It’s just a normal morning with me waking up to the sound of my annoying alarm clock, getting out of bed, and having a tiring morning with no sleep working on my school report all night. I wash up, don’t bother eating and wear my black hoodie and jeans and a cup of milk tea to get me started. A simple boring old morning with nothing better to do. I get onto the private bus and read my book as I reach college. As I rode on the bus to my school, I thought it’d be pretty exciting if I still lived with my brother, always coming up with a prank to scare the living daylights out of me. I missed those days where we giggled as the sun shone its light to the fields of rice and plants. My grandfather watering them, hoping for a good harvest that month. My father watching us, getting dirty as we jump and run around in the river and water in the rice fields. My grandmother and my mother calling us back for some delicious goodies to fill our tummies and it ends of with a good bed time story with everyone around both of us as we doze off with happy dreams, hoping for another good day with all of us together, smiling and enjoying every second of our lives. But every good time comes to an end in life, life’s lessons that cursed thing teaching the meaning and value of every step of your path. Screw that teaching. My life never had a ray of hope after those happy days ended, my family slowly started to shatter and break apart. I lost my grandparents because of old age and poor health. My grandparents never complained about how they lived or if they ever had an issue, and that took a toll in their lives. Me and my brother cried as our parents tried to control their tears as we stood saying rest in peace above their graves. That was the starting of my ‘lessons of life’ what a bunch of nonsense. My parents started to argue more as soon as that happened, I would watch my parents as they fought and shattered pictures, vases, and everything in their sight to vent out their anger. My brother would often tremble as they fought, so I always made him sleep earlier than me or take him out of the house if I ever felt like my parents were about to fight.

That was just the beginning of that catastrophe. We were just driving to the mall to get some good quality family time to get our minds off of all the drama. But that was a hellish mistake, as my father drove we hadn’t noticed but he was intoxicated and sleepy, so as we drove he just started dozing off every few minutes. So we thought to take some rest, but our ‘complaining ’just pissed him off, and he crashed the car that was the worst thing out of all of the misfortunes to happen to me. He murdered my mother and left my brother in the hospital in a horrible state. I just felt broken and depressed because I had been at my limit to handle everything. I always visited my brother to see if he ever woke up, and I’d just talk about everything that had happened to me. As all of this was going on, my father would always go out, never at home, and I always had to be alone at home. I had accepted this and moved on with my life, visiting my brother, who was in a coma like state, and my father, who never cared about me. This continued until a certain point my father told me he would be out of town for a few weeks, I didn’t care and just went along with it, I knew he didn’t want to take care of me, I also knew he’d been drinking every time. I wondered how he got the money because he was definitely fired from his job. But I didn’t care; I just cared about my brother and to finally complete my studies, get a good job which pays well so I can earn enough money for my brother’s hospital bills and to help my father to stop losing his mind and finally live like a normal family. And this brings me back to my morning with me in a bus going to school reading a book. You may think this is just a cliché thing to happen in someone’s life, but I don’t care the only thing keeping me alive is my brother and my lifelong dream of bringing back the cracks of my shattered family back together. One of my motivations to keep going and have hope in my life was the book I keep reading, volume after volume, I still kept reading it. The character of this book has a much darker past than me, sometimes I may feel pathetic of the fact that I fell into this depressed state because of such a silly reason, but I still move on. The character in my book named Ji-Ho, is a carefree and adventurous character, but that’s just what he is on the outside, as the saying goes ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ and his name also speaks for himself, Ji-Ho meaning the thirst for knowledge and a heart which burns with the flames of bravery never to stop glowing with its heat and shine. He was forever my inspiration and the eye opener to live for my brother’s smile once again, like the old days beaming with happiness and the vitality he once had, and now hidden in his conscious.

Ji-Ho may sound like an amazing character with a good plot line and as always an amazing main character, but that’s where you’re wrong he is nothing close to normal. In fact, you can call him crazy in his ways of solving his problems, and yet again that’s why he is my inspiration. He doesn’t care about a mere silly life which made his face hell; he’ll murder anyone and everyone if he ever had a chance or if they get in his way. He doesn’t believe in love or silly little emotions of desire and possessions, he believes that he should forget about these emotions and only let anger and revenge lead his mind and he should get up from the dirt and the shackles that everyone who despises him made, he should break free and spread his wings and fill the sky with his colors of freedom and vengeance and shine brighter than ever before. I love everything about him, and I also agree to everything he believes in. Sometimes, I had also thought about if I should leave my father or show him how much misery he piled up in my life and show him all the mistakes he made, and finish him off. But I do control myself because it’s not right. I always felt like dad was pretty abusive and restrictive. He never allowed us to do few things and always gave mom a hard time. So, I always thought I could help mom and lead this family to a better future. But it’s all shattered now; I haven’t had hope ever since my mother passed away. As the bus slowly stopped, I closed my book and headed to class.

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▪︎My New Hope▪︎

As I went to my class, I saw my friends at their usual spot looking at everyone passing by, they’re always in a group, but they do include me too. Many times, they always ignore me or just let me be in the back, tagging along, falling behind in their shadows. And our group leader who welcomed me in his group Yu-jun. He always gives me errands to do, but nevertheless, he is there for me most of the time when I feel down, so I don’t complain. As every morning goes, he greets me…

“Hey Eun-woo, did you get the money?” Yu-jun said, starting my morning off with a few nice words about my brother. “Oh yes! I received the money from my part-time job, I guess a little more shifts and I’ll be ready for my brother’s next treatment. Thank you for aski-” As I thank him for worrying about my condition, he interrupts me by saying “Oh? I am not asking about your brother, I’m asking about the money for me and the boys to buy some beers.” He smirks as he said that. “B-but I need that money for something else!” I say, stuttering in pure sadness and disbelief. Yu-jun comes closer, and he slowly backs me up to a wall behind me, and he says “What do you mean you don’t have the money?”. “I-I need it for-for, um…” I said with fear in every word. “Ugh, if you really don’t have the money, here…” he says as he hands over 50,000 Won to me. “Take this and buy me how much ever bottles of beer you can with it, understood?” He said with an annoyed tone. “Yes of course! I won’t let you down next time!” I said with a determined expression because I wasn’t able to give him the money for the beers. I leave in a dash so I don’t let him down and so I won’t be late for class.

As I reached the store, I grabbed how much ever beer I could possibly buy with the money he gave me, and I left the store. As I reached the college I found out I was almost out of time before the teacher started with the attendance, so I rushed as fast as I could to hide the beer in one of the abandoned storerooms and reach class on time, at least before the teacher could start the class. I run down the empty hall and I finally reach class but to my disappointment the teacher is already there in the classroom. I slowly enter the classroom and I got stopped by the teacher and he said “Mr. Eun-woo, so nice of you to join the class 10 minutes late! Explain yourself right now! ” I said as the entire class looked at me, as well as Yu-jun and the rest with their hidden grins “Sir, I’m so sorry I’m late, it’s just that Yu-jun told me to get some b-” I interrupt myself as I thought of a better word other than beer, so I don’t get me and Yu-jun in trouble. As I thought of an excuse I spotted at the corner of my eye, Yu-jun glaring at me with an eyebrow up. Then I told the teacher ”Yu-jun told me to get some bandages for him because he told me he got hurt.” “Oh really? Yu-jun, can you please tell me if what he’s saying is true and next time go to the nurse's office if you're hurt” The teacher responds in a doubtful and irritated tone. “I have no clue what he’s saying, Professor Jin” Yu-jun responds with an act of shock and arrogance. I find myself dumbfounded...

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I find myself dumbfounded at what he says, and the teacher responds with an angry tone “Mr. Eun-woo being late to class is one thing I can accept but lying about it is something which I can never accept” I look at the Professor with wronged eyes but I knew what he said was right because I did lie on why I became late but it wasn’t my fault it was all Yu-jun, but I open my eyes wide realizing he did nothing wrong because I should’ve ran faster and it’s all my fault. “I can’t give detention because none of the teachers are free after class…so you can help me finish my work, and I’ll give you something else if I can find something which comes to mind. Please take your seat Mr. Eun-woo” The teacher finishes his lectures of correcting my mistakes, and then I take my seat next to the other guys. The day finally comes to an end and I finish helping the Professor with his work and he says to me while correcting the last few reports “Eun-woo, you’re a good kid I don’t know why you lied to me this morning but I hope you learned your lesson and please don’t repeat it. Oh, and if you have any issues, please do come and approach me!” My eyes light up, and I respond “Thank you so much sir, and I’ll never repeat it in the future, I’m so sorry I lied to you this morning!” The Professor responds with a pleased and happy tone “Oh it’s fine dear child, but what was the true reason to why you were late?” I felt fear and anxiety flush through my body and I say with no confidence “P-Professor that I um I was late because umm I-” I was interrupted by the Professor “Its fine if you don’t want to tell me I won’t pressure you!” I sigh with relief and respond “Thank you so much sir, for understanding my situation!” The Professor finishes off our conversation with a goodbye and a sign saying ‘you’re free to go’.

I happily go out and say goodbye to the professor, and at the same time, I got a text message saying ‘Where did you hide the beer?’ from Yu-jun. I reply saying ‘I had hidden it in our usual spot, at the storeroom’. I quickly leave and make my way to the storeroom. There, I see Yu-jun and the others drinking beer and hanging out. So I enter the storeroom and I said “Hey Yu-jun! I see you found the beer!” Yu-jun responds coldly “Eun-woo come here for a sec…” I follow Yu-jun to a dark corner of the storeroom and he continues “Who the f**k gave you permission to bring me in your little excuse this morning!? Huh!!” I flinch at his cold words, and I respond shaking “I-I’m sorry I didn’t want to lie to the Professor…”. “What did you say!? So you’re saying that you would go ahead and tell the Professor that you went out to buy some ‘beer’!? ” Yu-jun responds angrily. I say as I look down “I’m sorry Yu-jun, I will never tell anyone that”. “Oh, don’t forget, NEVER bring me in your excuses!” I look down and I nod profusely, but as I do that Yu-jun says as he holds my chin and brings me to look at his cold eyes “Good, just sit there being a good dog and listen to everything we say, and then we’ll let you be in our gang…got it?” I look into his eyes with fear and nod my head, but as I do that he pushes me over to the others who were listening to our conversation and they say “Here have some beer didn’t you run to buy this?”. They start shoving a bottle of beer next to me but I refuse, but that just made them say “Come on Eun-woo stop being a sissy and come and have some…but if you really don’t then we’ll just have to do this…” One of them starts to push my face to the ceiling, and at the same time one of them kicked my legs to make me kneel down on my fours then they started to pour a bottle of beer in my mouth. I never liked beer because of my father, so I tried to spit it out, but I swallowed most of it, and some trickled down the side of my mouth. They whispered behind my back saying “Oh look at Eun-woo’s face. It looks so erotic…can’t believe Yu-jun took him into our gang…hah I wonder how he’d look under me though...” They all laugh at me as I ran out of the storeroom in tears.

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