Life has been a mess this year I wanted to call my bestfriend over but she's out of town, this depression and anxiety is killing me, I am currently laying in my bathtub and rethinking my decisions and my whole life is flashing before my very own eyes*a single tear escaped my eyes*

"Why, why does this happen only to me"

If you're confused don't worry I will start from the beginning

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...CH-1-Present ( Gray)...

The only shades of love I know now is-Gray(Present)

I was laying in my bathtub thinking that I was breathing my last breaths and rethinking my life decisions with my life flashing before my very own eyes, anxiety was overwhelming me, my heart beat was starting to increase, I was having a panic attack, in a desperate attempt I tried to get out of the tub and call my friend Siph, but to no avail.* thud*I fell to the ground still I crawled and reached to the telephone and brought it under , i still can't understand how I managed to dail the number but I was saved luckily Siph picked up the call and came rushing. Thank God I was saved. I was in the hospital , Siph asked me what I was doing as I had a knife with me, "a knife," I asked '' I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up with a axe " my mind, my emotions,my speech, my body , all work like they are on their own"Siph now confused asked me what was going on, While I replied" all kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids , don't you agree "she agreed by slowly nodding her head and sat beside me , and stared at the floor, it was the first time someone remained quiet beside me, every one thought I was mad and crazy but her actions made me feel relaxed beside her, she slowly asked what have you gone through ," *with two tears escaping from both of my eyes *I started "Write it down dear it would be a great story" but to my utter surprise she said it isn't a story if that's what happened in real time, a smile spread across my face as she quietly hugged me, I said "oh Dear aren't you just lovely" after a while we fell asleep in each other's arms and Siph was sleeping quietly while silent tears were escaping from my eyes , it was midnight and the atmosphere was dead silent, well I thought everyone was asleep, but suddenly Siph wipped my tears and said "I won't ask Why you were crying but it hurts to see you cry ",

"My life is blessed with you" she mumbled .

I felt true happiness for the first time that night

"oh , bless dear God"

that night was like a vivid dream I had long wished for.

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The only shades of love I know now is- you

Chapter 2: A Ray of Light (You)

In the days that followed, you became my guiding light, my beacon of hope amidst the darkness that consumed me. Your unwavering presence and understanding painted new shades of love in my life—ones filled with compassion, care, and genuine concern.

As we sat on the porch, the warm sun casting its golden glow upon us, I found solace in your company. You listened with an open heart, never judging the chaos and turmoil that ravaged my mind. Your words of encouragement sparked a flicker of optimism within me, a glimmer of belief that I could overcome the storms that raged within.

We embarked on a journey of healing together, exploring the depths of my pain and sorrow. You held my hand as we delved into the tangled mess of my thoughts and emotions, never wavering in your support. With each passing day, your unwavering faith in my ability to heal became an anchor that kept me steady amidst the tempest that threatened to consume me.

In the safety of your embrace, my tears flowed freely, often without warning. But you were there, catching each one, wiping them away with tender care. Your genuine concern and nurturing nature melted away the icy grip of loneliness, thawing my heart and revealing the possibility of a brighter future.

An air of tranquility settled upon our" friendship", as we shared laughter and happiness amidst the chaos and also the melodic chirping of birds. You became the embodiment of love, understanding, and acceptance—a reminder that I was not alone in my struggles. Your gentle presence illuminated the corners of my soul that I thought were forever shrouded in darkness.

Together, we discovered the power of vulnerability, as I opened up about my deepest insecurities and fears. Your unwavering support created a safe space where I could confront my demons, gradually unraveling the tangled web of self-doubt and self-destruction.

You became my confidante, my hope, and my guiding star. You reminded me that life's battles are not fought alone, that we are stronger when we lean on each other. Through your quiet strength, you empowered me to find my own resilience and fight for my own happiness and made me love and accept myself,

though I need to say that you made me learn to love not only myself and yes I am in a situationship right now with my heart and mind but mark my words I will not let you down, I promise.

Though the journey was not without setbacks and moments of despair, your unwavering belief in my potential spurred me onwards. We celebrated triumphs, no matter how small, and navigated the stumbling blocks together, knowing that setbacks were not permanent and that I had the strength to overcome them.

As time went on, the shades of love that I knew expanded beyond just gray. With your friendship, I found vibrant hues of acceptance, compassion, and unwavering support. The darkness that once threatened to engulf me began to recede, replaced by a flickering light of hope and healing.

In your presence, I discovered the strength to face each day with resilience and embrace the beauty that life had to offer. You showed me that my worth was not defined by my struggles, but rather by the strength and resilience with which I faced them.

With you by my side, the colors of my world were no longer muted. You breathed life into my existence, helping me paint a brighter future. The shades of love expanded, embracing the full spectrum of emotions and possibilities.

You became the embodiment of love's infinite capacity to heal and uplift, showing me that even in the darkest times, there is always a ray of light to guide us through. And for that, I am eternally grateful, knowing that with you, I can navigate any storm that comes my way.

### Chapter 3: Unspoken Words

The following weeks slipped by in a haze, each day layering over the last like the thick fog that often engulfed the town. I spent my time between the quiet corners of my room and the local cafe, where the hum of life seemed to buzz around me—yet I felt suspended, like an observer in my own existence. Siph often came over, her presence a comfort that I depended on more than I was willing to admit.

One evening, Siph suggested we take a walk by the river. The sky was a canvas painted with strokes of orange and purple as the sun sank below the horizon. I hesitated, my heart fluttering with both excitement and trepidation, but something inside urged me to accept.

As we strolled side by side, the soft crunch of gravel beneath our feet, I noticed Siph occasionally stealing glances my way. Her expression was serious but gentle, as if she were measuring the distance between us. I could feel the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air, thickening the atmosphere around us.

“Do you ever wonder why we’re drawn to certain places?” Siph asked abruptly, breaking the silence. “Like, why this river feels like home?”

I considered her question, momentarily distracted from my insecurities. “It’s the comfort of familiarity, I suppose. Maybe it’s the stillness that allows us to think.”

She nodded, a hint of sadness flickering in her eyes. “Or it could be the fear of everything changing. Some days I wish I could hold onto a moment forever, not let it slip away.”

We paused, the water lapping softly at the shore, mirroring the swell of emotions I felt inside. “Siph, do you think we...?” My voice trailed off, the weight of my thoughts heavy on my tongue. I wanted to voice it, to break the boundaries I had placed around my heart, but I feared what that might mean.

“Do you think we could?” she prompted gently, encouraging me to spill the words I held close.

I took a deep breath, feeling vulnerable—her eyes were locked onto mine, waiting. “I think we could find something deeper, but I’m terrified of losing what we already have. I can’t stand the thought of—”

She interrupted softly, “What do you fear about moving forward?”

“It’s not just about what we could lose. It’s about what I could become. I’m still so tangled in my own darkness. You deserve someone brighter, Siph. I’m afraid I’ll pull you down with me,” I confessed, the emotions spilling out in a rush.

Siph stepped closer, her presence overwhelming me with warmth. “I want to be down there with you, Andira. Whatever darkness you face, I’d rather face it together than apart.”

Her words resonated with something deep inside me, and I felt the beautiful, terrible truth: I wanted that too, but fear had kept me at bay.

“What if I fall apart?” I whispered, my heart in my throat.

“Then we’ll pick up the pieces together,” she replied without hesitation, her voice steady. “You’re not a burden, you’re my best friend. I want to help you, but you have to let me in.”

I looked at her, searching for signs of hesitation, but all I found was unwavering certainty. Maybe I didn’t have to wear a mask of strength in front of her. Maybe I could be broken and still be loved.

“The world feels so heavy,” I admitted, tears threatening to spill. “But when I’m with you, I feel—”

“Safe?” she suggested, her eyes glistening.

“Yes. Safe,” I whispered, a fragile smile creeping onto my face.

The river flowed gently beside us, a symbol of the constant change in life. I wanted to embrace that change, to open my heart and allow Siph to see the real me, messy and imperfect. It felt terrifying yet liberating—a step toward healing.

And just like that, the unspoken words began to unravel between us, weaving a new reality filled with potential. In the fading light, I began to understand that love doesn’t demand perfection; it thrives in the rawness of vulnerability and connection.

As we stood there, on the edge of something beautiful and terrifying, I realized that perhaps the journey from gray to color wasn’t just about facing my fears, but about taking that leap together.