I was told as a evil bastard. No one likes me. Not even my parents. They are too disgusted by me to even notice me as their child, not that I care. I was not used of having love in my life. Because I was raise like a one. Unloveable bastard. That’s who I am. But then, after all those treatment I gave to people who dared to cross upon me, she still smiles despite herself. Why? Why does she need to make things so difficult?

Why did she came into my hunted life at first place? Why did she even cared who I am? Where does she keep all her feelings that I have hurt intentionally? Will she ever realize that what ever happened between us right now cannot be lead to such a happy ending? I was bond to live in such a meaningless life. She can’t be in it. I will never allow it to happen even it means to let her go. It was for her own good.

So, I am a man with my words. Once I have decided, it will happen. It’s now or never.

So I pushed her out of her limit. I broke her heart telling her not to give a damn about my life anymore. I told her that I was using her as my own pleasure. I told her that there was never word of LOVE between us.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to cry. For what I have caused to make the beautiful face that I love so much to be stained with unshed tears. I lost at words. I know my hands wanted to pull her against me to hold her and tell her that what I have said earlier is not true. That I love her! But how could I? She deserves someone better. She better off without me, that’s the truth that I have to digest since I became self-pity with myself.

But then, will I ever have a chance at happiness?

The answer is no. My sole reason to live is not here with me and probably in the arms of another guy because of my foolish action. Why would I be mad about it since it was my wrong doing? I know from the start when she came into my life, I could never have her in my life even if I wanted to. That’s why I became the coldest and heartless man and be cruel towards her. Because I know deep down in my heart, if I gave my heart a chance to love and living a good life with her, at the end of our journey, she will eventually realize that she have made the worst decision in her life.

So I decided to wait. Wait until I have the chance to make amends with her even she choose another than me. Everything that makes her happy, will makes me happy too. Even if I have to let her marry someone else. And it’s how our journey began.

“Leave”

How much that voice are hurting her when she made no attempt to obey his order.

“No, I will not!” That’s it. She has said it out loud and she doesn’t care if he want to slap her at that moment.

The man in his black robes got up from his seat and looming over her with his piercing black eyes that she so loved.

“Miss Carter…”

“So it’s Miss Carter now? Where does my rose go? Tell me, Sian!” The girl called Miss Carter practically screaming at her paramour face.

Sian Reynald shook his head furiously.

“Stop this instant, Miss Carter. You are acting like a foolish little child!” Snapped him at her face. Clearly venom was present in his eyes. Love was gone from it.

Rachel’s heart might burst with pain right now. How can he be so cold when before this he always be a charming Sian to her. Not her snarky Professor Reynald.

“I am not a child. It is you, Sian who are acting like a putelent child!” Rachel swear that she noticed Sian flinched a bit before he put back his mask on his poker face. Sly man!

“You are my student, Miss Carter. What ever happened between us now is totally forbidden! This cannot be continue” says Sian without emotion betraying him.

More tears flow out from Rachel’s swollen eyes.

“But I love you!” Rachel jumped at Sian and try to hug him to her chest.

Sian’s body became still and he looked down his nose at Rachel before he said something that he might regret later,

“It is a shame that I don’t feel the same way about you, Miss Carter”

The look in her eyes hunted Sian’s dream forever.

“I’m sorry!”

Sian sit straight on his bed. Another nighmares.

His heart is beating so fast that he can barely seeking for fresh air. Sian tried to remain calm but to no avail. Then, he decided to drink his misery with a glass of whiskey.

So much memories keep flooding trough his mind. He never forgive himself for what he had done 10 years ago. Her eyes which he still remember were full of pain when he said the exactly words that he himself cannot forgive after all these years. How her body slumped against him and gasped in defeat of not knowing to do what after being rejected by the man she loved so much.

Exactly 2 years ago, Rachel Carter died in a car crash. Died with her unborn child at a very young age. Now, he got no chance at telling her how much he regret what he said before. Her husband, John Durren had married other with the reason of can’t leave alone without someone by his side.

And now Sian know, the man that Rachel married to is not good or probably never be better than him. For that, he actually smiled because she knows how to make him rethink his past actions towards her. And now he did, and he forgive himself.

“Sian”

Whatever he was doing at that time stopped for a moment. He looked up and was face to face with Rachel.

He cocked an eyebrow.

He has no idea as why his lover seemed to admire his sarcatic remarks. Surely, he is not by any means romantic man but at least he tried to make her happy.

”Please stop doing that. Give me a time to cuddle with you” Rachel flashed him a smile that he so loved. How can he ever say no to her?

“I only have 2 days left to mark all these dunderheads paper. Surely you know that, don’t you?”

Rachel just nodded.

“But you were so caught up with marking to even notice me this past week. I am beginning to question your love for me” that minx. She know exatcly what she did to him.

True, he never said those three words out loud for he is not a man who shows his love by words but instead with action. But deep down, Rachel knows about his true feeling for her. She never ask more from him and for that he was very thankfull.

“You know that…”

“I know, Sian. It’s just getting at my nerves sometimes. I just missed you so bad. I know how you appreciate your time for work but….”

Sian has enough of this and got up from his seat to stand in front of Rachel who was now openly fidgeting with her fingers. He lifted his finger and pull her chin higher to meet his eyes.

“Stop babbling, woman. You are talking nonsense right now” Rachel stopped babbling instantly.

Without further warning, Sian put a chaste kiss on her lips. Rachel was left dumbfounded.

“Now, tell me where do you want us to spend time together?”

With that, Sian could never been happy when Rachel threw herself at him and kiss him passionately.

End flashback….

“Professor Reynald”

He looked up from his paper to find a very dashing middle-aged man standing outside his office.

“May I come in?” Sian just nodded and offered the man to sit in front of him.

“To what do I owe this pleasure, Mr. Narls?”

The man who was now smiling genuinely at him just shrugged his shoulder.

“Don’t you heard rumors spreading along the other professors?” The man called Stephen Narls asked the curious professor.

“What rumors?” Asked Sian despites his better judgement. He was the one not to ask or spread some silly rumors. Hell, he never wanted to know about it.

Stephen gave him a knowing look.

“There was a new student who just enrolled this morning. All the staff were shocked to death when they realized who the girl was”

“So what? The girl has nothing to do with me, Narls. I don’t even know her!” Snapped him when Stephen’s eyes were twinkling like mad.

”I am sure you want to get to know her, Sian. She remind me of someone we knew”

With that, Sian’s poor heart started to pump faster. What does this old man meant? Get a hold of yourself, Sian! It’s not what you think!

“I assure you, Narls that whatever you think is not or will be true. Now, find yourself out because I got a lot of things to do. Goodbye”

Stephen Narls doesn’t need to tell twice. Before he left Sian’s room, he said

“I hope you give yourself a chance, Sian. It’s not everyday people get to have a second chance at happiness”