...𝐒ummer is the best season of all....

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...The sky is mostly clear, and it feels serene and beautiful....

...The heat of the sun, bird's chirping sound and crazy holidays....

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I could hear my mom shouting my name as I left to play in this hot weather. No matter what, I can't stay still at home without atleast going to the lake for once.

"Don't go in there…!"

Furthermore, I stopped by the voice and looked back at Natasha, not surprised by the fact that my mother sent her after me to prevent me from going to the Lake.

"C'mon Nat it's fun." She clearly sulked by my stubbornness as I wet my feet in the cold water, letting shivers go through my spine, but oh… It feels so good.

That's when I glanced back at Nat, still pouting all the way.

"You're worrying about nothing, I'm all good here."I tried to reassure her, and gladly it worked as she softly let out a sigh and slowly joined me in the water.

We played all the day and walked back home together, crossing the hill of dahlias.

Our path seems to end here as she took a step back and smiled at me.

"Let's play tomorrow again" Her thin voice rings in my ear. I couldn't tell if it's the wind teasing her golden hair or the sunlight making her shine like a golden.

"Tomorrow…. yes" My voice was low and steady, I'm not sure if she heard it right, but I could still see her smiling so priceless

.......

.......

.......

After doing my morning routine I went downstairs feeling a bit nervous as I saw my father having his breakfast. It was unusual for him to eat with us as he always leaves for work so early. Taking a deep breath I took a seat in front thinking he'll speak but there was only silence as he was more focused on the newspaper in his left hand.

Throughout the meal I could only talk to my mother, as beside her I can never look at father in the eye.

...----------------...

...Nothing can be more refreshing than taking a cool bath in this hot weather....

Drying my hair, I start to get ready as I was much more excited to play with Nat.

"Where are you going?" I heard my mother voice as she looked at me in confusion.

"To play!"

"Alone?"

I slightly shrugged by her another question, why would I play alone when Nat is here. I thought and quietly put on my t-shirt before mother spoke again.

"Nat isn't coming today, is she?"

I borrowed my eyebrows together in confusion before mother intercuts.

"She's moving out of the town, you don't know?"

I felt my breath hitched as the thought of her leaving the town out of nowhere is unexpected.

"What....?"

There's so many questions inside my head but I couldn't think of any as right now... I need to see her before she could leave.

I stomped out of the house, rushing towards her place. I couldn't hear my heartbeat anymore as my naked feet were slapping against wet soil by the rain happened earlier. I couldn't control my tears and anger which were killing me inside.

"Nat...why..." I mumbled under my breath as I finally saw her... standing in front of her house as if she was only waiting for me. Clenching my fist together I stomped towards her and pulled her arm harshly making her drop the umbrella.

I'm sure she wanted to say something, but I couldn't care more about it. Only the thought of her leaving was making me furious that I...

"You're the worst friend ever" I muffled before taking few steps back and glanced up at her.

If only I had controlled myself, if only... maybe then I wouldn't have to see her in tears. Oh god, I hurt her.

"I'm sorry...." She muttered, keeping her gaze away from me. I could barely see her teary face... but I've to make it up. I can't let her go like this!

"Nat... I... I'm sorry t-"

I was cut off by the scene when a truck dashed towards us as if it was out of control. At that moment, I couldn't only think of myself... I have to save her.

"NAT WATCH OUT!!"

My voice was loud as I rushed towards her, making her flinched back to reality, but it was too late already. Everything starts to go dark around me... before only thing I could see was her face covered in blood.

...Guess I could never apologize to her anymore....

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.......

.......

.......

.......

.......

.......

.......

..."Am.... am I alive...?"...

"What are you saying!? Get up already!"

I flinched and opened my eyes in rush, founding my mother besides arranging my clothes.

’M…mom?"

The fear in my voice was clearly noticeable as mother stopped doing her things and checked my temperature.

"Are you alright? Did you have a Nightmare?"

"N.. Nightmare?"

Was I dreaming? All of this was a dream? My head hurts a bit as I tried to think about it. Which my mother noticed and gently pat my head with a reassuring smile.

"It's okay, let's forget about that bad dream alright?"

I nodded quietly but still couldn't understand a bit of all this.

The morning is the same, Father was right in front me having his breakfast just like in that dream... but I felt terribly uneasy as he suddenly speaks to me.

"Did you had a good sleep?" I quietly nodded and ate my food.

...Everything was the same. Was I really dreaming earlier? Am I in loop...?...

......................

After Father left to work, I went back to my room and looked at the calendar to confirm myself if it's even real or not. Just by then mother came inside to check on me.

"You aren't going out with Nat today?" She asked, leaving me in speechless for a moment.

"Huh...? Isn't Nat and her parents leaving town?"

I ask with desperation and fear on my face which only made my mother chuckled in confusion.

"You're still dreaming, aren't you? Nat isn't going anywhere!" She replied and took her leave out of the room, leaving me in speechless.

I quietly sat on the bed while fidgeting my hands as I was still feeling so uneasy. I decided not to go out today and just then mother called me downstairs saying Nat is here.

I slowly went towards the stairs and I could see her standing in the living room, waiting for me. Putting a pause on my steps, I gulped as she looked up at the stairs right at me, with the same precious smile of her. I couldn't believe my eyes... it's really her.

"Hey c'mon now, Let's go already!" She sounded desperate as she walked towards me and held my wrist.

"Let's go to the lake again okay?"

I didn't stop her from dragging me out of the house. As I was more busy in observing, how her hand suddenly feels so cold and her soft skin looks pale too...

When we get closer to the lake she finally let go of my hand and jumped in the water.

"Come now. it's fun in here... right?"

She called out for me with her soothing voice, but something felt definitely missing but for now I couldn't care more and joined her in. I still feel guilty even if that was in the dream, I can't do the same mistake.

Wetting ourselves in the cold water, We climbed on a tree together... making another mess on our clothes but damn... it's so, so fun...

Time passes by that we didn't even realise how late it was.

We even had ice cream on our way back home. Crossing the same mountain of dahlias but, the flowers were looking so oddly pale...

Just then I hear her speaking calmly,

"I guess it's time to go"

She muttered with a soft smile on her face, but I could clearly see the sadness in her eye, just like mine...

"I don't want to go home..."

I replied while looking down. I couldn't understand why I felt so sad, not like today is the last day I can see her but still... Not only that, but I almost felt like tearing up.

Just then her soft laughs gently rings in my ear and I looked up at her in confusion who was smiling at me before taking few steps back and letting the tired sunlight touch her skin.

"Are you still not going to wake up?"

...----------------...

I remember catching my breath as I woke up in a hospital bed. Finding myself covered in bandages and my own sweats, I was trembling and sobbing, but the fear of losing was still visible on my face.

Just then I hear my mother shouting and calling for doctor saying I've finally woken up after a year.

...Just by then I realised, I wasn't dreaming anymore....

...-----------------------------------------------------------...

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...It's been a year I've stepped outside my room....

I don't know why, I feel like I've woken up from a nightmare- I don't even remember, but...

...There's a woman with long brown hair, caress my head in my dreams with her weirdly but so gentle hand's......

...but the thing is, I've never seen her face....

...----------------...

I saw my sister playing with my toys in the living room. Sighing a little I stepped towards her and placed my hand on her shoulder... but,

...what is this expression she's giving?...

The anxiety mixed with concerns as she looked up at me, seems to confuse me a lot.

"What are you doing?" Asking with a calm voice doesn't seems to help much as she moved away from me without saying a word.

I couldn't understand a single bit about my own sister behavior, why is she behaving like this...?

Before I could even approach her again, I noticed an old lady stepping inside with tears. The lady seems to hesitate coming close to me as if I was a "Monster".

"Y... You've finally decided to come out of your room…?" The lady asks while tearing up more.

I just stare at her in confusion, thinking why is she crying like this but oh... then I remember, her daughter seems to be missing for a year but,

...what does that have to do with me....?...

Filling my head with these thoughts, I noticed my sister taking the lady away from my sight. It's weird but frustrating enough...

...why are they behaving like this!?...

I sighed and went out to our garden, but my mood got ruined more as I see the flowers in such shape. Is there no one to give them water...?

Just by then I heard a voice from behind, It's our gardener.

Keeping my frown still, I Ask "Why aren't you taking care of these flowers!?"

I expected an apology from him, but instead he stayed silent with a concern expression on his face.

"I was on leave after the incident happened..." He muttered.

"Incident..." I repeated with a slight hint of hesitation.

What incident? Why I don't know anything...?" I asked in confusion, but the gardener doesn't seem to answer me as if I already know it.

I was furious at the point of this whole situation. Why everyone is acting like this...!? I need to know!

...****************...

Taking a shower in the evening, I placed the wet towel on bed. Moving towards the dresser, I sit in front while drying my hair.

Everything was fine until I glanced at the mirror... which made my heart skipped a bit.

"Where... where's my face...?"

I placed my palm on face to make sure I'm not hallucinating... but still, I can't see my own face in the mirror!

"It's... It's probably because of dirt." I calmed myself down while taking a deep breath.

Moving away from the dressing table, I grabbed a cloth to clean the mirror. Just then I heard a familiar voice... It's father!

Rushing out of my room, I found my father in the corridor... busy in call. My smile dropped a little with a sigh... what did I expect?

I remembered, My father is always on call with someone. Whenever I look up at him, he always looks so tensed. I do remember him asking the other person for medical issues.

Oh, yes... there's someone sick in our family, but I've never seen them in our house. But I could tell, Father seems to care about them a lot.

...****************...

I didn't approach my father and went straight to my room with so many thoughts, but they were all blurred, I don't know why.

Then I heard a lady coming in, with a food tray and a glass of water.

Who's she....? I don't remember her seeing before.

Without saying a word, She placed those things on the table beside me. I just stare at her face quietly before noticing her hands, how they were clearly trembling...

"Do you work here?" Making her flinch by my sudden question, she just nodded quickly.

"I see... thanks for your hard work."

Again she just nodded quietly before moving towards the doorway as if she was in hurry to leave from my sight.

I just stare at her silently, before she leaves quickly.

"Why are they treating me like this...?"

...----------------...

I wasn't feeling like to get up anymore. I was still fed up with their act, My own family members.

Taking a deep breath, I went to the bathroom to do my morning routine. Having a brush in my mouth, I look in the mirror to fix my hair but then again;

..."Where's.... my face...!?"...

...Am I hallucinating again? Is it because of my eyesight or too much sleep? What is happening?...

Washing my face immediately, I tried to check it again but... I still can't see my own damn face.

"Are you in there?"

I got a bit startled by the voice coming out the bathroom. Putting the towel aside, I went out and saw my aunt. Who sighed and smiled at me softly.

"Glad, you're up early. Let's go downstairs."

"Huh? Is there something important aunt?"

My question seems to drop her smile a little as she nodded quietly.

"Don't be late, I'm waiting." Saying that she took her leave. While I was left speechless.

.......

.......

.......

As I went downstairs, I noticed the atmosphere is slightly weird, No... very much weird.

There's so many people in white, sitting on the floor quietly. The same old lady from earlier was crying her eyes out and my sister was trying to comfort her.

Taking a step forward my gaze went to my father, who was staring in the front. No, Not only him. Everyone's staring at the front...

......A photo frame......

To take a good look... I was about to move closer but then my aunt intercuts and tries to hold my hand before she speaks.

"It's alright, Come…" With her reassuring voice, she helped me to get closer to the frame.

...But... what's happening...?...

I couldn't believe my own feet gave up on moving an inch as I saw the photo clearly.

I felt so uncomfortably scared, anxious... just by looking at the woman in the photo. She felt so uncomfortably close.

Her hair was brown, that blurry smile on face... just like the lady in my dream...

"You two really look so alike..."

My aunt chuckled, While I stare quietly at the photo, before nervously stepping backwards. I don't know why I was feeling this way... so scary... so scary!

Just as I was about to leave, my aunt grabbed my hand, looking at me with concerned expression.

..."Won't you say goodbye to your mother?"...

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.......

I couldn't describe how I felt at the moment when she mentioned... "Ma".

...My all blurred thoughts seems to fed away as I slowly remember everything....

...I... I'm the one who's sick in this family. I'm the one... who tried forget the reality but... I couldn't....

...The Woman in my dreams is none another than my mother herself. Even... even after she left us, I couldn't forget her embrace at all and maybe that's why... I couldn't see my own face....

Messing myself in tears... I broke down in front her photo. As the last word's of bitter came out-

..."Ma... I miss you..."...

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...I couldn't think any better of a beautiful green valley;...

The stream flows slowly and rhythmically with nature. Letting the birds enjoy all the sweetness from air.

...This is peace... the only peace I wished in my life......

...****************...

Closing my eyes together as I lie down on the nature bed;

I felt someone staring at me from the bushes.

She was standing all alone with her tired eyes, As if she was referring my sight.

Thinking If I should approach her or not, She stomped towards me... only a few steps...

I stare at her hoping she'd break the silence but,

...She smiled...

My heart throbbed as I watch her... so innocent. Not for this cruel world.

After a bit of silence she looked away as if she was mad that I didn't responded to her... Oh… How heartless of me.

I sighed and got up before stepping forward but making sure she's comfortable enough. Sure enough her smile came back as she fidget her hands in excitement but a slight of hesitation as if she wants to tell me…. so many things...

..."Can... you help me to find my luck...?"...

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.......

I threw the alarm clock away and breathed heavily as all the scenario I created in dreams;

...Are all wasted.....

"Luck, she said...?" Placing my hands together on face, I let out a small chuckle.

..."but, Where is mine?"...

I feel dizzy trying to get up from bed. The screaming and breaking sounds were hitting my ears. Sigh.... I don't want to go downstairs...

Keeping my steps slow as I moved towards the stairs with my backpack on, I Gulped...

Seeing my mother on ground cleaning up the mess of broken plates with her bloody hand's. While my father... who has just left after doing this all, I'm pretty sure.

"I'm.. going to school.."-

"Breakfast?" She asks, keeping her gaze down on the mess.

"I'm.. getting late so.." I felt scared thinking what her reply would be... but, She wounded her hand more with the pieces before lowering her voice.

"You're just like your father."

.......

.......

.......

Terrible... Terrible... I felt terrible after hearing that. Rushing to school wasn't any better as...

"Oh look, the psycho is here! pathetic and poor!"

That's all I could hear from their mouth, looking down at me with such hatred eyes.

...Sigh... "I want to see her..."...

Just then the bell rang, and all students rushed towards the playground. I knew I'd get scolding from our P.E teacher again but.... What can I do?

Keeping my head down as I went to the ground, Sir glanced down at me and sighed.

"Your father can't even afford a school uniform?"

I stayed silent while he made an annoyed sound and left to the other students.

...Sigh... "I want to see her" .......

Clenching my fist together, I repeated those words again and again. Please.... come in my dream again.

......................

My legs were wobbling as I step towards my house. It was quiet enough that I'm pretty sure father hasn't come back yet.

Sighing a little, I went inside and saw my mother lying on couch. Those two eye bags are the proof, how tired she is.

Letting her stay like that, I went to my room and lie on the bed. I want to see her... I want to see her!

...Silence..........

The sounds of birds and water stream plays in my ears.

...This is it. I'm back to peace....!...

"Jeez... Open your eyes!"

I flinched by the sudden voice and looked in front before I gasped when she was standing so close... so close to me.

I couldn't help but observe her for a few moments more. The sun was kissing her chocolate skin. Her brown eyes were shining by the heat as if the colour was made for her. Her hair was tied up in braid, wearing a long skirt and a greyish blue top.

...She is a Goddess......

...So pretty... So innocent......

"Why are you here?" Maybe I asked the dumbest question ever as obviously it's my dream, just a dream. But, Her silence.... made me curious.

"Because I wanted to see you."

Her reply made me speechless. She's lying... she's playing with me...!

"Why?" I asked again to make sure she's just giving me false hope. But she....

"I missed you"

No...

I can't...

These tears aren't stopping at all. Why… Why did she have to say it!? I… I just wanted to believe this is all a lie and I don't deserve anything!

...But God, Did she really mean it?...

Whatsoever... I couldn't ask for more. Even if it's a little, I'm happy... I'm happy in my dreams.

Wiping my tears, I looked up and saw her standing still... waiting for my response.

"What's your name?"

I asked with a hint of curiosity and anxiety as she was stepping backwards. She was staring at me with a tense look... I couldn't tell what's going in her mind, Besides she wasn't answering me too.

"Hey"-

I was cut off by a loud noise and opened my eyes in fear. I'm back to reality....

Sighing a little, I step downstairs to check... that's when I saw my mother on floor, lying all wounded. While father was yelling at her just because she hasn't made dinner yet.

I didn't got the guts to approach her. All I could do was standing there in tears and all scared.

Just by then mother looked up at me and muttered.

"This is all YOUR FAULT!"

I ran to my room immediately as my heartbeat was getting out of control. She is right… It's all my fault. I should've woken her up that time then... this wouldn't have happened.

.......

.......

.......

On the next day when I was coming back from school, I saw our neighbors were gathered at our house. My anxiety were killing me inside as I step forward and noticed how the people were looking at me with such pity.

...I Gulped and went inside the living room but... my eyes wide open in shock and tears as I found my mother body on floor. But the thing is,...

...She wasn't breathing anymore.......

I was sitting all alone, gripping on my legs tight as the officers were taking out the body. Some of our neighbour tries to talk to me but... I had no strength left.

The police were suspecting my father as he ran away right after the incident happened. Well... I wasn't surprised at all.

I hold my knees tight and kept mumbling again.

..."I want to see her..."...

...****************...

But, She never ever came back. Does she hate me now? Does she also thinks I'm pathetic?

I'm tired by asking these same questions again and again, But there's no one to give me an answer.

...Few days later when I was coming back from my mother grave. I couldn't tell if it's really just me in this whole world and there's no one beside me....

...Funny, isn't it?...

Looking up at the dull sky, asking if it's more lonely than me- My sudden gaze landed on a particular person.

Same braided hair, long skirt and greyish shirt... Those two brown stones of her were shining even on the dull weather.

"It's her..." I muttered under my breath before catching my speed as I rushed towards her without caring about the consequences.

She was looking at me as if I was a predator, and struggling to get away from my grip. I felt desperately crazy to get her back in my dream.

"Why… Why are you behaving like this!? Didn't you said you-… You Want to find luck with me!?"

I asked desperately, Hoping she'd smile at me again but instead... she called me a "Creep".

My grip loosen as I was dragged away from her by the local people. While she just walked away from me... leaving me in speechless.

No matter what, I know... this can't be her... the girl in my dream would never do this… Never!

I didn't have more tears left to cry, but my heart was throbbing all the way as I was dragged to the police station. Accused of harassment.

As I step inside, I could hear the people's talks as they repeated again...

..."Just like the father"...

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...This world is so cruel... I just want to go back in dreams and see her. Only she can understand me.....

..."No one else"...

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