Hi my love,

Well technically I can't call you that anymore right? After all we already broke up and I hope that you already moved on because I still can't. Downsides of having attachment issues I guess. Anyway, I didn't write this to hurt you or somehow remind you about any pain, I did this as I had many things left unsaid to you. I just really wanted to let out some feelings I have left to you and probably because writing is one of the ways I've learned how to cope. It just feels natural like I'm talking to you. Maybe this is the way I could say that I've let you go already or maybe it's my way of coping. As of now, I'm still admittedly hurt, but I think I could manage this. I'll learn how to move on, heal, and be better. I'm sorry that I'm acting like this, or not letting go like you told me to do. I guess I'm really that in love with you. Come to think of it tho, we never even really met in person yet I'm acting like this, I think I'm shameless. By the end of this, I hope I can finally say that I moved on. Thank you for being a part of my life even just for a short while. I hope you are doing well and I wish you happiness. I wish that you'd be able to see the great things I saw in you so that you'd stop thinking so low of yourself, love. I wish that you'd be able to heal from all the pain you've been through. I know that I don't have the right to meddle in your life anymore but, even though we're not talking I could not help but worry about you. I constantly ask myself if you're okay, it's silly I know. I wish that you find yourself again and be content with who you are. Gosh I wish I could say that I miss you but I can't. It feels like it would be weird since I think I'm the only one whose stuck like this. Anyhow, I still have this feeling of wanting to know how you're doing and somehow, I can't shake it off. I know I don't have the right to pry about your life but still, I learned how to accept and love you so yeah, I couldn't help but want to know how you're doing right now.... In another universe if it's real, I hope we could be together and do the things we couldn't in this one. For now, I'll look at the moon and tell them about all the things I want to say to you. I'd wish on the stars all the things I wanted to have with you... I'd pray for everything to be fine for the both of us... Please think of me when you look at the sky like I do because, I still think of you... Don't get me wrong this is not a way of me saying I want you back... Well yeah deep down I do, but I've learned to accept that what I want is what I can't have..

I love you....

~Bun

September 3,2022

The first time we met... I still remember it all too well. My friend added me to her server, I was shy with talking to you all at first but, you were there. You somehow made me feel comfortable. We continued talking for days. To the point I just found myself waiting for you to get online. I really wanted to talk to you... I didn't even realize that I was catching feelings for you. Only 5 days after I met you I already had feelings for you. Even by that I surprised myself, I didn't think that I'd catch feelings already since it's not even that long since I knew you. Then you started flirting with me. Honestly, it made me swoon. When I felt being playful I flirted back even if I don't know how to yet, it just came naturally.

September 22,2022

You confessed.

Even using the game I said we'd play just days ago. "2 truths, 1 lie"... On your last turn, you made me guess between the three: 1 you like someone, 2 you love to sing 3 you can play instruments. I guessed it right, the answer was 3. I was curious at first who that person might be and you said it was me, you said you liked me. I said it back "I like you too". I've never felt more flustered that time. Oh how much my heart raced at the thought that someone who I didn't think would like me, liked me. You said that you confessed to me because you didn't want to be too late before someone does. The next day, I couldn't help ranting to our common friend, well she's my classmate of course I would tell her! She was surprised because she didn't think we'd end up to be together. I couldn't wait to get home that day just to talk to you... That night was the first time you called me after you confessed. It lasted for two hours.

September 24, 2022

The first time that you told me you love me.

Honestly I was taken aback because I got so flustered. I didn't think it'd be that fast that you'd say those three words to me. My friend asked me if we're official or something,,, and you said we kinda are. I guess we rushed tings as we settled on September 22 being the day we went official. We kinda rushed it, don't you think?

Those dates meant a lot to me, well not that much now... Don't get me wrong, I don't regret meeting you. It's just that part of me wished that I didn't... Part of me wished that we only stayed friends because at least I could still talk to you, part of me wished that I didn't have to cry about a person almost every night... I just wished you didn't tell me how you really felt. I've never been so broken yet happy towards a person.

Months passed, and I know that there were times that you fell out of love... I knew, but I was too stubborn upon letting you go. I wanted to be with you, even if some of my friends, my cousins never really hide how they didn't like you for me, I still chose not to listen to them... What can I say? I do stupid things when I really love someone. Yes, there were times that I know we were happy, times that I know we loved each other, times that I know that we wanted for it to work... But what happened?

Maybe I should've listened to my friends when they told me to leave you... Funny how months prior I was crying to them about leaving you because I didn't want to get even more attached. That time you didn't talk to me for days... I pretended that it was fine, and I understood but deep down, I was really hurt. But that's what love is right?

You learn how to compromise, change, accept, and fight for that person... That's why I tried my best to be there for you even if I had problems of my own. But I guess that wasn't enough.

We kept getting some misunderstandings. I tried to fix it, yet you just wanted to end it. You knew you hurting me, but why didn't you do something about it?

You promised that you'd be there for me, always... Yet when I needed you, you weren't there. You promised you'd never make me cry... But you did, I can't even count. You said you won't hurt me, but you did over and over again. All you said was "sorry"... Oh, how much I hate that word... You always say that yet nothing changes even if you said you will...

I loved you too much that I kept pushing myself to you... Even though you were more like a stranger than my lover... Sorry I was far from you...

My friends made me realize that what you did wasn't good but, they did it in a really harsh way. Don't you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don't you think I loved you so much that I deserved nothing? All I ever wanted was to be enough, even just for one person but, I guess I just can't. Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me. Even if I knew from the start this is exactly how you'd leave. And maybe I'm just not as interesting or as exciting from the girls you had before.

But God, you couldn't have cared less about someone who loved you more.

I'd say you broke my heart but, you broke much more than that. I don't want your sympathy, I just want myself back. You always left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong. I've never questioned and doubted myself so much.

I've never really imagined myself begging for the bare minimum... At least not again but, I should've seen it coming. I was willing to settle at how little you gave me even though it hurt me so much. I couldn't bare the thought of not having you with me...I guess love isn't just for me.

You might be asking why I'm writing this... I guess I just want something to remember you by?

That night without you, I cried for hours,

(Hoping and praying nobody heard me but alas, the music wasn't enough to drown the sound of my sobbing)

To the point that my eyes were red and puffy.

(My eye was bleeding I have been crying for hours from the days prior: we weren't okay, and I knew it)

I looked at my screen seeing your last message,

(I was still willing to wait for you, I wanted to talk to you like I always do, love)

Hoping that it wouldn't be the last time

(Deep down I knew it was, but I couldn't just believe it yet)

My heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest.

(You weren't my first heartbreak, yet it just somehow feels different)

Even if I knew I had to accept it,

I couldn't help but be in denial.

(I loved you long enough hon, to the point that I got attached and learned to accept you)

I wasn't able to sleep that night.

(I tried so hard to ignore my thoughts, I didn't know you had such an effect to me)

Our memories kept playing in my head.

(I couldn't remember when it all went wrong)

I know I thought about my decision for long enough.

(That point, it's been months that I've been mourning something that hasn't yet died.)

But I had to turn to my friends for help, it'd be awkward if I ask my mom right?

(I regret doing that because they took matters in their own hands... They were the ones who messaged you)

They were there to support me and give me the much-needed courage.

(Yeah, I know hon, I could be cowardly at times.... That's why I think everything inside me got pent-up because I couldn't bring myself to talk to you about our problems... I didn't want to hurt you my love)

That day, we actually had lost a school event, yet I was more upset about our situation.

(I knew what had to be done...)

Then you said the question I hated the most… It always instantly drives me to tears.

(Remember what is it hon?... "do you want to break up with me?")

I didn't get tired of you, it was just that I had to choose between you and me.

(but I knew deep down, if I choose you, I'd betray myself, my mother, and if I choose me, I'd be betraying my promise to you.)

It was a hard decision really, I was already under pressure with school and I had problems, so I chose me.

(Don't get me wrong love, I still love you but that night I saw, I saw how you didn't fight for me, for us…)

With a heavy heart I answered your question… "Yes"

(I wasn't ready... But I thought, "at least it would be over, right?")

Oh, how much I wanted to take back what I said...

(But, I stood by what I said... Because I knew something you didn't...)