Once upon a time, there was a girl whose life was just like a movie. She was the main actress in the movie but...
it wasn't a comedy movie it was a sad movie that she was unable to skip or end. She was a coward who was afraid of external pain and the afterlife. She was only 16 but her regrets were much more than her age. there was a demon hidden inside her darkest parts which sometimes controlled her and made her do things that she would regret and the demon would have more food to feed on. She had this special quality which was also her disadvantage and that was - she was mature, from a very young age. Most of the children would not know what was going on at that age but she knew it all. It was like the demon taught her about all the negative things in the world. She had built a strong wall around her, she didn't need anyone.
Hi, my name is Daisy Xiang (ya flower one) and every year I try to survive. every year it same you know man versus wild it is Daisy versus world. But before it wasn't like that during my childhood I always wanted to grow up first but now that I have grown up( not fully I am on my sweet 16, oh sorry not sweet miserable 16). I want to find Doraemon take his time machine and return to the past. the past in which my parents were together and in love. They loved me dearly and always covered me with a warm blanket of love. Even though they had financial problems they gave me everything I wanted, and they built me a Paradise that saved me from the wild world. one day Paradise was broken due to the Harsh reality and as time passed the blanket of love was worn out. One afternoon my father suddenly took all his things and said "Dear I am going now and I cannot come back" I did not understand what he was talking about. My father always had this expression that I was unable to read I thought he went to the place where he worked, but he only came home on his holidays.
After some days I started preparing for my New Boarding School at that time I was in third grade day while going home after buying the necessary items I heard my mother talking to my dad on the phone about divorce papers. I asked my mother what is divorce paper she told me" When a married couple no longer wants to be together they sign divorce papers, and then they are no longer married". I asked her "Are you and Dad going to sign it?'' she said "Yes" I felt... something, It's like something big was stuck in my chest. Furthermore, I just said "Oh ok" all silent my way home. Furthermore, I went to the hostel, I didn't cry that much and even on my first day at the hostel I did not cry I said goodbye to my mum and went inside. At the hostel, during my free time, I sometimes used to wonder why my parents split up so happily together.
Before my vacation, I made a card for my mother and gave it to her when we met (it somehow became a ritual for every vacation) Some parents think they have every right over their children like we don't have choices or rights to choose. it feels like my mother did not give birth to me but instead, she produced a robot that she wants to follow her every order.
After some months my mother told me how my father used to abuse her when I was in school all my aunt's house. before hearing this thing my father used to be my hero but as days went by I hated him more and more I never talked to him when he called me.
My mother and I used to wear matching outfits and go for walks, and long drives. When I was a day scholar she used to beat me with the sticks if I failed to answer the questions. It was really painful, but in a hostel, I missed her scolding and beating. She used to pat my head when I was asleep.
When I was in 5th grade my mother told me my father married another woman. After hearing it I was devastated. It was the end for me the end of my hope. Even though I hated my father I had a hope that when the right time came my mother and father would be together, my last hope was shattered. Everybody told me I was a good girl. I did what everyone told me to do even if I hated doing it because I wanted people to think good about me. It was during summer break after I passed 5th standard on one cold Night, and my elder sisters (not by blood)lit a fire and were just chatting then they told me how my mum liked this uncle (who was very nice to me)and wanted to marry him but was afraid I would hate her and not talk to her. The next day even though I did not want it I said to my mother "Mom....if...if you find a person who would take care of you and loves you...and...if you want to marry him, you can! I have no objection. I would be happy if you could move on in your life and find happiness". My heart beat like it was going to explode saying that I smiled at her and went outside, it wasn't what I wanted in reality it was the opposite of what I wanted. I did not want her to marry someone else. I wanted her to get back together with my father just like the old times, but I didn't say that because it would have broken her heart My father was settled, and my mother was going to be, so I thought this because of my selfish needs I don't want to destroy 4 lives its better I shut up and endure my pain like I have always had.
As years went by my mother and I drifted apart. I realized it when it was too late. In the past, she used to stay up all night when I was sick, at that time I took all this for granted but as I grew up I wished that I was sick because it was the only time she and I were close.
I felt lonely, god sent me a gift through my mother. She was the prettiest thing I saw. She was my sister(from another father) but since I was in a boarding school I never got much time to spend with her, and I was not a family person. I liked it alone.
After 1-year god sent me another sweet little sister from my father's side which I was unable to cherish due to circumstances. My mother always scolded me saying that I changed. I know I changed because sometimes some circumstances change people.
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