I realised that as time goes by her scares become more and more dangerous life-threatening even, I thought before that it was crazy, but now it feels real, it feels like it's happening.

and soon enough maybe she may get what she's seeking from me, but I'm never gonna give up, I can't leave henry and Micheal behind, they mean too much to me, and I mean too much to them, so I have to stay alive, but every time I get this mindset, her words cut through me like a machete.

'you are weak'

'you don't stand a chance against me'

'I will have my revenge'

her words made me wonder if I ever had a past life and what I did in that past life to hurt her so badly that even until now she seeks revenge, yet at the end of the day I'm still left confused because she says she wants my body but the very next day she wants to destroy this same body that she desires.

as time goes by, I get more feeble thinner and even more afraid than I was before.

I have tried to seek help but soon I learned that no one can help me I either give her what she wants or I keep fighting, even so, I believe that if I go on any longer time will catch up to me, and she will catch to me, thus I make the best of every moment I have with Henry or Micheal.

it's the best I could do for the limited days I had.

because of her, I became fond of the dark, why? because if I don't see her I can't be scared, that was the only benefit, apart from that everything else is hard to do, it's hard to run when I feel her creeping up onto me.

it's hard to survive, so much so that I ended up in a hospital this time, with a broken arm.

as time goes by, written by Leah sarsha Jones.

I placed my book down after writing what seemed like the hardest thing I have ever written in my diary, maybe because it's true, still, I don't like to admit it even to myself, Micheal came inside the room with my breakfast in hand alongside him was a nurse and henry.

"happy birthday Leah" they all yelled slightly, I almost forgot it was my birthday today, I grew to hate my birthday ever since she made me her victim, she would throw a party of her own a party to kill me, it gets worse every year, the only reason I'm happy today is that I survived.

apart from that, there's nothing to celebrate.

the higher the age the more I get tortured, thus I can't truly celebrate, I would be celebrating my lamentations.

"aren't you happy?, you are nineteen today," Henry said as he sat on a chair next to me, I looked down at my fingers the ones I was fidgeting, "I would if I wasn't in a hospital" I replied lowly, henry nodded, there wasn't much to say, "well you don't have to celebrate but can you at least eat?" Micheal said.

"can I be left alone?" I asked the nurse standing beside Micheal, she placed her hand on her hips, "do you promise to eat this time?" I nodded, I lost my appetite for a while but the breakfast looked amazing, I felt hungry after a long time of forcing myself to eat, and ending up vomiting it all out.

she sighed, "alright, I trust you but I will come back here in five minutes" she gestured for the two boys to follow her outside, I looked at my food as a small genuine smile grew on my face, for the first time in a long time I felt like eating.

______

Micheal opened the door for me as we were leaving the hospital, henry left thirty minutes ago, because he had school work, though I wished that he had stayed a bit longer, I didn't want to be the reason he failed our final exam.

"How are you feeling?" I sighed, "isn't it obvious" I sat down and shut the car door rather harshly, I didn't mean to lay my anger and disappointment on him, however, I had no one to vent to, I was on my own, and it just felt frustrating, frustrating not telling anyone about what I was going through.

angering that it had to be me, disappointing because whatever I try fails, it's endless torture, that I got myself into, and now I needed so badly to get myself out, my arm hurt but my heart hurt more.

I didn't want to lose Micheal but the moment the car set on the road, a familiar yet painful feeling hit me right where it hurt the most, that's when I realised that there wasn't much time left for me, I held my heart tightly as tears stained my cheeks.

it felt like I was losing both myself and my brother, "no-no stop" with my lost vision I tried my hardest to protect him, yet no matter how much I tried I didn't find him, my legs fell on hard Rocks, only then did I realise that I wasn't in the car any more, "WEAK HUMAN GIVE ME WANT I WANT" my ear drums broke due to her high pitched howl.

I cried out in pain as blood slid down my ears, I fell to the ground my head hitting a rock before reality hit harder, I found myself in the car in our garage, I looked at Micheal who had tear-stained cheeks, "are you okay?" he asked his lips trembling with fear and shock, "....yes yes I'm fine don't worry!" I answered in a panicked voice.

I held him by the shoulders slowly, and in a more calm tone I reassured him, "I'm fine.... you're fine, okay?"

we went inside after some time of just embracing one another in the car, and dinner was rather bitter than sweet, if she was going to involve my loved ones then what was I to do?

again after I wanted to eat, I lost my appetite, thinking about how she could easily take him away from me but decided to mess with my head and make me suffer pre-death of my brother once in my room I vomited all the food I ate.

I clinched to the toilet as tight as I could, as the food came out harshly, tears didn't hesitate to sprout out of my eyes heavy, mucus-filled my Nostrils making it hard to breathe, leaving the only choice to breath through my mouth, one that was letting even the food I ate from the hospital come out, I held the toilet tighter realising that I was losing my consciousness.

due to the lack of air I forced the mucus out of my Nostrils, somehow causing me to choke, I hit my back trying to get whatever it was out, but as I slowly lost my consciousness I had no hope of getting it out, so I tried swallowing it, yet nothing I tried worked.

and just as I thought I was about to pass out it came out, making all the others come out fast and painful after I finished my body fell weak on the floor, my head turned to my open bathroom door, there saw I Micheal shocked and scared, my eyes became heavy therefore I couldn't keep them open for any while longer.

before losing consciousness I tried to get at least one word out, "h-he-lp I mustered enough strength to say before everything went black.

I had woken up in cold sweat no idea what happened after the incident and how I even survived, standing in front of the mirror looking at myself, I didn't see the same old Leah I saw three years ago, I saw a weak person in need of so much help yet she was too late to ask for it.

I need to get stronger but I can't seem to, it seems like strong has become the new weak in my vocabulary, she made it become so.

My head snapped to the door once I heard a small knock come from it, it couldn't be Micheal, he left for work three hours ago, I slowly backed away and just as I was about to leave through the window someone pulled me back by my hair.

I fell to the floor ready to feel a heavy impact knock me down, but nothing I didn't feel a thing I couldn't even feel myself, I looked around the room and when I looked down, chills ran down my spine, shock took over me, I saw myself lying flat on the floor.

and when I looked up I saw her going down to my body, my lifeless body, I panicked and tried to go back inside my body, but I couldn't I was too late, she was ahead of me.

my breaths got heavier with every passing moment, I was thinking about it, I threw the water on my face three times to calm myself down, I looked at my door waiting for a knock but nothing, I heard nothing come from the door, I sighed in relief as I slowly sat down on a stool I brought inside.

my thoughts went frantic after I sat down, the main one being that I almost died, I almost let her win, I can't do that I can't just give up that easily, she can't terrorise me and get away with it, I won't let her take what's mine, I can't let her take what's mine, she's already taken enough from me.

the one thing left I have is my body for my soul to dwell in and if she wants to take that away, then what will become of me what will I do after my soul has left my body, will I also destroy someone's life just so I could get their body?

will I become a monster like her also?

I wrapped my arms around myself, unintentionally scratching myself hard as I slowly drew my arms back to my lap, tiny spots of blood came from each scratch, I didn't pay any mind to any of them, I just stared at myself in the mirror.

No, it wasn't me, I didn't see myself I saw a different girl, a beautiful blonde-haired girl, a girl who was strong a girl who could defend herself a brave girl, a person who had no fears.

oh how badly I wish to be her, oh how badly I want to have her bravery her fearlessness her defensiveness, oh how I wished to be strong like her.

I wish I could face her without fearing what is to come.

I wish to fight back whenever she attacks me.

I wish I was brave enough to stand my ground even if I'm gonna lose.

I wish I was strong.

______

I stabbed the chicken with my fork and cut it with the knife, I brought it to my lips and opened them, yet I couldn't bring myself to take the fork any further into my mouth, my hand started to shake uncontrollably as I forced it to move closer into my mouth, I pushed my teeth down and forcefully bit down on the fork and pushed the chicken inside.

I chewed for a couple of seconds before spitting it out again, I took some tissue and cleaned up the mess.

I sat down and pushed my plate further away from me, Micheal closed the fridge and sat down as well, with a not so pleased expression on his face, not that I blamed him, I wasn't eating and I wasn't giving him a good reason why, "Leah are on some sick diet or something?" he asked rather harshly, as he placed his bottled water on the table.

I flinched, not knowing why, he leaned back confusion written on his face, "I'm sorry did I scare you?" I shook my head, "I've just never seen you angry before, it's all" he stayed quiet for a moment, "Leah at least try to eat please?"

I have, I've tried so hard, "I will just drink some water," I said as I stood up to head to my room, "Leah" Micheal sighed.

"I will be fine don't worry about me"

"Leah-

"Micheal I'm gonna-

"Leah have you looked at yourself in the mirror!?!, you are extremely underweight, and refusing to eat, do you want to die or something!?!" I looked down trying my hardest to stop the tears from coming, Micheal sighed, he came towards me and pushed my head slightly down on his chest whilst the other lay on my back.

"I'm sorry for yelling, I was worried" I wrapped my hands around his torso, "Leah, you are my little sister, I care about you more than anyone or thing on this planet, I only want the best for you, if I didn't love you I wouldn't do what I do for you every day"

"if anything at all is hurting you, just tell me okay? I will do anything in my power to protect you" if only it were that easy, if only he could just fight her off for me so I could finally be free, free from her torment, "I'm fine" I lied, fighting my tears.

I pulled away looking down just in case a few slipped out, "we should go to the amusement park tomorrow, and have fun, you have been under a lot of pressure these past few days so...

let loose for a bit, you can invite that girl you like so much" he chuckled, "fine but promise me, you will eat"

"pinky promise!" I went upstairs to my bedroom, and once my door was shut, tears fell uncontrollably down my face, I couldn't even cry probably.

as I was walking to my bed, a strong wind pushed me back against my door, almost breaking it, I didn't react I just stayed in place for a while before standing up and jumping on my bed, it wasn't too bad, thus I didn't give her a reaction even though now my back hurt worse than my arm, I pretended as if it didn't, hoping it would drive her away for the night.

I laid on my stomach instead of my back for obvious reasons, and slowly as I fell asleep I told myself repeatedly, "I'm fine...I'm fine"