My Life As A Demon
Diary 1
Penney
Today was the day I got a diary.
Penney
It's dorky. Really. Those female bullies at Western Hills HATE kids with diaries.
Penney
I'm not trying to fuck with the lad… But they have been mad about that shit for 6 or 7 years like chillax.
Stephanie
Bitch, Is that a fucking diary?!
Penney
Duh. What do you think?
Stephanie
WELL GET THAT SHIT OUT MY FACE!
Penney
Jesus Christ. Did you take some crazy pills?
Stephanie
I'm serious, that diary is giving me a headache!!!
Penney
Whatever, Flash a titty, Bitch.
Penney
Well, it's the first day and I feel dramatic. Fuck my life.
Mrs. Clinton slowly walks in the classroom and puts her stuff down.
Mrs. Clinton
Alright class. I want you all in assigned seats.
Alexander
I want to see you in a wheelchair, bitch!
Micheal
Yeah! Fuck you Mrs. Clinton! And how the fuck are we supposed to know where our assigned are this is the first day of high school!
Mrs. Clinton
So.. Are we done..?
Penney
Damn.. She said no shit.
Mrs. Clinton
Alright class. Today we are going to talk about geometry.
Penney
So we are learning about shapes we already know?! bullshit!
Mrs. Clinton
No, this is something different.
Alexander
Bitch I attended here for friends and action not rotting in class.
Mrs. Clinton
Alexander, every school is for educational learning.
Alexander
More like rotting in class and wanting to kill myself!!!
Penney
Yeah!!! What he said!!
Mrs. Clinton
Alright class. Stop fooling around!
Mrs. Clinton
Let's just start Geometry. OKAY?
hi guys. This is the first episode of me rotting. I stop it right here because that's all I can think of.
Diary 2
Penney
Mostly, I wans really pissed off at this school. It was such a L! I can't help but say the cafeteria food smells like ass, the bullies can't fucking leave you alone for shit, and Principal Calvin never gave a shit!
Penney
Today, my abusive mom is coming over. My dad didn't want her to come over, but she did.
Penney
Hey bitch can you get the fuck out of my dad's house your not allowed here.
Penney
Because you're fucking abusive! And I can't stand a adult woman hurting me!!
Hua
Whatever. I'm staying here anyway
Hua
I'm living here for 5 days now.
Penney
Bitch you better get the fuck out of here!
Penney
*sigh* Fine! I'm not messing with you for 5 days now.
Penney
You want to come over my house?
Alexander
Eh… Sure since I have nothing else to do in life.
Penney
No bitch. Today after school.
Alexander
I'd say, It would be better if we have done it on the weekend so..
Penney
Actually, whatever. I'll call you to come over on Friday.
Alexander
But I would've come over on Saturday since there is two fucking days!
Penney
I'd fucking make it three!
Alexander
If you did, I'll be happy. But how?!
Penney
I don't fucking know..
Alexander
Alright then. I'll come over.
Penney
I'll just go talk to Janessa
Penney
God-damn it. I hope my mom has some Valium left.
Janessa
So, how's being suicidal?
Penney
Saying suicidal jokes about me is actually fucking funny.
Penney
Fr.. Or it's wrong..?
Penney
Have you been away from the shitty cafeteria food?!
Penney
They always smell like ass!
Counselor David
Penney, you don't use that word.
Janessa
Oh my god, this bitch again
Penney
I don't give a shit!
Counselor David
Your 17, young man! Don't use that foul language in Western Hills High School!
Penney
Shut the fuck up Counselor David!
Counselor David
Excuse me?!
Penney
Yeah, you heard me!
Counselor David
Alright, as for today, you go to the principal's office.
Counselor David
Come with me!
Penney shrugged and walked to the principal's office.
Principal Calvin
Penney, this is your last warning.
Penney
What the fuck do you mean?! You said if you break five warnings, you would expel me or suspend me!
Principal Calvin
U-Uh… Well, I forgot eventually.
Principal Calvin
Well, Penney. If you break more than that I'll probably give your mom or dad a phone call.
Penney
I'm sorry, but I don't give a FUCKING shit.
Principal Calvin
THREE WARNINGS.
Principal Calvin
Now leave.
Penney gets off the chair and leaves the principal's office.
Penney
So I got fucked up, didn't I...
Jiao
Did you get in trouble?
Jiao
Btw.. Do you know what 78 ÷ 89 is?
Penney
Holy shit! it might be very hard to pronounce. But it's a really long answer.
As Jiao leaves, Janessa walks in.
Janessa
And I like her hair.
Penney
Yeah, her hair is really long.
Janessa
So if you were a girl, which is gayer? Dating a girl or having sex with her dead body?
Penney
…. I think.. Dating a girl..?
Penney
Aw, shucks. So, why have sex with a girls dead body?
Janessa
I don't know, that came out of my head.
Penney
I won't ask more then.
Saturday, 12pm. Alexander rushes to Penney's house and knocks on the door.
Alexander
C'mon, I texted like 5 minutes ago!
Alexander
Sup jackass! What are we doing tonight?
Penney
I don't know. Whatever you like is cool.
Penney
However, you can come in.
Alexander
Damn! Your house looks fucking modern.
Hua
Uhmm… Penney, who is that?
Hua
You know I don't allow friends here.
Alexander
Uhm, Why the fuck not?!
Penney
Just let him stay, whore!
Hua
You don't say shitty language in my house!
Hua
You are now NOT allowed to be hanging out with him!
Alexander
He can hang out with whoever he fucking wants, jackass!
Alexander
Now skedaddle upstairs, pour your little wine, turn on some Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rodrick Rules movie, and shut the fuck up!
Hua
Ugh! I can't believe you!
Alexander
God.. That felt good.
Alexander
I wish I said that to my own mom.
Penney
So, your mom is abusive too?
Alexander
No, she's strict.
Diary 3
Penney
The drama all starts off when I was writing in my diary, minding my own business and quiet. Suddenly, the Stephanie bitch walked up to me.
Stephanie
Oh.. It's the cockass dork again.
Stephanie
Yes you are! I'm actually on the honor roll.. So you better respect me!
Penney
Bitch, how about you shut the fuck up before I slap you so fucking hard that the honor ROLLS out?!
Counselor David
Penney! Its literally your almost last warning!
Penney
This bitch started it first!
Stephanie
N-nOooOooOoOo… HeE staRted it..
Penney
I'll fucking roundhouse kick you in the face you little cocksucker...
Counselor David
What was that, Penney…?
Counselor David
Ah, I see. Well, Stephanie. I'll have to discuss this with Penney and you after school. Okay?
Penney
💭: (I'm definitely not going to the counselor's office.)
Penney
Bitch, I'm not going to your shitty little office!
Counselor David
Uhm, Penney… EXCUSE ME?
Penney
I said I'm not going!
Counselor David
Alright then. You're coming to the principal's office.
Penney
Alright, I have to admit that I don't fucking give a shit if I get expelled or suspended.
Counselor David
Your last warning. Do NOT cuss in school.
Penney rolls his eyes at him.
Jiao
Do you want to eat ice cream with me..? it would be kind of nice..
Jiao
And.. more fun stuff. ^_^
Penney
When will we do that..?
Jiao
I'd say... on Saturday.
Penney
I'm fucking edging.
Janessa
So.. you were getting hard..?
Janessa
Just because she's hot?
Janessa
Ah. I see. I thought you were complimenting her when you said she's fucking hot. You have a crush on her.
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