This joyous day arrived so suddenly, my daughter was about to give birth to my first grandchild. One moment I was with her for a scheduled OB visit, and the next moment the doctor ordered that she be admitted. Now, in a pristine white hospital room, Caroline was in labor, about seven weeks too early. She refused to take any medication or receive an epidural, in fear that it may cause her baby health issues down the road. She has already endured more than eight hours of contractions.

Anthony, my son-in-law once again wiped away the beads of sweat that trickled down her face. Sitting on the bed facing her, he held her hand tightly as he patiently guided her through the breathing exercises.

I never told Caroline this, but let me tell you, don’t believe it when the nurses tell you it will help with the pain. Bull crap, it does nothing to relieve the pain.

Last time they checked, about an hour ago, she was only at eight centimeters. The wait was the hardest part for me, well also that incessant beeping from the monitor, was not pleasant either.

Suddenly, the beeping became fast and loud, and before we could even press the button, the doctor rushed into the room. Followed closely were three people in nurses uniforms and two in doctor lab coats, each brought with them an assortment of equipment including a baby examination table.

“Okay, it is time,” the doctor announced while donning the cover-all.

How does she know, when she hadn’t even checked if my daughter was fully dilated? And that beeping, rushing in, something’s wrong!

A nurse rushed over to press buttons on a monitor, and silenced the incessant beeping. Though it provided a welcomed moment of silence, it caused my heart to feel heavy. An ominous feeling was settling in. She gave Caroline an oxygen mask, then hoisted Caroline’s left leg up onto the stirrups.

Bewildered and not knowing what to do, Anthony robotically did what the doctor instructed. He moved to hoist Caroline’s right leg up onto the stirrups.

An "Ahh!” from Caroline brought my attention back to my daughter and I took my place next to her and coached her to breathe through the contractions. I saw from Caroline’s face that the pain was almost too much to bear, as another contraction started. The doctor warned her not to push just yet.

After the doctor finished donning gloves and a face shield, she positioned herself to check on Caroline. “Okay Caroline, it is time. I need you to start pushing on the next contraction, start slowly.”

After a dozen contractions had come and gone, Caroline protested that she couldn’t do this anymore and tried to remove the oxygen mask.

“You cannot remove this.” The nurse turned to stop her.

“No, I can’t breathe with this on, I feel like I am suffocating,” she protested.

"Just a couple more, I could already see the top of the head. I am going to give you a bit of local anesthesia because I’m going to give you a small cut and use suction to help with the process,'' the doctor encouraged.

Upon hearing that she would soon see her daughter, Caroline looked like she was fueled with renewed determination. “Okay,” was all she said.

Moments later, with a bit of concern lingering on the doctor’s words, "She's out."

The doctor didn't wait for the father to cut the umbilical cord, but did it herself, and immediately handed the baby to the nurse.

There was no crying.

The nurse brought the baby to the other side of the room where a team of doctors and nurses were already set up and waiting. They checked on the baby, and the nurse vigorously rubbed her. She was tiny. All wrapped up in the nurse’s hands, she seemed no bigger than a kitten.

I stood there staring over in that direction, paralyzed by the thought, "Why wasn’t she crying?"

Only when I heard the doctor calmly say, "Now, let’s concentrate on delivering the placenta,” did I turn and return my attention to Caroline.

Caroline had laid down from exhaustion after the birth, utterly exhausted from the delivery, she was covered with sweat. She was still breathing hard as she endured the residual contractions. After a bit,, she must have also realized something was wrong, as she asked, "Why isn't she crying?”

"It is time to deliver the placenta. Give me another big push," the doctor implored.

“Ahh!” She pushed and a blob of gelatinous gray mass spilled out of her. She calmed her breathing, turned her head, and looked across the room.

Suddenly stricken with emotions, tears started streaming down her face. She dishearteningly asked me, “Mom, what is happening?”

I just stood there looking at her. I didn’t know what to say. Ideas just would not form in my mind, and all I could muster was, “Uh”. As I continued to look down on her tear stricken face, my heart broke into a million pieces.

After a few more moments of silence, she suddenly became frantic, “What is going on?” practically screamed, “Please tell me.” She made big movements to try to get out of the stirrups.

The doctor called for the nurse to come and help. "Please hold her still while I finish sewing her up. Caroline, you really have to hold still while I finish here,” the doctor said patiently.

I tried to soothe her by stroking her hair, and telling her it would be alright. Being held back down, she took a few more deep breaths, calmed a bit. Seeing that she was obediently complying, the nurse let go.

Not moving, she yelled across the room, “Anthony! What is going on?”

Anthony, hesitantly turned away and left his position overlooking the frenzy of activity. Walked over to Caroline and said, “Honey, the cord was wrapped around her, I think the baby isn’t breathing.”

“No!” She screamed while shaking her head, she grabbed onto Anthony’s arm. A new wave of hot burning tears once again fell as she stared towards the area where the baby lay surrounded by nurses and doctors.

“Caroline, there’s nothing that you can do at this moment, please just trust them to do their job,” the doctor said compassionately, as she continued her sutures.

Moments passed, and suddenly the frenzy of activity stopped.

A loud resounding, “Waa!” and with it feelings of relief and joy bloomed throughout the room. As the pediatrician did a final check, one by one the others walked out of the room, with smiles and words of congratulations.

A single nurse was left to clean the baby. She wrapped her up tightly, and handed the little bundle to dad. Anthony held her gently and brought their precious bundle over to Caroline. Standing next to her bed, he just waited until Caroline was helped to sit up. As he stared down at that little face, he looked so happy.

When Caroline was ready, he gently handed her off to his wife. Their eyes met and at that moment nothing needed to be said, their smiles told me that at that moment, life was just perfect.

Click! And I am so glad I am here to capture it.

After another two weeks in the hospital due to other complications, the baby was ready to go home. Ariana ZhiYin Nan was soundly sleeping in the baby carrier for the hour drive home. The sun was already setting by the time they discharged my granddaughter. As we stepped out of the hospital, the amber glow of the sunset casted beautiful soft rays of light upon her plump round face. She really had filled out a bit during her stay at the hospital.

Anthony drove us home, traffic was light. I just couldn’t help but look back at my new granddaughter and oh, the joy on my own daughter’s face. Life just couldn’t have given me a better gift. Finally, they were able to bring their daughter home. I knew that Caroline was so hurt, when she had to leave the hospital without Ariana.

When we arrived at their house, they walked in with the baby while I carried the baby bag in. She placed Ariana down in her soft comfy crib. The room had been decorated in hues of soft light yellows. Daisies in fields of grass danced on the walls and it also adorned the bedding. It was even pictured on the lamp shade and area rug. The floor lamp shines down, casting warm soft shadows of daisies onto the dimly lit room. My favorite feature was the beige rocking chair underneath the lamp. I’ve imagined reading bedtime stories to this precious little one in the days to come.

Days started flying by and the new parents finally started falling in stride; life with a new baby was not simple. I helped to cook and wash but caring for the child was all on them.

Caroline woke 3 to 4 times to feed Ariana at night. On this particular morning the sun was already coming up, I awoke to the sound of running water from the shower and shortly after I heard footsteps trekking the short distance from the master bedroom leading to Ariana’s room. I tried to ignore it and drifted slowly back to sleep. Maybe just a couple more minutes of shuteye before I prepared breakfast. Suddenly, I heard her scream for Anthony, who I heard barrel into the room, then frantically ran back. I got up as quickly as possible, donned my robe and rushed to the baby’s room. When I reached the hallway, I heard him say, “911, this is an emergency! Please send an ambulance, my baby is not breathing!”

I held Caroline, as she tightly cradled Ariana. Within minutes the ambulance was there and I stepped into the corner to stay out of the way. The paramedics had to pry Ariana out of Caroline’s arms before they started CPR. Anthony supported Caroline who whimpered as they looked on. After a short while, as they continued CPR, they loaded the parents and Ariana into the ambulance.

I watched a bit as they drove off, numb from the shock. A gust of cold wind helped me snap out of it, I quickly changed and drove to the hospital. When I arrived, I found out that Caroline had fainted from hearing that Ariana was already gone.

I tried to stay strong, but tears welled up. I just couldn’t let them see me this way. So, I cried for a while in the hospital waiting room until I was finally able to call Anthony’s parents to inform them of what happened and ask for them to come.

When I was done, I searched for Caroline’s room and when I stood in the doorway, I saw Anthony solemnly holding Ariana sitting next to Caroline’s bed. He was waiting until she woke up, so that they could both say their final goodbyes. Tears just could not be stopped, so I stepped back out into the hallway. Sat on the nearest chair and openly cried to ease the pain in my heart.

Meanwhile, Ariana’s soul traveled to the underworld.

Down in the underworld, Ariana’s fully mature soul slowly awakened.

Memories of my short life flooded my mind. Starting from the point of when I drank Mengpo’s soup* to forget my previous life. How a short delay in paperwork had stopped me from arriving in time for the birth and almost caused me to die again. Then also how my soul was finally accepted by Ariana’s new born body and the short life I had with my family.

After a moment to process, I painfully sat up from the so-called bed. I angrily shouted to no one in particular, "Shit! Really? Why the hell did you even send me up there, just have me come right back down!"

I looked around, I’m in a room made up entirely of flat wooden planks, four walls, not even a window. The only opening was the double doors, big rectangle pieces of wood with smaller rectangle openings on the top half of the door. The opening was lined with paper sandwiched between two sets of smaller pieces of wood assembled in a simple criss crossing pattern. I assume that was to let in some light, or else the room reminded me of a large crate. The bed was not fancy, basically a plain white sheet covering a twin-size wooden plank, sitting on four wooden stools, no mattress, no soft pillow, no other furniture either, not even a chair.

A guard must have heard me. He had opened the doors and walked to where I was sitting. Now he stood before me, muttering information. Within that long speech, he had also answered my question, “The Lord of Fate asked us to bring you back down…"

Refocusing on what he had said, I loudly questioned for further details, "What does he want and what the hell, does it have to do with me?”

The guard just stared at me blankly.

So I glared back at him, but he seemed unphased. After another few seconds had passed, I was ready to give this guy a piece of my mind, this time uncensored. I opened my mouth but before a single syllable was uttered, I was interrupted by an angelic voice. “Well all will be answered. I have been assigned to be your guide.”

At the door, a handsomely dressed man, wearing a white cheongsam, a traditional Chinese robe, outlined with crimson red thread. In the middle of a matching cloth belt, embroidered in the same crimson red, is the Chinese character for “Fate”. Long glistening hair, partially pinned into a bun on top of his head, while the other half freely flowed down his back. In his hand, he held a bamboo and paper expandable fan, with a talisman with the symbol for the Lord of Fate that dangled at the end. He waved his hand, the guard bowed, excused themselves, and closed the doors behind them.

He took a few steps towards me and then pointed his fan in the direction of the opposite wall. "Well Ariana ZhiYin Nan, now look up at the screen and you will hear your loved ones' last words,” he said without a shred of emotion.

As if being guided by a string, my head turns to where his fan had pointed. Magically, there was now a big white silk screen where a blank wall used to be. Images of a hugging couple’s back appeared, they were Ariana’s, my parents, the ones that I never got to call mom and dad. Standing in front of them were my grandparents. The picture pans to the front, coming into view is the little child in their arms.

"We loved her so much, what did we do wrong? Why did this have to happen?" my mom pleaded for an answer.

Dad sadly responded, “The doctor believes it was SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. We didn’t do anything wrong. There was no way to prevent it. She was just not meant to be long for this world.” He placed a kiss on his wife's head and a tear fell.

The picture pans away, and the screen is once again white.

Slapping his fan close to his palm, he stated, "Well, now that we are done with that. On to the matter of why you are here.” Stopping to fumble around in the pockets of his robe, he retrieved something. Held in his open palm, was a bunch of tangled red strings. “This is the reason!"

I was dumbfounded, the idiocy of the situation, I couldn’t help but laugh. In between the chuckles, I spewed out a bunch of questions. "What the hell is that? Is that supposed to mean something to me? What does a bunch of strings have to do with me?”

Taking a deep breath, and becoming serious again, I asked the final question, “By the way, who the hell are you?"

The man in white must had been stunned speechless, because he did not react or respond immediately, all he did was stare at me wide eyed.

So I stared at him sternly and expectantly.

After a few more seconds of utter silence, he brought his fist to his face and coughed a few times to clear his throat.

"My name is Lau ZhiHin, I am the apprentice to the Lord of Fate. We brought you back because your entire existence is in jeopardy.” Putting exaggerated emphasis on the words, “entire existence”.

I rolled my eyes at him. What he was doing wasn’t totally lost to me, he was trying to demonstrate the seriousness of the matter but DAMN, it was annoying!

“Two of these red strings tie you and your destined one together. In each lifetime we meet a person that is our destiny. The person may look different and act differently each lifetime but it is the souls that are meant for each other. What we now refer to as soulmates."

I looked at the ball of string that seems to be getting more and more tightly entangled and I clearly see different hues of red.

With one eyebrow lifted, I inquisitively ask, "Then why is it such a ball of string now? Shouldn't it be just one other string with mine?"

Looking a little embarrassed, turned his head and he mumbled his reply.

"What did you say?" leaned in further to hear him.

"I said, about an hour ago, as we were inspecting the strings, a worker accidentally dropped the two pairs of strings on the ground. The two sets of strings are now twisted around each other.” he clearly stated this time, even stood up straighter as he talked.

"So this is your fault! Okay, then just untangle them!" It was the most logical thing to do.

"Isn't not that easy, each knot is or should be a destined meeting in each lifetime. But now the other pairs of strings have twisted tightly on those knots and now are part of your history and it may change the past, affecting the current future. Currently, it is still too soon to gather intel on what changes have already occurred. But a day here in the underworld is a year up there, so in the time that I have taken to explain this all to you, almost another half a month has gone by. So the changes are definitely more evident up above.

“Wow.” The realization of how fast time was going, shocked me.

He continued, "Easiest way to undo all this, is to send you back to your past lives where the knots are entangled by the other strings, to stop the other pair from affecting your destiny, that will undo the entanglement of the other strings and return history back to normal.

“Wait,” I stood up to face him and wildly gesturing with my hands, “there are three other souls in this equation, why don’t you ask them to do all this”

“Well the other two souls can not help you find your soulmate, that part is entirely up to you. They have their own destiny to fulfill. So, they can not help you in this process,in actuality they may be more of a hindrance to you accomplishing your goal. As for your soul-mate, unfortunately, in this lifetime he is destined to bring about a significant change to the future of humanity. So we can not bring him back at this time. Otherwise, yes it would be much easier if you both went back in time.

"Wait though, won't going back mean that I might change history anyways? I won't know what happened and most likely will do things differently" I questioned him, doubtfully.

Holding up a book, he started to explain, "Not really, I have here the book of life, summaries of all your past lives but now it is missing big parts of your story, almost as if it has been erased. You will read about each lifetime before being sent back and it should help you find your true love. I will use this information to send you back to the point in each lifetime where you are to meet your soulmate, thus fulfilling your destiny. Once that is complete, I will bring you right back and history will be as the book fills in the rest of your story. Presumably that will untangle, release and smooth out each string.

"So all I have to do is meet them? Nothing else?" I was a bit hopeful that it did sound easy enough.

Sounding a little meek and twisting a bit he said, "Well, technically you meeting them, and that should be enough but I don’t know, you might have to go as far as to get them to fall in love with you again to trigger the full release of the soul back to this realm.

"That is very different than just meeting them!" I said angrily, "How many times?"

"How many, what?" he asked.

"How many freaking times do I have to do this, to set everything right?" I screamed in frustration

"Don't know yet?" he said timidly, "The thing is, the strings are so tangled at the moment I don't know how many entanglements the other couples have in your timeline, I will only see more when it starts to loosen up.”

Plopping back down on the bed. "Do I have to?" I ask exasperated, "Can't we just leave it entangled?"

"No! Do you know how many lives will be affected, how history will be affected if we don't fix this now?" He was practically hysterical at the thought of my suggestion.

His face turned dark and very seriously said "The other way to undo the strings is to go back in time when your soul was born and directly send your soul to burn in the 18th floor of hell, and ban it from ever reincarnating. We can then pair your soulmate with another newly born soul, completely replacing you in history.”

That sounded horrible, I hurriedly said, "No,no,no. That is not needed. I'll do it." I said to quell his anger. "After all, how hard would it be since I must have already done it once before. And this time I even have the story ahead of time to go by. Piece of cake." proudly boasted.

"Okay, now that we agree, let's get started." he mused with a smirk.

I glare at him but say nothing.

*Meng Po Soup is a concoction that is drunk before a soul is reincarnated, as to sever all ties to the past life, to start life anew.

“Read this first before I send you back in time.” ZhiHin guided me to the story of the first entangled knot on my red string. “This first one should be simple. At that time and age, people are in blind arranged marriages, so you will be brought together just because your parents’ decide with a MuiPo*.

I placed my finger as a placeholder and quickly flipped over the rest of the book. “Exactly how many lifetimes have I had?”

“A little less than two dozen, I believe,” he responded.

I turned back to the page and began reading. Okay, my story…

In this lifetime my name was AuYeung LaiSan born to an Imperial Scholar named AuYeung HunBo (father) and a daughter of a low ranking Imperial Official, named DingMui DaiZi. (mother) I was the youngest of eight children and their only daughter. It was the Yue Dynasty and they lived in Zhong City, center of the country.

I married my soulmate at,

Married at the age of 17, a little old for marriage at that era, where marrying around 15 years old was the norm. Because I was the only daughter, my parents kept on delaying it, to keep me at home with them a bit longer.

My betrothed is SzeTo DongAn, he is a general that guarded the Southern Border city named Zhang Zuo.

According to this, everything went very smoothly, we’re married for twenty-six years and had six children of our own, two boys and four girls. Peace with the bordering country was ensured with the marriage of their Princess Tong SiMan to our Crown Prince, MoYung TianLong.

I flipped to the next page but it was blank. “That’s it? It isn’t a lot to go by.”

With a wave of his hand, “Yes, but it should be enough for you to muddle through. Okay, again the goal is to get your destiny to fall in love with you, then you can fully detach from that lifetime and return. Don’t worry so much about any changes you might make to history, as long as you succeed, the entanglement will come loose on the strings and once I bring you back, history will reset itself.”

“But if you fail to gain your destiny’s love or if you die before that, you will have to try again until you succeed,” he cautioned.

“Wait, why would I fail?” Isn’t it already written in history?” I questioned his logic.

“Well with the other strings involved, who knows how it may affect your life. Okay, are you ready?”

“Well, I guess, you’re not exactly giving me much choice here,” I said a bit peeved.

“Let’s get started, I will send you back to the day you first met your betrothed. He and his parents came to see your family to exchange the promissory gift. Basically exchange his jade with his family emblem, for your family’s jade emblem.” he continued “It is 9 months before you get married, so you are 16 years old.”

He waved his fan around and around, chanting in some foreign dialect. A portal of golden light appeared. "Go" he demanded.

I walked on through and it started to close.

Retracting his fan, he said, "Good luck."

I turned back to take one last look as the portal slowly closed. I heard him say softly to himself, "I really hope this works.”

Our eyes locked on to each other for a second just before the portal completely closed and darkness engulfed me.

As she walk into the portal it faded and ZhiHin was left alone again in the dimly lit room.

He sighed, shaking his head, he said under his breath, “I never knew I could be so good at lying and making up stories.”

He glanced at the Book of Life, then rolled it up and tucked it back into this robe. “This has to work, I must find out what happened!” He said with determination and frustration.

He adjusted his robe and put on a solemn face, waved his fan and walked into a different portal, to return home.

MuiPo* - an elderly married woman that compares birth dates and finds auspicious dates for marriage.