Every woman dreamt of wearing a long white gown while walking down the aisle as the man of her dreams patiently waits for her on the other end. I envy those people who already found their significant other. Most of my friends were successful in their careers and engaged or married. They were living the kind of life that they have prayed for while here I am, still single and haven’t achieved anything. Well, I never really cared at first but whenever we met, I’m always the center of attention; not in a good way, like they would always put me in a hot seat.

“What?!? After all these years, you’re still single?!?” the exact words I’ve heard from them during our last dinner together. I tried to avoid them at some point; I couldn’t handle the pressure that they were putting on me. I’ve had a lot pressure from my family already and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore when they were doing the same thing. So, I decided to take a break from everything for a while. I took an indefinite leave from my job though it pays me well, I took a break from my family’s pressure and nagging of when I’m going to get married, and I took a break from my friends whom I thought would understand and would support me.

It has been nine months since I decided to start a new beginning here in England. It was hard, really hard. It was autumn when I took my first steps out of the airport. I felt the cold breezy air and I saw the leaves gently falling from the trees. I’ve always dreamt of seeing it for real and I’m glad that finally it happened. Everything was different here, from the people, culture, views and lifestyle. I’m starting to love my life in here. But of course, it didn’t mean that I’m going to be here for the rest of my life. I still have to settle a lot of things before I decide to come back home. Not for now but I would never say never.

I took a deep breath while lying on my bed. I’m just staring at the ceiling, doing absolutely nothing. My back still hurts from checking the deliveries and carrying the boxes of the new books. “I hope the bookshop won’t be crowded today,” I said while tracing a smiley face up in the air. I got out of bed and prepared for work. I always prepare ahead of time so I could stop by at the coffee shop for breakfast and read a good book while waiting for Mrs. Andrews to open the bookshop.

Mrs. Andrews, the owner of the bookshop where I work part time. I was strolling downtown when I saw the bookshop and I decided to take a look inside, hoping that I could read some books. I spent the whole afternoon reading and fixing some books on the shelves when she saw me. She introduced herself and asked for my name. She was really kind and I liked the way she laughed. She offered me a part time job right away and told me that she liked me. She needed an assistant since the bookshop just started to operate three months before my arrival in England. We both love books and we could relate to each other. I felt her sentiments while she was talking and she caught me off guard when she told me that she liked my humor and my way of thinking.

“You’re a smart girl, I’d love having you here,” the last words she said when she offered me the job. I needed a distraction to relax my mind and without any hesitations, I said yes and accepted her offer.

I arrived at the coffee shop one hour before the bookshop opened. The bookshop was just one block away from the coffee shop, a five minutes’ walk would be enough to reach it on time. As I opened the door, I smelled the aroma of the coffee.

“Hmmmm, I love this smell! Good morning Tia!” I said.

“Oh! Hey Samantha! Good morning! How are you?” Tia greeted.

“Well, I’m fine. Thanks for asking and what about you?” I answered while preparing to order.

Tiffany, my cousin who also decided to move out for a while, away from her manipulative father. Actually, she’s my best friend. I prefer to call her by her nickname, Tia. We were on the same age and it felt like we grew up together though she lived miles away. We spent most of the time together during her vacation in the Philippines. Her mum is a Filipina and her dad is a noble English man. She wanted to be independent so she decided to make her own money by having her own business, this coffee shop. We both dreamt of having a business, a coffee shop and good thing, she was able to achieve it. She wanted me to work with her but if her mum finds out, I’d be in a big trouble. Her mum doesn’t hide anything from my family. As much as possible, I would stay away one foot at a time. It was such a relief to know that her parents were living overseas now. Tia understands me more than anyone else. She has been my back up since my day one in England.

“So I assume it’s the same thing today?” Tia asked while smiling.

“Yes please! And could you please add more cookies!” I answered while handing her some pounds.

“Sure cookies lover! You’re my cousin and my best friend but save your money, I’m not accepting it. Buy some make up and dress up! You might meet Mr. Right out there,” she said while laughing.

“What’s wrong with this T-shirt and jeans?” I answered while pouting.

“Well, nothing. You look good whatever you wear but sometimes you also have to make some room for changes, you know.”

“Thank you so much for that wonderful concern my dear cousin. But you could please let me have my coffee first before we continue this conversation.”

“Alright, here you go! My most valued customer.”

“Hahaha, that’s funny!”

“I want my customers to be happy.”

“Uggghh, whatever!”

“Enjoy your coffee milady.”

I looked back while rolling my eyes and she laughed.

I went to my favorite spot where I spent most of my day off writing my poetry. It became my favorite since I could see the views from the outside. I love how the leaves fall from the big maple tree across the road. There’s a playground next to it and during summer, I could also see the kids playing. I love how the tree changed during the four seasons. Autumn’s my favorite; it’s a reminder to me that sometimes there’s beauty in letting go. I wanted to know how it feels to meet someone while the leaves were constantly falling from the trees. I wanted to know it feels to have someone around. But I knew in myself, I’m just not ready yet for any romance. Before I left to go to the bookshop, I scribbled some words in a sticky note.

“I’m not closing my doors so happiness will come in.”

I left it on the table and then bid goodbye to Tia. I hope this day would be good to me.

I headed out to the bookshop and I saw Mrs. Andrews pulled over the drive way. She was almost in her 80’s but she was still active and she also loved long drives. She wasn't even wearing a pair of eyeglasses. It was such a wonderful day to start my Monday. I walked closely to her truck as she got out of it.

“Good morning Mrs. Andrews! Do you need some help with those bags?” I greeted her as I waved my hand from a distance.

“Yes please! You’re such an angel as always Sam. I never regretted offering you the job. Will you please take it to my office?”

“No worries. I appreciate a lot your kindness and the job you offered me is a big help. Oh! I never thought that these bags are quite heavy!” I said while trying to maintain my balance. She was about to open the door when suddenly she looked back at me.

“Oh I’m sorry! I should have warned you. Are you okay?”

“I can handle this, don’t worry.” I smiled at her in assurance. I went straight to her office to put the bags on her table while she turned on the lights and prepared the cash register. I checked my mobile as I got out of the office.

3 Missed Calls; 5 New Messages

It was Tia. I wonder what was wrong with her; I couldn't call her back so I decided to leave her a quick message instead.

“Hey cuz! What’s wrong? It’s unlikely for you to act like this. Are you in trouble? I’m sorry my mobile was on silent mode. I’ll be there after 12 noon. Take care!”

I put my mobile inside my bag after seeing that my message was sent. I had no time to read the messages then I started to arrange the new books on the shelves and finalized the prices. It was not really hectic during Mondays but during weekends, it felt like my legs were killing me softly. I almost finished the new displays when I heard someone called out my name.

“Sam! Samantha! Are you there?” His voice was deep and manly.

“Oh my goodness! Vince! You don’t have to shout and you already know that I’m always here. Well, except of course if I’m sick and couldn't get out of bed.” I answered while looking at him, annoyed.

“Why are you so annoyed? I came running here just to see you. I can’t start my day without seeing you,” he said while smiling.

“Here we go again, how many times do I have to tell you about this? You’re just 17. Stop coming here every morning just to see me and go to your class instead.”

“But I’ll be 18 soon Sam. Just give me a chance and I’ll do my best to love you. I’ll take good care of you. I’m not like those guys who play with girls’ feelings. I’m really sincere.”

“Should I be happy with that? I’m 25 and you’re 17. It’s a big NO. I don’t want to be accused of being a pedophile. It’s illegal Vince but I still love you as my friend though.”

“But I don’t want to be just your friend, you know that.”

“I’ve had enough of this conversation. Anyway, I saw the Star Wars books you wanted to add in your collections. I just put it on display on the shelves; do you want to see it?”

“Maybe some other time, I’ll head back to my class soon. We just had our snacks in the coffee shop a while ago. I told my friends I’ll be here for a while; I still have 20 minutes left before my next class starts.”

“Oh okay. Hmm, did something happen in the coffee shop? I’m somehow worried about Tia. I wasn’t able to pick up my mobile when she called me.”

“I’m not quite sure but she went inside her office when we came in and she looked like she just had a conversation with a guy. He headed out of the coffee shop right away when Tia went inside her office. Tia always takes our orders no matter how busy she is but it was one of the barista who took our orders this time.”

“A guy? Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah! Why? Is there something wrong? I could say that he’s really tall and handsome. He must have played football for years. He seemed sporty and fit.”

“Nothing. I was just wondering. I never thought that you could describe a person in details,” I said while giggling.

“Are you teasing me, Sam? Stop it if you are, I don’t like it at all,” he looked serious.

“I like teasing you Vince, you know that.”

“Whatever Sam but I’m really happy to see you today. I’ll always stay here if only I could and if you’ll allow me of course,” he said while heading to the door.

“Well, I’m just here if you need me. That’s what friends are for,” I smiled while looking at him.

“I’m not going to be just your friend Sam. I want more than friendship. See you later alligator!” he bid goodbye as he winked at me.

“Not a chance! Byeeeeeee Vince! Enjoy your day!” He ran out of the door without looking back.

Who could be that guy whom Vince mentioned earlier? What does he want? I must be quick with my remaining tasks so I could go back to the coffee shop and ask Tia about what happened. “Who are you?” the question inside my head and I needed to find out the answer.

It was ten past twelve when I bid goodbye to Mrs. Andrews; a bit late than my usual end of shift. I still have to wait for Anne to arrive. Anne was the other assistant who worked part time for Mrs. Andrews. I met her in an art gallery where I used to display some of my paintings. My sunset paintings caught her attention and she bought one of them. It was quite tough living in England on my own so I took the initiative to use my talents to earn some money. Due to financial issues in Anne’s family, she had to work part time in the bookshop to support her studies. Just like me, she was also a dreamer. I’m comfortable hanging out with her; I could relate to her at some point.

As I walked out, I took out my mobile from my jean’s back pocket and checked my messages; I found out that it was all from Tia.

“Samantha!!! Please pick up your phone!”

“I need you right now!”

“Please pick up!!!”

“Can you come back here please?”

“I have something to tell you! Urgent!”

I had a bad feeling about this; knowing Vince’s side of the story and Tia’s messages, it was confusing. I ran as fast as I could, I didn’t really understand what I was feeling. I was confused and nervous; worried and I feel a knot of pain in my stomach. I never liked situations like this, it was terribly horrifying. I opened the door of the coffee shop and looked for Tia but she wasn’t in the counter.

“Tia! I’m here now! Where are you?” I shouted feeling worried.

Tia suddenly answered, “In here! Hurry Sam!” she said as she peeked out her head from the computer in front of her. I sat on the sofa in her office and waited for her as she took out an old photo album from her drawer.

“Is there something wrong? You know I don’t like it when you’re like this,” I said as I seriously looked at her. “There’s something I wanted to tell you. I don’t know where to start, I know you might get mad at me but I think it’s time for me to let you know. Before anything else, I want you to calm yourself,” she said while tears flowed down on her face.

“I will try to understand whatever it is, just please don’t cry,” I wiped her tears. I went to the kitchen and made cups of tea to calm ourselves. Tia looked outside the window as she took a deep breathe.

“He’s back now,” she said while holding the photo album tight.

“Who’s back? Could you be more specific please?” I asked but she was silent.

“Cuz, if you’re not ready yet to tell me, you can tell some other time. Don’t force yourself.” I gave her an embrace to comfort her.

“No, I need to tell you now. Okay, hmm, well, this morning someone came here to give me this letter and it’s from Xander.”

“Xander?? You mean Alexander Douglas? Your ex but not really your ex?”

“Yeah, Alexander. The one and only Alexander.”

“He left you while everybody was busy preparing for your wedding but it was you who called it off. What does he want now? Tell me??”

“Well, I have to show you something first.”

Tia opened the last page of the photo album and showed it to me. It was her last picture with Xander three years ago when he was gone unexpectedly. They looked really happy and in love. Actually, they were madly in love. He just left a note in Tia’s car seat saying,

“I’m not leaving you, I’ll come back. Just please wait for me no matter how long it takes. I love you forever, my Tiffany. I’m sorry with all of my heart; I hope you will forgive me. Not for now but hopefully someday.”

I finally understood why Tia rejected a lot of nice guys in the past. I was encouraging her to find someone new but she wouldn’t listen. She was in love, madly in love with Xander.

“Wow! When was this? Why I didn’t know about this?” I asked sarcastically.

Tia took a sip of her tea and then she put the cup back on the table. A bit nervous, she looked at me straight and said, “I know why he was gone but I decided to call it off, I mean the wedding, so people around me won’t blame him. I don’t want everybody, especially my father, to think that he left me without any explanation so I took the risk of calling the wedding off even though we had already sent out some of the invitations. Two months before our wedding, Xander’s father had a heart attack and was in coma. He’s next in line to manage their business, he told me everything about it and I decided to let him go for a while even though it hurts me so much. I know nobody waits forever and I never know what will happen to us if we are away from each other. I just hope for the best.”

“I know how your father is; I think it was the best thing to do for a situation like that. Besides, everything is okay now. Our family had moved on from it. So, what’s your plan now? What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I want to see him so bad but I’m not ready yet. I need enough time to be ready again,” she answered while holding a piece of paper. It was a letter from Xander but the writings on it were just a few sentences.

Tiffany,

I hope you are well while reading this letter. My dad has been well and has fully recovered.

He will be back to business in no time. I will be seeing you soon my love! I love you!

Forever yours,

Xander xxx

“So, that’s it? He will be back here in England? I wonder how autumn looks like in Germany now. I know Xander is British slash German so he must be enjoying his German life somehow.” I said while handing back the letter to Tia.

“Of course, it’s beautiful. Autumn will always be beautiful in your eyes though. I can’t wait to see him but I don’t know when I will be ready to see him again. After all what had happened, I don’t think he has the time to enjoy,” she said while smiling.

“Alright, my dear cousin. Let’s stop this drama now, I haven’t eaten lunch yet and I’m already famished. You know where to serve the lunch.” I told her while standing up and headed outside of her office.

“Yeah I know, because it’s the only table which is always “Reserved” that’s why nobody dares to sit on it,” she fired back while laughing.

I smiled as I looked back on her and I went straight to sit on my favorite spot. I found a receipt on top of the table and as I was about to throw it away, I noticed some writings at the back of it. I read and brought it back to the table,

“Happiness? You don’t want love? Love can be happiness too.”

It was weird. Who could be this person who left this? And my sticky note was gone. I decided to keep the receipt and I also left a reply,

“Why? Have you ever been in love and got hurt but still felt happy?”

Let’s see how long this person could stay in this mind game.