming to their hotel room and wasting his time, to which the doctor laughs and says it’s only his job and he shouldn’t worry.

They fall asleep entangled to each other, leaving further worries and anxieties for the days that are about to come. For now, they have each other and that is enough.