What did one hat say to the other?

You wait here — I'll go on ahead!

Why don't the circus lions eat the clowns?

Because they taste funny!

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

"Aye matey."

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards?

They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize?

He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery?

Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick?

Put it on my bill!

Why did an old man fall in a well?

Because he couldn’t see that well!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?

“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?

It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?

He got marooned!

Why couldn't the skeleton go to school?

His heart just wasn’t in it.

What did the termite say when it walked into a bar?

"Where's the bar tender?"

Why can’t you send a duck to space?

Because the bill would be astronomical!

What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?

He puts his PJ-Amazon!

What happened when the world's tongue-twister champion got arrested?

They gave him a tough sentence!

What did the mama cow say to the calf?

It’s pasture bedtime!

How does a vampire start a letter?

Tomb it may concern!

What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad!

What did one plate say to the other?

Dinner is on me!

Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don’t know the words!

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing. They fast!

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One of them looks to the other and says, "Phew, it's getting hot in here!" The other looks back and says, "Ack! A talking muffin!"

What kind of cat likes living in water?

An octo-puss.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

What do you call a cow that can't make milk?

An udder failure — a milk dud.

What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice Crispies!

What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant!

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with shellfish?

An oyster bunny!

Where do polar bears keep their money?

In a snow bank!

Why did the pony get sent to his room?

He wouldn’t stop horsing around!

What kind of dog does a magician have?

A Labracadabrador!

Where do cows go on Friday nights?

They go to the moo-vies!

Why couldn't the pony sing “Happy Birthday?”

Because she was just a little hoarse!

How do you get a squirrel to like you?

Act like a nut!

What is the difference between a cat that took a nap on the Xerox machine and a cat that imitates everything you do?

One is a cat copy, and the other is a copy cat.

How do young bees get to school?

They take the school buzz!

What do frogs order at fast-food restaurants?

French flies!

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk!

What do you call an alligator who solves mysteries?

An investigator!

Why is a snake difficult to fool?

You can’t pull its leg!

What kind of socks do grizzlies wear?

None, they have bear feet!

What do you get when you cross a snail with a porcupine?

A slowpoke!

What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?

"Ruff!"

What's a cat's favorite dessert?

Chocolate mouse!

What fish only swims at night?

Starfish!

What does a triceratops sit on?

Its tricera-bottom!

How do you make an octopus laugh?

With ten-tickles!

How do you keep a bull from charging?

Take away its credit card!

Why can’t a leopard hide?

Because he’s always spotted!

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Ice cream.

Ice cream who?

ICE CREAM SO YOU CAN HEAR ME!

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Icy.

Icy who?

Icy you in there!

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dozen.

Dozen who?

Dozen anyone want to let me in?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Scold.

Scold who?

Scold outside, let me in!

What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?

A cocker-poodle boo!

What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?

Twister

How did the students feel when they learned about electricity?

Totally shocked!

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!

Why was the broom late?

It over-swept!

What did the paper say to the pencil?

Write on!

What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time!

Where do sailboats go when they're sick?

To the dock!

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it!

What do you do when a lemon gets sick?

You give it lemon-aid!

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?

By its bark!

What do astronauts do before throwing a party?

They planet!

Puns for Kids

50 best jokes for kids

What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?

That hit the spot!

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A maybe!

What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you!

What did the teacher say when a book fell on their head?

I have only my shelf to blame.

What kind of tree can fit in one hand?

A palm tree!

How do they keep the basketball arena cool?

They fill it with fans!

What does a book do to keep warm in the winter?

It puts on a jacket!

What did the lightbulb say to its sweetheart?

I wuv you a watt!

What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish!

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

Why did the picture go to prison?

Because it was framed!

Why do bicycles fall over?

Because they’re two-tired!

If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?

A bagel!

What does the ocean do when it sees its friends?

It waves!

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Water.

Water who?

Water you asking so many questions for, just open up!

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Cargo.

Cargo who?

Car go, “Toot toot, vroom, vroom!”

What did the snail say when it rode on the turtle's back?

Wheeeee!

Did you hear about the kid who drank eight sodas?

He burped 7-Up!

Why did the cell phone get glasses?

Because it lost all its contacts.

What runs around a baseball field but never moves?

A fence!

What is brown and hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation!

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence!

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids don't eat broccoli!

What did the apple say to the worm?

Nothing, apples can't talk!

What musical instrument can you find in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste!

What do you call a dinosaur with bad vision?

A Do-you-think-he-sarus!

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie talkie!

Which dinosaur has the best vocabulary?

The thesaurus!

What do you call two bananas?

A pair of slippers!