Lady Flame's Monster
Craziness Part One
FILMED IN GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOUR!!
(But on the budget of an old black & white B movie)
🦄 OINK 🦄
Voice of God, The Director of Life
The camera pans in on a scary looking castle on top of a hill, lightning flashing all around, and we zoom in on a room at the top of the highest tower, where a lab is situated... The camera does a close up of a short, stocky, eccentric looking scientist, with red tinted glasses, and long dark hair.
Lady Flame
BWA HA HA HA HA... I, Lady Cara von Flame, 'ave discovered ze secret of life after death!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
She strikes THE pose, you know, THAT one... one hand on her hip, the other in the air, finger pointed, a la John Travolta, and we hear music 'Ah, Ah, Ah, staying alive, staying alive...' She does THE dance, with a little spin at the end, then returns to THAT pose
Lady Flame
I vil' prove my life's vork, by awakening zis creature I 'ave created from pieces of dead youkai!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
The camera pans round to the other side of the lab, where we see a body covered by a sheet
Lady Flame
Electra... 'ave you finished calling forth a storm, for my experiment to vork?!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
A young woman with long white hair, and glowing eyes with no pupils, comes through a door that leads out to the roof. She climbs down the wrought iron spiral staircase, sparks flying from her hands as she touches the railings, from her facial markings she appears to be part demon, part storm kami
Electra
I still don't understand why I don't just zap him?!
Lady Flame
Zat is why I is ze scientist, an' you is ze assistant... Ve need all this expensive equipment, to regulate ze flow of electricity, an' so ve do not get crispy fried demon!!
Electra
Yosh', let's get started...
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Electra pulls the big lever, (there's always a big lever LOL), the machine hums into action, lights flash, etc, then there is a huge flash of blinding white light, and the machine blows up, sparks and smoke everywhere. Mass coughing noises come from within a huge cloud of smoke, and our scientist gets out a memo recorder from the pocket of her lab coat and presses record
Lady Flame
Note to self, never to buy machine parts from Nabiki Enterprises again!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
more coughing
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Both women turn to stare avidly at the shrouded body through the clearing smoke, the camera follows their gaze, and zooms in on the body on the table... An arm falls out from beneath the sheet, and a finger twitches, suddenly the body jerks upright, and a hand pulls the sheet away from it's face. It is beautiful yet cold, surrounded by long black hair, which immediately turns white
'cause Mangatoon doesn't have a pic of a scary looking pretty dude with long black hair ya know... fourth wall... what fourth wall?! 🙈🙉🙊
Naraku
Who are you? Where is this? The last thing I remember was...
Lady Flame
Zis is my lab and I 'ave brought you back to life!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Lady Flame strikes THAT pose again... God, I mean me, she is just sooooo dramatic!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
The audience of fan girls goes wild, cause that guy is so bish! 😍
Naraku
Why thank you my dear, now I shall have my revenge on that worthless cur, and his annoying friends
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Naraku waves his hand and sends a stream of miasma out towards Lady Flame, which is then evaporated by a bolt of lightning… the camera quick pans around to Electra, where she is powered up and hovering off the ground, her hair flying round her as lightning crackles around her body
Electra
How DARE you attack my mistress!! Its pancakes and plum sauce for you now...
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Electra draws her hand back to unleash a lightning bolt a la Zeus... that overrated poseur!!
Electra
I AM THE STORM GODDESS FROM HELL, AND WE ARE FRYING TONITE!!
Naraku
I've never destroyed a goddess before, this should be interesting...
Lady Flame
VAIT... VAIT!! Do not destroy my experiment!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Lady Flame jumps between Electra and Naraku who are preparing to kill each other, then realises what she's just done, and ducks FAST!! Thank Me for that, I thought for a moment that I'd created a woman that was not only a drama queen, but a brainless bimbo too!
Hey, you senile old git, that's my avatar you're talking about... and everything I do, I do in the name of comedy! 🤬
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Shut it loser, I'm God here, not you! 😇
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Ahem, where was I...
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Ah yes... a stream of miasma and a lightning bolt meet where Lady Flame's head had been seconds earlier. Our good doctor gets a flare gun out of her pocket and shoots it at the ceiling causing a small explosion
Voice of God, The Director of Life
panting Lady Flame gets up off floor, and goes over and pushes a button on what appears to be an intercom
Lady Flame
Come in, ze Doctor will see you now…
Who is about to enter the Doctors office... I mean mad scientists secret lair?
Don't touch that dial, the next part will be posted shortly!
🎶Intermission Music 🎶
Get your ice cream here!
🍧🍨🍦🍨🍧
Craziness Part Two
Are you sitting comfortably, then we shall begin...
... ... ...
📢 Hey old man wake up, the intermission is over!! 📢
Put out that cigarette, don't you know that cinemas are all non-smoking nowadays! 🚭
You're lucky you didn't set your beard on fire, falling asleep with a ciggie in your mouth.
Lady Flame
Come in, ze Doctor will see you now…
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Ahem... Lady Flame turns back to camera, which zooms in for a dramatic close up, goes too far, and we get a good view of the doctors left nostril, the cameraman quickly corrects
Lady Flame
Did you think zat I is stupid!! Zat I do not have back up plan... you is not ze first success I have at bring soul back from dead!! Though you are ze first who is truly alive...
Voice of God, The Director of Life
a knock sounds at the door, the latch turns, and the door opens with a long squeak, a woman dressed in miko's clothing steps out of the shadows
Kikyou
Greetings Naraku, it would seem that we have both been brought back from the dead. Once again I am a creature made of clay, though this one made a better job of it...
Voice of God, The Director of Life
#shakes head 🙄😒
#full of yourself
Voice of God, The Director of Life
I do that shit all the time, what's the big deal...
Lady Flame
I not try to steal soul of another, just take zat which was already separate from whole, also solve problem of needing souls of others to function. Besides, I hear she have power over you, I investigate, and see zat your souls are linked
Is it the red string of fate, is it, izzit!! That would be freaky, I'd pay to see Kikyou top!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Naraku and Kikyou both give Lady Flame disgusted looks
Lady Flame
You might not like, but it is ze truth... His soul is ze key to your being able to function without stealing ze souls of others, and her soul ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe its the key to finding your humanity...
Voice of God, The Director of Life
We hear shouts from outside, and the camera pans down to look out the window, where we see a very familiar group of people coming up the path to the castle carrying torches. Loud knocking is heard from the main gate, then a crash as the gates are smashed in
Lady Flame
Electra, go see vot goes on...
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Electra flies out of room, and down the stairs, coming face-to-face with Inuyasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango (with Kiara), and Shippou, who are now in the entrance hall
Electra
Why do you invade my Mistress's domain?
Inuyasha
Cut the crap, where's Naraku? We heard your kooky Mistress was gonna resurrect him from the dead!!
Electra
Oh, him... he's upstairs in the tower... I wanted to have him with pancakes and plum sauce #pout 😗 but my Mistress wouldn't let me!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Electra stamps her foot in a fit of pique, which makes lots of interesting things jiggle inside her outfit, (which is basically a skimpy and very revealing little dress made of copper chain mail), Miroku is staring and licking his lips
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Sango goes bright red and slaps Miroku hard
Sango
What exactly were YOU going to do with the pancakes and plum sauce?!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
This question was meant for Miroku, but Electra answers looking slightly confused
Electra
Why, I was going to eat him, of course. Crispy fried demon is one of my favourites
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Inuyasha, Shippou, and Kirara, start edging away looking very uncomfortable
Kagome
Somehow, I think what you were thinking, and what he was thinking, were entirely different!! 😅
Electra
Whatever... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you gonna come up or not?
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Everyone follows Electra upstairs to the tower. Inuyasha bursts in and starts to attack Naraku, he's closely followed by Miroku and Sango, but everyone is surprised when Kikyou steps in between them. Miroku stumbles in shock, and ends up piling into Inuyasha, causing them both to crash into Kikyou; Inuyasha ends up on top of Kikyou between her thighs, with Miroku sprawled across his back groin to arse. Kagome and Sango get pissed!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Inuyasha is now squished into Kikyou by the mojo on his necklace
Kikyou
Get off me you… you perverted DOG!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Sesshomaru & Co gatecrash the party through the roof entrance on his two headed dragon, whilst Kagura makes an entrance from the stairway down, slamming the door open and closely followed by Kouga and his two hangers on.
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Kagome and Sango go to help Inuyasha and Miroku, who are getting bitch slapped by Kikyou, but Naraku grabs Kagome as she goes past, and when he jumps off the table his sheet goes AWOL
Mass nosebleeds, drooling and fainting in the audience... LOL 😂🤣😂
🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 is it hot in here, or is it the naaaaked evil pretty boi 🤧🤧🤧
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Inuyasha, Kouga, and strangely enough Sesshomaru, all start to growl and try to pounce on Naraku at the same time
Inuyasha
DIE, YOU BASTARD!!
Sesshoumaru
DIE, YOU BASTARD!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
All hell breaks loose, with things degenerating into a huge cartoon style heaving cloud of dust, with various arms and legs briefly making an appearance before being submerged again. Lady Flame and Electra are standing to one side open mouthed in shock
Lady Flame
An' zey call me crazy!!
Electra
I think we should cut and run, whilst they're all too busy to notice
Electra
Well, I just remembered where I'd heard the name Inuyasha before; he was the guy who killed my cousins Hitten and Manten
Lady Flame
Don't you vant revenge?
Electra
Nah, they were a couple of jerks, who didn't approve of my mother cause she was a storm kami, but I think it might be a good idea to split, before these guys realise that this situation is all our fault
Lady Flame
Vell I 'ave proved my theory, and I do tend to get bored once I 'ave done zat, ve vill go to pastures new
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Lady Flame pulls on a torch holder on the wall, and a bookcase swings out to reveal a secret passage. Shippou, Rin and Jaken, separate themselves from the scuffle, and start to watch from the sidelines
Shippou
Hey this is some show you've put on, though I'm not sure whether it's a brawl or an orgy?! 😁😚 We should sell tickets!! Got any popcorn? 🍿
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Lady Flame and Electra are already sneaking off down the secret passage
Jaken
Hey wait, my master wants a word with you
Lady Flame
Sorry can't stop… 🤗👋🤗
When ya gotta go, ya gotta go!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
The scene changes to outside, where Lady Flame and Electra are sitting on a storm cloud
Lady Flame
Vere shall ve go?
Electra
I've heard the springs at Jusenkyou are nice this time of year
Lady Flame
Zat sounds good, I 'ave heard zat zey are cursed, I've always vanted to investigate, an' maybe do some experiments... Let's go!!
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Lady Flame takes a device out of her pocket, points it at a spot just in front of the cloud and presses a button, a swirling portal appears, they fly into it and out into a changed landscape. Small springs can be seen scattered through the mist covered valley below, snow-capped mountains surround them on all sides, the pair land their cloud in a grassy clearing
Voice of God, The Director of Life
Out of the mist comes a huge dinosaur, Electra pulls a bamboo steamer of pancakes and a huge bottle of plum sauce out of hammer space; Lady Flame looks at the device in her hand, holds it up to her ear and gives it a shake
Electra
Dinner is served!!
Lady Flame
Hmm, I think zat I misjudged the time slip...
Voice of God, The Director of Life
We shall finish our story here... the story of the real origins of the cursed springs of Jusenkyou will be told another day, but you can bet that our eccentric occult scientist had her hand in their creation; and as for the extinction of the dinosaurs, well Electra has an appetite equal to any Saijin!!
# fade to black, roll credits #
🎞🎞🎞 📽🎥📽 🎞🎞🎞
🎞🎞🎞THE END 🎞🎞🎞
I changed a few things to suit the format, and added a little bit of extra dialogue, but this was basically the same fic I wrote all those years ago.
I should also point out that this was written several years before Inuyasha came to its conclusion.
I hope this little crack fic made you smile or even laugh out loud, we all need some laughter in our lives at the moment.
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